yourownpathwaytherapy

The In-Between Phase: Why Nothing Seems to Be Working

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 18:17:04 GMT

But Everything Is ��

Hey hey, my darlings— ✨

Happy post–St. Patrick’s Day ��

I hope you all are staying sane in this ever-changing world and getting enough rest with this time change—because let me tell you, it takes me a good week (sometimes two… yikes ��) to adjust. My days have just been flying by.

We are in the middle of March—and if there’s one thing about March, it’s that it’s a bridge month.

As I sit here writing this week’s Realignment Journal, the sun is shining, the wind is making its presence known, and the recent snowfall reminds us that winter is not over yet ❄️

Just a week ago, it felt like spring.
People were outside. Dogs were out. Families were soaking in the warmth like we had made it through ☀️

And then—just like that—winter again.

As shared in previous journals, the start of this year has been heavy for many of us. We’ve witnessed decisions and actions that have been hard to process.

And yet, we’ve also seen something else—
the power of people,
and the reminder that humanity still shows up for one another.

March is a reflection month.
But more than that—it is a month of in-betweens.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my own progress—internally and externally.

Internally, there has been so much growth.
Things I’ve come to terms with… ways I’ve shown up for myself… things I would have never given myself in my earlier years.

But externally?

It can look like nothing has moved.

And we live in a world that only recognizes what can be seen.
What can be measured.
What can be applauded.

This past week, I had some major breakthroughs in my work.
Wins that I’ve been building toward for a long time.

And yet—those wins were celebrated quietly.
In my journal.
In reflection.
In stillness ��

And the funny thing is… even in the midst of that—

I still get asked:
“What are you doing?”
“Are you jobless?” (shoutout to my nieces… lol ��)

And I won’t lie—those questions used to trigger me.

But I’ve learned something:

People who don’t understand your path will question it—
especially when your life doesn’t resemble what they recognize.

And that’s when it hit me—

This month isn’t just in-between seasons.

It’s an in-between season in life.

One day it feels like spring—warm, hopeful, like something is finally opening.
The next day, winter comes back like it never left.

Just when we think we’ve moved forward, something shifts again.

And we’re reminded:

Transition is not clean.
It’s not predictable.
It doesn’t move on our timeline.

Right now, we’re moving from one season into another— a season of reflection… into a season of action.

And the space in between?

It can feel slow.
Uncertain.
Like nothing is happening—even when everything is.

Because the in-between doesn’t look like progress.

There’s no clear momentum.
No loud confirmation.
No visible reward.

Just quiet.
Just repetition.
Just showing up—without knowing when things will shift.

And if we’re honest—this is where doubt creeps in.

This is where we start asking:

Is this working?
Am I doing enough?
Should something have happened by now?

But the in-between was never meant to validate us.

It was meant to build us.

And maybe that’s what this season is really asking of us—

Not perfection.
Not constant momentum.

But consistency.
Grit.
The willingness to keep showing up for ourselves—
even when nothing outside of us is reflecting it back.

Because this journey… this realignment…

It requires a different kind of trust.

The kind where the external world hasn’t caught up to you yet—
but internally, you know.

You wake up each day and choose to see yourself.

Some days, that’s hard.

And some days, you sit back and realize—

wow… this is a win. ✨

Not the kind the world applauds.

But the kind that quietly changes everything.

And maybe this is the part we don’t talk about enough—

Everyone prepares you for the beginning.
The courage it takes to start.
The moment you decide, I’m doing this.

And everyone celebrates the end—
when it all comes together,
when people finally see you.

But the in-between?

The in-between is where you see yourself—
the most.

Before the recognition.
Before the validation.
Before anyone else understands what you’re building.

And that’s what makes it hard.

Because you’re holding a version of yourself that no one else can see yet.

And still—you keep showing up.

Not because it’s being rewarded.

But because you know.

And that’s where alignment is tested.
That’s where sovereignty is formed.

Empress Darlings
No crowns.
No performance.

Just Alignment.✨

Pain Is Not Proof of Growth

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 01:23:15 GMT

Pain Was Never the Price of Becoming ��

Hey my fabulous ladies, ✨

Happy second week of March. I hope each of you are doing your best to stay present, sane, and healthy during these times.

And you know what? It’s also okay to say, “I’m not doing well.”

Here in the Your Own Pathway Realignment Journal , part of being aligned is acknowledging when you’re not feeling it. Alignment is not pretending everything is fine.

Alignment is honesty. ��

This past Sunday we celebrated International Women’s Day, and I want to give a shoutout to all the incredible, fabulous, badass women I know. Each woman carries her own journey, her own path, and her own resilience.

But as I listened to women share their stories, I noticed something that kept appearing over and over again.

Pain.
Sacrifice.
Endurance.

And from those things—resilience.

Now sometimes pain is undeniably part of life. That’s reality.

Pain can come in many forms. Heartbreak—not just romantic heartbreak. Betrayal. Grief. The absence of protection from the very people who were supposed to protect us. Generational trauma that quietly travels through families.

These things exist.

But something else also stood out to me in many of the stories shared this past weekend.

Pain was not just acknowledged.

It was glorified.

Almost as if a woman’s story must be filled with suffering and sacrifice in order for it to be meaningful.

And that’s where I want to pause. ��

Because last week in the Realignment Journal, I wrote about something simple but powerful:

“I’m already here.”

That essay was about owning your presence.
About no longer shrinking.
No longer apologizing.
No longer over-explaining why you deserve to take up space.

But as we continue through Women’s History Month, I want to talk about another belief many of us grew up with.

The idea that pain is the price of becoming.

Many of us grew up hearing some version of the same phrase:

No pain, no gain.

It showed up everywhere.

In sports.
In fitness.
In work culture.
In relationships.
In the expectations placed on girls and women.

If it hurts, it must be working.
If you’re struggling, you must be growing.

And if something feels easier than expected?

Maybe you didn’t earn it.

For girls growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, this message was everywhere. We watched a culture that glorified endurance.

Extreme thinness.
Diet culture.
Productivity as identity.
Relationships framed as something women were simply supposed to struggle through.

How many times have we heard people say:

“Marriage is hard.”

And sometimes it is.

But the question I’ve started asking is this:

Should everything meaningful require suffering?

Somewhere along the way, women’s pain became so normalized that ease started to feel suspicious.

If something wasn’t difficult enough…
exhausting enough…
painful enough…

we questioned whether it counted.

But pain was never meant to be the measurement of your growth.

Pain happens in life.
Heartbreak happens.
Grief happens.
Outgrowing people and places can hurt.

Those experiences are human.

But suffering was never meant to become the standard.

And yet, for generations, women have been praised most when they endure.

The woman who sacrifices everything.
The woman who carries everyone else.
The woman who pushes through exhaustion.

We call that resilience.

And resilience is powerful. ��

But Darlings, resilience was never meant to become a lifestyle.

Sometimes the most powerful form of resilience is deciding that the hardship stops with you.

That the next generation does not inherit the same exhaustion, the same silence, the same normalization of suffering.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I move through my forties.

Something shifts when you start listening to your body differently.

For years I believed what many of us were taught—that growth meant pushing harder. Ignoring the signals. Proving your strength by enduring more.

But bodies eventually start asking to be heard.

And when you finally listen, you realize something simple:

You don’t win by fighting your body.

You win by listening to it.

Think about the messages many girls received about their bodies growing up.

Even something as ordinary as a tampon commercial carried a script.

Girls running on the beach.
Wearing white shorts.
Smiling and laughing as if nothing in their bodies had changed.

The message was subtle but clear:

Don’t slow down.
Don’t complain.
Don’t acknowledge discomfort.

Just smile.
Use the product.
Act like everything is fine.

For a long time, girls learned to perform that script.

Pretend the pain isn’t there.
Pretend the exhaustion isn’t real.
Pretend nothing in your body deserves attention.

But something has shifted in recent years.

More women are finally saying what should have been obvious all along:

Periods can hurt.
Bodies change.
Energy fluctuates.

Acknowledging pain is not weakness.

It’s honesty.

Sometimes you’re not operating at 100 percent.

Sometimes you’re at 50 percent.

Sometimes you’re at 10 percent.

And sometimes the most intelligent response is not to push harder.

Sometimes the most intelligent response is simply this:

Rest. ��

I saw another version of this message when I started building my business.

The leadership and productivity books recommended to me were almost always written by men—and very often by white men.

The advice was presented as a universal formula for success.

Wake up at 4 a.m.
Cold plunge.
Optimize every hour of your day.

If you were serious about success, you were a “morning person.”

And if you slept later?

Something must be wrong with your discipline; and there was a lot of shaming for not being disciplined.

There was almost a quiet superiority embedded in these messages. The earlier you woke up, the more driven and successful you were supposed to be.

So I tried it.

I tried the early mornings.
I tried structuring my days around these productivity blueprints.

And you know what?

I didn’t like it.

But more importantly, I realized something else.

Those routines weren’t designed with bodies like mine in mind.

Women’s bodies move through different rhythms.
Hormones shift.
Energy fluctuates.

And as I moved into my forties, my body made that very clear.

All the productivity hacks in the world don’t override biology.

Cold plunges.
Extreme morning routines.
Endless optimization.

You can force it for a while.

But eventually your body pushes back.

At some point it simply says:

Not today Babe. ��

And when that moment comes, you realize something important.

Success doesn’t have to look like someone else’s routine.

You don’t have to copy someone else’s blueprint to prove that you’re disciplined or capable.

Sometimes the real work is learning to build a rhythm that actually works for you.

If you’re younger and reading this, hear me when I say this:

You don’t have to wait until your forties to learn this lesson.

You don’t have to burn out first.
You don’t have to prove your resilience through suffering.

Pain will always be part of life in some form.

But pain was never meant to be the proof that you are growing.

Sometimes growth looks like pushing forward.

But sometimes growth looks much quieter.

Sometimes growth looks like finally deciding:

I’m going to listen to myself.

And sometimes the most powerful thing a woman can do…

is stop fighting herself.

And that, my fabulous ladies,

is real alignment. ��

Until next time,

Empress darlings.

No crowns.
No performance.
Just alignment. ��

I’m Already Here

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 01:29:05 GMT

Stop Defending Your Presence ✨

Hey hey Darlings ✨

Happy first week of March! ��

I want to welcome you all to the first week of March and open the first Realignment Journal of the month by focusing on International Women’s Month .

This is a time for us to pause, reflect on how far women have come, and acknowledge how much work still remains.

Because the truth is, the progress of women has never moved in a straight line.

At the same time that women are leading companies, winning Olympic medals, building institutions, and shaping global conversations, we are also watching debates unfold about women’s bodies, women’s education, and women’s autonomy. Rights that once felt secure suddenly feel fragile again.

And yet — women continue to show up.

We continue to lead, compete, create, and take up space in ways that previous generations fought hard to make possible.

The recent Olympic Games in Milan, offered a powerful reminder of that progress. Women across the world demonstrated extraordinary strength, discipline, and brilliance on one of the largest stages imaginable. ��

One athlete who stood out in particular for me was Eileen Gu .

Eileen is a freestyle skier who was born and raised in the United States. She is bilingual, bicultural, and has deep ties to both American and Chinese culture. When she chose to compete for China in the Olympics, the reaction from the public was immediate and intense.

Suddenly, her accomplishments were not the main story.

Her choices were.

Why China?
Why not the United States?

Some critics accused her of being opportunistic and disloyal for pursuing opportunities abroad, even branding her a “traitor” for choosing not to represent the country where she was born.

In other words, a young woman who had clearly earned her place at the top of her sport found herself repeatedly asked to justify her presence.

But it is important to say this clearly: this blog is not about Eileen Gu.

Her story is simply an example of a much larger pattern.

Because what happened in that moment is something many women recognize immediately. Even at the highest levels of achievement—even on the global stage of the Olympics—women are still asked questions that subtly challenge their success.

Questions that shift the focus from what was accomplished to what was supposedly lacking.

One moment from the Olympics captured this dynamic perfectly.

During a press conference, a journalist asked Gu whether winning two silver medals felt like “losing” two gold medals.

It was the kind of question designed to shift the narrative from achievement to disappointment.

Her response was striking in its simplicity.

She laughed.

Not in a dismissive or mocking way, but in a way that seemed to say, how exactly am I supposed to answer that? Then she calmly reframed the moment. Competing at the Olympics, she explained, is already an extraordinary achievement. Winning a medal—any medal—is the result of years of discipline, sacrifice, and work. And each time an athlete competes at that level, the competition only gets harder.

In other words, she refused to accept the premise that her success should be measured through someone else’s lens of inadequacy.

What could have been framed as “two losses” remained exactly what it was: two Olympic medals.

And that moment matters. Not simply because of one athlete’s response, but because it reflects a pattern that many women recognize all too well.

Because no matter how accomplished a woman is, someone will still question her.

They may question her choices.
They may question her loyalty.
They may question whether her success is truly deserved.

Sometimes the challenge is subtle. Sometimes it is direct. But the underlying message is often the same:

Justify yourself.

In social dynamics, there is a tactic sometimes referred to as negging —a subtle form of undermining that introduces a negative comment or framing in order to provoke self-doubt or a defensive reaction.

On the surface it may appear as curiosity or critique.

But underneath it carries a different message: explain yourself.

Women encounter this dynamic constantly.

It may appear in the workplace when a woman’s leadership style is scrutinized more intensely than her peers.
It may appear in public conversations when successful women are asked to defend decisions that men make every day without question (so over this!).
It may appear in everyday interactions that quietly frame a woman’s achievement as something suspicious, excessive, or undeserved.

And the moment a woman begins defending herself, the dynamic is already working.

Because the conversation has shifted away from the achievement itself and toward whether she deserves it.

That is why Gu’s response was so instructive.

She did not argue.
She did not over-explain.
She did not accept the premise that two Olympic medals were somehow a failure.

She simply owned what was already true.

And this is where something important begins to shift for many women.

For generations, women were socialized to justify their presence. We were taught to soften our voices, to provide context, to reassure others that our success was not threatening. We were encouraged to explain our choices in ways that made other people comfortable.

But there comes a moment—often after years of growth, work, and self-reflection—when something inside changes.

You realize that constantly explaining yourself is a form of permission-seeking.

And permission-seeking quietly places other people in the position of authority over your life.

Once you understand that dynamic, the need to defend your presence begins to fall away.

You recognize that the work you have done, the path you have walked, and the decisions you have made are already evidence enough.

You are not asking to be in the room.

You are already there.

Your work brought you there.
Your discipline brought you there.
Your voice, your talent, your perspective, your education—all of it brought you there.

And when you reach that point, something remarkable happens.

You stop trying to convince people that you belong.

You simply stand in the truth that you do.

Sometimes the most powerful statement a woman can make is not an argument, not a defense, not a list of credentials.

Sometimes the most powerful statement is simply this:

I’m already here. ✨

As we move through this first week of March, I know there is so much more to say about women—about how we are perceived, how we are questioned, and how often we are asked to justify simply being who we are.

But I was reminded of all of this again during one of my walks along the river this week. ��‍♀️

The snow has finally begun to melt, the air is warming, and the quiet signs of early spring are slowly starting to appear. ��️ And during my walk, I saw something that immediately made me pause.

The woolly caterpillar. ��

In the fall, I had seen so many of them along the river path, busily moving about as they prepared for winter. Then the snow came, the temperatures dropped, and like so many things in nature, they disappeared from sight.

Through the long, frozen months of winter, they remain dormant—quiet, still, waiting beneath the surface.

And yet here it was again.

Out in early March, making its slow but determined journey as the seasons begin to change. Feeding, moving, continuing the quiet process that will eventually lead to its transformation into a moth. ��

Its presence was small, but unmistakable.

And I had to stop in my tracks to say hello.

Hello there, little one.
Glad to see you again.

Because in that moment, the thought crossed my mind:

They’re already here.

They survived the winter. They made their presence known again. And they are continuing forward without apology, doing exactly what they were meant to do in preparation for their next transformation.

Perhaps that is the quiet lesson for all of us.

There are seasons in life when we feel frozen, when growth seems invisible, when the world is quiet and nothing appears to be moving forward. But transformation is often happening beneath the surface long before anyone else can see it.

And when the moment comes, we emerge again.

Not because we were given permission.

But because the process of becoming never truly stopped.

May we have the courage to continue our own transformations without constantly explaining ourselves.
May we trust the paths we have chosen and the work we have done.
May we remember that growth often requires seasons of stillness before it becomes visible.

And when the world questions us, challenges us, or asks us to justify who we are and where we stand, may we find the quiet strength to respond not with defensiveness, but with grounded certainty.

Like the caterpillar that reappears after winter, moving steadily toward its next transformation, may we continue forward with trust, courage, and grace.

And may we remember that sometimes the most powerful truth we can carry with us is simply this:

I’m already here. ✨

Until next time,

Empress darlings.

No crowns.
No performance.
Just alignment.

I Am My Own Home

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 02:00:20 GMT

Finding Alignment After Outgrowing Where You Started ��

Hey hey Darlings ✨

Happy last week of the month.

And to all my Pisces babes — happy birthday ♓️��

I had to double-check my calendar to make sure I wasn’t imagining it, but yes — we are already at the end of February.

For many of us, 2026 has not eased in gently. A lot has felt outside of our control. And even with everything going on, my intention has remained the same: stay aligned.

That doesn’t mean denying how my body feels.
It doesn’t mean bypassing reality.

If anything, it has meant listening more closely. Giving myself permission to regulate. To pause. To be present.

And as I’ve been doing that, I’ve noticed something.

My dreams have had a theme.

I keep a dream journal, and lately I’ve been dreaming about places — places I’ve been, places I’ve wanted to go, and places where my roots began.

Home.

Old streets. Restaurants that used to be there. Familiar corners that once held energy for me. I’ve even dreamed about other cities I once called home — at one point I used to joke that Las Vegas was my third home.

But the dreams haven’t felt nostalgic.

They’ve felt revealing.

In one dream, my cousin and I were driving around trying to find somewhere to eat. The restaurant she recommended was closed. I thought about the Asian restaurants near the university — gone. We kept driving.

Nothing.

And what struck me wasn’t the change.

It was my calm.

No urgency to fix it.
No scramble.
No emotional unraveling.

Just awareness.

I woke up realizing something simple.

Those places were once home.
I had roots there. Growth there. Laughter there.

But they are no longer containment for me.

Recently, my parents visited. As my mother looked around my small apartment, she asked if I still considered La Crosse home.

I told her no.

This is my home now.

It shocked her. It saddened her. I could see that.

But for me, it wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t rebellious.

It was clear.

Even during Christmas, when she asked if we could get rid of the Christmas tree I had bought her because it felt like a burden, I said yes. And I surprised myself with how easily the answer came.

No clinging.
No guilt.
No need to preserve nostalgia.

Just completion.

And there’s something else I’ve been reflecting on.

People often ask me who I’m traveling with. If I have travel plans, who am I going with?

Sometimes I answer: no one. I’m going by myself.

There’s usually a pause. A look of surprise.
“Oh… you are?”

In many cultures — especially strong community cultures — traveling alone is seen as lonely. Sad. Almost incomplete.

But I love traveling alone ✈️

I love navigating a new place on my own terms.
I love listening to my instincts.
I love discovering what I notice when no one else is filtering the moment.

And I realized recently why I can do that now.

I am not looking for a place to make me feel at home.

I carry it.

Now, does that mean I won’t ever miss family? Of course not.
Does it mean I won’t feel homesick? Absolutely not.
Does it mean there won’t be struggle? No.

It simply means I no longer let a location define me.

Home is not something external I must return to.

It lives inside of me now.

For many of us — especially women raised in strong family and community cultures — we were taught that home is where we’re supposed to stay tethered.

Home is where we return.
Home is where we’re needed.
Home is where our identity was first formed.

And when you begin to outgrow certain roles, or when you heal from spaces that were meant to keep you safe but no longer fit who you are becoming, it can feel disorienting.

You might ask yourself:

Is something wrong with me?
Why don’t I feel pulled back the way I used to?
Why does this feel final?

Nothing is wrong with you.

Growth can feel like distance.
Healing can feel like detachment.
Alignment can feel like solitude.

But none of those things mean you are broken, ungrateful, or disconnected.

There are seasons where home is external — where we need the structure, the proximity, the familiar.

And there are seasons where home becomes internal — where your authority, your alignment, your sense of self become your grounding.

That shift doesn’t mean you’ve rejected your past.

It means you’ve integrated it.

You stop outsourcing your grounding.
You stop explaining your evolution.
You stop managing emotions that aren’t yours.
You stop performing containment for everyone else.

And somewhere in that quiet shift, you realize:

You have yourself.

Home is no longer geography.

It’s alignment.
It’s self-trust.
It’s sovereignty.

You stop asking where you belong.

You begin operating from it.

If you’ve been feeling untethered lately…
If you’ve outgrown a space but haven’t named it yet…
If you’ve stopped explaining yourself and don’t know what that means…

Maybe you’re not lost.

Maybe you’re anchoring.

When you become your own home, you stop waiting to arrive.

I am my own home now.

And that is enough. ��

Until next time,

Empress darlings. ✨

No crowns.
No performance.
Just alignment.

GASP! Am I the Problem?

Wed, 18 Feb 2026 21:25:43 GMT

YES. YES, I AM ��

Hey hey darlings

Happy Lunar New Year to everyone who celebrates ��

And a blessed Ramadan to those observing ��

I hope you all had a weekend of love — self-love included. ❤️

How did I show myself love?
I ordered pizza and wings.

I’m not usually a pizza person, but Valentine’s Day called for it — and it was a great, satisfying self-love dinner.

Like a fickle heart, this week’s weather teased us with spring. It was sunny, in the 50s, and I heard the birds singing their early spring songs.

For the first time since all the chaos in Minnesota, I went on my first real walk/hike of the year. I was reminded how much walking soothes me and gives me peace. People were out on their boats along the river, and the eagles made their presence known.

But like all fickle things, February — especially Winter — loves to play with our hearts.

As I write this week’s blog, the snow is back. ❄️

And you know what? I’m not mad.

The snow is beautiful… as long as I’m not driving in it. LOL.

I’m reminded again of being winter sovereign.

Contained.
Still.
Aligned.

And that brings us here.

�� From Snake to Fire

On February 17th, we welcomed the new year — and 2026 is the Year of the Fire Horse. ��

Last year, 2025 — was the Year of the Wood Snake.

The Snake was quiet. Strategic. Observant. It sheds.

And that is exactly what many of us did.

We shed versions of ourselves shaped by survival.
We shed scripts handed to us by family, culture, institutions.
We shed the need to be palatable.
We shed the belief that alignment must be explained.

The Snake year was not loud.

It was internal.

It asked:

What are you still carrying that no longer belongs to you?

At the start of this year, I wrote:

Not new you.
Aligned you.

Because the work was never about reinvention.

It was about returning.

Return to self.
Return to sovereignty.
Return to a baseline that feels honest.

Last week, I wrote about the Sovereign Winter Lady — the stillness of winter, the containment, the quiet permission to rest without performing productivity.

Winter gave me space to sit in alignment without announcing it.

And now —we enter the Year of the Fire Horse.

The Horse represents movement.
Freedom.
Momentum.
Independence.

Add fire to that, and it becomes passion. Courage. Forward motion.

But fire has a reputation.

For some, fire means spectacle.
Burning bridges.
Calling everything out.
Running loud and fast in a way that scorches everything behind you.

If that is your season — truly — kudos to you.

But I’ve learned something about fire.

It does not have to be explosive to be powerful.

There is wildfire.

And then there is contained flame. ��️

The quiet candle that shifts the atmosphere of a room without demanding attention.
The steady hearth that warms without roaring.
The flame that does not flicker at every gust of wind.

This year, my fire is contained.

It does not need to be loud to be real.
It does not need to be abrasive to be clear.
It does not need to perform strength to prove it exists.

I am not running chaotically.

I am simply no longer dimming.

And sometimes that is enough to make people uncomfortable.

Because when you stop shrinking your flame, people who preferred the dimmer version of you will call the brightness aggression.

They will call containment coldness.
They will call clarity cruelty.

But contained fire is not chaos.

It is mastery.

It is the difference between reaction and control.
The difference between burning everything down and knowing exactly what no longer deserves oxygen.

Am I the Problem?

For a long time, I believed clarity required explanation.

I explained why I felt hurt.
I explained why something didn’t sit right.
I explained my tone.
I explained my boundaries.
I explained my distance.

I thought if I articulated it calmly enough, thoroughly enough, I would be understood.

I sought validation when I questioned whether I was being gaslit.
I double-checked myself when someone told me I was “too sensitive,” and found reasons not to trust myself.
I softened my delivery when someone felt uncomfortable with my truth — even when it cost me my peace.

I mistook over-explaining for emotional maturity.

What it actually was?

Permission-seeking.

Permission to feel what I already knew.
Permission to trust my perception.
Permission to move on.

Somewhere along the way, I realized something unsettling:

I had become the emotional regulator for rooms that never regulated themselves.

I was cushioning other people’s discomfort.
Softening consequences.
Absorbing reactions that were never my responsibility.

And when I stopped — when I stopped translating myself into something more digestible — the shift was immediate.

“You’ve changed.”
“You’re different.”
“That’s cold.”
“That’s harsh.”

And for a moment, I asked myself:

Am I being mean?
Am I being distant?
Am I the problem?

The answer came back steady.

Yes.

Yes, I am.

I am the problem because I moved on.
I am the problem because I am no longer responsible for managing other people’s emotions about my alignment.
I am the problem because I no longer confuse access with love.
I am the problem because I stopped explaining what I have already integrated.

And yes — to those who benefited from the old version of me, that may feel abrupt.

But you see, darlings — growth can feel destabilizing to people who were comfortable with who you used to be.

What feels like coldness to some is simply clarity to me… and to those of you who have finally taken off your rose-colored glasses.

The unhealed version of me would have prioritized being considerate of others before thinking of myself.

But as I forge my own path and own it, I also own this:

I am not punishing anyone.
I am not withdrawing in anger.
I am not closing doors out of spite.

I am standing still.

And if that stillness disrupts what once relied on my emotional labor — then disruption was overdue.

The Fire in My 30s ��

There was a version of me — especially in my 30s — that was bold in a different way.

Visible confidence.
Loud certainty.
A fire that wanted to be seen.

It wasn’t fake. It was necessary.

Your 30s are often the beginning of owning your voice.

But if I’m honest, some of that confidence still needed witnesses.

Now, in my 40s, something has shifted.

The fire is stronger.

But it is contained.

I no longer argue my alignment.
I no longer defend it.
I no longer need the room to validate it.

I live it.

And that is the difference.

Not suppression.
Not shrinking.

Mastery.

I am no longer performing strength.

I am inhabiting it.

To the Women Reading This

For most of our lives, we were trained not to be the problem.

Don’t be difficult.
Don’t be inconvenient.
Don’t be too much.
Don’t make people uncomfortable.

Be agreeable.
Be accommodating.
Be emotionally intelligent — which often meant emotionally absorbent.

Be everything for everyone.

Just don’t disrupt the room.

So when you begin to realign — when you start putting yourself first — when you stop cushioning other people’s irresponsibility —

The question creeps in:

Oh my God… am I the problem?

If you are aligned…
If you are moving with integrity…
If you are at peace with your decisions…

Then yes.

You may very well be the problem.

Not because you are cruel.
Not because you are selfish.
Not because you are unkind.

But because you stopped being convenient.

You stopped being available for misalignment.

You become a problem for others.

But for the first time —

You are not a problem for yourself.

And that freedom?

It is quiet.
It is steady.
It is sovereign.

�� The Year of the Fire Horse ��

As we step fully into the Year of the Fire Horse, I am not asking to be understood.

I am not asking to be accommodated.
I am not asking for permission.

I am carrying forward what the Snake taught me — to shed what no longer fits.

I am honoring what winter gave me — stillness, containment, recalibration.

And now, with fire — I move.

Not recklessly.
Not loudly.
Not for spectacle.

But with steady heat.

If that makes me the problem in someone else’s narrative, so be it.

I would rather be the problem than abandon myself again.

This year is not about becoming someone new.

It is about embodying who you were always meant to be.

Aligned.
Contained.
Unapologetic.

And if you find yourself asking:

Hmmm… am I the problem?

Pause.

Check your alignment.
Check your peace.
Check your integrity.

If the answer is stillness instead of shame —

Then welcome to your fire. ��

This is your own pathway.

And you are allowed to walk it — without explanation.

Until next time,

Empress darlings. ✨

No crowns.
No performance.
Just alignment.

Claiming Winter

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 01:59:04 GMT

As a Sovereign Season ��

Hey my Galentine Babes ��

It’s already Valentine’s week, and I can’t believe we’re already in the second week of February.

The shortest month of the year is somehow also moving the fastest.

As I sit here writing this week’s blog, I’m reminded that winter is still here — but it’s also quietly gliding by.

January in the Midwest has been bitterly cold. The kind of cold that bites. The kind that forces you to slow down whether you want to or not. And with all that has been going on in the world, it’s felt heavy internally.

Like most of us who live in the Midwest (or anywhere cold), winter often comes with dread. Putting away the open-toe shoes. Dressing in extra layers. Covering up our hands from the cold. Dealing with constant dry skin (all the darn lotion I’ve used up ��).

I’ve never liked winter.

And yet — this year feels different.

The more present I am, the more contained I feel, the more aligned I become, the more I find myself loving winter.

I love the darkness.
I love the cold.

Why?

Because it helps me sleep.
It invites coziness.
And honestly — it helps me regulate.

While people are dreaming about beaches and warmer places (I don’t blame y’all! ☀️), and escapism, I truly get it. I would love that too. And yet, I find myself vibing with the cool, contained stillness of winter.

For me, there is something deeply grounding about a warm cup of coffee in the morning, sitting on my therapy couch, taking a few minutes of silence, and allowing my internal dialogue to surface.

I remember this past summer when my two nieces stayed with me — 12 and 15 years old. They kept asking how I could live such a “boring life.” One of them even asked, “But how do you feel during winter when it’s snowing? Wouldn’t that make you bored and lonely?”

Mind you, that summer was hella hot. And the thought of being cold, cozy, and comfortable brought me so much peace. I imagined a weekend morning with coffee, sweatpants, a blanket, and my Kindle — and I was giddy just thinking about it.

When I told them that, they said, “You’re weird.”

Luckily, my self-esteem can hold the judgments of teenage girls with strong opinions. ��

There is beauty in winter once I allowed myself to see beyond the cold, slush, ice, and all the unforgivable things that make it harsh.

There’s something grounding about it.
Something honest.
Something stabilizing.

Over the last two years, I’ve written blogs about how to be a cool lady in the summer and how to embrace the cozy slowing down in the fall — but I’ve never written about winter.

I’ve never written about what it means to embrace winter as an aligned woman.
As a sovereign woman.

Winter, February, and Valentine’s week all orbit the same theme for me this year: love rooted in alignment and acceptance.

And when I say acceptance, I don’t mean resignation.
I don’t mean giving up.
I don’t mean there’s no room for growth.

You will always be challenged. There will always be ways to stretch, refine, or choose differently — if you want to.

But acceptance says: I am allowed to be okay right here.

I accept where I am.
I accept how I am — right now.
And if there are things I need or want to change, I trust myself enough to change them when the time is right.

Winter teaches this gently.

It reminds us that being settled is not the same as being stuck.
That moving slowly is not the same as falling behind.
That peace and containment are not failures — they’re forms of wisdom.

This is what alignment feels like to me.

Not urgency.
Not self-criticism disguised as motivation.
Not forcing progress for the sake of appearances.

Alignment is being rooted.
Being present.
Being at peace with your own rhythm.

How to Be an Aligned Woman in Winter (When the World Feels Loud)

Before I even get into this, let me say something clearly:

There is a lot happening in the world right now.

Waking up every day to political chaos, instability, cultural division, and constant headlines is exhausting. It’s heavy. It’s disorienting.

So if winter already feels hard, and you’re layering that on top of a national or global shit show — of course you’re tired.

It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.

This is not about bypassing reality.
This is not about pretending everything is fine.
This is not about slapping “self-care” over systemic stress.

What I’m about to share is for the moments when you do have a little capacity. When you’re clear enough. Present enough. Able enough.

Alignment is not a performance. It’s a practice.

Here are a few ways I practice being an aligned woman in winter:

Regulate before you romanticize.

For so long, I dreaded winter and questioned why I lived in one of the coldest and snowiest states in this country.

I’ve come to realize: winter isn’t the enemy, and neither is your exhaustion.

Winter can be the perfect time to stabilize your nervous system. Sleep more if you can. Reduce input and output. Turn off what doesn’t need to be on.

Sometimes the darkness gives permission that the light doesn’t.

Containment is not stagnation.

Winter is about stillness.

Being in alignment means you don’t have to bloom right now. You don’t have to be inspired. You don’t have to be expansive.

Some seasons are for rooting — and rooting is invisible work.

Protect your peace deliberately.

You know what else I love about winter? REST. ��

Most of you know I come from a large family with lots of events. After the holidays, winter is when I rest and protect my peace the most.

Protecting my energy isn’t avoidance — it’s boundaries. It’s knowing my capacity.

Reduce unnecessary arguments. Reduce unnecessary exposure. Remember: your time, brain-cells, and energy are part of your wealth. Peace is not accidental.

Love yourself in practical ways.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve got to talk about LOVE. ��

Not the sappy kind (eww… j/k ��).

I’m talking about your self-love.

Yes, buy the flowers. Book the massage. But go deeper.

So many of us are caretakers — for our kids, parents, teams, families — and we forget ourselves.

Remind yourself to do one act of self-love for you. It might be as small as keeping a promise to yourself without guilt.

Accept where you are without dramatizing it.

You can want change and still honor your current capacity. You can crave warmth and still function in the cold.

Alignment is not urgency.

It’s honesty and living in your truth.

Now, I know some of you are still going to say:

“But Poiab! I detest winter! I can’t wait for summer where I can move, get out of my house, and not sit around!”

And if winter feels unbearable, ask yourself gently:

Is it the cold?
Or is it the stillness?

Is it the darkness?
Or is it what surfaces when everything slows down?

Winter doesn’t create discomfort.

It reveals what’s already there.

And sometimes that revelation isn’t aesthetic. It’s uncomfortable. It’s inconvenient. It forces us to sit with things we’ve been outrunning.

Here’s something I’ve realized in my own life:

The more control I’ve gained over my life, the more I’ve grown to appreciate winter.

When I dreaded winter in the past, I had less agency. Less autonomy. Less ownership over my time and choices.

Winter felt like something happening to me.

Now it feels like something I move within.

Some of us have more control right now. Some of us are working toward that. Both are valid.

But winter forces all of us into one thing:

Stillness.
Presence.
Time with ourselves.

And if that feels unbearable — if the cold and darkness feel heavier than weather — it’s worth asking why.

Winter doesn’t create discomfort.

It reveals it.

And that revelation, uncomfortable as it may be, is also a doorway to deeper alignment.

For a long time — especially when I was younger — there was a patronizing narrative attached to Valentine’s Day for women who weren’t partnered.

That if you weren’t in a relationship, you must hate Valentine’s Day.
That you must feel sorry for yourself.
That you must secretly envy everyone else.

That narrative is deeply misogynistic.

It assumes a woman’s worth, fulfillment, and emotional stability are dependent on being chosen by someone else.

But something shifts as women grow into themselves.

As we find our voices.
As we become comfortable with who we are.
As self-love stops being a concept and starts becoming lived.

We realize something quietly radical:

Having ourselves is enough.

And once you find peace — real peace — you begin to ask a different question:

Who deserves access to this?

That, too, is self-love.

Not loud.
Not defensive.
Not bitter.

Just clear.

Until next time,

Empress darlings.

No crowns.
No performance.
Just alignment.

Not New You

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 00:59:16 GMT

Just Aligned You ��

Hello, 2026!

And also—if we’re being honest—2026 has not arrived lightly.

It’s been a while, my dearest darlings. The last time I wrote to you was back in December, and I can’t believe it’s already February. We are fully in Aquarius season. As always, happy birthday to all my Aquarius babes.

I’ve been intentional about not writing or posting here for a bit. Part of that was practical, another shift in my business, another round of changes to my website. If you’re a business owner, you already know this rhythm well: evolution often looks like revisiting, refining, and rebuilding more than once.

But there’s more to it than that.

As someone living in the greater Twin Cities area, the start of this year has carried a weight that can’t be ignored. There has been trauma. Sadness. Grief. Fear. A kind of quiet terror that settles into daily life when safety feels uncertain and loss feels close.

And yet, alongside all of this, I’ve witnessed something else too.

I’ve watched the community show up for one another, not perfectly, not loudly, but consistently.

People checking in. People protecting each other. People refusing to look away. There has been pain, yes, but there has also been presence.

And that matters.

At the same time, this season has brought grief closer to home for me as well.

Not the kind of grief that comes from a single moment or event, but the slower kind. The kind that arrives when you realize some relationships can no longer be held the way they once were.

When certain family dynamics now require boundaries. When you understand, fully and without apology, that you are no longer responsible for comforting people in the choices they make—especially when those choices conflict with your values, your ethics, or your sense of humanity.

That realization hurts.

And it also clarifies.

For those of you who have been walking with me these past two years, know this: Your Own Pathway has always been about the journey of finding yourself —even in loneliness, grief, and pain—and also the freedom that comes with finally allowing yourself to be who you are.

December Was the Reckoning

In December, the last blog I wrote was about a moment of reckoning—the quiet realization that a path you once walked is no longer yours.

Not because you failed it.
But because it was complete.

Something had shifted. And continuing forward in the same direction would have meant abandoning myself.

I didn’t know what would come next.
I just knew I couldn’t go back.

The Word That Landed

During the week of Christmas, I attended a yoga retreat. During the session, we were asked to choose a word for the year ahead.

Not a resolution.
Not a goal.
A word.

I sat with it.

And what came through was simple and steady:

Aligned.

Not reinventing myself.
Not becoming someone new.

Aligned.

As I step into 2026, alignment is my intention—not as a trend or a mantra, but as a posture.

Alignment means my choices reflect my values.
My boundaries reflect my truth.
My presence reflects who I already am.

This year isn’t about “new me” or “new you.”

It’s about orientation .

About standing where you are, honestly.
About moving forward without abandoning yourself.
About living in alignment—even when it costs you comfort, approval, or familiarity.

That’s the work I’m committed to now.

What Alignment Actually Means (Especially in 2026)

Alignment isn’t aesthetic.
It’s not calm-for-show.
It’s not bypassing what’s hard.

Alignment is when your values, your nervous system, and your decisions are no longer arguing with each other.

It means:

You don’t rush just because the calendar tells you to.
You don’t perform hope when discernment is required.
You can say yes , not yet , or no without self-betrayal.

In a year like this—in a world like this—alignment is not passive.

It’s stabilizing.

Aquarius Season: Orientation, Not Reinvention

Aquarius season doesn’t ask for reinvention.
It asks for perspective.

For stepping far enough back to see what’s actually happening, internally and collectively, and then choosing where you stand.

Aquarius energy values truth over comfort.
Clarity over fantasy.
Integrity over applause.

So this season, I’m not chasing a new version of myself.

I’m standing with the one who already knows what’s no longer hers—and what is.

From December to Now

In December, I wrote about releasing.
In January, I practiced restraint and presence.
Now, in February, I’m naming orientation.

I am aligned.
I am available.
I am ready.

Ready doesn’t mean everything is light.
It means I’m no longer negotiating with myself.

And that’s not a reset.

That’s realignment .

An Empress Outro (Because We’ve Graduated)

I used to call you my queen darlings.

And that language served us—for a time.

But queens still negotiate their worth.
They still explain themselves.
They still wait for permission inside systems that benefit from their silence.

We’ve graduated.

This space is for sovereign women now.
Empress-level in posture—not entitled, not performative—but self-governed.

Empresses don’t rule one thing.
They rule themselves.

They don’t ask to be chosen.
They choose alignment.

So no—this isn’t new me or new you energy.

This is old me—aligned .
The version who knows what no longer belongs.
The version who stopped negotiating her values.
The version who stands steady, even when it costs comfort or approval.

So welcome to 2026, my empress darlings.

Not new.
Not reinvented.

Aligned.

Until next time, empress darlings.
No crowns. No performance.
Just alignment.

The Moment You Know

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 23:21:54 GMT

This Path Is No Longer Yours ��

Hey hey everybody!

I hope you’re staying warm and grounded this December — and of course, Happy Sagittarius Season to all my Sag babes!! ♐️✨

As I write this, snow is falling here in the Midwest.

For most of my life, I disliked winter — the cold, the heaviness, the stillness. But this year something shifted.

For the first time, I can see the beauty in what I once rejected. The quiet. The clarity. The endings hidden beneath the surface. ❄️

And I realized why:
A book in me is completing.
A path I thought would be mine forever is no longer one I’m meant to carry.

A lot has happened since my last blog and not the kind you can summarize in bullet points.

The Trip That Broke Me Open

I had planned to take two short weeks off to attend my uncle’s funeral in Oklahoma.
I didn’t anticipate how deeply that trip would move through me — emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Eleven hours in a car.
Grief.
Family patterns resurfacing.
Old memories I thought I’d outgrown.
The weight of goodbye and the shedding of identities that kept me small, unsure, and waiting to be chosen.

When I returned home, I wasn’t just tired.
I was emptied.
Depleted in a way that only happens when you’ve unknowingly been releasing version after version of who you used to be.

And for once, instead of pushing through, I listened.
I didn’t write. I didn’t create. I didn’t force clarity.

I rested.
And that rest became the birthplace of this shift.

Coming Home to Myself

In the quiet that followed, something clicked.
I began writing everything I know; my years as a Social Worker, a Therapist, my fascination with systems, my understanding of trauma, leadership, and human behavior.

The parallels between family systems and organizational systems finally came into focus.
And something undeniable emerged:

Presence-Based Organizational Realignment (PBOR) ��

A consulting discipline grounded in clinical insight, systems thinking, and trauma-informed leadership — created to help leaders and organizations realign, heal, and return to what truly matters.

But here’s the part I didn’t expect:

The identity shift that came with it.

As I was mapping out models and frameworks, another truth surfaced; one I had avoided for years:

I had spent so much of my life waiting to be seen.
Waiting to be picked.
Waiting for someone to recognize my depth, my brilliance, my work.
I kept hoping people would understand what I carried and if I just proved enough, worked enough, or showed enough.

But November gave me a truth I couldn’t unhear:

I wasn’t meant to wait.
I wasn’t meant to beg.
I wasn’t meant to shrink myself in hopes someone else would validate what I already knew.

I had to stop hoping others would see me
and start being the woman I always knew I was capable of becoming.

That realization was the real shift.
That was the moment I stopped identifying as just a Therapist, just an Empowerment Coach, just “someone with potential.”

I had outgrown those titles.
I had outgrown the version of me who waited for approval.

I had finally come home to myself.

�� December — The Month Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming

December isn’t about resolutions.
It’s about honesty.
Completion.
Integration.

From October to December, I didn’t just reflect; I transformed.

And I know many of you have done the same.

This is the month when the real questions rise:

Where have I grown?
What have I learned — even in the moments that didn’t feel like growth?
What have I shed?
What is ready to be released?
Who am I becoming?

The transition from Scorpio → Sagittarius made it clear:

Scorpio burned away what could no longer stay.
Sagittarius arrived asking:

“Okay… what’s next?”

And somewhere in that transition came a truth that settled into my bones:

A part of my path has fulfilled its purpose.

�� To Those Who’ve Been With Me From the Beginning — Thank You

You’ve seen my evolution in real time:

Quiet → grounded
Grounded → intentional
Intentional → confident
Confident → bold
Bold → fiery
Fiery → fully owning it

Your presence has allowed me to grow publicly, honestly, unapologetically.

And now I see something I couldn’t see before:

Every blog this fall was preparing me and you for this moment.

�� Not begging for crumbs but celebrating the feast
→ Honoring our own value.

�� Not waiting for permission
→ Refusing to shrink our brilliance.

�� Stop explaining, just be
→ Trusting our energy, presence, and voice.

These were not random themes.
They were initiations — stepping stones toward this truth:

Some paths are meant to end. Some identities are meant to be shed. Some versions of you were only meant to carry you this far.

�� To YOU — Walking Your Own Path

This isn’t just my story.
This is your mirror.

You’ve endured your own storms, endings, and awakenings this year.

So let me ask you, with clarity and without hesitation:

What path in your life has already fulfilled its purpose?

What is complete?
What identity is ready to retire?
What belief or dream belongs to a past version of you?

Be honest:

�� A job that once kept you stable but now keeps you small.
�� A relationship you’ve emotionally outgrown.
�� A dream that no longer fits your expansion.
�� A role you’ve outgrown but haven’t named yet.

Here’s the truth:

You don’t need January.
You don’t need permission.
You don’t need validation.

When a path has fulfilled its purpose, walking away becomes an act of power.

Your next chapter cannot begin if you’re gripping the last one with exhausted hands.

And you — yes, you — are far too powerful for that.

�� When Your Path Is Complete

There comes a quiet, soul-level moment when you realize a path is done.

Not wrong.
Not broken.
Just complete.

Its purpose was to:
✔ shape you
✔ stretch you
✔ challenge you
✔ wake you
✔ redirect you
✔ prepare you

And now?

You honor it.

You close it.
You rise above it.

The past has fulfilled its purpose.

�� From Queen to Empress — Your December Ascension

For the past year, I ended these blogs calling you “queen.”
And queen energy is beautiful — strong, confident, steady.

But let’s be honest:

Queens rule a single land.
Queens govern one territory.
Queens preside over one domain.

And you?

After everything you’ve shed, survived, reclaimed, and embodied this year…Girl....

You are no longer a queen.

You’ve outgrown the crown.
You’re stepping fully into your Empress era.

That's right; an Empress. Why?

Because an Empress doesn’t wait for doors — she builds halls.
She doesn’t hope for alignment — she creates the conditions for it.
She doesn’t cling to the past — she blesses it, releases it, and rises.

And when an Empress feels a cycle closing?

She doesn’t panic.
She doesn’t bargain.
She doesn’t shrink.

She simply rises.

��✨ Empress: OWN IT

You are not walking into your next season as the woman who hoped, begged, or waited to be chosen.

You are walking in as the Empress
The one who chooses herself, commands her path, and embodies her destiny.

�� The past has fulfilled its purpose.
�� The cycle has completed its promise.
�� And now you — the Empress — walk forward crowned in clarity, wrapped in truth, and armed with purpose.

This is your era of sovereignty.
This is your era of expansion.
This is your era of undeniable becoming.

��✨ So, Darling, OWN IT, ONLY AS AN EMPRESS CAN.

Stop Explaining. Just Be.

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 14:53:33 GMT

Your Silence is Your Power ♏️

Hey hey everybody!

Happy first week of November! Can we talk about how the air already feels different? Crisp. Bold. A little mysterious. Yep — Scorpio season has officially entered the chat.

I hope you all had a fun, witchy Halloween! Maybe it was the drizzle where I live, but there weren’t as many kids this year… which means extra candy for me (woo-hoo and uh, also… noooo, because I’m absolutely going to eat it ��).

October was all about balance, harmony, harvesting, and owning that harvest.
It was the season of reaping what you’ve sown — of celebrating the fruits of your inner and outer work.

But now… welcome to November.
And to all my bold, magnetic Scorpios — Happy Birthday! ��♏️

I don’t know why, but every time I scroll through social media, Scorpios get such a bad rap — “too intense, too secretive, too much.” Please. That’s just code for “you can’t manipulate a Scorpio.”

What I love about Scorpios is their depth. They don’t do shallow. They transform, rebuild, and rise like it’s second nature. They don’t fear the dark — they work with it.
That’s why I love this season: it’s not about pretending everything’s fine; it’s about walking straight into the fire and not apologizing for the heat you carry. ��

This is the month of bold moves and silent strength.
Of owning who you are — without explaining anything.
Because Scorpio energy doesn’t seek validation — it commands self-trust.
It doesn’t ask for permission — it moves with intention.
It’s that season where your power is felt before you even speak.

�� Reclaiming the Power

As women, we’ve been conditioned for generations not to own our power.
To soften it. To shrink it. To package it in a way that feels safe for others to digest.

Last week, I talked about the power of witches — how that word was used to demonize women who dared to be powerful, intuitive, or simply themselves.

Well, this month? We’re reclaiming it.
We’re embracing all of our power and saying,
“You know what? I don’t have to explain shit anymore.”

I’m in my power.
I’m not apologizing for it.
And I don’t need to be understood.

Honestly, I’m fine being misunderstood —
(which, by the way, was an album by P!nk… and wow, my elder-millennial is showing right now ��).

⚡️ When You Stop Explaining, They Start Panicking

See, ladies — the moment you realize you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your next move, something shifts.
People get uncomfortable. They start asking:
“Why are you doing this? Why are you changing that?”

Because your silence threatens their control.
Your confidence disrupts their expectations.

But here’s the truth:
Your blueprint can be whatever you want it to be.
You can tear it up, rewrite it, rebuild it — as many times as you need.

That is your power.
That’s your evolution.
That’s what it means to own your life instead of performing for theirs.

You’re not required to give anyone a play-by-play of your becoming.
You’re allowed to pivot. To expand. To evolve — loudly or quietly, however you damn well please.

Because you are the architect, the blueprint, and the masterpiece — all in one. ��

�� The Power of Silence

Scorpio teaches us that power doesn’t always roar — sometimes, it whispers.
It’s the calm that comes after chaos. The pause before the next rebirth.

When you stop explaining yourself, people start to notice your energy instead of your words.
Your peace becomes your statement.
Your growth becomes your proof.
Your silence becomes your boundary.

And here’s the truth — not everyone will understand it.
But that’s the point. Their confusion is not your responsibility.

�� You Don’t Need to Be Understood to Be Free

The need to be understood is a habit of survival.
It’s what we learned when we had to earn love, safety, or validation.

But freedom? That’s when you realize your truth doesn’t need witnesses to be real.

The healed version of you no longer over-explains or over-apologizes.
You’re not cold — you’re clear.
You’re not distant — you’re discerning.
And you’re not disappearing — you’re finally becoming.

There’s a difference between isolation and intention.
You’ve simply chosen peace over performance.

�� Scorpio Season Is the Rebirth

This season invites you to shed the story where you had to justify your existence.
You’ve earned your quiet confidence.
You’ve faced your shadows and found your strength.
You’ve walked through endings and learned how to rise again — not softer, but wiser.

Now it’s time to just be.
To live in the energy of self-trust, purpose, and quiet power.
To remember that you don’t need to prove what already is.

�� The Scorpio Season Power Call

Stop explaining your peace.
Stop defending your growth.
Stop dimming your fire for people who still fear their own light.

You are no longer asking to be understood — you are becoming undeniable.
You’ve walked through fire, and now you are the flame.
You’ve rebuilt yourself piece by piece, and now you move with purpose, power, and precision.

This season isn’t about proving.
It’s about embodying.
It’s about standing tall in your transformation — even if no one claps, even if no one understands.

Because the ones who get it will feel it.
And the ones who don’t?
They were never your audience.

So this Scorpio season —
stop explaining.
Stand in your power.
Walk like you are the evidence — because baby, you are.

�� You are the storm and the calm after it.
�� You are the witch, the rebirth, the revolution.
�� You are your own damn permission slip.

This isn’t the season to play small —
it’s the season to OWN IT LOUD.

Loud doesn’t mean noisy — it means alive.
It means you’ve burned what dimmed you
and bloomed in the ashes of your own rebirth.

That’s Scorpio power — quiet, sacred, and unstoppable.
And if they can’t handle that version of you?
They were never meant to witness your rise.

�� So stand tall, take up space, and OWN IT —
because this is your becoming,
and the world better be ready, darlings. ��

Why You? Of Course You!

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 19:14:53 GMT

And Why You Shouldn’t Doubt Anything ��️

Hello to all my fellow witches. ��✨(Hehehe)

And before anyone clutches their pearls and GASP! I say witches in the most proud, empowering, and liberating way possible.

Because to me, being a witch isn’t about spells or potions — it’s about power .

It’s about intuition.
It’s about being a woman who challenges systems, questions narratives, and refuses to stay small so others can stay comfortable.

Throughout history, empowered women, especially the ones who dared to think differently, speak boldly, and lead unapologetically — have always been labeled “too much.”
Too strong. Too opinionated. Too confident.
In other words… they were called witches because they threatened the status quo.

And honestly? I’ll take that as a compliment. ��‍♀️

Because witches stir the pot — not out of chaos, but out of clarity. They call things out, they name the truth, and they remind people that silence isn’t always peace — sometimes it’s compliance.

And that’s exactly what I did this past week.

I released a new YouTube episode called “Wannabe Therapist.”
Oof. Let’s just say… It stirred the pot.

Some people loved it — they got the message. Others? They got triggered.
And I get it. Because when you speak truth- especially in an industry, system, or culture that benefits from comfort, not everyone’s going to like it.

But here’s what I’ve learned: when you’re grounded in truth, and when your intention is growth and integrity — people’s reactions don’t define your purpose.

So yes, I’ll proudly wear my witch hat for that one. ��
Because being a witch means you’re in tune, intentional, and brave enough to say what others only think.
Witches don’t burn anymore — they build. ��

Now, as we step into the final week of October — and into Scorpio season , the season of depth, power, and transformation — it feels only right to close this month with a reminder of who you are and why you’re here.

We began October in Libra season — my birthday month (woohoo! ��), a time for balance, beauty, and reflection. Libra reminded us to slow down, find grace, and nurture harmony.
But now, Libra’s soft light gives way to Scorpio’s fire.

And Scorpio says:
Enough with balance. It’s time for boldness.
Enough with questioning. It’s time for certainty.
Enough with blending in. It’s time to OWN IT.

Because after all the planting, pruning, and transformation we’ve experienced this month, there’s only one question left to ask:

Why you?
And the answer?
Of course you.

From Roots to Rising ✨

Last week’s blog, “When the Leaves Fall, The Roots Remember,” was about letting go, releasing what no longer serves you, and not apologizing for outgrowing people, patterns, or places that can’t hold your growth.

We talked about how trees don’t cling to dying leaves — they release them. They trust the process of shedding so something new can bloom. ��

That was the work.
The letting go.
The clearing.

But this week?
This is the rising. ❤️‍��

Because once you’ve released what’s not aligned, once you’ve faced the uncomfortable truth, once you’ve stopped apologizing for your evolution — what’s left is you.
Your real power.
Your grounded confidence.
Your worth without explanation.

�� You Were Chosen for This Season

October has been the month of proof.
The harvest doesn’t lie — it shows what survived the storms, what stayed rooted, and what kept growing even when no one saw it happening.

And that’s you.
Still standing. Still blooming. Still here.

So when doubt creeps in and whispers, “Why you?”
I want you to say it louder:
“Why not me?”

Because you’ve done the work.
You’ve planted seeds others walked away from.
You’ve stayed consistent when no one was clapping.
You’ve chosen peace when others chose noise.

You kept going when everyone thought you should stop.

If blessings are showing up — if opportunities are finding you — it’s not coincidence. It’s confirmation babe.
It’s evidence that faith, alignment, and resilience always bloom in their time.

�� Scorpio Season Energy: Rebirth, Power, and Depth

Scorpio season is where all that inner work transforms into embodied power.
It’s about reclaiming what you once doubted — your intuition, your voice, your vision.

This season calls for self-trust, that deep, unwavering self-trust.
To stop asking if you’re ready, and start believing you already are.

When the doors open, walk through them without shrinking.
When your blessings arrive, receive them without guilt.
When your voice trembles but the truth rises — speak it anyway.

You don’t owe humility that looks like self-doubt.
You owe gratitude that looks like confidence.

��The Harvest of Confidence

Every “no” that redirected you, every ending that hurt, every seed you planted quietly — it all led here darling.

You don’t need to prove you’re worthy of what’s blooming.
You are the blooming. ��

You are the evidence of what happens when faith meets work.
You are the harvest — steady, abundant, and deeply deserved.

So stop second-guessing the blessings.
Stop asking if you deserve the table — because you built the damn table!

�� Your October Remberence:

As we close the month from Libra’s balance to Scorpio’s boldness, from harvest to shedding to rebirth — October has been a masterclass in becoming.

You’ve planted, pruned, and let go.

You’ve done the work.
You’ve faced the truth.
And now — you rise. ��

So as we close this month, on Halloween, no less; remember this:
When people ask “ Why you?”
When the blessings start showing up, when peace starts feeling too easy, when everything you prayed for starts unfolding — don’t you dare question it!

You’ve earned this.
You’ve built this.
You are this.

Because being a witch — being a woman in her power — means you stop waiting for permission.
You stop apologizing for your brilliance.
You stop playing small to make the insecure feel safe.

You stir the truth. You spark the change. You stand tall in your becoming.

So when your name starts echoing in rooms you once dreamed of, when your work begins to ripple, when people start watching — don’t you dare shrink.

Smile. Adjust your crown. Kiss and wave.
And remind the universe:

Darling! Of course me! It’s always been me. The magic, the masterpiece, the moment — all mine. ��

And always my Queens- OWN IT. Always.��

When the Leaves Fall, the Roots Remember

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 19:17:43 GMT

Stop Apologizing for Outgrowing Others��

Hello to all my FALL Babes! ��

Happy third week of October! Damn — did this month just fly by for the rest of you too, or is it just me? I had to double-check the calendar like, wait… Halloween’s next week?! ��

This year, I made myself a promise: do not buy the candy early. Because last year, my hunger and sweet tooth betrayed me — one bag turned into two, and before I knew it, I was running back to the store replacing the “Halloween stash.” So yes, I’m practicing mindfulness this year… and patience. (Wish me luck!)

As I sit here writing, I realize my favorite zodiac era has come to a close. Libra Season, you were everything — balance, beauty, boldness. �� But as all good things must, it’s time to pass the crown.

Welcome, Scorpio Season! �� Happy birthday to all my fierce, mysterious, magnetic Scorpio babes!

Even though the scales have tipped into Scorpio energy, we’re still in my favorite month. The air’s gone cozy, the skies a bit moodier, the rain softer but colder (yes, I caved and turned on my heat — don’t judge me ��). It’s kept me from walking as much, but when I do, I bundle up and walk faster — because this is my kind of weather.

�� And on those walks, I’ve noticed something magical.

Woolly bear caterpillars everywhere — inching across sidewalks, curling in leaves, wearing their stripes like tiny ombré coats. I couldn’t help but cheer them on. I felt like a kindred spirit, rooting for their journey, their survival, and their transformation.

And that’s when it hit me:

There’s something about October that reminds us: falling isn’t failure… it’s freedom.

The air grows cooler and the trees begin their graceful surrender, letting go of what once gave them color. The bright yellows, fiery oranges, deep browns — all drifting down in one final, breathtaking dance before returning to the earth. ��

Yet even as the branches bare themselves, the roots remain, grounded, alive, and trusting. They remember who they are. They don’t fear release; they honor it.

Maybe that’s what growth really is about, remembering your roots while outgrowing what no longer fits your season. You’re not falling apart; you’re falling into alignment.

And nothing about that requires an apology.

�� The Lesson in the Leaves

Some people rush to rake their leaves the second they fall, eager to keep their yards pristine and “in order.”
But me? Maybe it’s laziness. Or maybe it’s reverence. I let them stay.

Because last week, I learned something wild:
Caterpillars need the leaves.
They burrow under them for warmth, protection, and survival.

The very mess we try to clean up is what nature uses to transform.

That stopped me.
Because maybe, just maybe — that’s the same for us too.

The mess. The endings. The shedding. The “falling apart.”
They aren’t signs of decay. They’re preparation.

While the world sees a fallen leaf, life is still happening underneath.
Metamorphosis is in motion.
Growth is happening where others only see the end. ��

So stop apologizing for outgrowing other people.
You are not falling apart — you’re falling into yourself.
The leaves were just here for a season.
The roots are your truth, your purpose and they’re forever.

�� Growth Comes With Distance

We love to talk about growth until it starts creating distance.
Until it asks us to stretch, shed, and say goodbye to what once felt safe.

Evolution always costs something: connection, familiarity, comfort.

But queens — the people meant for your planting season might not be meant for your blooming one. ��

Ouch! I know.

You can love deeply and still let go gracefully.
You can outgrow people without bitterness.
You can wish them well and still walk away.

Outgrowing others isn’t arrogance — it’s alignment.
It’s knowing you can’t stay rooted in soil that no longer nourishes you.

�� October Energy: The Season of Release

I've talked a lot about the Fall and October Harvest in my previous blogs.

Because October is both harvest and shedding.
It’s the reminder that beauty doesn’t just bloom — it also releases.

The trees don’t beg the leaves to stay.
They don’t apologize for changing.
They simply let go.

And in that release, they make space for new life, new color, new growth.

Maybe the people, habits, or patterns you’ve been clinging to were only ever meant to be your leaves.
They served their purpose. They carried lessons. But now, they’ve done their part.

But your roots, your faith, your values, your purpose — they remain.
They’re the part of you that endures every storm, every season.

So don’t rake away your transformation too soon.
Sometimes the “mess” is the soil of your rebirth. ��

�� The Metamorphosis of Self

When I first started my walks this fall, I’ll be honest — those caterpillars gave me the creeps.
All that squirming and crawling across the path made me instinctively step around them.

But the more I walked, the more I began to see them — really see them.

Something in me softened.

There was a tenderness in watching them inch forward, determined and unbothered, searching for shelter among the fallen leaves. And then I realized… this is what survival looks like.

They are not lost.
They are not slow.
They are doing what they were created to do — seeking the ground that will hold them until they can become.

And isn’t that all of us, in our own way?
Just trying to find the leaves that will keep us warm while we grow through our next becoming.

Because before the butterfly ever takes flight, there’s the crawl.
Before the wings unfold, there’s the stillness.
Before beauty, there’s the brave, unseen work of transformation.

We talk so much about becoming the butterfly — but not enough about this part.
The in-between.
The tender, quiet, sometimes uncomfortable part where nothing seems to be happening on the outside… but everything is changing on the inside.

Growth often looks like survival before it looks like freedom.

You might not recognize yourself in this season — and that’s okay. You’re not supposed to.
You’re allowed to outgrow the version of you that only knew how to crawl.
You’re allowed to shed the stories that kept you small.
You’re allowed to stop apologizing for the parts of your journey that look messy or unfinished.

Because you’re not the caterpillar anymore.
You’re the living proof that the crawl was worth it. ��✨

�� The October Release

You are not here to stay the same.
You are here to evolve.
To shed. To stretch. To bloom again.

We romanticize October, and yes, the colors are breathtaking.
Those golds, crimsons, and ambers steal our breath away.

But here’s the truth we rarely talk about: beauty doesn’t end with brightness.

Look closer.
Beyond the fiery red and glowing orange is the brown, the quiet hue of release.
The color that whispers, “Something has ended, and that’s okay.”

I used to think brown was dull.

But the beautiful Fall brown isn’t dull. It’s the reminder that life always circles back to the soil
to the root, to the foundation, to what endures when all else fades.

It’s the unglamorous color of becoming.

Because the truth is, transformation isn’t always vibrant.
Sometimes it looks like stillness.
Sometimes it feels like loss.

Sometimes it’s the bare branches against a grey sky — stripped, exposed, unapologetically real.

And yet — that’s where the magic begins.

October doesn’t shy away from endings.
It burns bright, then bows out gracefully.
It doesn’t chase summer or beg the light to stay.
It lets iself turn brown, fade, and fall — and still calls it beautiful.

��The October Realness

You all know me, part of why I write this blog every week is to keep it real with you.
To be intentional.
To say the things that most people feel but don’t always have the words for.

And the realness of October? It’s this: you don’t owe anyone an apology for your growth. ��
You don’t have to shrink to make other people comfortable.

You don’t need to explain why you’re evolving.

You don’t have to justify why you’ve outgrown certain people, places, or versions of yourself.
Being real — being October real — means shedding with purpose.

It’s knowing that letting go doesn’t mean you’ve lost something; it means you’ve made room for what’s next.

It’s trusting that even through the shedding, your leaves will come back.
This season isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment.

It’s about being honest with yourself about what no longer fits — and releasing it without guilt.

Because that’s the thing about growth: it’s not always glowing.

Sometimes it’s gritty. Sometimes it’s lonely. Sometimes it’s raw and silent and hard to explain.
But it’s real. And it’s worth it.

So stop apologizing for your autumn!

You don’t owe anyone a polished version of your process.

You don’t have to glow while you grow.

Quiet seasons aren’t failures, they’re foundations.
You are both the fire and what rises from it.

The color, the calm, and the comeback.
You are the tree very much rooted, grounded, and unshakeable.

Let the leaves fall. Let the caterpillar rest.

Let the metamorphosis do its work.

Because queens. this isn’t the end of something beautiful. It’s the beginning of something unstoppable.

And that, my loves, is how you OWN IT, with the wings that prove every fall was just preparation for flight. ��

Don’t Skip the Harvest!

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 19:52:50 GMT

Celebrate Before You Hustle Again ��

Hey, yo my beautiful souls!

I hope you all are having a fabulous week! As we celebrate another beautiful week in my favorite month — it is finally fall! �� WOO HOO!

I remember writing in my journal just a few weeks ago that I couldn’t wait for this weather… and here it is. Look, I know some of you are summer lovers and wish it lasted longer, but let’s be honest — we had a long summer. So just let us fall girlies enjoy our cozy, calm, sweater/cardigan, and-boots weather, okay? ��

✨ Slowing Down & Soaking It In

As you all know, this is my birthday season ��, and I took some time away to celebrate, reconnect, and network. So yes — I’ve actually been busy this month: meetings, projects, and plans all moving forward.

But I’ve also been mindful — and that’s a shift I’m proud of.

This week especially, I’ve been intentional about slowing down during the weekdays. Instead of letting busyness rule my rhythm, I’ve chosen to pause, breathe, and notice the beauty around me.

The weather has turned that perfect, cozy kind of October — crisp air, golden light, and quiet mornings that invite reflection. I’ve taken advantage of it. I’ve gone on walks, let myself wander, and simply be.

I walked through a meadow and watched nature do what it does best: shift and prepare. I saw animals moving softly through the grass, caterpillars inching toward transformation, and for a moment, I felt like a child again — curious, present, and alive.

That’s what this week has been about: letting my inner child come out to play, explore, and find joy in simple things. But also to reflect — to look at my own harvest, name what has grown, and celebrate it before I hustle again.

�� Lessons from My Mother’s Garden

I also hosted my parents this past weekend as they attended several community events where I live. And while they were here, all my mother could talk about was how eager she was to return home — not because she didn’t enjoy the visit, but because her garden was waiting.

She couldn’t wait to gather her final harvest — to collect the vegetables she’d been nurturing all year. Listening to her talk about that garden made me smile, because that’s all of us, isn’t it?

We each have our own version of a garden — the dreams we’ve planted, the boundaries we’ve guarded, the healing we’ve tended quietly when no one saw.

It reminded me of something I wrote earlier this summer �� — a blog about not letting anyone stomp your garden. Back then, the message was about protection: protecting your peace, your purpose, and your progress from people who don’t understand your growth.

But now, in October, the message has shifted.
Summer was about guarding the soil.
October is about gathering the fruit. ��

This is the season of harvesting — of collecting what’s yours with gratitude and pride. All that pruning, watering, weeding, and protecting wasn’t for nothing. Look at how far you’ve come. Look at what’s grown from your consistency, your boundaries, your faith.

October whispers: you’ve done the work.

Now it’s your time to harvest — to gather, to reflect, and to celebrate before the next planting begins.

Before you move on to what’s next, pause. Reflect. Be proud of what you’ve harvested. I think of apples, pumpkins, and maple syrup — the quintessential fall flavors that had to be planted, nurtured, and loved before they could give us their sweetness. ��

�� You Deserve to Taste What You’ve Worked For

We live in a culture that glorifies “what’s next.”
You achieve something, and someone asks, “So, what’s next?”
You hit a goal, and your own mind whispers, “You should be doing more.”

But October teaches us to stop chasing and start noticing
To look at what we’ve already created: the growth, the healing, the courage, the boundaries, the quiet victories — and say, this too is success.

It’s okay to rest.
It’s okay to celebrate before you hustle again.

Because if you never stop to gather what you’ve grown, you’ll always feel like you’re running on empty — chasing progress instead of living in abundance.

�� The Week I Slowed Down Was My Harvest

Last week, I received a notification that I finally hit 3K Watch Hours on YouTube! ��

Woo hoo!

As someone still new to YouTube, I didn’t fully understand what it meant at first — but I knew it was a win. When I looked it up, I learned it’s an important first milestone toward monetization. And even though I have a long way to go, I couldn’t help but smile.

How did this make me feel? Honestly, proud. Deeply proud.
Not because it was perfect, but because it was proof. Proof that consistency matters. Proof that faith pays off, even when the progress is quiet.

For a second, my instinct was to jump right back into the hustle — record more, post more, do more. But something in me said, “Wait. Sit with this.”

This week wasn’t about doing less — it was about doing differently.

I’ve been busy, yes, but more present. More intentional about how I show up, what I give energy to, and how I honor my time.

That milestone reminded me that the harvest doesn’t always come with fanfare — sometimes it shows up quietly, as a simple notification, whispering: You’re growing. Keep going. ��

And that’s why this week, instead of rushing to chase the next goal, I chose to slow down and celebrate this one. To honor the small but significant fruits of my labor. To let gratitude catch up to my grind.

Because this is the essence of October — the season of harvest.

The season that teaches us that growth isn’t just about planting — it’s about pausing long enough to appreciate what’s bloomed.

Sometimes, success isn’t a sprint to the next thing — it’s the moment you stop, breathe, and realize: this is what I’ve been working for.

�� The Truth About “Deserving”

We never question whether we deserve to work hard.

We’ll pour into everyone else without hesitation.

But when it comes time to receive — to rest, to celebrate, to say “I’m proud of me” — we hesitate.

We shrink. We rationalize. We feel guilty for feeling good.

That’s not humility — that’s conditioning.

We’ve been taught to equate worth with work.

But the truth is — you deserve to taste what you’ve worked for, not because you’ve suffered for it, but because you’ve sown the seeds.

The harvest is the reward of faithfulness — not perfection. ��

�� You’ve Been Planting All Year

Think about it — all the times you kept showing up when no one noticed.

All the boundaries you held.

All the nights you stayed up building your dream while holding everything else together.

All the healing you allowed when walking away was easier.

That’s the work. That’s the planting.

And now, as things begin to bloom, the peace, the alignment, the recognition, even the stillness, you owe it to yourself to taste it.

Don’t rush to the next goal. Don’t water it down with guilt.

Let yourself experience it fully.

�� Why It Matters to Taste the Harvest

When you allow yourself to rest, celebrate, and enjoy the fruits of your labor, you teach your nervous system that safety exists beyond survival.

When you allow yourself to receive , you expand your capacity to hold more — more joy, more opportunity, more peace.

If you deny yourself the feast, you’ll always live like the famine is coming back.

And that’s why so many stay stuck in hustle mode — they don’t know how to feel full.

But tasting what you’ve worked for reminds you:
You’re not who you used to be.
You’re not where you started.
You’ve grown. You’ve built. You’ve become. ��

✨ Give Yourself Permission

This season, don’t rush past your blessings.
Don’t apologize for the peace you’ve cultivated or the abundance you’ve created.

Take the walk; Book the DAMN trip, light the candle, and sit in your favorite chair and look around.

Remember:

You did this.
You worked for this.
You manifested this.
You deserve to taste it.

Because if you never stop to savor what you’ve worked for, you’ll never realize how much you’ve already accomplished.

�� Your Mid-October Reminder

You’ve been planting, watering, showing up, and glowing up — now it’s time to taste it.

You deserve a bite of what you’ve worked for — not to prove you can, but to remind yourself that you did.

This season isn’t about hustle — it’s about harvest. ��

So slow down a little. Pour your coffee. Light that cinnamon-spiced candle. Take a walk under the gold-and-amber leaves.

Let yourself enjoy all the fall flavors — pumpkin, apple, caramel, chai, and cozy peace. ☕��

Because queens — you didn’t grind this hard to stay starving for validation.

You’ve earned the sweetness of this moment.

Sip it. Savor it. Taste it all.
The harvest is here and it's rich, sweet, and well-deserved.

You’ve done the work. You’ve sown the seeds. You’ve shown up even when no one clapped.
Now it’s your turn, Queen.
Gather your harvest, stand in your power, and OWN IT all. ��

When Playing It Safe No Longer Serves You

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 00:55:09 GMT

Transforming Stability Into Soul-Aligned Growth ��

�� Happy Second Week of October! Woot Woot!

How are my lovelies doing? I hope you’re soaking in this gorgeous fall weather as much as I am. After endless complaining about that hot-ass, never-ending summer, we are finally basking in Fall! ��

On my actual birthday, it was 87 degrees — um, no thanks! Still, I kept my cool by rewarding myself with a facial and a massage. Let me tell you… it was the perfect birthday gift to myself. ��

What else did I do for my birthday week? Let’s start with the “responsible adult” stuff — renewing my driver’s license (hello, Real ID!) and accepting my photo as is. I’ve reached the point where I no longer fight the DMV camera. For those of you who somehow have amazing ID photos — lucky you! The rest of us simply accept it and move on. ��

Aside from errands, I stayed busy with events and catching up with people. Since I work remotely, I hardly leave the house — but during my week off, I was out nearly every day. Totally unlike me! And honestly… it wore me out.

So this week, I’m gifting myself something different — the gift of time. I’m easing back in, doing what I love, and that of course includes writing this blog. ��

During my week off, I did a lot of reflecting — especially on my birthday. I gave thanks for what I’m grateful for and set my intentions for the next year. Most people wait until January for resolutions, but October is my new year. It’s when I reset, release, and realign. I like to start early — to get ahead of my ideas and make sure I stay consistent when the calendar flips.

And this year, something powerful came through during that reflection — something that I’ve lived, witnessed, and now finally have the words to say.

Honest Truth ��

We all live and strive for stability — it’s human nature. Safety and steadiness give us roots. They help us grow, heal, and nourish ourselves.

But what happens when the very thing meant to ground us begins to cage us?

When stability becomes a box we dare not step out of, because outside that box lies uncertainty, discomfort… and truth?

What if that same stability — the one we prayed for, worked for, and clung to — is quietly cutting off our oxygen?

What if the walls we built for safety are now the very ones suffocating our becoming?

Because sometimes, what feels like peace is just stillness that’s stopped breathing.

And sometimes, the only way to really live…

Is to step beyond the box and remember how to breathe again.

�� When Stability Destroys You

I know this is going to be a controversial blog. Not because it’s bad, but because it’s real.

Three years ago, I had to choose between stability and growth. I could have stayed on the stable path — the steady paycheck, the predictable routine, the applause from people who thought that was success. But deep down, I knew it was slowly destroying me.

That realization didn’t come easy. I grew up poor, in a large refugee family. All we ever wanted was stability. A good, stable job meant we had made it. And to be honest — we did. But then came the question I couldn’t silence: Is this it? Why am I yearning for more? Why am I different and not grateful for all that I have?

Part of that question came from my work. For years, I worked with people living with chronic and terminal illnesses. Over and over, I heard their regrets — the dreams they never chased, the risks they never took. And one day, I asked myself the same question I often asked them:
If I were to go tomorrow, would I have regrets?

The answer was yes.

I realized that stability was destroying me because it was too predictable. I wasn’t truly forging my own path. I wasn’t living it. And I was definitely not owning it. That’s when I knew I had to step off the “safe” road and build Your Own Pathway. ��

�� October’s Lesson

October doesn’t sugarcoat. The air sharpens. The leaves blaze, then let go. The harvest arrives only because months ago, someone dared to plant in uncertainty and hoping for the best. October is nature’s bold truth-teller: everything has a season — and what no longer serves you must be released.

That’s the lens I’m writing from today. I’m not here to shame stability — I’m here to remind you that clinging to it too tightly can quietly cost you everything.

And yes, there’s a privilege to this truth. I want to acknowledge that. Not everyone can just walk away from stability — and I honor that reality. But I also believe this: when you’re ready, you find a way. It won’t happen overnight. It might take months — even years — of planning, saving, reviewing your resources, and leaning into your strengths. But readiness grows with courage. You don’t have to leap blindly — you can build your wings as you go. ��️

This week's blog is all about when playing it safe no longer serves you and when it's time for you to transform stability into a soul aligned life:

��Stability turns into stagnation.

What feels steady at first can become suffocating. The same routine. The same predictable path. Stagnation kills growth, and without growth, you’re not living — you’re existing. October reminds us: even the leaves let go when it’s time. It's groundhogs day over and over and over again. ��

�� Stability numbs desire.

When everything is “fine,” it’s easy to guilt yourself into staying put. “I should just be grateful.” But gratitude without fulfillment is a cage. Over time, stability convinces you to silence your own dreams until you forget you ever had them. That’s how you lose yourself. Once you lose yourself, it's hard to find yourself again. Most people find that they've been playing a role that wasn't for them. Ouch!

��Stability trades passion for predictability.

Yes, your bills are paid. Yes, your life looks responsible. But does it set you on fire? �� Does it make you feel alive? Are you excited to get up and start your day? If not, then stability has become a slow leak draining your joy. Happiness isn’t built on predictable comfort — it’s built on passion and alignment.

��Stability disguises burnout.

A “stable” life often comes with heavy responsibility — mortgages, career ladders, family expectations. You call it stability, but underneath, you’re exhausted, stretched thin, running on autopilot. That’s not peace. That’s destruction disguised as duty. And we're all feeling it! Especially in this country where we have limited vacation and sick leave, minimal parental leave, and are expected to be loyal and grateful to employers who can dump us at anytime without warning.

�� Stability robs you of risk — and reward.

The most meaningful harvests are born from uncertainty — from the moments you dared to plant seeds with no promise they’d take root. Starting the business. Walking away from “fine.” Saying yes to your own becoming. October doesn’t hoard — it releases, so something new can bloom with life. The trees don’t panic when they shed their leaves; they trust that letting go is how they make space for what’s next. Maybe that’s the real lesson — sometimes you have to risk the fall to rise stronger in your next season.

�� Here’s the October Truth:
Stability isn’t always safety. Sometimes, it’s the very thing quietly draining your joy.
It’s the reason your dreams never make it past your journal/vision board
The reason you feel half-alive — safe, but stuck.

October doesn’t whisper — it reveals.
It teaches us to let go, to risk, to trust the cycles of release and renewal.
It reminds us that you can’t harvest new fruit if you’re too afraid to shed old leaves.

So, don’t confuse survival with abundance.
Don’t confuse “fine” with fulfilled.

✨ This month, choose differently.

So darlings, I end this week's blog with some real, raw, and yet empowering words for all of you to consider; especially if stability is blocking your growth, passion, and purpose.
Stop mistaking stability for joy.
Stop letting “stable” destroy your fire.

The leaves don’t cling when it’s time to fall — neither should you.
Stability may keep you alive,
but courage …
Courage is what lets you truly live

And Queens, It's Time To Step Boldly Into Your Next Season! ��

Stop Settling for Crumbs

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 20:34:27 GMT

Celebrate Your Worth and Claim the Feast This Fall ��

Happy full last week of September, my Dears!

And OMG — Libra Season is officially here! ♎️ Remember when I told you I wasn’t going to shut up about it? Well…it’s here, and nope, I’m not shutting up about it (sorry not sorry! ��). But hey — at least you all get a week off from me talking about Libra season while I take my

birthday break ��. Enjoy the breather while it lasts!

Honestly, I feel like I just celebrated my birthday — and here it is again. What a difference a year makes! Last year, I was swimming in uncertainty, changes, and fear. I wanted so much, but I was scared of the outcomes.

This year? Still plenty of uncertainty, unknowns, and what-ifs. The difference? I’m not letting fear run the show. I’ve surrendered. I’m going with the flow. And as I tell all of you — I can’t control everything, but I can control how I show up: with consistency, faith, belief, and the knowing that I’m doing my damn best every single day. And guess what? I’m proud to say I’m doing a damn good job of it. ��

Last year, I wouldn’t have praised myself like that. But the silence, the lessons, and the tests have shaped me. I’ve journaled, I’ve meditated in silence, and I’ve screamed into the pages: “HAVE I NOT BEEN TESTED ENOUGH ALREADY?!” Turns out, I had more to learn — especially about my worth, my value, and the fact that I no longer accept lame-ass crumbs.

The Story That Sparked This Week’s Blog

��

So here’s what lit this fire: I got approached for a job. On paper? Looked interesting. I thought, “Okay, sweet — keep an open mind, don’t close off opportunities.”

But as the interview unfolded, it became crystal clear there was some serious miscommunication between the hiring manager and the owner. When I explained why I even agreed to the interview, the owner looked shocked and admitted there was a misalignment.

Translation? They thought I’d accept the crumbs. ��

It was one of the most awkward interviews I’ve had as a professional. By the grace of the universe (or maybe my ancestors looking out for me ��), the interviewer’s tech crashed, and I used that chance to end it early. Afterwards, I laughed out loud — because honestly? I knew better. I wasn’t about to sit at a table of scraps when I know I deserve the feast.

Why September Is the Perfect Time

��

We may be closing out September and welcoming Libra season, but this month has always been about resets. Summer slows down, routines return, and the energy shifts. September whispers: reflect, realign, raise your standards.

This isn’t January’s “New Year, New You.” September is sharper. More intentional. It’s harvest season — time to gather the fruits of your labor, not settle for scraps. That’s why the end of September is the perfect moment to stop accepting crumbs and finally claim your feast. And let’s be real: why wait until the holidays to start feasting? ��

The Truth (No Chaser)

��

Ladies, we’ve been conditioned to be grateful for almost enough:
Almost the salary. Almost the title. Almost the love. Almost the respect.

We over-explain, over-deliver, and under-receive.

That ends now. You are not a beggar at your own table.

What “Crumbs” Look Like

��

Let’s call them out:

At work: “Great job!” with no raise. “Stretch projects” with no promotion path. “We’ll revisit this at your next eval”… while Jon, who started yesterday, already has two promotions.
In relationships: sporadic effort, emotional IOUs, “I’m not ready for labels” after months of access to your heart (and your body).
With yourself: promising rest but cramming in one more thing. Calling it “self-care” when it’s actually self-abandoning.
Financially: apologizing for your rates, discounting before they even ask, waiting for permission to charge your worth.

Why We Accept Crumbs (and how to unlearn it)

��

Scarcity script: “If I let this go, nothing better will come.”
– Reframe: If it slips through your fingers, it wasn’t meant for your hands.
Good girl training: be agreeable, be grateful, be nice.
– Reframe: Being agreeable is not your job description — it’s a cage.
Trauma + loyalty to struggle: love = labor, worth = sacrifice.
– Reframe: love = presence, worth = being.
Fog of almost: they give just enough to keep you confused.
– Reframe: consistency is clarity; inconsistency is an answer.

The Feast Table Inventory

��

We think of feast season as Thanksgiving or Christmas. But truth? Feast season starts now.

If you wait until the holidays to “celebrate,” you’ll roll into them stressed and starving. A true feast isn’t just food — it’s your mental, emotional, and spiritual table being prepared long before the turkey hits the oven.

That’s what September is for: training yourself to set boundaries, decide what you will and won’t accept, and claim your seat before the season even begins.

On My Table This Fall: clarity, courage, community, joy, rest, abundance.
Off My Table This Fall: confusion, inconsistency, excuses, scarcity, crumbs.

Your table is sacred. You decide what gets served.

The Feast Manifesto ��

Say it with me, bold and loud:

I am not grateful for crumbs.
I am worthy of consistency, clarity, and care.
I don’t beg for access — I build rooms.
I don’t chase — I choose.
My peace is not negotiable.
I am the feast.

Print it. Repeat it. Live it.

Closing Out September — The Feast Awaits ��

September has been the harvest. It revealed the crumbs you’ve been tolerating and dared you to clear your table. You’ve raised the standards. And here’s the truth: crumbs will never satisfy a Queen who was built for the feast.

Now October is knocking — and I’m walking into it unapologetic, abundant, and on fire. �� And yes, I’ll be taking the first week off to celebrate my birthday �� because even Queens rest, reset, and revel in their glow.

Stop begging for crumbs. Celebrate the feast. Step into October with your head high and your standards higher.

I’ll see you all in October — full, fierce, and ready for more. The feast is waiting; and Queens — so are we. ✨��✨

Crowned in Quiet

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 02:15:02 GMT

Why You Don’t Need the Applause ��

Another Virgo week sweeps by and a happy full second week of September!

Confession: I had to double-check my calendar because, whew, this Midwest heat had me lost in the sauce ��. And let me be real with you — I caught myself wishing my days away just to fast-forward into cooler fall weather ��.

Yes, me. The same woman who preaches don’t wish your life away and be present. And yet, here I was, secretly praying for pumpkin-spice breezes ☕�� while sweating through late-summer chaos. Why? Because my air conditioner was broken!

When the weather cooled off for a week in late August, silly me thought summer had finally packed her bags. Oh, how wrong I was. The heat came back like an uninvited ex, loud & annoying, and I was over it.

But now that my air conditioner is officially back in cool mode, I’m back to being present. No more skipping over Virgo season — even though Libra season is around the corner (fair warning: I will not shut up about it ♎).

And with this cool air flowing, September holds another milestone for me: three years in business! ��.

Three Years, Three Very Different Lessons

Let me break it down:

Year One : adrenaline + excitement! Everyone’s curious, cheering, watching ��.

Year Two : reality sets in. The noise quiets. The validation slows.

Year Three : the applause doesn’t sustain you. Discipline and belief in yourself do.

Here’s the truth nobody glamorizes: silence is the real test. Can you keep showing up when nobody’s watching?

What I Thought vs. What Really Happened

When I launched Your Own Pathway, I was sure I’d stay in therapy long-term. But by year two, I knew I had outgrown what felt familiar. I was scared of the unknown, but I also knew the known was keeping me small.

So I leapt. I started my YouTube channel. ��️ I launched my podcast. I did the very things that once made me cringe.

And in my wildest fantasies (not those kinds of fantasies ��), I imagined I’d be viral by now, cashing YouTube checks �� while sipping espresso in Dubai ��️. Instead? Some days my analytics barely crack one view. A single like feels like fireworks.

I don’t share this for pity. I share it because it’s real. Because maybe you’re there too.

The Test of Silence

Here’s what silence has taught me:

Anyone can shine in the spotlight ✨. Silence asks if you can shine in the dark .
Anyone can rise with applause ��. Silence asks if you can rise with none.
Anyone can keep going when success is visible ��. Silence asks if you’ll keep going when success feels invisible.
Silence isn’t failure. It’s your training ground. It’s where resilience is forged, where self-doubt wrestles with discipline, and where you discover what you’re really made of.

Why? because building something real takes time.

Here’s the hard truth:

✨ Anything can go viral.
✨ Anyone can build fast and flashy.
✨ But the faster you rise, the faster it crumbles.

If you want to build something real, you have to be willing to move slow. To let the silence stretch you, refine you, and anchor you.

�� What grows slow, grows strong.
�� What takes time, takes root.
�� What’s built in silence can’t be shaken by noise.

This is what three years of Your Own Pathway has taught me: fast is easy, slow is foundational.

Empowerment Without Applause

Three years in, silence has been my greatest teacher. And here’s what I know now:

Applause is fleeting. Purpose is forever.
Likes come and go. Consistency compounds.
Validation is seasonal. Self-trust is eternal .
Every time I showed up in silence, I wasn’t just building a business — I was building me.

Acceptance as the Anchor

Silence has also taught me acceptance:

✔ I’m not behind ⏳.
✔ My path will never look like anyone else’s ��️.
✔ The right people + opportunities arrive in alignment ✨ — not panic ��.

Acceptance doesn’t mean settling. It means releasing shame, timelines, and comparison. It means honoring your path without apology .

✨ Three years in, I’ve learned this:

I don’t need the crown handed to me — I forged it in silence. ��
I don’t need the spotlight — I am the fire that lights the room. ��
I don’t need the applause — I am the drumbeat that keeps me moving. ��

✨Here’s the truth: silence was never your weakness — it was your sharpening ground.

Now, I want to be clear: this isn’t about dismissing anyone who found success quickly or overnight. ✨ If that’s their story, celebrate it. Their path is theirs — and that’s beautiful.

But here’s where the danger lies: when we compare our slow, steady journey to someone else’s highlight reel. When we decide our silence must mean we’re failing, or that applause equals worth.

The truth? Success wears many faces. Some paths come fast. Others take time. Neither is better — but comparison will rob you blind of your own joy, your own growth, your own crown.

And that’s where the real strength lives: in showing up without the applause, in trusting the timing of your own path, in honoring the foundation you’re building even when it feels invisible. ✨

Because true power isn’t proven by the noise around you — it’s crowned in the silence within you.

Darlings, remember this: Queens don’t wait to be chosen. They rise — and become the crown. And the crown? It never asks for permission. ��

Why You Must Be Elitist

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 00:14:09 GMT

No Apologies, No Compromises: The Case for Being Elitist ✨

Happy September and Happy Birthday to my Virgo babes! ♍✨

I’m back to work this week, and I won’t lie — I missed it. But I also gave myself permission to ease back in. Because let’s be real: I no longer like to rush into work. And while not everyone has that luxury, I’m both thankful and blessed that I do.

So tell me — how did the first week of September go for you? Most of us had that long Labor Day weekend, and here in Minnesota, students headed back to school right after. A few of my family members came back from the holiday saying, “It’s been a long week!!” And honestly? I can only imagine.

Meanwhile, I spent my week relaxing, catching up on priorities I’d been putting off, and letting myself enjoy it instead of rushing through. I went to a networking/social gathering event that aligned with my purpose, and I also escaped to a cabin by the lake. Peaceful. Cozy. Very “fall girl at the lake” vibes. ��

Virgo Season Energy ♍

I love the “-ber” months — September, October, November, December — they just feel different. And September? It carries a sharp, refreshing energy.

I recently went to an event hosted by a fabulous friend where we celebrated Virgo season and reflected on how this season is all about going within.

Now, y’all know I’m a Libra baby (because I shout it all the time), but I also have lots of Virgo in me. Virgo �� baby here! Once I learned that, I was like… damn. Suddenly all my “I’m in my head” tendencies made sense. (Also, Kylie Minogue’s Can’t Get You Out of My Head is literally playing in my brain right now ��).

And listen — Virgo energy is a blessing and a challenge. On one hand, it makes us precise, thoughtful, and deeply intentional. On the other, it can tip into judgmental, perfectionist, second-guessing energy that keeps us from just going for it.

I’ve also been told more than once that I can come across as “bossy” or “elitist.” OOOFF! At first, I was like, hold up — I’m not snobby or arrogant! But during my week off, I shared this with a women’s group, and they reframed it beautifully for me. They said: “Being elitist isn’t negative. It’s about having standards, raising the bar, and refusing to apologize for it.”

And you know what? They’re right.

Why Be “Elitist”?

The September air sharpens, routines reset, and Virgo reminds us to refine, edit, and level up. This isn’t about starting over — it’s about stepping higher.

So let’s reclaim this word. “Elitist” doesn’t mean arrogant. It doesn’t mean superior. It means being unapologetically discerning with your time, your energy, your circle, and your standards.

Ladies, the truth is: when you’re forging your own path, you can’t afford to play small. You can’t afford to keep lowering the bar just to make everyone else comfortable.

Being “elitist” is about protecting what matters most — your vision, your energy, and your future. And if you’re not protective, then everyone and everything will think they have a right to YOU.

But when you’re ELITE? The riff-raff, the unhealed, the boundaryless, the low-standard chaos people — they don’t even dare approach you. Your aura screams NO BS allowed. And that’s exactly the energy we’re stepping into this season.

Here’s Why You Have to Embrace Being ELITE if You’re Serious About Forging Your Path ��

✨ Elitism as Energy Protection
Your path requires focus, clarity, and fuel. If you’re giving your energy away to distractions, gossip, or people who don’t get it, you’re leaking power. Being elitist here means saying: Not everyone gets access to me. My energy is not free. My presence is earned. Only the BEST of the BEST, babes — and say it louder for the people in the back!

✨ Elitism as Standard-Setting
September is the reset button. Virgo thrives on detail and excellence. So why would you accept half-hearted effort, broken promises, or crumbs? Being elitist is deciding: Average won’t cut it. Breadcrumbs are canceled. Bare minimum is out. Your dreams now demand effort and excellence.

✨ Elitism as Self-Respect
We’ve been conditioned to be everything for everyone. But hear me: you’re not for everybody — and that’s the whole damn point. Diluting yourself to please the crowd robs you of the very fire that makes you unstoppable. Elitism means honoring your worth and saying: I don’t lower my standards to belong. I rise higher to honor myself.

✨ Elitism as Zero Tolerance for Bullshit
Let’s be blunt: being elitist means you don’t mess around with BS. No empty conversations, no performative friendships, no draining spaces. People will call you “difficult” or “elitist” when you stop tolerating excuses and chaos. But in reality? You’re just crystal clear. You know who you are. You know what you want. And you refuse to apologize for it. Amen to that, darling.

✨ Elitism as Legacy Building
Forging your path isn’t just about you. It’s about the ripple effect — the people who will walk through the doors you’re building today. Legacy requires standards. Legacy requires refusing crumbs. Legacy demands excellence even when no one’s watching. You’re breaking the mold and writing the blueprint for those who follow.

✨ Elitism as Boundary Mastery
When you raise your standards, you will be tested. People will question your choices, push your limits, and try to guilt you back into playing small. Elitism means standing tall and saying: This is my boundary. It’s not negotiable. Boundaries aren’t walls — they’re the architecture that keeps your path intact.

✨ Elitism as Alignment
When you treat your energy as elite, you naturally align with elite opportunities, partnerships, and results. The universe responds to the standards you set. If you’re casual, you’ll attract casual. If you’re intentional, refined, and unapologetic? You’ll attract doors meant only for the bold.

As September and Virgo season demand refinement and reset, this is your invitation to be “elitist.” Not because you’re better than others — but because your future deserves nothing less than your best.

Babes, when forging your own path, you don’t need universal approval. You need loyalty to yourself.

Be elitist about your standards.
Be elitist about your energy.
Be elitist about your circle.

Because your feast doesn’t require crumbs — it requires courage.

The courage to walk away from what no longer serves you.
The courage to demand more when the world tells you to settle.
The courage to be called “elitist” — and wear it as a crown. ��

You weren’t born to nibble scraps or fight for leftovers. Nope. You were born to build the table, decide who sits at it, and serve a vision worthy of your future.

So stop apologizing. Stop shrinking. Stop explaining yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you.

Your path is yours alone. And the moment you claim it with elite standards, unapologetic boundaries, and zero tolerance for bullshit — you step into the power you were always meant to carry.

That’s not elitism. That’s self-mastery. And it’s the only way forward. ��

How to Make Peace With Endings

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 01:23:34 GMT

Seasons Change: Endings, Beginnings, and a Bold NEW LIFE ��

Hey MY LOVES! ��

We are officially in the last week of August and well into Virgo season! ♍�� Happy Birthday to all the Virgos—the ones who bring order to chaos, precision to the mess, and power to the details.

I don’t know about you, but I can feel a shift in the air. Not just outside—where the heat has finally eased and the breeze feels different—but inside too. It’s that quiet reminder that one season is closing, and another is waiting to begin.

For me, there’s something about the end of August that stirs the soul. The air feels different, the days grow shorter, and endings can no longer be ignored. Maybe it’s the closing of summer, but I know this season invites us to pause—rest, reflect, and get brutally honest with ourselves about what we truly want moving forward.

�� To all the parents and students—whether you’re prepping for back-to-school or already knee-deep in it—I salute you.

I haven’t been in high school in over twenty years (and college almost as long), yet I still have back-to-school nightmares. The latest? Forgetting to take the ACT and realizing I didn’t have enough credits to graduate. Clearly, school trauma comes with a lifetime warranty. ��

�� As many of my long-time readers know, it’s been a year since I returned from Bali. Last August marked a turning point—the moment I understood that letting go was the only way to welcome in something greater.

And yes, it hurt. Letting go always does. But beneath the ache, I knew: to rise higher, I had to clear the weight I carried. I had to release people, jobs, habits, and patterns that kept me small.

What emerged was a deep soul-cleansing—one that rooted me, centered me, and called me back to my integrity. Because only when we create space can life pour in what was meant for us all along.

A year later, I can say with truth in my heart—this is the happiest I have ever been. The growing pains, the uncertainty, even the guilt I once carried have softened into something greater. They’ve become strength, resilience, boundaries, and a steady center that grounds me.

The doubts that once crushed me, the fears that once kept me silent—I’ve turned them into fire. I alchemize every ounce of that pain into power, into boldness, into the unstoppable energy to OWN IT.

�� August, Endings, and the Ache of Goodbye

There are always seasons—seasons of change, of love, of growth, of hellos and goodbyes. Each of us carries our own rhythm, our own cycles that mirror those shifts. For me, August has always been the season of endings.

Maybe it’s because I’m a fall baby (Libra babe through and through), but August whispers closure. It reminds me to say, “thank you, it was beautiful… but it’s time to let go and move on.” (�� And yes, I hear Exposé’s Seasons Change as I write this).

The ending of August carries its own ache—the sting of goodbyes, the discomfort of change, the quiet grief of closing another book. Yet, within that pain, there is beauty. Endings carve space for beginnings. They hold the invitation to step into what’s next.

�� The Truth About Endings

And let’s be real: endings hurt. They’re not tidy goodbyes. They can feel like rejection, loss, or like something was ripped from your hands before you were ready. We fight them because we crave control. We cling because we don’t want to lose what once gave us comfort.

But here’s the truth no one tells you: endings are not punishment. Endings are portals. They force you to stop, to shed, to release—so you can walk into something greater. What feels like loss is often the doorway to alignment, power, and the life you’ve been craving.

So, how do we make peace with the goodbyes? You can start by acknowledging the following:

�� Name the Ending Honestly

Stop sugarcoating it. Stop pretending you’re fine. Say it out loud: “This is ending. I didn’t choose it, but it’s real.” Truth is the first crack in the wall of denial. And once the wall breaks, the light gets in. That’s when healing begins. That’s when you reclaim your power—because the moment you stop fighting the truth, you start creating space for what’s next.

�� Honor What Was

Even if it ended painfully, it mattered. That season shaped you. That person taught you. That dream carried you this far.

Honor it. Journal, light a candle, write a goodbye letter, plant a seed. Give your nervous system a ritual to mark the shift.

Because when you honor what was, you release it with grace instead of clinging with fear. You close that book with dignity, knowing it served its purpose. And in that honoring, you make space for what is to come—stronger, lighter, and more aligned with who you are becoming.

�� Let Grief Be Your Teacher

Grief is not a weakness. Grief is evidence that your heart was open. Feel it. Cry, rage, sit in silence. Peace doesn’t come by bypassing pain—it comes by walking through it.

Grief carves us out, hollowing spaces we didn’t know existed—but those spaces become room for deeper love, compassion, and wisdom. Let it strip away what no longer serves you. Let it reveal what truly matters. Because when you let grief be your teacher, you don’t just survive the ending—you emerge reshaped, renewed, and more fully alive.

�� Release the Illusion of Control

Some endings you didn’t see coming. Some you fought with everything in you to prevent. And yet, here you are. Repeat this to yourself: “It’s not mine to control anymore. But it is mine to transform.”

That’s the turning point—when you stop clinging and start creating. When you stop asking “Why me?” and start asking “What now?” Endings may not be your choice, but the rebirth is. The power lies in how you shape the ashes into something new, something truer, something that finally belongs to you.

�� Redefine the Ending

This isn’t the end of you—it’s the end of a book. Winter makes space for spring. What feels like collapse is often the soil being tilled for new roots.

Endings are not your undoing—they are your becoming. The slammed door wasn’t rejection—it was redirection. The silence, the unraveling—it’s not proof you failed. It’s proof you’re being prepared. Because every ending is also an opening, every goodbye is a seed, and every closure is the start of a more powerful beginning.

�� Carry Wisdom, Not Weight

Ask yourself: “What deserves to come with me? And what needs to stay buried here?” Don’t drag the ashes into your next season. Carry the fire.

Carry the lessons, the strength, the clarity that pain carved into you—but leave behind the heaviness, the guilt, the versions of you that no longer fit. Step forward lighter, brighter, sharper. Because wisdom is the flame that will guide you into what’s next.

�� Darlings, you don’t have to love the ending to make peace with it. Peace doesn’t mean erasing the pain. It means loosening its grip. It means walking forward unchained.

As August turns, life reminds us that nothing lasts forever. But remember this: endings are not the closing of your story—they are the sharpening of your edge.

So what do bold-ass women do? They step into what’s next. They rise. They reign.

The ending is only proof that you’re alive, evolving, and unstoppable. You were never meant to stay the same—you were meant to grow, to rise, to shed what no longer fits, and to claim what’s waiting for you.

Every ending isn’t the close of your story—it’s the declaration that a greater one is ready to be written.

So step forward with power. Ignite the page. OWN IT.

This is your rise. Your reign. Your moment. GET IT QUEENS! ��

Fear is Where the Wealth Is

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 21:14:59 GMT

Turn Fear Into Power, Purpose, and Prosperity��

Hey! Hey, Darlings!

Happy third week of August! Can you believe we’re about to say goodbye to fiery Leo ♌️ season (love you, my bold Leos ��) and slide into Virgo ♍️ season (hello grounded queens ��)? I’m a Virgo �� so I’m feeling the feels!

I swear, I’ve been feeling the shift deep in my bones — more introspection, more clarity. And let me tell you: your girl needs water. Like literally, a body of water. �� Because nothing calms my soul and clears my mind like the rhythm of waves washing against the shore — steady, grounding, and reminding me to breathe. ��️

Now, I know many of you are parents. So let me ask: has this summer ☀️ felt endless, or did it flash by in the blink of an eye? Are you secretly ready for your kids to get back to school and into their routines? ��✏️

As for me, I’ve been sweating it out in this hot, humid, muggy, smoke-filled Midwest mess — and YES, I am absolutely ready for crisp, cozy FALL vibes ��. And when I say crisp, I don’t mean “bundle-up-it’s-45-degrees.” No, honey. I mean that perfect 60–65°, windows open, cool breeze flowing through your home ��️, and a hot drink in your hand with a blanket to embrace you.

Speaking of drinks… I caved. Pumpkin spice coffee is in my kitchen right now ��☕️. Judge me if you want, but I’m already manifesting Fall ��. (And yes, I said it: Yum!)

But here’s the truth, darlings — while I’ve been sipping pumpkin spice and fanning myself, I’ve also been doing some serious soul-work. ✨

�� Facing Fear Out Loud ��

I’m going to own it right here: I have fears. Real ones.

Fears like:

Will people think this topic is “too much”?
Do I sound foolish?
Is what I’m saying “too political” or “too anti-men” because I’m calling out women’s struggles?

And when those fears creep in, I always come back to my WHY. ��

The truth? I’m not anti-men. I’m anti-systems that privilege men at the expense of women. I’m anti “it’s always been this way” excuses that keep women silenced, shamed, and stuck. That’s why I do this work. To crack open the old narratives and demand better — for us, for our daughters, for every woman trying to own her power. ��

And the only way to break through? Fear.

Because fear is where the wealth is. ��

�� Why Fear Is Your Secret Treasure Map ��

Fear Here’s the truth: fear isn’t here to paralyze you — it’s here to point you toward the exact spot where your treasure is buried.

Why is FEAR where all the �� is Hidden: Read ⬇️

�� Fear Marks the Edge of Your Comfort Zone.
If you’re afraid, it means you’re on the edge of something new. Wealth doesn’t live in the safe middle. It grows at the edge — right where your knees shake and your heart races. ��

�� Fear Keeps Most People Out.
The very thing you’re scared to do? Pitching, applying, investing, speaking your truth? Most people never will. Which means beyond that fear? Wide open space — and big opportunities waiting just for you. �� And when you get the opportunities, people will seethe and ask, "How did you do it?"

�� Fear Forces Growth.
You can’t cross fear and stay the same. Fear demands you level up — sharpen your skills, expand your mindset, and step into your bigger self. �� That growth is compounding wealth and gaining interest baby.

�� Fear Only Shows Up for High Stakes.
You don’t feel fear ordering coffee (unless oat milk terrifies you ��). You feel it when it matters. When there’s something powerful at stake — influence, freedom, fulfillment. Fear is the price of admission to the life you want. If you're willing to take the gamble.

�� Fear Points to Desire.
Often, we fear the thing we want the most. The deeper the desire, the louder the fear. Which means? Fear is proof you’re chasing what your soul actually craves. ��

�� The Final Truth ��

Fear isn’t the enemy — it’s the invitation. The velvet-rope bouncer at the VIP door ��✨ of the next book of your life.

So, my darlings, the next time fear taps you on the shoulder? Don’t shrink. Don’t whisper. Don’t look away. Stand tall, lean in, and say: “Hell yes.” ��

Because on the other side? That’s where your wealth is waiting.

The wealth of money. ��
The wealth of freedom. ��️
The wealth of self. ��

And when fear shows up again, let it know you’re not just passing by — you’re here to own the damn room. ��

✨ So stop asking, “What if I fail?”

The real question is: “What if I finally become everything I was meant to be?” ��

BE BOLD. BE FEARLESS. CLAIM YOUR WEALTH; AND THAT CROWN. ��

The Serene Power of the Bold and Fearless

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 02:50:49 GMT

Why the bold and fearless have peace��

Happy full second week of August, loves!

Yes, I had to double-check my own calendar because somehow, we’re already halfway through Leo season. Can you believe it?

So, how was your weekend?

Mine? Let’s just say it was a sugar-fueled marathon of �� — cake and kiddos galore. Another round of Leo birthday madness — four down, one to go. Send coffee. ☕️

And yet, in between the balloons, frosting, and laughter, I felt it — summer quietly slipping away. The kids are already groaning about back-to-school; my family members in education are heading back to work, and I’m over here realizing… Leo season is winding down.

Why this feeling? For me, Leo season is never just about birthdays or sunshine — it’s always been my season of transformation .

Three years ago, in August, I decided to burn the safety net and launch my own business. By September, I was fully in my private practice.
Last year, fresh from Bali, I had one of the biggest internal shifts of my life — I shed a version of myself that was keeping me small. I stepped into alignment, decided to OWN IT, dared to walk my own path and haven't looked back!

This past year? Whew.

Girl! It’s been bold, messy, and wildly unpredictable — just how growth loves to show up. For someone like me who used to cling to control and certainty, learning to surrender has been the hardest lesson. But here’s the magic:

By leaning into boldness and fearlessness, I’ve stumbled right into something unexpected… peace .

Bold, Fearless… and at Peace? ��

I know — it sounds counterintuitive. We think of “bold and fearless” as loud, rebellious, and maybe a little unruly. But here’s the truth:

When you stop shrinking, stop apologizing for existing, and start taking up the space you deserve — that’s when peace walks in like, “Hey, finally. Are you ready for me?” Hell YEAH! I am!

The peace of the bold and fearless doesn’t come from the absence of challenges. It’s born in the fire ��— in the moments when you choose yourself over fear, truth over comfort, and alignment over approval.

Let’s get right into how the Bold and Fearless OWN Their Peace:

Embracing Reality — No Escaping
The fearless don’t run from discomfort. They know growth lives outside the comfort zone, and that acceptance reduces anxiety. No obsessing over the “what ifs” — they stay present, focused, and adaptable. Damn right. Accept, surrender, and show up even when there is no applause. YOU GOT YOURSELF BABE. ��

Living Authentically
The bold live in alignment with their values and truth. They don’t contort themselves to fit someone else’s expectations. That’s how self-trust grows, and self-trust is where inner harmony lives. They kick made up boxes to the curb and create and check their own boxes of life. ✅

Resilience as a Lifestyle
Setbacks? Please. To the bold, they’re just plot twists. Every stumble is a lesson, every obstacle a challenge to solve. They don’t get weighed down — they get strategic and march forward until they find a solution. Resilence and patience become their biggest superpower. ��

Boundaries, Boundaries, Baby
Oh yes, my favorite B-word. The bold protect their peace by drawing firm boundaries, keeping negativity out, and letting only the real ones in. That’s how they create a life that feels as good as it looks. Once they have their peace, you can bet that they protect that peace at all cost! No riff rats and street rats with unhealed wounds and trauma to come cause chaos! ��

Ladies — the peace of the bold and fearless isn’t quiet because it’s weak. It’s quiet because it’s rooted . Unshaken. Untouchable. It doesn’t beg for permission, it doesn’t crave validation. Once a decision is made, it’s done. No second-guessing, no explaining, no apologizing — just a woman standing firm in her truth, at absolute peace with her choice.

You think being bold and fearless means being loud and in-your-face? Wrong. Boldness doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s pure, unapologetic stillness — sitting tall, locked in, with that unbothered smile that says, “I know exactly who I am… and nothing’s moving me.” YES Queen!

So, my loves — BE BOLD. BE FEARLESS. BE AT PEACE. And never forget… you are the storm and the calm after it. You’ve always had this. ��

Don’t Let Them Stomp On Your Garden!

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 22:04:28 GMT

Protecting Your Growth, Peace, and Purpose ��

Happy first week of August!

My oh my! We are officially in the eighth month of the year already and of course, it’s Leo Season! Happy Birthday to

all my fiery and bold Leos! ♌️��

As I mentioned before in my previous blog, I’ve got the most Leos in my family and it’s been lots of ��. It’s especially fun with all the kiddos that I have in the family and quite honestly, I love all the cake. Strangely, I used to be so conscious about eating cake. Now? IDGAF. For me now, it’s all about moderation and enjoying myself. Life is too short to deprive myself of joy!

My last two weeks have been interesting! In the last week of July, we celebrated and had a graduation party for my oldest nephew. Of course, that weekend was hotter than hades. It reminded me of our cabin trip when we, of course, went on the hottest weekend in June. Both weekends were in the mid 90’s. Yuck!

We’ve also unfortunately also inherited the smoke from the forest fires from Canada, which has really impacted our air quality here in the upper midwest. I think this along with the busy and productive weeks I’ve had, contributed to me having a sore throat, made it difficult for me to speak, and also which limited my energy. I made the decision last week to give myself permission to rest because again, I’ve learned the hard way of what happens to me when I don’t rest!

During the last weekend of July, my parents came up to help prepare for the graduation party. Like a typical Hmong mother who gardens, she brought all the nourishment from her garden to feed not only her kids but to also share with others. Her garden is plentiful and full of bloom. She cherishes her garden like her other babies (she also raises chickens). She loves it, waters it, and nourishes it daily.

I remember as a child when I was forced to go help her garden, she would always be disappointed when I accidentally stepped on her baby plants or when I accidentally mistaken one of her vegetable plants for a weed. As a child, I would shrug and say “it’s just a plant.”

Ooof! Girl, was I wrong! Now, as an adult, I understand why she cherished all of her plants so much. To my mother, her garden was sacred. It was where she dug up the dirt, planted the seeds, watched it bloom, and the life fed and nourished her family. There is soul in her garden and to witness life be taken for granted, can be disappointing.

You’ve probably guessed by now that a garden is a metaphor for life. How a garden is full of life and soul. You give it love, light, and water to ensure that it blossoms to its full potential. But you also have to be careful who you invite to your garden. Like the unintentional careless child I was, I accidentally stomped on my mother’s garden. In response, she was disappointed but also taught me to be careful and to learn the difference between a plant and a weed as both mirrored each other to confuse me.

Ladies, the unfortunate truth is, there comes a time in your growth when you realize: not everyone deserves access to your garden. Some will “accidentally” stomp in your garden and others will intentionally sabotage the fruits of your labor.

Your garden, which is your peace, your energy, your healing, your ideas, your progress — is sacred. And just like a real garden, it takes time, patience, intention, and care to cultivate. You water it with hard-earned lessons. You pull the weeds of self-doubt and fear. You plant seeds of purpose, possibility, and truth.

And then… someone walks through without wiping their feet.

They criticize what you're growing. They question your process. They offer “feedback” rooted in insecurity. Or worse — they try to convince you that your garden isn’t worth protecting at all.

But here’s the truth:

Not everyone deserves front-row access to your evolution.

First, let’s understand why we allow people in our garden in the first place:

Why We Let People Stomp Around

Sometimes we confuse being kind with being unguarded.
We want to be seen, heard, understood. So we let people into our inner space — even when they haven’t earned the right to be there.
We allow old patterns, unhealed people, or toxic energies to dictate what blooms and what withers. But letting someone trample your garden doesn’t make you generous — it makes you disconnected from your boundaries.

Secondly,

Your Growth Deserves Protection

Growth isn’t just about pushing forward. It’s also about discerning what needs to be shielded from harm.

Think about it:
You wouldn’t leave the gates of a real garden wide open and invite anyone to walk through. You’d be selective. You’d know the value of what you’re tending.

Now, let’s move onto why you need to protect your garden and how you can prevent others from stomping on your garden:

Know What Your Garden Is: Before you can protect your garden, you have to define what it includes: Is it your peace of mind? Your healing and growth?
Your energy, values, and priorities? Your time and boundaries? Your dreams, projects, and creative work? You have to get clarity about what consists of your garden. Once you're clear on what matters most, you’ll be more aware when something (or someone) threatens it.
Build Clear Boundaries: Yep! My favorite B word! We cannot have a weekly blog that does not discuss the B word. Why? Because a garden without a gate is open to all kinds of damage. You’ll likely have uninvited people and all sorts of creatures that will have access to your garden. The same goes for your personal space. It’s essential to set boundaries around your time, energy, and emotional availability. If someone consistently leaves you feeling drained, disrespected, or doubting yourself — that’s a sign.

��A reminder, boundaries don’t have to be confrontational. They can sound like:

“I’m not available for that kind of conversation.”
“I’m focusing on things that bring me peace right now.”
“That doesn’t align with where I’m headed.”

Stop Giving Unqualified People Access: Here’s the reality: Not everyone deserves front-row access to your evolution! So be intentional about who you let into your sacred space — especially during times of growth or healing.

Having difficulty deciding who gets access and who doesn't?

✨Ask YOURSELF:

Do they respect my boundaries?
Do they add value or chaos?
Do I feel safe, supported, or inspired around them?

If not, it may be time to move them outside the gate and LOCK IT.

Clean Up Internalized Footprints: Sometimes, the people who stomped on your garden left behind more than damage — they left doubt, shame, or fear. But don’t let those dirty, muddy, footprints sear your soul.

��Healing means:

Unlearning the lies they planted.
Reaffirming your right to take up space, change, and grow.
Replacing criticism with compassion.
Weed out what no longer belongs. Replant what feels true to you.

Speak Up, Even When It's Uncomfortable: A big part of protecting your garden is learning how to say:

��“That hurt me.”

☘️“This doesn’t work for me anymore.”

��“I need space.”

✨Silence often invites repeat behavior. But clarity creates freedom — for both you and them.

Remember: This Is Your Garden ��

You are not required to let everyone walk through it.
You are not “mean” for having standards.
You are not difficult for having needs.

You’re allowed to:

Say NO.
Lock the gate.
Take up space.
Redesign what’s planted.

Darling, you are the gardener, not the groundskeeper for other people’s mess. Remember that!

There you go Babes. A final reminder, stopping people from stomping on your garden starts with believing it’s worth protecting. You have to believe that the life you are seeding and growing is worth it! If you don’t, you’re opening the gate wide open to have it be stomped on.

�� Ladies, your garden is the most sacred space. This is where you are growing into your truest self — ONE BOUNDARY, ONE SEED, ONE BLOOM AT AT TIME. With LIGHT, LOVE, AND WATER-IT WILL RISE, BE ROOTED, AND BE RADIANT. SO, PROTECT YOUR GARDEN MY LOVES. ��

Take a Bow

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 01:26:08 GMT

You're DONE Playing a Role ��

Hey hey! Another week zooms by, and just like that — Cancer season is behind us and we’ve officially stepped into Leo Season! ♌️��

Happy Birthday to all the bold, radiant Leos out there!

This time of year is always lively in my family — we’ve got five birthdays to celebrate during Leo season alone! And yes, they bring all the fire. Three of them are kids, so you can imagine the energy — loud, proud, and full of life. They don’t just embrace their inner fire... they let it blaze!

Leo season is a powerful reminder to take up space, own your light, and lead with heart. Let’s roar into this next chapter with boldness and joy. ��

It’s been a very productive week. I almost debated about putting out this week’s blog but I started drinking a diet coke and then suddenly, I have all this pent up energy! I’ve been productive in recording my youtube episodes, busy with Cadre (a Mental Health App that I do content for), and I also started learning to add music to my youtube episodes! I am not going to downplay this achievement because as someone who is not into technology, learning how to do all of this, is a HUGE step for me.

I hope you’ve all had a chance to read my previous blogs. Again, if not, no worries! They’re always there as a resource for you whenever you feel stuck, stagnant, judged, shamed, lost, or just need positive reminders.

Of late, my blogs have really focused on resetting and unlearning so much shit that society, parents/family, and religion, have taught us that we need to tolerate, ignore, and accept. As you all will hear me say, F That!

You know what else I’m saying F that to?

The script I never auditioned for — and the role I never chose. As a young girl, I was handed a script and told this was who I had to be. That I couldn’t change. That I couldn’t grow. That I had to keep performing a role that no longer fit me.

Even when I outgrew the character.
Even when the storyline felt suffocating.
Even when I was ready to evolve.

But here’s the truth: I’m not here to keep acting in a play that was never mine. I’m here to write a new one — on my terms.

And the moment I dared to want more — to try on new roles, to evolve, to dream beyond what was assigned to me — I was called ungrateful. Selfish. Like I thought I was better for wanting different.

But here’s the truth:
I’m not here to shrink to fit the version of me that made others comfortable.

I’m not playing that role anymore.

I’m taking a deep bow, blowing kisses to the crowd, and walking proudly off that stage as the curtains close; because the next act? I’m writing it myself and I certainly don’t need permission to evolve.

As you can probably tell, this isn’t about a stage play — it’s about life. It’s about forging your own path, even when others insist that the one they designed for you is safer, smarter, and the only way to find happiness.

At first, you believe them — and why wouldn’t you? They’re your parents, teachers, friends, mentors, and spiritual guides. People you’ve trusted your whole life.But over time, you start to feel the cost of living a life written by someone else.

But as you continue down that path, you begin to see it for what it truly is — a path designed not to help you grow, but to keep you small. It was never about your freedom or flourishing. It was about control. You were expected to stay in line — their line — to speak the lines they wrote for you, and to perform the role they assigned. Somewhere along the way, they cast themselves as your director, without ever asking if you wanted the part.

Darlings, there comes a moment when you realize the role you’ve been playing isn’t yours anymore—or maybe, it never was.

You’ve memorized the lines. Hit your marks. Smiled on cue. Done everything the script demanded. But deep down, you know:

This isn’t your story. And it’s time to leave the stage.

So how do you bow out of the performance you were never meant to star in, and start forging your own path?

Let’s toss the old script. You’re the writer now — let’s begin your own play:

Acknowledge You’re in a Play: The truth can hurt and the first step is seeing it: you’ve been performing. You’ve been:
Performing for approval.
Performing for safety.
Performing for an identity that others handed you.

Maybe it’s the “good daughter,” “perfect employee,” “strong one,” or “selfless woman.” These roles may have kept you protected or accepted—but they’re not you . As much as it hurts, it begins with awareness and acknowledgement.

Ask: Who Wrote This Script?: Some scripts are sooo badly written that you’re wondering “who the hell wrote this?” Most of us are living out expectations handed to us by family, culture, patriarchy, or fear. Whose voice told you that success must look like exhaustion? That love means sacrificing your needs? That worth is earned by overgiving? It’s time to stop rehearsing lines that don’t belong to you.

Give Yourself Permission to Exit the Stage: You’re done acting and you don’t owe anyone a performance that costs you your peace. You’re allowed to walk away from:

✨Roles that suffocate you

✨Narratives that never fit

✨Expectations that drain your soul

Let them gasp in shock. Let them question. Let them talk. You’re not here to entertain—you’re here to embody your truth as you walk away.

Forge a New Path Without Needing a Script: Leaving the play feels scary — because it means stepping into the unknown. You’ve spent so much of your life memorizing lines, rehearsing roles, and repeating scripts that were handed to you. It’s no wonder it feels uncomfortable to improvise. But that is exactly where your power lives. You have:

�� Your truth as your compass

✨Your boundaries as your protection

��️ Your voice as your guide

It’s okay to start small. Say no. Say yes. Change your mind. Change your direction. The path always reveals itself as you walk it.

Choose Your Role—Don’t Settle for a Costume: Costumes are always fun, because you get to change out of them. Now, you are the main character. It’s tot because you’re perfect. Not because you have it all figured out. But because you finally chose yourself.

This time, you write the lines. You direct the scene. You call the curtain; and guess what? You don’t need applause. You need alignment.

Ladies, we always get labeled as “difficult” whenever we challenge, set our boundaries, and say “NO.”

You’re not difficult—you’re just done pretending. You’re not lost—you’re leaving what was never yours.

So bow out. Not with shame, but with self-respect. Don’t do it out of fear, but in fierce self-trust.

And then, walk off that stage and step into your life. The real one. The one you don’t have to perform and carry on the facade to belong.

Because this isn’t just your pathway—it’s your permission slip babe.

So, it’s time to WAVE (OR YOU COULD GIVE THE FINGER) , STEP BOLDY OFF THAT STAGE , and OWN the next book of your life!

TATA DARLINGS! �� 

Stop Chasing What Was Never Meant to Run

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 03:27:50 GMT

And RECLAIM Your Power ��

Another great week to all you fabulous ladies out there. I hope you all had a restful and stayed cool during another hot weekend!

This past weekend was an exhausting weekend. I was on babysitting/auntie duty as we said goodbye to an extended family member who passed away. This person was so young and passed due to health related issues. This is a reminder that we’re not all guaranteed life and to appreciate and cherish each day. My exhaustion was attributed to helping out by babysitting two 2 yr olds and a 3 yr old so their parents can attend and grieve as needed.

Life is so short even though the days can creep by slowly, getting to the weekend seems like an eternity, and the weekends soar in a blink of an eye. We think we have all the time in the world until a life changing event happens that makes us finally slow down and prioritize what is important to us.

It’s really made me reflect on my own life and any regrets that I may have. Last year, I made a promise to myself that I would never say “imagine where you would be if you had only.” That was one intention for 2025 that I promised to make to myself. That I would never wonder and allow my fears, judgement from others, and my own insecurities stop me from doing what I want to do. Even if the outcomes are not what I had hoped for, I would rather have started, know, and be proud that I had enough courage to begin than have regrets.

As a result of this, I started a vlog as part of Your Own Pathway series. I’ve had several people tell me that I should start one. I thought “Me? Ugh! My life is sooo boring!” What can people possibly want to know about me?” But that got me thinking about all my interactions with people personally and professionally. I feel that this blog is almost like my vlog, except all of you get to read my feelings and emotions as I too, forge my own path and OWN IT. I am very honest in my writings, tell it how it is, and have been very open about my journey and the path that I am taking.

Starting a vlog would mean being even more vulnerable by sharing all my struggles on the day to day of being a solo entrepreneur and the personal side of me as a person and why I am so passionate about Your Own Pathway and OWNING IT. Some days it’s showing the side of not OWNING IT and that is part of OWNING IT.

It’s funny how my perspective can change in a few months, weeks, and even days. A big part of my daily ritual is silence, reflection, introspection, in hopes of receiving clarity about all the aspects of my life. One of the biggest Aha moments was when I realized that I have been chasing. Heck, as youngsters we’ve been taught to chase. Chase your dreams, chase what you want, chase and find the love of your life, chase this, chase that, and once you finally get that chase, you’ll be happy!

When I think of chasing, something that suddenly comes to my mind is when a predator is chasing its prey. The predator plans, hides, and waits patiently to startle its prey in hopes of getting a meal. Sometimes, they get their prey and lots of times, they fail, are exhausted, and have to wait and plan again.

I know what you all are thinking, “Poiab! What the hell does that have anything to do with this week’s blog?” Hear me out and let me explain; when you keep chasing and you fail, it becomes EXHAUSTING, which in our human world, that equates to BURNOUT. Like the predator, when you chase, you’re always going to feel and be behind. When you chase, you’re always going to be hustling, be on autopilot, and never BE living in intention. Your nervous system can’t calm down as you’re used to being on the go constantly and surviving. Chasing was exhausting me.

As someone who is used to chasing and surviving, when I decided that I was going to STOP chasing and start living in alignment, I’m not going to lie, it was hella hard. Why? Because it felt lazy. As a chaser and a survivor, laziness is our kryptonite. It felt like I was just sitting around and doing nothing when I could be doing more. I always could be doing more and more and more (see the cycle here?). I could be putting out more content, increasing my views, my subscribers for my Youtube Channel, my email listing for my blog, more networking events, and the list can go on and on. I’m exhausted just writing this.

I had to work on shifting my mindset and embrace that I don’t need to chase what was never meant to run. I’ve been running after things that I didn’t need to chase. I faithfully believe that what is meant to be mine will be mine. If they’re not meant to be, it’s okay to let it go. Any rejection is for my protection and I will always be guided for what is aligned for me.

This week, we’re unpacking what it truly means to stop chasing what was never meant to run — and how doing so is one of the most radical and freeing decisions a woman can make. Most of us have spent years — if not decades — chasing . Chasing love. Chasing closure. Chasing validation. Chasing a job, a title, a relationship, or a version of ourselves that was built to appease others.

But what if the very thing you’ve been chasing was never meant to run in the first place? Here is what happens when you stop chasing what was never meant to run:

You’ve Shifted from Proving to Choosing: You stop running after people, jobs, or spaces that make you earn your worth. You no longer hustle for validation. You stop begging to belong. Instead, you choose what’s in alignment with your values and peace. If you have to chase it, it’s not rooted in reciprocity — it's rooted in imbalance.

You’ve Broken the Cycle of Self-Abandonment: You’re no longer overriding your own needs or ignoring your intuition just to keep a connection alive. You start listening to your gut, honoring your emotions, and protecting your peace. You stop asking, “How can I make this work?” and start asking, “Does this still work for me?” You finally choose YOU; welcome home babe!
. You’ve Released the Need for Closure: So many people chase closure and at some point, you realize that not everything broken needs to be fixed. Not every ending needs an explanation. You stop waiting for someone to give you closure and decide to give it to yourself. Closure isn’t a conversation. It’s a decision.

You’ve Reclaimed Your Power: Stopping the chase means you no longer give your energy to people or situations that don’t pour back into you. You become selective, intentional, and rooted in self-worth. You protect your energy like the sacred resource it is and this resource is part of your everyday currency. Just not anyone gets access to you.

You’ve Moved Into Self-Trust: You no longer believe that effort equals worth. You believe what is meant for you will recognize you, choose you, and root with you without confusion, chaos, or constant pursuit. Remember: what is truly aligned with you will not run from you. It will rise to meet you.

Does this list feel familiar? Almost all the points resonated with me. I’ve been a chaser all my life. No wonder I was so unhappy even though externally and paper-wise, I looked damn good. Once I accomplished the chase, it felt..empty. I was always looking for something to fulfill me and as a result, I chased the wrong titles and people.

Ladies, when you stop chasing what was never meant to run, you stop betraying yourself. You stop shrinking. You stop auditioning. You stop playing a role.

What happens instead? You begin choosing. You begin attracting. You begin healing and start seeing and feeling clarity.

So, if you find that you’re still chasing, this week, give yourself permission to pause, let go, and trust that anything you have to chase was never going to fulfill you anyway.

Darlings, let’s get honest and real here: where in your life have you been chasing that’s already told you it isn’t for you? Are you still trying to convince them or yourself? If so, let’s start reclaiming your energy and redirecting it back towards you. Stop abandoning yourself and come back home hon!

OWNING IT means being real and honest with yourself. As I always say, I’m not here to tell you what to do; this blog and all the work that I put out there is a guide for you to decide what you want to do with the information and resources that are provided for you. My final words are whatever you do, DON’T LOSE YOURSELF IN THE CHASE. COME HOME TO YOUR PATH, REST, AND ALLOW ALIGNMENT TO FIND YOU. ��

Be Better, Not Bitter

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 03:05:56 GMT

Choosing Healing Over Holding On ❤️‍��

Hello to all my Fabulous ladies! How is your second week of July going?

I hope you all had a safe, fun, restful, Fourth of July weekend. I usually get melancholy right after the fourth, because I used to see it as the middle of summer ending. This year, funny enough, I don’t feel sad about the 4th of July passing. I accept it, remind myself to remain and live in the present, and make sure

that I am grateful for each day.

I hope you all had a chance to read last week’s blog called The Audacity to be Free. If not, it’s always available at your convenience. After I finished

writing that blog and re-read what I wrote, it got me thinking about many things in my life and all the encounters that I’ve had and have let go of.

For some reason, the word bitter came into mind. Why? How? I have no idea at first. But as I re-read my blog again, I realized that you can’t have the audacity to be free if you hold onto bitterness. Unfortunately, bitterness will give you another type of audacity but it certainly isn’t free.

Bitterness and audacity come from the same emotional root system: unprocessed pain, unmet needs, and unapologetic truth. Often, bitterness is the seed, and audacity is the bloom.

In my professional career and in my personal experience, I’ve encountered many people who’ve allowed bitterness to control and keep them captive. They’ve allowed the unhealed disappointments to follow them throughout their lives and have chosen to remain a victim of that disappointment.

I’ve seen some really kind, hardworking, people who’ve always done what is “right” turned mean, cynical, and selfish because they believe that the world

treats them unjustly. When I say selfish, I’m talking about the kind that wishes the downfall of others due to hate, misunderstandings, and preaches inequality. That’s not the type of selfishness that I talk about when I empower all of you to be selfish in forging your own path.

Have you ever encountered someone whose goal in life seems to make everyone around them so miserable that it’s difficult to be in their present?

When you meet someone like that, do you think “Damn! What happened to them to make them so damn bitter?”

Everyone’s life and history is different but chances are, the following events may have occurred in that person’s life:

Sacrificed too much and received too little
Been told to be "grateful" instead of being heard
Buried their anger instead of having their boundaries

Betrayal you never got closure from
Being overlooked when you gave your all
Watching others succeed by cutting corners, while you played fair

I used to have this one friend who would call me up anytime someone built a bigger house than hers, be upset when she felt that others “cheated” the system while she played fair, and had to work harder than others. The non-stop complaining got old and I realized that even though she had “everything” from the looks externally, there was a lot of bitterness within her. Needless to say, I had to say sayonara to that relationship because it was draining.

It is so much easier to stay in the bitterness than do something about it. It’s easier, safer, and more comfortable to be angry, resentful, and full of bitterness than to do the work. Because in order to do the work, the biggest truth will need to be acknowledged; and some people can’t handle their own truth.

I talk so much about other people’s bitterness but I also want to be honest and talk about my own bitternesses from the past. As in all human beings, we all feel and sometimes, those feelings include love, hate, anger, joy, etc. It’s also easy to compare yourself and your journey to others, especially when you have NOT done your inner work.

Back in my 20s and 30s, I’ve had bouts of jealousy and insecurity about my path in life. I’ve always thought that other people had it so easy compared to me. I’ve always felt that I’ve had to work harder because nothing came easy to me. I hardly ever passed on the first try and would eventually pass after the second or third attempt. Thus, this often meant that I used a lot more resources and cost to finally obtain my goal.

When I was younger, especially growing up in a Hmong household, many people would feel the need to comment about my weight, looks, and my lack of a spouse (in my early 20s too; lame, I know). Before I knew and understood what boundaries were, I would be upset and grow resentful that other people would dare talk to me this way! When I would discuss this with family and friends,their response would be “Oh it’s just a cultural thing” or “well..,maybe lose weight so you’ll stop getting comments like that.”

Due to staying quiet, small, and making other people comfortable, I became bitter and resentful of those people. However, as I grew older, became more confident, moved into my own apartment and discovered my independence, I realized that I didn’t have to tolerate people’s rude comments, judgements, and beliefs because I realized that they were projecting their own insecurities and bitterness towards me.

The truth is, angry, resentful, bitter people project their own unhappiness to others. Because they didn’t get what they wanted or didn’t know how to deal with that hurt and anger, they lashed out hoping that others would become just like them and share in their misery.

Ladies, you can’t forge your own path in bitterness, unhealed pain, and unprocessed emotions. Those feelings will keep you stuck, stagnant, and you will never be free to live your life on your own terms. Because in order to be free, you have to be truthful and admit that you are in pain.

If you’re still reading and have gotten this far and may still be carrying on your pain, resentment, and it’s eating up a hole inside of you, this week’s blog is for you. As I mentioned earlier, it’s easier to be in pain because letting go and doing the work is hard, really hard, especially if anger, pain, and betrayal is all you know.

This week, we’re talking about a choice many of us are quietly facing behind the scenes: Will I become bitter because of what happened to me? Or will I become better because I chose to grow through it?

Sadly, we’ve all been there. Betrayed. Overlooked. Undervalued. Misunderstood.

Whether it happened in your workplace, your family, or your relationships, the fact is, it hurts; and if we’re not careful, we can let that pain harden us.

Are you ready to let go of being a captive to bitterness and allowing it to define you? If so, keep reading to free yourself from the pain, hurt, and anger from the past.

Bitterness Feels Like Protection—But It’s a Cage

Bitterness tells you:

“Don’t trust again.”
“Close your heart.”
“Stay guarded so you never get hurt again.”
“Play small so you won’t fail.”

But here’s the truth:

Bitterness doesn’t protect your peace. It preserves your pain.

Yes, your feelings are valid. But holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer . Bitterness is a reaction. Healing is a decision.

It’s easy to be bitter when people hurt you and never take accountability. When life didn’t turn out how you thought it would. When you're always the one doing the work, and others seem to coast.

But being bitter doesn’t change the past — it just poisons your present.

Healing, on the other hand, requires you to choose yourself . Over and over again.

It’s choosing to feel the grief so you can release it.
It’s choosing to forgive—not for them, but to set yourself free.
It’s choosing to rise without dragging the past into every new chapter.

Healing isn’t soft. It's a sacred strength.

Choosing healing doesn’t mean you forget, minimize, or excuse.
It means you don’t let what broke become your identity.

✨ To be better, not bitter, means:

You stop rehearsing the betrayal and start rewriting the narrative.
You stop trying to get closure from people who never had the capacity to give it.
You stop abandoning yourself in the name of loyalty to people, stories, or systems that were never loyal to you.

You start showing up for your future — not your old wounds.

�� Being Better Isn’t About Being Perfect—It’s About Choosing Growth

Choosing to be better means:

You still feel the pain—but you don’t become the pain.
You take the lesson without dragging around the weight.
You build emotional muscles, not emotional walls.

Being better means saying: “This moment didn’t break me. It built me.”

I know that at one point in our lives, we’ve all dreamed of having revenge and showing up and off to those who have hurt us. We create elaborate scenarios

in our heads, in which the people who hurt us, will finally show regret and remorse for losing and causing us pain once we leveled up in our journey. Ladies, you can level up but it doesn’t have to be petty, loud, or be based on revenge.

Here’s the truth: You deserve peace more than you deserve revenge.

This is your reminder:
You can be the one who was hurt and still be the one who heals.
You can stop repeating the story and start reclaiming your power.
You don’t have to carry every scar with rage — you can carry them with wisdom.

Darlings, choosing to be better, not bitter, doesn’t mean you forget what happened.
It means you’re finally free enough to move beyond it.

Lastly, Let Yourself Feel First. This entails that being “better,” which doesn’t mean that you are bypassing the emotion. This means honoring the pain without letting it define you. Finally, release what no longer serves you; choose healing; choose peace; and choose YOU. So, let go of the bitterness and BE and LIVE BETTER. ��

The Audacity to Be Free

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 02:48:56 GMT

How a Woman Can Embrace Living a Free Life ��

Hello my FABULOUS Ladies! Happy July and happy Independence Day week! It is great to be back!

First, I want to acknowledge that not everyone celebrates the 4th of July. I’m not here to judge if you choose to celebrate or not celebrate this holiday. I know that some people feel that with everything going on in this country, they don’t feel that there is a reason to celebrate.

To be honest, Independence Day is not a holiday that I prioritize but its meaning and symbolism is something that I appreciate and it’s even more important than ever to remind ourselves and this country the importance to voice and advocate for the injustices that are going on in this country.

It’s been two weeks since I posted my last blog and honestly, it feels longer than two weeks. Since I last posted, I went on my family cabin trip (we had to choose the hottest weekend of the year thus far), luckily this year, instead of tent camping and dealing with mother nature (last year our tents flew away during a storm), we actually had air conditioned cabins! However, it was still hotter than heck and it was hard to actually enjoy the experience since it was in the mid 90s!

After dealing with that weekend, I had auntie duty by hosting my two nieces last week right after the cabin trip. As much as I enjoyed them, I’m not going to lie, it’s nice to have my peace, time, and space back again!

Most of last week, my nieces would exclaim to me, “Auntie! How do you live like this?!” I didn’t understand and I would ask that they clarify. They would reply, “It’s so boring! Don’t you get bored? Your life is so quiet, simple and BORING!”

I calmly explain to them that I choose to live a free, simple, “boring,” quiet life, because I value my peace, boundaries, and my energy. I explained that instead of choosing to live in a bigger place (I live in an apartment), be beholden to expensive, useless, items, I choose to have what I need, and I like the freedom to not be burdened by unnecessary things.

My nieces' questions and curiosities made me realize that they’re not used to a woman who chooses to live like me. Besides myself, everyone they know all live a very conventional life that is the norm and fits the status quo that makes everyone comfortable.

That’s the word, COMFORTABLE. As women, we’ve been told all of our lives that it is our responsibility to make everyone else comfortable. We had to shrink ourselves to make others comfortable with our presence, we had to tone our voices in order to make others comfortable with our words, we had to change who we were to be liked so others would be comfortable in taking advantage of us.

Ladies, quite frankly, I am DONE with being comfortable and I am going to live my life with AUDACITY, even if it means making other people uncomfortable. Their uncomfortableness is NOT my issue and that’s their responsibility to figure out why my life choices triggers them.

In accordance with independence, freedom, and choices, this week’s blog is all about living with audacity and freedom. It’s not just about breaking the rules—I’m talking about breaking free!

There comes a moment in every woman’s life when she realizes: I want more. And not just more… I want ME! To live a free life as a woman—especially in a world that profits from our silence, self-doubt, self-sacrifice, and conformity, it is still radical when a woman chooses to live her life the way she wants without pleasing and permission.

But what does it really mean to be a FREE woman? It goes beyond quitting your job, selling everything, or running away to a tropical island (though you could).

It means something deeper and more lasting:

Making choices rooted in truth—not fear or expectation
Trusting your voice—even when it shakes with power
Releasing the need to be perfect, liked, understood, and comfortable.
Saying no without apology, and yes without the guilt!

Ladies, a free woman doesn’t wait for approval. She gives herself permission to live fully, boldly, and in alignment! Are you ready to live your life as a free woman? Below are FREE tips to embrace and embody your freedom:

Reclaim Your Identity: Who were you before the world told you who you had to be? Remember your hopes and dreams as a child before society and everyone else’s judgements mold you into what they wanted you to be? Freedom starts with peeling off the labels, roles, and projections. Remember, you are not just someone’s employee, partner, parent, or caretaker—you are a whole person with her own desires and dreams.

Say the Hard Truths: To embody freedom, you have to be real with yourself and this starts when you stop sugarcoating, stop shrinking, and stop performing. You start to speak up for what you want, what you need, and what no longer serves you and of course, it’s all about your BOUNDARIES! You know I can’t write a blog without having that B word! Your truth is your liberation.

Redefine Success on Your Own Terms: The term success is broad and can have different meanings for everyone. For some, freedom is entrepreneurship. For others, it’s a 9–5 with boundaries; for you, it might be slow mornings, creative expression, brunch on a weekday with your girls, or going to Costco on a Wednesday mid-morning, and living with financial independence. Whatever it is—make sure it feels like you .

Stop Seeking Permission: When you have audacity, you don’t ask for permission. You’re not here to be palatable, polite, perfect or to please.
You’re here to be free. That means not waiting for anyone to crown you worthy—you already are! You stopped seeking validation from others and know that you already have the light within you. You’re not dimmed anymore and your light is ready to burst like the sun!

As I stated earlier, I understand that not everyone chooses to celebrate Independence Day and I respect that. But I also want to remind all of you that we, as women, are fighting for ourselves and other women to ensure that they continue to have their choices and the right and freedom to choose whatever they feel is best for them.

Darlings, to be a free woman is to live in full ownership of your body, your voice, your story, and your choices. Living free is not loud, reckless, or rebellious unless it needs to be; instead it’s intentional, sacred, and unapologetically yours.

To create the life you want and live in your truth, at the beginning, finding that freedom won’t be easy. Hell, as a matter of fact, it will be one of the hardest and loneliest paths that you will ever embark on, but once you find your alignment and peace, you protect that freedom because it was all worth it.

As a final ado in this week’s blog, if you feel that you are not living a free life and are constrained, ask yourself:

Where am I still shrinking to fit?
And where am I ready to expand into the woman I was always meant to be?

To all my QUEENS, You don’t need a new life to be free. You just need the audacity to live yours— on your terms and live it UNAPOLOGETICALLY! So, BREAK FREE and GO LIVE YOUR LIFE! ��

BE THE COOL, CALM, COLLECTED SUMMER LADY

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 01:49:25 GMT

HOW TO STAY COOL AND UNBOTHERED DURING THE SUMMER HEAT! ��

Hey! Hey! A fabulous third week in June that we are in! How has this week been for you? I hope you all were able to rest and do some thriving instead of just surviving in this chaotic world.

As a Minnesota resident and especially a resident of the twin cities greater area, this past weekend was very heavy for us. Regardless of your political views, murdering and assassinating people for their political views is not something that should be condoned. We as a nation need to do and be better. We can all strive to show empathy and understanding, even if we disagree with someone's views.

This upcoming weekend will be the official start of summer and it’s also Cancer season! I felt like we just ended Taurus season, we were in Gemini season for a few days and Cancer season was suddenly thrust upon us! Happy Birthday to all my Cancer Babes out there! ��

Cancer season is all about increase emotional sensitivity, home and family and our relationships with our loved ones, self-care, and the inclined

need to care for others and create a supportive environment. It all sounds great and I especially love the SELF-CARE aspect of this season!

Summer of course is the season of weddings, graduations, retirement parties, picnics, and essentially, a lot of getting together with friends and family. It can be overwhelming, frustrating, and flustering, which in retrospect, can really feel off-balance and create more heat, anger, and fire.

I don't know about all of you but this summer, my intention is to remain cool, comfortable, and cozy. Yes. I’m not about the heat, anger, or fire anymore! And when I say this, I mean both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Maybe this has a lot to do with my journey of letting go, remaining centered, and realizing that self-care (boundaries and prioritizing) is my responsibility to enforce; I’ve learned no one else is going to do it for me

so I gotta do it FOR ME.

This week’s blog is getting straight to the point (as I have a lot of things on my to-do list before our family cabin trip) and discusses how you can be a cool, calm, and collected summer lady even in this fiery, hot, summer heat. Hint: it’s more than just staying physically cool.

Ladies, being a cool and calm summer lady isn’t about wearing linen and sipping spritzes (though that does help and no judgement here from me!), it’s really about embodying ease, grace, and grounded confidence in the midst of heat, hustle, and high emotions.

Here’s how to channel that energy:

Embrace the "Soft Girl Summer" Mindset: In last week’s blog, I wrote about embodying the soft life and this week, I’ll say it again. Now, when I say soft, I don’t mean it as soft as in weak, I mean soft as in being intentional, allowing flow, and being unbothered. This means you choose ease over chaos. It’s summer so stop rushing to prove or perform; and most importantly, prioritize joy, rest, and authenticity. Feeling flustered with all the summer obligations: remind yourself, “ If it costs me my peace, it’s too expensive.”

Curate Your Vibe, Not Just Your Closet: A cool & calm woman doesn’t just look the part—she carries and embodies it in her energy. She does

this by speaking slower with intention and purpose. She walks like she has time; she smiles less out of politeness and more out of contentment. She allows her silence to speak when words aren’t necessary. She has cool, calm, collected, BOSS energy . Her power isn’t loud— it’s still and sure.

Regulate, Don’t React: I feel that in almost all of my blogs, you see me write about the importance of not reacting first and to first regulate, pause, and then respond. The matter of fact is the heat, people, and situations will test you. Your job? Stay grounded. Always pause before responding to nonsense and ask yourself, "Do you really need to respond to nonsense?” Remember, your currency (energy, time, and brain cells). Take breaks when overstimulated and walk away if your presence or a response is not needed. Use breathwork, go for a walk, or cold water to reset your nervous system. As always, a calm woman is unshakable . Not because nothing bothers her—but because she chooses not to match chaos; detachment is her superpower.
Romanticize the Little Things: The month of February may be the month of romance but you can definitely have romance in the summer! Find pleasure in the small rituals like morning walks with iced coffee(before the humidity hits), sunset journaling or enjoy your summer playlists. For those who live near a beach, go and enjoy the beach! Take yourself out on solo picnics, farmer’s markets, or anything that slows you down and calms your soul! In a world of rushing, being calm isn’t passive—it’s a choice to live beautifully slowly in a world that demands constant charging.
Stay Unavailable to Stress: I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, and again, and again, protect your peace like a luxury item! Your peace is everything. Say no without overexplaining (remember NO is a complete sentence), let other people carry their own chaos and solve their own damn problems. You can help and support people but that doesn’t mean you have to take on their issues; and lastly, don’t chase; what’s meant for you will feel calm and aligned. A cool summer lady never begs, proves, or chases. She aligns, attracts, and receives.

Ladies, being a cool, calm, summer lady is all about embracing your softness, being in your aura, and leading with boldness and grace. The summer season is about you and remember, not everyone gets access to you even though you may be seeing and encountering people who lack brain cells through the events that you choose to attend. You’re a hot, summer, item with high thread count that is EXPENSIVE!

When a woman forges her own path and is OWNING IT, she embodies warmth but displays her parameters. She is soft but never confuse that as weakness. She appears calm but ensures that she is not complacent. She is what happens when a woman chooses herself fully and lets the summer sun kiss her without asking permission. She is the ultimate COOL, CALM, COLLECTED, SUMMER LADY! ��

Leap from SURVIVING to THRIVING

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 04:03:49 GMT

THRIVE and LIVE in SOFTNESS ��‍♀️

Happy second week of June! How are you all thriving thus far? This work week has been a mixture of rest, listening to my body, and doing work.

As my extended family was traveling, I had the honor of doggie sitting their dog; and whew! It’s a lot of work to be a pet owner! I know pets don’t need as much supervision as children but my schedule was dependent on her needs; therefore, when she got sent back, I needed to recharge from that!

After I had my time back, it gave me lots of things to consider, shift my perspectives, appreciate and be grateful for what I have. We all have our hardships in life and I am choosing my hardship by forging my path in order to create the life that I want.

However, after this weekend, I shifted my perspective and concluded that I’m not living a hard life, I am indeed thriving. My life is thriving because I chose this path and I’m getting the opportunity to create the life that I want. I get to wake up everyday doing what I truly want to do and that is to create, use my voice to empower others, and to show people what it means to OWN IT.

For those readers who have been with me from the beginning, you all have read my thoughts, personal struggles, and wins. For the past year, I have had to really do my shadow work by confronting it.

Last summer, I sought the expertise of a spiritual healer who revealed to me that I had a lot of hidden wounds that I needed to work on. When I first heard this, I was like “WHAT?! ME? NO WAY!” Nah-AH!!!” My sole purpose in seeing this guidance was to have guidance on my future plans. NOT to deal with my past. How classic, a Therapist denying that they needed to work on their unhealed wounds and traumas while helping other people to work on their unhealed wounds and trauma.

It wasn’t until I came back from Bali that I felt this heaviness within me. The spiritual healer had forewarned me that “Bali will change my life.” At that time, I thought it was going to be something big and fantastic; like I was going to have all these positive and amazing things happen for me.

In a way, all the amazing and positive things did happen for me, it forced me to confront all the shadows that I had hidden and the mask that I used to hide behind. I have always been an overthinker, stuck in my head, over analyzed situations, and yet, I never asked myself WHY I had these reactions.

It came to me that I’ve been in survival mode all my life and because of always being in survival mode, I reacted instead of responding; and when I didn’t know how to respond, I hid in my shadows. OOF!

I’ve never been taught to thrive; my whole life and lineage has been all about surviving and just hoping that once you’re old enough physically, your duty is to create the next generation so that your lineage can continue on.

Survival was in my genes; it’s in the genes of those who have suffered tremendous trauma and it kept us trapped into always thinking of safety instead of emotional, psychological, and spiritual expansion.

However, many of us worked tirelessly in financial expansion without realizing that because of our need to survive, it fueled us to work non-stop in order to hide our wounds behind money and external success.

When I decided to start to forge my own path three years ago, I knew that I was going to be the first in my family to break a lot of generational cycles and that included going from surviving to thriving. That meant venturing on a new path that included having faith, believing in one’s self and journey, being so damn delusional that you know that YOU WILL and CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN, not allowing logic to block me, and for the first time in my life, listen to my heart and follow my soul.

When you are built to survive, LOGIC is everything; following your heart and listening to your soul? That’s just reckless and when you have been a survivor all your life, you’ve been told that being reckless is selfish, unreasonable, and self-centered. Surviving is just not about you, it’s about your immediate family, extended family, and your community.

I wrote in another blog about how we revere struggle and how surviving is often a source of pride of strength; we especially pedestalized this in women! As a generational cycle breaker, I am going to break this cycle of surviving and start embracing a thriving, restful, and guilt-free life by enforcing my boundaries and saying NO.

If you were built to survive, you were more than likely shaped by hardship, scarcity, or were in systems that demanded resilience over rest. Sounds powerful right? But it’s not sustainable.

The shift from surviving to thriving is not about rejecting your past, it's about rewiring and moving forward by giving yourself permission to no longer carry the generational guilt, wounds, and trauma. It’s time to break free from it! Here are some ways to help you break free:

Honor the version of you that survived: Before you move forward, acknowledge what got you here. The hypervigilance, overworking, people-pleasing, and self-sacrificing. You did what you had to do during those times. Throughout all of this, you learned that survival is not weakness and it gave you wisdom so you can learn and move forward; however, it was only meant to be temporary.
Understanding survival responses are patterns, not your personality: Being constantly “on guard” or “in control” is adaptive but it can become limiting. You might confuse urgency with importance. You might reject ease because it feels unsafe. You may overextend yourself just to feel valuable. When you’ve been taught to be “on” all your life, giving yourself “off” time, may not feel right because you’re constantly on guard, which creates hypervigilance. In order to discontinue this cycle of survival, allow yourself to be curious and let go of the critical. When you notice yourself getting stuck in the cycle again, ask yourself, “is this my truth or is this my trauma talking?”

Redefine safety:

In survival:

safety = control.
In thriving, safety = trust .

You must teach your nervous system that:

Slowness isn’t laziness
Rest isn’t weakness
Joy isn’t a trap

Begin by starting small: take deep breaths before answering emails or phone calls, say no without explaining (remember NO is a complete sentence), and sit in stillness without filling the space.

Let go of loyalty to suffering- Loyalty to suffering is often survival that stayed too damn long. You have been taught that this is acceptable but it is your responsibility to shift this narrative!

Move from proving to being . In survival mode, everything is a performance and earning: You prove that you're worthy of love, space, or success. You become what others need to feel safe. You overachieve to stay ahead of rejection in order to be accepted. In all honesty, if I had started my journey earlier, I would have allowed my unhealed trauma to do all of the proving. I would have allowed myself to try to “show off” my success with external validation. Now, as I continue to do my shadow work and heal my wounds, I embrace being instead of proving. I no longer feel the need to prove shit to anyone. It’s a liberating feeling! Remember, you belong to yourself first ; you exist as you are , not as what you think you should be.

Build environments that support thriving: The matter of the truth is, you can't thrive in places that reward your survival mode.
This includes:
Workplaces that exploit you
Relationships that drain you
Internal narratives that keep you small

Protect your peace like it’s your paycheck by building rituals, rest, boundaries, and support systems into your life not as extras, but as foundations .

Allow softness: For those who follow social media, the phenomenon of the “soft life” has been ongoing for several years. Its foundation was originally built on thriving and not surviving. However, as with anything with social media, the soft life has been masked in consumerism consisting of luxury items and external validation. Allowing internal softness is about not needing to be strong all the time; it's about telling your body and mind that you’re safe enough to soften. As always, if your soft life is about luxury items, that’s fine but you first need to work on the internal softness. Lastly, softness is not surrender, its sovereignty and this includes having deep self-trust, boundaries, and emotional intelligence; this kind of softness is a form of quiet and grounded power.

To all my survivors, if you were praised for enduring pain, you may have internalized that struggle to your worth and value. Now, you don’t need to be reminded or kept in that cycle.

Instead, embrace thriving in choosing peace, even when the chaos is familiar.

Choose thriving in allowing joy, even when pain feels more comfortable and finally, ask yourself, “Do I think I have to keep suffering to earn what I want?”

The answer is NO. NO. YOU DON'T. You can let go of the suffering and allow yourself to succeed without burnout, rest without guilt, and receive without proving. Darlings, now is the time to OWN AND LIVE YOUR THRIVING LIFE! ��

YOU HAD TO CRUMBLE

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 03:23:27 GMT

To RISE UP AGAIN To CLAIM a NEW PATH

Happy first week of June and summer has officially started! I always view Memorial Weekend as the transition period to summer. For many of you parents, I know that this week is also the last week of school for your kids. Happy summer to them and hopefully all you parents out there can keep your sanity until the kids return back to school!

As we are in June, we are already six months into the year! It’s been a fast six months. On the first of this month, I sat down with my journal and re-read my list of intentions that I had written on January 1st. I read my list out loud and also re-read my journals.

I had so many emotions reading my journal from the first few months of the year. I noticed that I needed a lot of rest! Winter was definitely a time for me to rest and I was going through transitions, especially when I made the decision to transition out of therapy. Sometimes, when we make big decisions, it impacts our mental, psychological, and spiritual health, which in turn, affects our physical health.

In the past five years, I’ve had to start over, re-start a path, take detours, change destinations, and wonder if the path/s that I am taking is what I am supposed to do. I’ve had to change my whys, re-write my whys, and remind myself of my why’s on days and weeks when I don’t see the results that I have hoped for.

I’m not going to lie, some days I pity myself and compare my journey to others. It’s easy to wallow in my self pity and question why I’m not seeing results that I had dreamed of. It’s so easy to dream of the fast, easy, and viral success that a lot of people portray on social media. But I remind myself that it’s all an illusion. Social media is the ultimate illusion, it’s like magicians who only showcase the magic but behind the scenes, that’s where the real work is.

I remind myself that everyone has a hard and I CHOSE my hard. I can easily have chosen the easy, and I did, but I got bored and my soul always yearned for more. That’s why I took a leap of faith by listening to my heart and following my soul.

My chosen hard is HARD and yet satisfying. It’s hard because I am building from the bottom. Funny, I never thought that I was creative because art was never my strong suit. I realize now that being creative goes beyond the traditional drawing that I boxed myself in. I am an artist, with a blank canvas, the beautiful hue of colors that I get to create from each day when I create (heck this blog is art!).

The canvas is part of my foundations. As I forge my path, I have my foundations figured out. Now, I’m in the building phase of my life. It’s a slow process with planning, consistency, and honestly, a lot of erasing, crumbling, drafts, sitting in silence to get clarity, and then listening and going with my intuition.

When I started this blog over a year ago, my intention was to empower all the amazing women who I know my hope was also to reach other women who may have felt lost, stuck, and were hiding themselves to make other people comfortable but were ready to make changes.

This blog was intended to empower all women that they have a choice. They could either stay where they were or own their power, strength, and will to forge their path regardless of where they were in life; and to especially empower women who who were lost, down on their luck, and needed a reminder that it may seem easier to remain a victim, make it your identity, than to pick up the rubble and start rebuilding.

A LOT of my readers are some of the most BADASS women that I’ve had the pleasure of networking with and building relationships with. When I hear all of their stories, I notice one common theme: they’ve all had to crumble, some had to hit rock bottom, and some due to circumstances out of their control, could have easily crumbled but refused to stay and be in debris.

They’ve all had to slowly get up, figure out their foundations, and rebuild from those foundations. Once the foundations were strong and stable, they slowly started rebuilding their lives, never once listening to the naysayers who thought they were too broken, too old, or too whatever because those people wanted them to remain as wreckage.

I don’t ever wish ill on anyone but sometimes, life forces us to crumble; and when we do fall and hit rock bottom, at that moment, we don’t think we can ever recover from the pain, guilt, shame, suffering, and at times, the stupidity, especially when we have been taken advantage of.

When the crumbling happens, it forces us to re-evaluate ourselves, lives, and the foundations that we thought were unbreakable. We were so sure of the masks that we hid behind. We may have been masking the facade, pain, unhealed wounds, to put on a show to the world so that we can receive the applause after the curtain comes down.

I know that the above statement may not resonate with everyone. If it doesn't, I am happy for you! Unfortunately, I have met way too many people who built their foundations on trauma/unhealed wounds, and were hoping that the masks they worked so hard to build, will never wear off or crumble.

Life can be so beautiful and yet painful at the same time. When life crumbles, it forces us to rebuild so we can rise stronger than before. Life may have been saying, “you need to crumble before you can rise because breaking down is the beginning of becoming real.”

At first, when the crumbling happens, it may feel as though you failed. You didn’t fail, it was a learning experience, a stepping stone, that will make you resilient.

Here’s why the crumbling is sometimes a necessary initiation into your most authentic path:

The Crumble Reveals What Was Never Solid: When you break, you see what was built on survival, perfectionism, external validation, trauma, or fear. The life, identity, job, or relationship that collapses, often wasn’t aligned to begin with. Many times, you were just coping, surviving, performing, and not thriving . The honest truth? You can’t build new foundations until the old ones break.
It Forces You to Let Go of the Masks: I said this before and I’ll say it again, crumbling strips you of who you were performing to be. When things crumble, you are forced to be your raw, honest, and unfiltered self. When the masks and filters come off, you finally see yourself for the first time.
Pain Creates Clarity: The moment you break, is often when you finally admit: "This isn’t working anymore.” It brings you clarity and peace knowing what you’ve known for a long time but may have been afraid to admit: that it’s time to choose yourself . The mask ball may have been fun and thrilling but you knew that midnight was coming and eventually, it will be hard to keep up what was never real.
Rock Bottom Has No Noise: It’s quiet there. No more pretending, comparing, or distracting. All the people who used to be by you, are nowhere to be found. You see people for who they are. The ones that truly care about you and want you to rebuild, will be standing right there while you rummage through the rubble as you pick up the pieces and start rebuilding. And in all this stillness, something new emerges: your own voice and strength.
Your Rebuild Will Be Intentional: After the crumble, you stop building out of expectations and external validation. Instead, you start building from intuition, truth, and desire. The version of you that rises is no longer built to impress anyone; it's built to embody the new intentional YOU. The one that no longer lets others sway you into abandoning yourself.

Here are some things to help you reframe when you crumble and feel that all is at it’s end:

You're not falling apart.
You're shedding what no longer belongs.
You're breaking open , not breaking down.

As I stated before, I never wish for anyone's life to crumble or fall apart. There are aspects of our lives that we can control and what is beyond our control. I’ve found that the more we try to control, the faster it falls.

How you choose to continue on after crumbling is all within your power and control. Will it be easy? NO. It will likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to rebuild from. There are days you will cry, be angry, lay in bed, and be in despair. Allow yourself to feel, give yourself time to grieve, and lots of compassion is a must.

To all my BADASS Queens, know that when you crumble, view this as an opportunity for growth, for learning, and for self-discovery. When you start to see your hardships in this light, you unlock your power and inner strength.

This journey is not about being fearless; it's about being brave in the face of fear. It's about acknowledging your vulnerabilities and working to overcome them. It's about taking small steps towards a bigger goal, even when the task seems insurmountable; it’s about showing up every damn day, being consistent, and going to your canvas to draw/paint on the blank canvas that has been gifted for you to create.

That is all for this week my darlings. Don’t let fear, doubt, or the unknown STOP YOU from rebuilding or blocking you from your full AWESOME, BADASS , future! As always my loves, OWN IT!

YOU ARE NOT A QUESTION MARK!

Thu, 29 May 2025 01:33:50 GMT

BE THE EXCLAMATION POINT OF YOUR LIFE!

Happy last week of May! I had to check my calendar twice to really see if it was indeed the last week of May! I’m so used to having Memorial Weekend actually be the last week of May so celebrating it last weekend kind of threw off. Was I the only one who felt this way or did some of you feel this too?

We are officially done with Taurus season so for anyone who had a birthday, Happy belated birthday! We are now in Gemini season! Happy birthday to all my Geminis! As usual, I have a few family members who are Geminis also and will be celebrating those birthdays in the month of June.

The next few months are going to be busy! I checked my calendar and almost every weekend, there is an event going on! However, I know that not every event will require my presence and I get to pick and choose which event I have the energy to attend. It’s all about balance and prioritizing.

This time of the year gives me pause to think about my journey. I can’t believe that I graduated with my graduate degree in 2008! It’s been seventeen years! Some days, it feels like it hasn’t been that long and some days, it’s like “Oh yeah! It’s definitely been that long!”

Graduation brings a lot of memories and nostalgia as I think back about being a 25 year old with lots of hopes, naivety, and expectations about what I thought my path would look like (thank god it didn’t go as planned!).

So many of the women that I went to school with or grew up with all got engaged and married (literally the day after their commencement). Unfortunately, I also saw many of them forgo their dreams to follow their boyfriends or their significant other to support their dreams while putting theirs on the backburner (even after they received their degrees of job offers).

My intention to never shame or judge other people and especially other women; and one of the things that I could never understand was when I saw a bright, intelligent, woman, who worked so hard to accomplish her degree, goals, and dreams who halted their ambitions to wait around or be the question mark in someone’s future. They diminished their accolades to be ambivalent in someone else’s goals and intentions.

Sadly, a lot of them will later reveal to me the regrets that they had in not following their passions, intuition, and dreams because in the process of being the ambivalence in someone else’s life, they lost their identity. Now, they are trying to find who they are beyond the roles and responsibilities society has deemed for them.

Society and movies have romanticized being the question mark. How many of us have swooned when we hear “I’ll be here waiting when you’re ready.” Talk about swoon worthy!!! ��. In my 20s, that line would have gotten me or I may have been willing to wait for someone. Fortunately for me, there was no one who I liked enough to make me wait around for them to get their shit together.

From my own upbringing and the professional work I did, I saw too much of what happens when someone allows themselves to be the question mark and be the ambivalence in someone’s life. I saw the anger, resentment, and regret when someone allowed themselves to be the question mark.

I want to emphasize that I am not putting the blame on people who have chosen this path. Oftentimes, people allow themselves to be the question mark due to unhealed wounds/trauma, low self esteem, scarcity, fear, and allowing others to dictate on what we should want because it is the “safe” path, especially when you came from instability or it’s the expectation due to class, religion, and cultural expectations.

My readers are diverse in age from young women in their late teens to retirees in their 60s. Regardless of where you are in life, never accept being someone or something’s question mark. Don’t allow yourself to be less than simply because they don’t know who they are, what they want or don’t want. You should BE what they want and if you’re not? MOVE ON! Say peace out and embrace the rejection because that was the blessing that you needed in protecting yourself.

I am working hard on healing myself so that I can become the woman, boss, aunt, role-model that I would have loved to have as a young girl and young woman growing up. As the aunt to three outspoken (ages 14, 12, 18 mos) nieces, here’s why I would teach them on why they shouldn't wait around to be a question mark ; foremost, life is too short to sit in someone else’s uncertainty.

I would explain what it means to "wait to be a question mark"

It means:

Waiting for someone to choose you
Waiting for a sign that you're enough
Waiting for permission to go after what you already know you want
Sitting in indecision, hoping the situation becomes clearer — instead of getting clarity yourself.

A question mark is passive. It asks. It waits.

Here are the reasons why you shouldn't wait and be a “question mark:”

It Keeps You Powerless: Waiting around turns your life into a reaction, not a creation. You’re letting them decide if you’re good enough and essentially, you become the placeholder for them. You're waiting around to be convenient for them. Once you’re done being convenient, they no longer have use of you and will have no problem moving on without a thought or consideration of your feelings. If someone’s unsure about you, always be DAMN be sure about yourself!

Time Doesn't Pause for Clarity: I want to clarify that taking time in silence can lead to clarity. However, every “maybe” that you take, can steal your momentum. Unfortunately, growth doesn’t happen in limbo — it happens in motion. You don’t find purpose by waiting, you build it by choosing.

Indecision Drains Confidence: The truth is things get harder when you keep saying “maybe,” “not today,” or “I’ll do it next year.” Ever notice that the longer you wait, the stronger the doubt? When you linger in doubt, the harder it becomes to trust yourself, which keeps you stuck in that question mark. I suffered through this when I stalled myself from being a content creator and came up with every excuse on why I didn’t start my Youtube Channel. The funny thing was, I created all the things I needed in Canva but never uploaded any of my videos! In my overthinking, I realized that I self-abandoned myself and my dreams. I told myself “never again” will I allow indecision to stall me from creating the life I want. I learned that confidence is born in decisions, not perfection.

You're Meant to Be the Answer, Not the Question: You are not here to be an afterthought, a backup plan, an optional choice, or the placeholder. You’re here to be the damn answer. Stop being a question mark in places you’re meant to be the period — or better yet, the exclamation point and OWN IT!

When in doubt, here are some points to remember:

Choose clarity over comfort.
Walk away from “maybe.”
Be bold enough to close doors that stay halfway open.
Give yourself the love, opportunity, and certainty you keep waiting to receive from others.

These are the words that I will pass down to my nieces. That they don’t need to be chosen. They get to CHOOSE. I would empower them to not put their life on hold for anyone or anything simply because other people can’t get their shit together. I would tell them that I would rather they try, learn, and if they were ever to fail, at least they had the confidence and courage to make the commitment than allow fear and uncertainty to stop them from trying.

Ladies, throughout history, we’ve been taught that we would be so fortunate and “lucky” to be picked and chosen. That we should accept being the question mark, wait around, until someone finally sees our worth and value, and is ready to choose us because we’re disposable.

For the first time in history, women and especially young women like our nieces and daughters, don’t have to follow the same path, continue with the unhealed patterns, and are no longer waiting around because someone is unsure of them. If someone is unsure of them and wants to put them in “situationships,” they can simply walk away because they will no longer accept being the question mark in someone else's story. They are the DAMN EXCLAMATION POINT! THE PRESENT AND FUTURE BELONGS TO ALL THE FABULOUS QUEENS OUT THERE WHO AREN'T WAITING AROUND TO BE CHOSEN BUT ARE DOING THE CHOOSING! ALWAYS CHOOSE YOU! ��

The MIS-EDUCATION OF WOMEN

Thu, 22 May 2025 03:42:56 GMT

ADDRESSING THE HEALTH NEEDS OF WOMEN IN RECOGNITION OF WOMEN'S HEALTH MONTH ��

April Showers brought May heat and cold! Happy May! Wow! The weather here in Minnesota has been whacked for sure. One week we had hot, dry weather in the late 80s and then the following week, we were in the 50s and 60s! I confess, I did not care for the heat but I also don’t like putting the heat on either. I just want a nice 70 degree weather day and nice, cool, nights to help me sleep and not sweat when I take a stroll outside!

It’s been two weeks since my last blog (late April). I wasn’t intending to take two weeks off but during my first week off, let’s just say, my health demanded that I rest and take care of myself.

During my second week off, it was actually my intentional week off. I went outside (in the heat), watched the dogs play, listened to the birds sing, looked out at the Mississippi River, while listening to nature, and took my moments of silence in hopes for clarity.

I also took my journals outside as I re-read my journals from last year and earlier this year. Wow! What a journey I have had! I can see my growth, my healing (ongoing), and how much my mindset has changed. Writing each day along with positive affirmations have altered my life for the better and by reading it, it shows just how much internal work I have done.

For anyone who is feeling stuck, unsure, or doesn’t feel that they are growing, writing in a journal can be a tool for you to measure your progress or just remind you of how far you’ve come, especially on those days when you don’t think and see tangible evidence to show that you’re doing great!

There were so many parts from 2024 that I was so unsure of. This included the changes of my body, work, relationships, and blocking my own blessings. Many things were about me as an individual but also things as a woman and what I have been taught to be acceptable or not.

I had to work through all of that, become better informed, pissed people off because I was no longer convenient or a doormat for them. I had to create my own foundations, boundaries, as a person and a woman in order to be happy and be in my authenticity.

Being a woman in 2025 is so empowering and yet, there are so many things that we continue to have to battle. Feminism has been villainized from conservatives to the trad-wife movement, in which they want to pick and choose how they get to benefit from feminism. Darling, it’s because of feminism that YOU even get to CHOOSE.

May is Women’s Health Month and in this week’s blog, my intention is to focus on the holistic health of women and how we can advocate, empower, and take our power back after the mis-education of women. As in my journal, there were areas in my life where I felt unheard, shamed, and judged in all areas of my life, simply because I dared to say “this is how I am feeling” or “No. That is NOT what I am feeling” and “I don’t believe I am too young to feel this way and I am NOT imagining this.”

As a woman, how many of you have been told this? How many of you have been dismissed, belittled, gaslighted, or mansplained? As if you don’t know your own damn body and mind! I don’t know about you all but I may not know everything but I sure as hell know my own damn body and mind!

This week’s blog is dedicated to all of you; to all the amazing, badass, women, who continue to show up, speak up, advocate, and do amazing work both personally and professionally. As a society, we have been mis-educated on the needs and health of women. For so many years, we’ve been told to be quiet, endure in silence and shame, and not challenge the narrative. We’ve seen our mothers and grandmothers struggle through so much by calling it “silent strength.”

I am all about strength but I’m not going to be silent anymore. I’m going to be loud and bold with my strength by encouraging all women to speak up, challenge, and OWN their worth and remind them that no one gets to dismiss or tell you “you’re crazy.” If they want crazy, make sure you show them how “crazy” you can get!

As this month is Women’s Health Month, it’s the perfect time to move beyond the surface-level wellness tips, the pretentiousness of external self-care, and dig into what women actually need in order to thrive and the changes that we need to strive and advocate for.

Here are the key topics that deserve space:

Mental Health (Not Just "Self-Care") Women are more likely to report experiencing trauma, abuse, and discrimination. Women are facing burnout, anxiety, depression, and do most of the emotional labor in relationships and family units. There is still much stigma around women, especially when expressing anger or exhaustion. Women do attend therapy at higher rates but access to therapy, especially for women of color, mothers, and caregiver is still limited. Unfortunately, society still views receiving and access to mental health as a luxury; it should be a right and a foundation of health.
Reproductive Justice & Health: I’ve said this over and over on this blog and will say this again; no matter how uncomfortable this may be, the reality is, there is a war against women, especially in America with this current presidential regime by blocking access to affordable birth control, abortion care, and fertility support. In certain parts of the world (rural areas of India and countries in Africa), menstrual equity (period poverty is still real). This prevents young girls from attending school by pushing their education back. Research wise, there is still limited understanding and stigma when it comes to understanding postpartum health, miscarriage, and perinatal mental health. Everyone seems to have a F-ing opinion (often people without uteruses) about reproductive justice and health for women. It’s important to stress that reproductive health is not just a “women’s issue,” it’s a public health issue!
Medical Gaslighting and Misdiagnosis: Every woman that I have spoken to has a medical gaslighting or misdiagnosis story! Sadly, it has become so normalized and dismissed that it does not phase us! Often, a woman’s pain is minimized or dismissed. Conditions like endometriosis, PCOS, heart disease, and autoimmune issues go under-diagnosed. How many of us have been told that it’s all in our “head?” Or my favorite, “You just need to lose weight.” In the past, I have been told by several providers that I was on the “heavy side” after I expressed concern about having pain related to working out!! Women are enraged and the old explanation of “you’re fine” is no longer acceptable for us! We are sick of being medically neglected and “you’re fine” is not a diagnosis — it’s medical neglect in a different tone.
Menopause and Aging: Women age like milk and men age like fine wine! Is the old misogynistic belief that we have been taught to believe. It’s to scare women into settling, accepting less, and to diminish our worth and value. Sadly, this is why some women feel the need to settle down to have a family before they become “geriatric” but some old ass who relies on viagra is deemed as a stud who can still reproduce even though their physical health is shit? (I know I am being sassy but also real here). See the double standard? My own story is that once I hit 40, I started noticing changes in my body and I started asking the women in my family if they had the symptoms as I was having. They all denied it and that made me feel like I was crazy! My Primary Care Provider also told me I was “too young” to feel what I was feeling and dismissed my labs. I finally found a naturopathic provider who had me do a detailed lab and confirmed that I was in perimenopause and helped me come up with a plan that worked for me. Topics like aging, perimenopause, and menopause are still taboo and under-discussed. There needs to be more education, support for hormone shifts, sexual health, bone health, and identity changes as women continue to live and thrive. Aging is a privilege, not a decline, and it’s a powerful evolution.
Rest, Boundaries & Autonomy: One of the reasons why I started this blog was to empower women to establish boundaries, rest, create and have their own autonomy. Too many women take on the burdens, responsibilities, trauma, and abandon themselves to meet the shortcomings of other people. Professionally, I have worked with so many women to help empower them to reclaim their time, space, and peace by saying NO. NO is a COMPLETE sentence! By embracing saying no without guilt, putting yourself first, being “selfish” you get to have autonomy and live your life the way you want. We’re also saying YES to rest! No more overworking to prove a point, being busy for the sake of being busy, and wearing exhaustion like a badge. As a solo business woman entrepreneur, one of the hardest things I’ve had to reset my mindset to is that rest is necessary! We’ve been told that success equates to overworking, lack of sleep, exhaustion, and if I’m not doing that, I will never be successful. I am learning to heal from this by listening to my body, being intentional, and rebuilding foundations that work for me holistically. I came to the conclusion that I had to resist a system that profited from my exhaustion.

There you have it darlings! There are so many more points that I could have added and I felt that these were the main areas that I wanted to address. Let this month be about unlearning the myths, judgements, and mis-education about women’s health needs.

The only way to combat these myths is to keep advocating for yourself and others. We need to speak out boldly and not be embarrassed or ashamed. To all my badass ladies out there, I know that many of you as part of your platform create spaces where you educate in your area of speciality by combusting myths, toxic beliefs, and help so many women heal by helping them through your education and empowering them to make informed decisions that best benefit them.

Lastly, women’s health is more than just being recognized, it’s about being RESPECTED and this begins with all of YOU AMAZING BADASS QUEENS WHO SHOW UP BY DOING YOUR THING! Keep at it BABES!

LET IT BE LATE

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 17:57:17 GMT

THE POWER OF BEING A LATE BLOOMER ��

Happy last week of April as we officially head into Taurus season! Happy birthday to all my dear Tauruses and to all my Aries, I hope you had a fabulous birthday season! I know that I was certainly busy celebrating all the Aries babies in my family. That’s why I decided to take a break from blogging to rest from all the family activities!

As the end of the month nears, I received notifications from my Google Photos of all my big life transitions from the past seven years ago. In April of 2018, I decided to move from Wisconsin to Minnesota for some big and life changing opportunities and I wouldn’t be here right now, blogging, doing my Youtube, and content creation if I didn’t decide to make this job.

I had been a Social Worker for 10 years already before I decided to really pursue getting my clinical hours to become a Therapist. Looking back, I had to be honest, I was all about chasing the $$ but I also knew that eventually, because I didn’t have the right credentials, I was going to reach my ceiling earning where I would max out my earning potential.

Besides feeling stuck professionally, I was also feeling stuck personally. The city that I grew up in was small, hardly had any social areas that didn’t involve getting drunk every weekend, and we had very limited dining options. I was bored and my soul yearned for me even though the thought of getting out of my comfort zone felt terrifying. But during the early parts of 2018, that had to be my unhappiest time of my life.

Oh and by the way, I also got fired on Valentine’s Day from my community based mental health job after I advocated for myself. I have absolutely no regrets and after I was fired, I lived off of unemployment benefits and was given time back to rest and formulate a new plan. During this time, I spent time with my parents and young niece. The best part of my day was going to the YMCA during the day and not having to feel rushed or compete in using the exercise machines with the regular 9-5 people.

At this point in my life, I was about 35 years old. I remember people kept asking me when I was going to get married, buy a house, have kids, and all the traditional things that I should have achieved by then. The city that I was from would have offered me all the comforts of safety and the traditional lifestyle if I had wanted. Very cookie cutter and midwest. However, in my heart, I knew that I was always meant for me even though everyone thought I was delusional for believing that I deserved more.

People have always tried to project their fears, failures, and regrets onto me because I live a very unconventional life, especially for a Hmong woman. People and especially other women will tell me that I will have regrets if I don’t do this or do that; and honestly, if I wasn’t such a strong, willful person, those projections would have crippled me.

All my life, I have been shamed, made to feel bad, and lesser than because I didn’t “achieve milestones” when I was supposed to. I’ve been questioned about my sexual orientation, told to lose weight, and been accused of being high maintenance, because I knew my worth, value, and loved myself. I was actually told that I loved myself way too much and I had to humble myself if I wanted to find someone who would settle for me!

I’ve been a late bloomer all my life. I’ve always been someone who could never get it right on the first try and because of this, I’ve had to work extra hard, put in a lot of effort, fail not only once, sometimes, twice, and even a third time before I can finally get it right or pass. Because of this, I’ve learned to appreciate and embrace all that I am and have.

Our society is obsessed with meeting timelines, fitting in, and being told that we should hate ourselves when we don’t meet the standards of success, beauty, or other external validation. We are told that we are less than perfect if we choose to take our time, figure out who we are or want, and especially when our choices make other people uncomfortable.

As someone who used to be confused about why I received my gifts so late in life, I now understand and appreciate all the lateness. I realized that I was meant to know, love, and align myself with things that truly matter and for me to not do things out of fear, scarcity, and desperation.

I know that in order for me to live my life with authenticity, I had to learn how to ground myself, stay rooted, and know how to handle the adversaries and challenges as they come. I also had to practice and embrace gratitude, be grateful, learn to lead with love and hope instead of comparison, anger, and bitterness.

To my dear readers who feel that they are behind in life. I want to assure you that you are NOT. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and sometimes, you have to let it be late on purpose.

In a world that is obsessed with urgency, hustle, and “right on time,” giving yourself permission to not rush is radical and necessary; here’s why:

Timing Is a Spiritual Filter: When something is “late,” it forces you to ask: Do I really want this? Am I doing it for me or for validation? Am I ready —or am I just rushing to fill a status quo? These questions are meant to be intentional that will help you lead your life with purpose. Remember, what's meant for you will arrive when you’re actually ready to carry it!

Late Isn’t Wrong—It’s Just Honest: Being late means that you were still learning, needed to learn the lessons, and then needed to heal. Life was protecting you from premature success, from inauthenticity, and especially from the unsafe people who wanted to use you for their own purposes. There’s a difference between being delayed and being denied.
Pace Protects Your Peace: In a world of competition and comparison, rushing often leads to: burnout, people pleasing, accepting half assed ideas, and dismissing red flags. Instead, when you accept lateness, it will bring clarity, have depth, you’ll stick to your boundaries, and you’ll know how you wish to proceed with your intentions. Whenever in doubt, a reminder, your slow season might just be your soul season.

Your Path Isn’t Supposed to Match Theirs: We live in a world of comparison that will convince you that you're behind. Social media likes to portray the fast money, the hot bodies, the fancy cars, and luxury brands but behind all that facade, there is insecurity and the constant need for validation. Your life was not built in competition; You are a custom design babe who is built to last.

Letting It Be Late Creates Room for Alignment: The thing is when you stop forcing things to be “on time,” you open the door for: divine timing, aligned opportunities, be clearer on decisions, and most importantly, have more peace! Late doesn’t mean lost—it means right on time in a way you couldn’t yet see. It was all working behind the scenes.

There you go my darlings. I recently uploaded a video on my Youtube discussing how patience was the one trait that I had to learn to embrace as I forged my own path. When you don’t embrace patience, you’re going to always question and compare your journey to others.

My dear Queens, you were meant to have and be late because you’re special. When things are obtained later in life, you learn to appreciate, cherish, and your heart and soul is aligned to that purpose. My final words are: " Letting it be late is how you trust the timing, the process, and your own evolution. You’re not behind. You’re just becoming.” ��

We all PLAY the FOOL

Wed, 16 Apr 2025 01:43:04 GMT

The power of feeling foolish(When Forging your OWN PATH) ��‍♀️

Happy Easter Week! I know that not everyone celebrates Easter and some of us (like me) celebrate the fun and consumerism parts of Easter. It’s all fun, games, and lots of candy for our household this weekend.

This month has given me plenty to do! Last week, the weather was so gorgeous, which allowed me to be back in nature, listen to the water, watch the dogs play, and families play at the park. I am reminded of all the blessings, abundances, and the gifts of life.

Sometimes, we are all so focused on what we don’t have that we take for granted all the blessings that we already have. I remind myself of this every morning when I wake up, journal, and write what I am grateful for.

But I’m also not going to lie, some days, it’s hard. Some days, it’s hard to stay and remain positive, when you seem to work so hard without seeing the physical or external results. We live in a fast-result world where we thrive on instant gratification, fast food, fast clothes, want to go viral, and especially want to be overnight successes that come with fame and fortune.

It’s especially difficult when you decide to take a risk and forge your own path. I recently uploaded an episode on my Youtube Channel about the number one trait I had to learn to embrace as I continue to forge my path. Find out what it is by watching it. I will include the link in my weekly email.

As we continue to forge into April, my mood has been up and down, especially when it comes to my work. Overall, I am proud of all my work, effort, putting myself out there, the consistency, and never giving up. I look at my analytics for my weekly blog, Podcast, and Youtube episodes. Numbers are important and yet, if I relied on my stats, I probably would have quit a long time ago if I had allowed my numbers to dictate my worth to me.

It’s easy to get carried away and lost in the analytics, the lack of comments (on my Youtube episodes), and the expectations that you’ve set for yourself to meet in a timeframe. It’s effortless to feel foolish when you work so hard and don’t have the external results prove your efforts.

Earlier in the year, when I decided that I wasn’t going to see therapy clients anymore, I had A LOT of people question my path. I know that people asked out of curiosity; and when I explained to them my intentions, a few asked how I was going to receive business and make an income.

I am not going to lie, before I made this decision, I did feel foolish for even contemplating this path! No more therapy clients? Like how? Why? Is it even possible? This is what I trained to become and for me to just leave it? That’s crazy! And yes, I was crazy and felt like a fool to BELIEVE, have FAITH, to JUMP, and listen to my SOUL.

I know that I chose the hardest path possible because I know that the rewards are going to be extranominal. I could have played it safe, small, and predictable, but I knew that I would never be satisfied. I would always wonder and ask myself “what if?”

When it comes down to it, I had two what if’s: the what if of being a fool for never trying or the what if of feeling like a fool for trying. I decided on the latter. I would rather feel like a fool for trying than be a fool for never trying. Feeling and being a fool are two very different feelings and I had already held myself back for too long that feeling like a fool no longer bothered me. I was NOT going to live the rest of my life BEING a fool.

The truth is we ALL PLAY THE FOOL when we are brave enough to forge our own path. We are foolish enough to believe that we can be the first in our familial generation to create the generational wealth, be the one to break generational curses, be the one to create, have, and live in freedom.

When you step into unknown territory—when you say “no” to the safe route and “yes” to your soul—you will feel foolish. Not because you are foolish, but because you’re doing what most people are afraid to do: Be seen trying.

This is a reminder to all of you that feeling like a fool as you forge your own path is completely normal and ironically, it’s a sign that you’re doing something real, raw, and radically yours. Here’s why we all play and feel like a fool when we forge our own path:

There is NO MAP: Remember in school, when there was a game or a presentation, no one wanted to go first because everyone feared that they were going to look foolish? When you’re going first, there is no blueprint. There is no crowd to follow. It’s just you, your vision, and a lot of unknowns. Don’t get me wrong, there are resources out there (like Youtube) but you own the accountability, the vision, and the effort. The map is going to be constantly redrawn, erased, and being and feeling lost is part of the process. Being the first to step off the path will always feel shaky and all that wobble? It’s not weakness; it’s movement.
You’re Unlearning & Rebuilding at the Same Time: We all have learned foundations and when you decide that you’re going to forge your path, you question the previous and current foundations that you were taught. Once you decide to move forth, during the process, you’re finally releasing the need for approval and you’re rewriting your rules. As with anything new and unknown, it’s always messy at the beginning, but once you have a handle on it, you realize that it’s sacred work. It will always feel weird before it feels wise.
You Can See the Vision—But Others Can’t (Yet) You have your vision, know what you have to do, and believe that all of your work and consistency will pay off. Initially, people will question your vision and even try to make you feel foolish. But you know what? That is the gap between what you know insid e and what others can’t see outside. You feel like a fool because you’re becoming center stage.
You’re Being Seen Trying : When you have been taught to never be seen or the worst thing for you is to be seen, the idea of putting yourself out there to be seen is downright terrifying. And let’s be real—trying, failing, and figuring it out in front of others is vulnerable. But you know what? This is what courage looks like.

Let’s have real talk here. Feeling like a fool is part of the transformation. You’re not failing—you’re evolving. Even butterflies look strange mid-metamorphosis. You have to reframe your experience as:

You're not foolish.
You're foundational.
You're not lost.
You're leading.
You're not behind.
You're becoming.

Ladies, being willing to look foolish is one of the most powerful forms of self-trust when you OWN your path. To take on the risk of looking foolish is how you pave your path, create legacies, and the people (not that need their opinions) that once questioned your dreams, vision, and motives will now call you “brave.”

Darlings, for any of you who are still holding back from forging your own path because you fear the unknown, value the thoughts and opinions of others, and are scared of looking foolish, I want to reiterate again to you, would you rather feel like a fool for trying or be a fool for never trying and living your life with regret? We all have only ONE LIFE to LIVE , how are you going to live yours?

ACCESS DENIED! 🕶️

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 16:00:02 GMT

DON'T BE DISTRACTED FROM ��️ FROM YOUR PAST

Happy second week of April! I feel like it is finally Spring! Last week’s weather made me literally go under the weather. It was cold, rainy, and we had snow at the beginning of the week. I was feeling under the weather and took time to just focus on my wellbeing (something that I am still trying to get used to). I was so happy that towards the end of the week, we had beautiful, sunny weather. I took advantage of this by walking outside. Nature, fresh air, and seeing animals in their environment seems to be the best prescription!

April is already a busy month for me! Most of my weekends are already booked with several events and during the weekdays, I am busy with brunches. I absolutely love brunches during the weekdays; to me, this is one of my biggest blessings. I recall one day while I was driving to work on a busy Monday morning and turning to look at a breakfast restaurant and seeing all the retirees getting out of their car to enjoy their breakfast. I was so envious of them and thought to myself, I only have 35 more years of working until that can be me! ��

Now, weekday brunches are part of my life and I am forever grateful and appreciative that this is part of my professional life. If someone had told me that I would have this type of freedom five years ago, I would have replied “Yeah Right! In my wildest dreams!” And guess what, dreams do come true! It’s all about believing and forging your path.

My transition to spring has been odd in certain areas of my life and particularly in my relationships. For my readers who have been with me since I started my blog, I feel that many of you have been with me through all the tribulations of my life and are a witness to my trials and victories as I forge my path in all areas of my life.

I feel that the turning point of my life was last summer in August when I had to really take time to work on myself, reflect, ask the tough questions, make the decisions that were at one point impossible, mourn, shed, and accept the new things about me and my new path.

I let go, grieved, and told myself that instead of closing chapters, I closed BOOKS (which I wrote a blog post), in which I don’t revisit people, situations, and places that are meant to be left in a book on a dusty shelf.

Life surprises us in so many ways. When you close that book of your life, you level up, heal, have a positive outlook on life, and are no longer bothered by stupid shit, the universe will try to test you to see if you really are committed to your new path.

The universe will test you by sending trash from the past to try to distract you to see if you will take the bait. It will do this by having people from your past reach out to you wanting to rekindle a relationship with you. This may be in the form of an old friend, ex-romantic partner, previous co-workers, or someone who you knew no longer aligned with you and who belonged in that old book that you closed.

But you’re not fooled! No matter how much this person/people cajole you, apologize for their bad behavior, their neglect, or how “busy” they are, you know better than to accept their shitty excuses. Frankly, you don’t care. You’ve grieved, you’re over the self-blame, you’re done with the what if’s, you finally found peace and YOU’RE at PEACE.

For those who are contemplating about allowing people and situations from the past back in, I can’t decide for you. You have to decide what you feel is best for you. I will ask that you assess what your intentions are in accepting and allowing access to your life. But also ask, what do you think their intentions are wanting to come back? Are you convenient? Do you lack boundaries? Do you need to work on your self love, value, and worth? I know that some of these questions may seem harsh but you have to really ask yourself why you’re willing to accept something from the past.

For those who are saying “HELL NO! ACCESS DENIED! I don’t entertain and get distracted from trash from the past!” Kudos to you! I admit, I am biased in this situation. I am the type of person who does not revisit the past and believes that there’s a reason why people/situations are meant to be in my past and are not meant to be part of my new path/life.

The truth is, the past will test you—but you don’t have to answer every call. Sometimes, what tries to resurface isn’t a sign, it’s a trap . Old situations, people, patterns, or mindsets that once held you back will often try to pull you in just as you're leveling up. It’s a test to see if you will still accept the bad, toxic, and if you truly are ready to move to the next level of your life.

Here are some truths on why you should deny access to people and situations from your past and why you shouldn’t be distracted from ��️ from your past:

Not Everything Deserves a Recycle Bin Moment: Some things were removed from your life for a reason. Old drama, old relationships, old habits they don’t fit the upgraded version of you. Revisiting that “trash” only delays your growth and disrupts your peace. You’ve worked way too hard to go back. Just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s worth returning to.

It’s a Test, Not a Detour: The past often shows up when you’re about to elevate or are elevating. That text from that F Boy, that opportunity, that old mindset—it’s a test of your boundaries and progress. If you're not careful, you’ll mistake it for a sign instead of a cycle trying to repeat itself. Afterwards, you’ll blame yourself, feel shame, and ask why you didn't see the signs. Truth is your intuition knew but you decided to give that person or situation another chance.

It Can Reopen Wounds You’ve Worked Hard to Heal

Again, you’ve worked way too hard to go back. Allowing access and being distracted means revisiting old trauma, people, or behaviors can undo all your emotional progress. What once felt “unfinished” may actually be better left closed. Your peace is too expensive to keep reopening the same books! You’ve already done the healing—don’t bleed for the same wound twice.

Not Everyone Deserves a Second Chance at Access: Just because someone wants back in your life doesn’t mean they’ve changed; as a matter fact they haven’t changed and that’s why they’re reaching out again. They want the same things that you gave them. Once you weren’t giving it to them, they missed that and that’s why they’re hoping that you’ll give them access again. Some people miss the version of you they could manipulate, not the version you are now. Remember QUEEN: Access to you is a privilege, not a reset button.
You’re Not Who You Used to Be: Girl, You’ve F-ing grown! You realize that healing is ongoing and as a result, you’ve evolved, you’re on high vibration, and you have DO NOT F with me energy! Going back to what broke you diminishes your power and your purpose. NOPE. You’re no longer that little girl who used to people please, the timid person who was fearful of using their voice, and the one who prioritized other people’s peace and comfort over yours. You’re a WOMAN who is OWNING herself and her POWER.

There you go darlings! Remember, the trash from the past only has power if you open the lid. Let it stay where it belongs—behind you, beneath you, and no longer part of your story.

When someone from your past wants to re-enter your life to have access to you, it's easy to get caught in the nostalgia or the hope that they’ve changed. However, letting them back in without careful consideration can be emotionally draining and detrimental to your growth.

Denying access to people who hurt you in the past isn’t about being cold-hearted; it’s about respecting yourself enough to protect your peace and your currency.

As always my QUEENS, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHO GETS TO BE PART OF YOUR JOURNEY AND WHO BELONGS IN THE ��️. QUEENS DON’T GET DISTRACTED FROM SHIT IN THEIR PAST. THEY LIVE IN THE PRESENT AND PLAN FOR THEIR EMPIRE. LEAVE THAT ��️ WHERE IT BELONGS. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

I am at my “UH HUH. OKAY." Stage of Life

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 18:00:00 GMT

When Acceptance Beats Argument ��

Happy April and April Fool’s Day for anyone who may have gotten fooled! Besides my birthday and favorite month (October), April is my next favorite month.

I love this month because the weather is gorgeous, the rain brings May flowers, and I can hear and see the bloom of life!��

Again, Happy Birthday to all my Aries out there! I have three Aries in my family so I’ll be busy celebrating all of them this month. I feel like there are so many things happening this month already and it’s the start of weddings, retirement parties, baby showers, (I joke that this is the start of “Hmong Season" aka when people start throwing parties).

I can definitely feel that Spring is in the air. My energy is back and I even started walking outside. I miss this and am reminded again of the benefits of not only physically but also mentally and spiritually the positive impacts it has on me. My intention is to get back to this on a routine basis again before it starts to get too hot!

Being in nature allows me to be present with my thoughts and emotions. Of late, I’ve realized that I’ve been at peace because I am and have been protecting my peace. This includes no longer engaging in useless conversations where I will get triggered, frustrated, and flustered. When I was younger, I had difficulty choosing my battles. I felt the need to always have my voice be heard. Now, I realized that I was that way because I had a lot of childhood wounds that I needed to heal (ouch!).

My 2025 intention is to live the ultimate unbothered life, even through all this chaos. The majority of the chaos is external, which I DID NOT VOTE for nor did I create. However, I will continue to be socially aware of all the ongoings, be educated, but I will not let all of this chaos stop me from living an UNBOTHERED THRIVING LIFE.

One of the best things about being in my 40s now is I am at my “Uh huh. Okay” stage of life. I’ve learned to detach from nonsense, not engage with rage bait, respond to low emotionally intelligent people (sounds harsh but this country is full of them), and not surround myself with people that I will likely lose my brain cells (unless I am being paid to help them). I have come way too far in both my professional and personal life to waste my time, energy, and brain cells on cheap experiences. I am expensive and will remain so.

Embracing detachment has helped me be at peace and not be worked up about stupid shit. If someone tells me that 2+2 equals 22, I’m going to respond, “okay.” If someone tries to argue with me that therapy doesn’t work and that it’s a waste of money, I am going to respond “sure!” If someone tells me that they’re going to use ChatGPT as therapy since it’s free and they would rather have ChatGPT tell them what to do, I’ll respond “Okay. Go for it. Best of luck to you!”

I’ve come to the conclusion that as someone in the helping field, some people DO NOT want to invest in bettering themselves, don’t value their wellbeing, are too close minded to be curious, and would rather be loud than observe and and listen. In the process of trying to make people see, understand, and change, I only burned myself out. I now surround myself with people who have the desire to level up, be curious, and ask questions instead of thinking that they know everything.

What about all of you? Are you ready to detach yourself so that you can keep your peace, sanity, and not be triggered by other’s stupidity? When you finally reach the “okay” stage in life, it isn’t about apathy—it’s about choosing peace over pointless battles. It means you no longer feel the need to argue, correct, or prove yourself to people who aren’t ready to understand. Instead, you accept things and people as they are and you keep forging. Here’s why this mindset is powerful:

You Conserve Your Energy for What Truly Matters: You’re at the point of your life where you know that not every battle deserves your attention. You pick and choose wisely for things that actually matter to you. You realize that some people argue to respond, not to understand and you refuse to waste your breath. You’ve decided that instead of exhausting yourself trying to change minds, you’re going to focus on your growth, goals, and peace.
You Stop Seeking Validation: The best part of being at this point in your life is that you stop seeking and needing validation. You only NEED to validate yourself. You don’t need to prove yourself and you allow your actions and results to speak. You’re not pressed to change people’s opinions, perspectives, or misconceptions. People will believe what they want. That’s their business, not yours, and quite frankly you don’t give AF.
You Remove Yourself from Drama & Negativity: When you detach, you remove yourself from arguments, debates, and unnecessary conversations. This is not your vibe anymore. You don’t engage in low-vibration energy that drains you or decreases your brain cells. You’re no longer available for nonsense, gossip, and unnecessary conflicts. You are just enjoying your peace and living an unbothered life.
You Master the Art of Emotional Detachment: You know who you are and as a result, you don’t let outside opinions, negativity, or criticism affect your mood. You understand that not everything needs your reaction and you let things roll off instead of taking them personally. Do you really care what that relative who is doing nothing with their life says about your life choices? NOPE!
You Elevate to a Higher Level of Thinking: Do you ever notice that it’s always the people with the lease that are the loudest? You know that you don’t need to be loud. Now, instead of arguing, you observe. Instead of engaging, you redirect your energy. Instead of correcting, you lead by example. You are too focused on your future to be stuck in unnecessary conversations.

I know that all my readers are intelligent, no nonsense ladies, who don’t let other people’s opinions, thoughts, scarcities, and projections control them. You embrace and realize that the “okay” stage is about emotional intelligence, self-control, and having a deep sense of self-worth. You understand that your peace is more valuable than being "right"—so you simply let things be and keep moving forward because you are too busy winning and moving forward.

Remember my BADASS QUEENS, YOU ARE EXPENSIVE; NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE EXCLUSIVE! Being exclusive entails being the best, being limited with your time, energy, and your brain cells. Only the best of the best get access to your currency. You aren’t

ON SALE because you’ve learned to detach yourself from the bullshit and you move on. YOU ARE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE ��.

What IMPOSTER SYNDROME?

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 23:00:51 GMT

You EARNED to be WHO and Where YOU ARE ��

Hello my beautiful darlings! Welcome to the last week of March! We are officially in Aries season so Happy Birthday to all my Aries out there! As I sit here and type away, I hear birds flocking, a woodpecker pecking away, I am reminded of the beauty of spring and the bloom of life.

This month was a remarkable month for me. I feel like March brought me back to life (after being sick most of February), reminded me that the work I do is important and meaningful, and that I will always be tested when there are challenges, conflicts, but it’s how I choose to react and ground myself that truly matters.

During this month, it was also International Women’s Day (March 8th of this year). One of the reasons why I started this blog was to empower women to forge their own path and to OWN IT. Of late, I feel as though I have been tested as a woman (see my Youtube episode on the Unpaid Emotional Labor that Women perform in a work setting video link here) and how I had to stand up for myself during my panel event in Las Vegas when the moderator made an assumption about me and I had to correct him in front of the whole crowd.

As we end the final week of March, I want to use this week’s blog to discuss about the progress of women, how far we have come, and yet, there are so many things, laws, and how this country, is fearful of how badass we are that they’re creating laws to strip away our rights and independence.

I’ve said this before, I know some people would rather not be involved in “politics” but if you are a person living in the United States of America right now, your existence is political, and especially if you are a WOMAN.

As women, we have made major strides in all areas of our life. However, it is still a rarity to see women in leadership positions and in male dominated fields. When a woman finally succeeds or gets to the top, the assumption is that she is not deserving of this as she either “slept her way” or is an “DEI (Diversity Equity and Inclusion) hire.” They face sexism, misogyny, and if you are a woman of color, there is racism too.

I’ve had every intention of writing something related to this blog, specifically about imposter syndrome for the past year but I finally settled on this topic after I did a youtube episode called Why Women are expected to have Imposter Syndrome?

I had my inspiration after I was scouting on social media (yes; I do go on social media to get ideas for my blogs and youtube episodes) when there was a reel on Instagram that showed Illona Maher, who is a US Olympic Rugby Player and the most followed Rugby player in the world. There was an interview that she did with CNN and the reporter (another woman) asked her about imposter syndrome.

In the clip, Illona Maher denied having any imposter syndrome to the shock of the CNN reporter. Illona explained that everything that she has she has worked for. She went on to say that she is proud of everything that she has done and it’s okay to accept and be proud of what you have done. Spoken like a true QUEEN, and yet the CNN reporter was shocked at her proclamation.

That got me thinking, why is it only women who get asked about imposter syndrome? Men and especially White MEN NEVER get asked about their imposter syndrome. Why is it that only women who are on the top of their game, who are in leadership positions, and male dominated fields (like Illona) get asked about imposter syndrome?

The sad reality is that society expects women to question our competency, abilities, skills, and our place in areas that there is rarity. That even though we worked out asses off, put in more work than the average white dude, have the degrees and work history that demonstrate that we KNOW our SHIT, they still doubt and can’t handle who GREAT we are that they have to question if we think that we belong and if we feel like a fraud(Perfect example is our recent election and we’re in FAFO season as a result).

That’s essentially what imposter syndrome is; feeling like a fraud, fake, and the fear of being found out. What is there to find out about? That you’re REAL? Authentic? That you know your SHIT and will gladly shut down any mansplaining from some dude named John who did their “own research” about your area of expertise.

So, let’s get right to it. Why are women expected to have imposter syndrome? Why are we expected to doubt our place and all that we have earned? Sadly, it’s all about the system and how we have been conditioned:

Systemic Bias and Stereotypes : Women often face societal biases that make them question their competence, abilities, and especially leadership qualities. Often, these stereotypes lead women to internalize doubts and insecurities about their qualifications, which can make them question, and gaslight themselves into doubting their position.
Underrepresentation in Leadership Roles : The scarcity of women in executive positions can exacerbate feelings of isolation and self-doubt among women who do ascend to these roles. Sadly, when there is underrepresentation, there is also more scrutiny where women are judged more harshly if there are mistakes or the underperformance of a company.

High Expectations and Perfectionism : Women may feel pressure to meet exceptionally high standards in order to prove their worth in male-dominated environments or when they are in leadership roles. This drive for perfection can intensify self-criticism and imposter feelings. Because there are so few women in these roles, they need to always be on their “A” game and as stated above, they are more likely to be scrutinized and as a result, need to ensure that mistakes are kept at a minimum. Talk about pressure!
Cultural and Social Conditioning : As soon as we are born, societal norms encourage girls, young women, and adult women to be modest about our achievements by discouraging self-promotion by acknowledging our success. We are reminded to remain small so we won’t offend or outshine our male counterparts. This conditioning leads to girls and women to undervalue their accomplishments. All the brainwashing begins at a young age. No wonder why so many women doubt themselves! It’s time to change this narrative.
Double Bind: Of course, as women, we ALL have to be LIKED RIGHT?! Women in leadership positions often face a double bind, where they are expected to be both competent and likable. Demonstrating confidence can enhance perceptions of competence but may decrease perceptions of warmth, leading to judgments of arrogance, ego, or even being referred to as a “BITCH.” How many of us have been called the B word because we showed confidence and also had our boundaries, especially in the work place? ��‍♀️
Cultural Conditioning : Society conditions women to downplay their achievements and avoid self-promotion. Those who break this norm by openly expressing confidence may be unfairly judged as boastful or arrogant. Women are always told that they need to be “humble” and should express that they don’t feel that they are deserving to be where they are, their accomplishments, accolades, or their PAY. Ladies, I say F that!! OWN all of it. YOU EARNED IT!

There you go ladies on why women are expected to have imposter syndrome. I want to clarify that it’s okay if you do have imposter syndrome but you shouldn't be expected to HAVE imposter syndrome; especially if you have EARNED and PUT in the work. For the first five years of my career, I definitely had imposter syndrome and my biggest imposter syndrome was when I started out as a Therapist. I was so fearful that my clients would figure it out that I didn’t know what I was doing and would not want to work with me. Guess what? That never happened! I unfortunately created my own feelings of imposter syndrome.

I know that many of my readers are some of the baddest (in an awesome way), hardworking, intelligent, women who are the best and knowledgeable at their craft. You women not only empower yourselves but others to be BADASS WOMEN also. I know that ALL OF YOU know that you EARNED your place, job, and life because you put in the work and never gave up. You’re NOT an IMPOSTER; YOU ARE WHO AND WHERE YOU ARE BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU EARNED IT LOVE. Always remember that!

Lastly, I want to finish off the blog with one of my favorite ladies in the world: Mindy Kaling. Mindy gets questioned constantly about imposter syndrome simply because she is a woman and a woman of color who is breaking barriers and is at the top of her game. Here is her response:

I don’t feel imposter syndrome and the reason I don’t is that I work so hard. I feel imposter syndrome happens when people feel unqualified for their jobs. Before I got my own show, I put in eight years at The Office. I wrote 24 episodes of TV. I was an executive producer at the end of it and I’d been a staff writer at the beginning. Then I did my show for six years, did 117 episodes. I feel like I’m a real A-student. I feel like I really prepare for my work. Again, it’s not all successes. A lot of times I failed, but I do feel qualified when I move up the ranks, like, ‘OK, I put in my time. I put in my, whatever it is, 10,000 hours. I feel qualified to do this next thing.’” Mindy Kaling

BABE, IT HAPPENED FOR YOU

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 20:41:41 GMT

REFRAMING YOUR MINSET FROM THINGS HAPPENING TO YOU TO FOR YOU ��

Hey, hey Darlings! Happy March! How is March going for all of you? My month is already bu-sy! I feel like I am out of hibernation and I am ready to mingle but still take care of myself, be, and be selective of who I give my currency (energy, time, and brain cells) to. Remember, you are expensive and not everyone deserves or can afford your currency.

Last week, I was in Las Vegas! (I jokingly call Vegas my third home). I attended a Healthcare Conference, received an award, and was also part of a panel that discussed mental well-being! This was my first big event as an entrepreneur so it was extra special for me. This event allowed me to also meet amazing ass people, and especially, badass women who are forging their path in both their professional and personal lives. I met some people who are now considered lifelong soul friends. I truly feel I was meant to cross their paths so I can strive to be a better person.

As I sat in the airport in Las Vegas, it allowed me to have a lot of time to reflect about my journey and how it has led me to be where I am today; especially within the last five years of my life.

Five years ago, I was healing from a broken ankle, went through so much trauma from my workplace, and was feeling sorry for myself and then realized that I had ALL the power by finding a new job (that paid more, provided me with my clinical hours for supervision, and had 3 day weekends).

Looking back, when all of this happened, I definitely felt like a victim. I would question, “why me? Why did this have to happen to me?” I used to be the type of person who would think that I was being punished for something that I must have done in my past life (Dramatic, I know).

Now, I accept that all the things that happened to me were for my own good. At the time that it happened though, I didn’t appreciate it and I internalized a lot of the pain.

However, one of my strengths is that whatever the situation, I would always reassess the situation, myself, anyone involved. Addtionally, I always tried to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and gave the other person/people grace for their reactions that I may not have anticipated.

As I discussed my strengths, one of my weaknesses has always been my tendency to overthink and overanalyze, which has caused me to make things more than they really are. Until very recently, I’ve learned to really work on this habit of mine, which has helped me learn to let things go, trust my gut, follow my intuition, and accept things, situations, and people for who they are.

Once I developed this mindset, this helped me reframe all of my experiences from stating “it happened to me” to “it happened for me.” I take all that has happened for me to ask “why did it happen and what did I learn from this?” Instead of overthinking and overanalyzing, I reflect by writing down my thoughts, feelings, and intentions of how to accept and move forward.

I know that all of you who are reading this blog have gone through hell and back and many of you are saying, “I always seem to be in HELL Poiab!” And yes, at one point in my life, I felt the same way. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop or I would prophesize that something bad was bound to happen because I couldn’t have things always being positive for me.

Now, looking back, I acknowledge that my negative thoughts and mindset did prophesize my negative experiences. Here’s the truth: your MINSET sets the tone of your life and your intentions. If you believe and live in goodness, your life will be good. If you believe and start thinking negatively, your life will be negative. You determine how your life gets to be based on your mindset.

Here’s the deal ladies, reframing your experiences from "it happened to me" to "it happened for me" is a powerful cognitive shift that can significantly impact your mental and emotional well-being. Here's why this perspective is important and a must to embrace:

Empowerment and Control : When you view events as happening for you, it fosters a sense of agency. Instead of feeling like a passive recipient of circumstances, you recognize your ability to influence the outcomes and extract value from the various situations. As I always state, part of forging your own path and owning it is all about working on what is in your CONTROL and what is NOT. Once you understand this, you claim your empowerment and your path.
Resilience Building : This mindset encourages resilience. By interpreting challenges as opportunities for growth, you're more likely to adapt and thrive in the face of adversity and you recognize all the power that you have. Again, I can hear people who are reading this just groaning and stating, “Poiab! I am so sick of being resilient! I just want to catch a break!” Believe me, I get it. I used to say that all the time. How do I handle things when I am being tested and when SHIT keeps happening? I allow myself to feel, acknowledge, and then ground myself. It’s not always easy but part of growth is learning how to deal and cope with setbacks.
Positive Outlook : Once you start reframing your experiences to “it happened for me,” it promotes a positive outlook, which will allow you to find meaning and purpose in challenging times. It’s understandable that when you are going through the actual event or experience, it’s not going to feel positive. When you adopt this outlook, the intention is that this will lead to increased satisfaction and hopefully happiness.

Learning and Developing: One of the most important mindsets to have when you forge your own path is accepting that you’re always going to be a student and be open to learning. When you start seeing experiences as happening for you, the lessons and personal development that come from each situation/s will assist in enhancing your self-awareness and help you grow.

There you have it! Remember darlings, when you start to incorporate, reframe, and state “it happened for me” you are empowering your life experiences from being a victim to your circumstances to saying “NOPE! I am not a victim and I am more than my circumstance!” And yes; you are more than what others and society make you to be.

I believe that each and everyone of you who is reading this is strong, brave, and has the WILL to forge your own path, because you ALL are BADASS Queens! As throughout history, Queens endure adversaries, unimaginable pain, loss, isolation, and yet, they alchemize their experiences by rising from the ashes to reclaim their throne.

Remember, YOU ARE A QUEEN! Life and others may think they have beaten you. In times like these, don’t be afraid to feel, rest, recoup, and come back stronger than ever before. In life, BATTLES MAY BE WON, BUT ULTIMATELY, YOU WIN THE WAR! So Queen, get READY TO CLAIM YOUR THRONE AND LIVE LIFE! As you sit on your throne, you are reminded that all your experiences and battles happened FOR YOU; NOT TO YOU.

Come OUT and PLAY

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 02:32:34 GMT

Allowing Your Inner Child to come out play, heal, and re-discover ��

Happy February! My gosh! It feels good to be back! The last time I posted in my blog was late January. However, my therapy website officially closed down on 01/28/25. It felt like it came out of nowhere and I actually posted my last blog a few days before that date but because it shut down, I was not able to send out my last blog. Luckily, that blog is finally out on my new website!

What a month February has been for me! I saw my last therapy clients on 1/29 and noticed that a day before, my throat started feeling funny and it would hurt every time I spoke; of course, knowing my luck, it got worse and then for the next week, I could barely speak. My throat was so sore, which caused me to cough, and then my head would hurt. Needless to say, I had upper respiratory stuff that kicked my butt for two weeks.

My mistake was thinking that I was well enough to go back to work. For those who are not aware, I am a weekly contributor for a mental health wellness app called Cadre. I go LIVE twice a week to discuss mental health well-being in the workplace called Your Own Pathway in the Workplace (Mondays) and on Wednesdays, I discuss Your Own Pathway, where of course, very much like this blog, I discuss how to forge your own path and OWN IT.

Well, on this particular Monday, I thought I was doing well enough and was confident that I could go LIVE for at least 10 minutes without coughing my head off…well I was dead wrong; around the 7 minute mark, I noticed a tickle in my throat. I had a cup of water with lemon nearby and thought that I was safe. Oh girl! Was I WRONG! I started having a coughing attack LIVE on Cadre. I was mortified. I had to end my LIVE early but the people who were watching me HEARD IT ALL.

What did I learn from this experience? I learned that I needed to take things SLOW, don’t FORCE, and that it’s okay to REST! Unfortunately, I learned the hard and embarrassing way but I needed to learn. Sometimes, we have to learn the hard way and girl, DID I!

During my time of convalescence, I had to ask myself. Are you showing up as the best version of yourself when you work? This included my LIVES, filming my Podcast, and Youtube episodes. I also had to question if I was being fair to my viewers and guests when I wasn’t feeling my best. I was always the type of person who pushed through by telling myself that I CAN DO IT!

But this month, I realized and accepted that I didn’t have to be that way anymore. That I didn’t have to push, force, and do anything that I didn’t feel aligned to do for that day, week, or…..EVER.

During my rest, my favorite thing to do was sit on my “journaling couch.” This couch used to be my therapy couch for my clients when I had my office. As I sat on my journaling couch, with a cup of hot water, with lemon, and tea, I would just sit and write endlessly about ideas for my weekly blogs, catchy titles for my Youtube Episodes, and other creative ideas that I had.

I allowed myself to scribble, cross out things, underline meaningful words, and permitted my imagination to just be free! Honestly, I felt like a child again. I didn’t pressure myself to come up with things, I didn’t tell myself, “that’s not going to work,” and best of all, I had fun!

This got me thinking, my gosh! When was the last time I allowed myself to be free, create with joy, without thinking of the analytics of how many people visited my website or how many new subscribers I got on Youtube. When was the last time I created without thinking that I needed to hook my audiences with a catchy title and I came to the realization that it’s always about business.

Now, I understand. I run a business so I have to think about business. But I can also create with joy, without pressure, do things with love, appreciation, and especially, be authentic. That’s why I LOVE writing this blog. I love that I get to be me and that I appreciate my readers who reach out to me to tell me that a certain blog resonated with them. I write out of love and authenticity with this blog.

In this blog, I have shared aspects of my life with all of you and why I am so passionate and why I was empowered to write this blog. As a daughter who grew up with immigrant Hmong parents, I had to grow up fast; especially as a daughter. At the age of 10, during the summers, to make money for school supplies, my siblings and I (who were not old enough to go work at a fast food restaurant), would go and pick strawberries in the early summer mornings. Not gonna lie, it was hard, hot, and fun. We also got to play and bond with our cousins who also went to do this work with us.

Thinking about this made me realize that I have been working since I was 10 years old; so technically, I’ve been working for over 30 years! I mean I should be able to retire right? This probably explains why I needed to rest most of February. I told someone during my first few days of rest (I actually was resting from respiratory infection) that I felt as though I was in my retirement stage of life. Where I got up each day, had a slow morning, drank my hot liquids, wrote in my journal, and allowed myself to just flow with the day.

And you know what? It felt AMA-ZING. I got to rest, write, be creative, and just BE. In a way, I felt like a child and a retiree at the same time but I really felt like a child. I felt like a child because I had rest and clarity. I allowed myself to have and feel joy, compassion, and to DREAM. Remember all the dreams that you had as a child? Remember how we were all told that we can be whatever we want if we put our minds to it? Remember the magic, wanderlust, and the belief we had in ourselves?

Many of us lost that magic, belief, and creativity as we grew older, as we had additional responsibilities, obligations, and responsibilities. Many are surviving on autopilot, just trying to make it day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year. Before we know it, ten years have gone by. As we all know, time waits for NO ONE.

As this month comes to an end, here some things that I noticed about myself as I allowed my inner child to come out and play:

Increased Playfulness & Joy: I am going to be honest here; I have never felt this much at peace, balanced, and centered in my life as I do now. Because I am getting rest and feel balanced, my inner child is allowing me to make room for fun and spontaneity. This has reduced my stress considerably. I feel lighter and I am much more open to enjoying the present moment. I no longer wish my life away and take joy in all things in my life.

Boosted Creativity & Imagination: Children live in a world of imagination and creativity. When I sat on my journaling couch, listening to music, my thoughts, ideas, and creativity were bouncing off the wall. I had two notebooks; one to write down all my ideas and the other to write my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which then created my ideas. I didn’t limit my thinking to “what was realistic.” Instead, my thinking was “you can create this; create your reality.” Permit and believe that you can create anything. Remember, children believe in their reality. When you believe, anything can happen!

Reclaiming Your Freedom & Self-Worth: Question: When was the last time you felt you were worthy? Felt free to just be YOU without having to make yourself small and fit into other people’s narratives? Before this month, I had other creative ideas that I wanted to bring forth on my Youtube Channel but was hesitant because I didn’t want to “trigger or offend” potential viewers. This month, I said, “IDGAF!” and started my new series about Mental Wellbeing and Leadership in the Workplace. This reminded me that when a child wants to play and use their creativity and imagination, just do it! They don’t wait around. Playing and expressing your inner child also reminds you that it's okay to be imperfect and carefree. You get to embrace your worth, without judgment or have expectations. It's reclaiming your right to just BE!

Greater Authenticity & Self-Acceptance: Before society’s rules, expectations, and other people’s judgements, as children, we were all encouraged to be ourselves, learn, and making mistakes was part of the growth process. Self-acceptance, love, and authenticity were ours to have. Allowing it to reemerge will help us regain our authenticity and the self-acceptance that we have buried in order to meet everyone else's expectation of us.

Reduced Anxiety & Stress: I stated earlier above about how I am the most balanced, centered, and at peace that I have been in a long time; actually ever. As I rested, allowed myself to be, not forced, and as a result, my inner child could no longer be suppressed. It was going to come out no matter what! When you suppress your inner child, the chances of your anxiety, stress, and other negative emotions will be heightened. By embracing your inner child, this will allow you to release emotional tension and approach life with more ease and joy.

Emotional Healing & Self-Compassion: I realized that since I have been working since I was 10 years old, I never really had an opportunity to be a child. Being a daughter in an immigrant family and growing up with limited resources, often meant being parentified, in which I had to take on adult responsibilities. Maybe that’s why I never felt the need to have my own children because now, as an adult, I am finally living a carefree life. Your inner child carries unresolved wounds from childhood—pain, fear, or unmet needs. By acknowledging and nurturing this part of yourself, you offer compassion and love to those wounds that will finally lead to deep emotional healing, and finally getting to do, be the things, and dream of the life that you envisioned as a child.

Ladies, when you allow your inner child to come out and play, it can create a holistic impact on your life. Most of us have been taught to just focus on our physical health while putting our mental and spiritual health on the back burner. You’ll be amazed at what happens to you when you start setting intentions to include your mental and spiritual health. It will cause a ripple effect as you will eventually handle stress better, protect yourself from ill intended people/situations, and learn that keeping your peace is a priority.

I know that some people may read this blog and think “Poiab is so full of fluff! All this woo-woo shit! How does allowing my inner child to come out feed my children and pay my bills?!” I’m not going to say that it will but I will say that it’s all about how YOU SHOW UP. If you choose to be bitter, resentful, unforgiving, and allow negativity to control you, guess what? That is exactly what YOU WILL GET.

But if you choose to be positive, show gratitude and appreciation, that's what YOU WILL RECEIVE. As I’ve said this multiple times in this blog, forging your own path is all about what is in YOUR control and what is NOT. How you choose to show up for yourself and to the world around you, is all within your control. By allowing yourself to be free, have your inner child come out to play, create, and use your imagination, you’ll be surprised at what you can find within you that you buried long ago.

Darlings, to OWN your Path, it can take lots of playdates, creating messes, needing naps, and having the occasional tantrum (and drink of choice). REMEMBER, GIVE YOURSELF LOTS OF TIME, LOVE, COMPASSION, AND PERMISSION TO HAVE THAT LITTLE YOU COME OUT AND PLAY! SO PLAY YOUR HEART AND SOUL OUT LOVE! ��

What you need to know before starting therapy?

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 03:47:30 GMT

So you finally come to the conclusion that you need therapy as you evaluate all the struggles that you are going through.

You know you need it but how do you even start? Oftentimes getting the process started (like exercise) is the hardest part. Luckily, I’m here to guide you as a Mental Health Therapist on the process! You may seen ads for large national platforms that offer therapy but what if you want to see someone locally or would prefer in person sessions. Since COVID, telehealth has allowed accessibility and convenience for many of us. You can be in your pajamas, have your pets and children (intentionally or unintentionally) pop up in your sessions or go to your car during your lunch break. As you can see, telehealth definitely has its advantages. But what if you want to get away from your house, kids, and pets? What if you work from home and feel isolated and never get to go out and want an in-person interaction? These are some of the preliminary questions to consider before you start searching for a therapist. Here are some other questions to also think about as you begin your process.

Can I use my insurance?

Most people would prefer to utilize their health insurance because you pay a hefty monthly premium for it so it makes sense why you would want to use it. However, if you don’t work in health care or in the insurance business, most Americans have little understanding of how their insurance benefits work. In my work with people, many automatically assumed that because you have health insurance, everything will be covered at 100 percent. Unfortunately, that is not the case. In order to know if a therapist or an agency takes your insurance, they have to be in-network with your health plan. That means that they have an official contract with the health insurance company and they have agreed upon a contracted rate to pay your therapist or agency everytime you see them. All insurance plans work differently and have different rules so it’s important to call and verify your plan. I get it. No one wants to be on hold for 45 minutes on the phone calling their health plan and being on hold and yelling “Rep-pre-sen-a-tive!!!”. If your insurance company has a website, you can also start an account to find who is in-network as a start. Let’s say you did find a therapist who is in-network with your plan. How much do you get charged? It depends on what your annual deductible is and how much the contracted rate your health care plan agreed to pay your therapist or agency. Let’s say for example, the contracted rate is $150 and your annual deductible is $3000. This means you will be paying $150 each time you see your therapist until all your expenses reach $3000 (this can include other medical expenses also). Once you reach your deductible, you then have a co-pay that varies depending on what percentage your healthcare plan covers (e.g 70 percent so that means you are responsible for 30 percent of the cost).

What if the therapist I want is not in-network?

Great! You found a Therapist that you feel you could vibe with, will understand you because of both of your similar backgrounds but..they’re not in-network with your insurance plan. What now? Don’t lose hope yet. Sometimes, your insurance may have out-of-network benefits that you can utilize. The disadvantage is that you may have to pay more but you get to use the providers that you want. Other options is that the therapist may charge you an out of pocket pocket charge but offer you what is called a superbill. This is an invoice of your total cost for therapy sessions (weekly, monthly) that you can provide to your insurance plan to see if you would be eligible for reimbursement. I say eligible because in order to use your health insurance plan, there needs to be “medical justification” for you to seek therapy. So let’s so you come for stress or issues with your job or family related issues but there is no medical diagnosis for this, your insurance may deny the claim. Once you find a therapist that you work well with, it’s important that they have a conversation with you about the pros and cons of having a diagnosis. Some clients may be fine and relieved to have a diagnosis, while others may feel the stigma. Certain occupations may relieve you of your position if there is evidence of a mental health diagnosis so it’s important to have this discussion. Depending on your situation, you may choose to use your health insurance but also be aware that your health insurance plan can request your medical records to review and they can still deny your claims. One of my next blogs will address this.

Why is the Therapist asking me for a consultation?

So you finally made this far! You were able to check which therapists are in-network with your insurance plan or you may have decided to pay out of pocket. You mark a few profiles that you feel may be a good fit for you. You notice that a few of the therapists offer free consultations as an option or require that a consultation take place? Why? This is an extra step for you as you’re so ready to get started; but here are some reasons why you should take advantage of the free consultation.

As you want to ensure that the therapist you choose is a good fit for you, therapists also have to ensure that you are a good fit for them. Yes. As the client, this should be about you but if you’re presenting concerns is something the clinician does not specialize in, this will not be an effective therapeutic relationship.
You may ask, is this consultation over the phone or video? Depending on your therapist and you, you can do both! Depending on the population, certain groups of people may not be as tech savvy (geriatric population) and having a phone consultation may be more accessible. However, if you do have knowledge and access, a video consultation may be more feasible. In my experience, most people have preferred video as this allows for non-verbal communication and sometimes, it helps the client see who they will be working with.
Depending on your therapist, they may offer between a 15-20 minute free consultation. During this time, the clinician may ask you what your current presenting challenges are, what are you looking for, and a schedule that you’re looking for.
This is also your opportunity to ask your potential therapists questions. You may ask them about their background and experience, what modality they may be using (e.g Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Solution Focus), how often you will be attending therapy, and any other questions that you may have.
If both you and your therapist are a good fit, the next step is completing the intake paperwork. Most therapists will likely require that you complete the intake paperwork within 24-48 hours before your first session. Why? If you are using your health insurance, your therapist will need to verify your benefits before starting. They also need to ensure that all the forms are signed and completed to ensure legal compliance.

Did I just sign my life away?

So you and your therapist have decided to go forth and your intake appointment was scheduled. Your therapist stated that they will be sending intake forms your way. How do they even send the forms? Before I was in private practice, I was used to having forms printed out and completing them with a pen before my first appointment. To my shock (I’m easily shocked and impressed) forms are now sent to you via email or you log into the Electronic Health System (EHR) that the therapist is using and complete and sign the forms this way. Now, I get it; completing the intake forms may seem like you just signed your life away or promised to give your first born child or pet away. Some of the questions may seem repetitive that you answered two forms ago. Completing these forms does seem like a lot and may deter you from following through. However, if it’s too much for you in one setting, you can complete them in several settings. Just remember when your intake session is and as long as you can complete and have it signed before your 24-48 hour mark, you should be okay. Here are some possible forms that you may be asked to complete:

Client Contacts (Who to contact in case of an emergency)
Client History (Asks about presenting issues, family history of mental health/substance use, etc)
Client Information (Your name, address, contact number)
Client Insurance (Insurance card, may need to upload a copy or take a picture of the card)
Consent for services (You are agreeing to services. I would advise you to read this section as some therapists may include their no-show, late cancellation fees under this section).
Payment authorization (Many therapists who take credit cards will need you to have an active credit card on file so they can charge your co-pays or full-fee sessions)
Notice of Privacy Practices (How the company/therapist will protect your privacy)

The above forms are just a few that your therapist may have you complete. There may be additional forms that they will ask for you to review and sign. This is to ensure that you have a clear understanding of the procedures that the agency or the therapist have put in place and that you are agreeable to them. Once all of this is completed, you’re ready for your first therapy session! My next blog will focus on what the first therapy session usually entails. What other questions do you have about the therapy process that will help shed light on therapy?

Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 03:45:10 GMT

Boundaries are the FOUNDATION

It's the new year and you're still recovering from 2023 and especially from all the family, fake, facade, smiles that you had to put on. You really don't give a shit about the same old stories that your uncle has told from the previous 20 years. Then your mother and aunts makes some comment about you and your life choices and how unconventional you are. In the past, you've let those comments slide because you didn't want to cause a scene. But now, something snaps and you comment back about how your don't appreciate your mom making comments about you. Everyone stops, stares, and the room is uncomfortable. YOU have made everyone uncomfortable. The question is why now? Why have you suddenly spoken up?

You realize that you have never advocated for yourself, stand up for yourself, have allowed others to take advantage of you, because you didn't have boundaries. You don't want other people to think you're mean, a bitch, and worse of all, SELFISH , because that is the worse thing a woman can be called. In the process of trying to please everyone, meet their needs, and filling their cup; you have abandoned yourself, are exhausted, drained, and angry that no one sees or cares how tired you are. You give your all to everyone but receive nothing in return. You used to feel proud that you were the "reliable" but now realize that everyone seeks to flake out on you. How did this happen?

As women, we have been conditioned since birth that our role and purpose in life is to give and give. Our worth and value is based on what we can do for others, especially to men and our families. If we don't do enough, we are not good wives, daughters, daughter-in-laws, caregivers, etc. These messages are very shaming and judgmental in order to keep us in line. But how do you change this? You find that you're finally sick (literally), tired, beat up (literally), and over this shit. You're ready to change but how do you even change? Are there steps? Is there a magical wand? Will people finally notice how bad they treat you and apologize for all the wrong doings that they've put you through?

Well.....girl......I'm sorry to say but no. There is no wand, people will continue to use you, abuse you, take advantage of you, guilt trip you, and make you feel bad. The only way to stop this is for YOU to stop this. For you to show people how YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

To follow your own path, live the life you want, command the respect that you deserve, the basic foundation to have all of this starts with BOUNDARIES . Some of you may have heard the word before but don’t have a full understanding of what the word means. Boundaries is a buzzword right now when it comes to the therapy realm. You have an idea of what it is but you don’t know how it can be implemented in your daily life. In simplest terms, boundaries are behaviors, expectations, and standards that you set for YOURSELF to protect your well-being from other people. Boundaries are your RESPONSIBILITY to uphold and reinforce.

When you first assert your boundaries, be ready, you will be challenged. People will ask questions, make assumptions, call you names, shame you, judge you, cry, yell, intimidate. It’s going to feel AWFUL . You may consider retracting your boundaries because it’s just so much easier to do what is asked of you. You don’t want to deal with the emotional drain, the drama, and all the extra shit that could happen. Unfortunately, to have the life you want, you will have to FIGHT for it.

So girl, are you ready to forge your own path? Do you dream of an easy life where people leave you in peace? Where you’re bold, confident, and don’t give a fuck what others think or say? In order to have all of this, you’re gonna need to establish your boundaries. Boundaries are the foundation of creating your own path in life. On this blog, we’re going to talk and reinforce what boundaries are so much that you’ll be a boundary queen. One day, you’ll look back and realize how far you have come from being that people pleasing, nice doormat girl, to be the bold, fearless badass woman that takes NO SHIT . The type of woman that knows her worth, value, calls out shit for what it is and is not afraid to voice her opinions. Other women can feel your vibe and aura. However, not everyone is going to be happy that you have boundaries. It will be the former users, abusers, fuck boys, and toxic family members and friends that will made snide comments and hate you from behind (of course it’s behind because that’s where they are).

In order to be your authentic self and have the life you want, you will have to be comfortable with the haters and others who will try to bring you down. When you have strong boundaries and love yourself, your world is going to open up to amazing things that you’ve only dreamed of. Let’s get you started by establishing those boundaries.

Ready to forge your own path? Follow for weekly blogs!

Is it them....or is it me??

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 03:30:11 GMT

Relationships that hold you back!

Hello my badass readers! I hope you enjoyed my previous blog which focused on boundaries. As I reinforced, boundaries are the foundation of forging your own path and it is going to keep coming back and the people in your life will keep testing your resolve to see if you will recede from them. At the beginning of your journey, the people in your life will test you, challenge you, and make you feel bad about having boundaries. They will compare your previous self to the new one and make comments about how you used to be so agreeable, nice, easy, and accommodating. The reason why they’re making these comments is because they now have LESS ACCESS to you. When a person can no longer use you like they used to, they’re going to be mad, be pissed, and shame you. However, staying strong and reinforcing those boundaries is a necessity to show that you’re serious about your standards and your expectations. This demonstrates to people that you're real , will no longer be taking shit, and done being treated like a doormat.

As you may have read, this blog spoke a lot about the people in your life which leads me to the next foundation of forging your own path. This will include assessing the people and the relationships in your life. Are these people holding you back from your full potential? Do you feel loyalty to them because they’re family or you’ve known them since you were children? Are there generational bonds that keep you captive, stuck, and unable to move forward?

There are four relationships that most of us have in our lives that may keep us stuck, unfulfilled, but we may be too afraid to let go of. Each has its own bonds that keep you from moving forward and embracing the life and path that you want in life.

Family : You’ve heard of the old saying, “blood is thicker than water.” But is that blood holding you back? All of our lives, we have been taught that family is the most important thing, we aren’t anything without our family, and the importance of family loyalty. This is even more drilled into communal communities, immigrants, Black, Hispanic, and Asian families. Many times, we are taught from a young age that our family is our identity and we are nothing without them. But what if your family is full of toxicity? What if there are generational curses and traumas that keeps repeating every generation and nothing is being done about it? Is it the same shit over and over and over again? Sometimes, the toxicity, abuse (physical, emotional, psychological, drugs) was the norm that you didn’t even know it wasn't normal until you’re out of the setting. You realized that in order to be better, you may have to leave the shitty small town you grew up in, be the first to graduate high school, go to college, not be a teen parent or repeat the same cycles that everyone else around you are. If you want to be the curse breaker, it’s going to take a lot of work, it’s going to take boundaries, and at times, it may mean leaving your family so you can be the best version of yourself. This is one of the hardest relationships that you may have to let go of, if you want to truly forge your own path in life.

The second relationship to look at in your life are your Friendships. This one can also be hard to also let go of because a lot of our friends can feel like family. Like family, our friends are often with us from childhood. We grew up with them, shared the most pivotal moments in our lives with them, and shared our deepest thoughts with our friends. But at some point in all of our lives, we may choose different paths. Some friends may grow up, some may peak in high school and long for their high school years, while some will finally flourish when they move away from the home city that kept them small. As you start to grow, learn, and flourish, not all of your friends will be happy for you. You may start to notice the small little jabs that they make at you, they may start to make comments that you’ve changed or even outright say that YOU think you’re better than them because you’re growing and no longer partaking in certain behaviors that keep you stuck or behind. Letting go of friendships that no longer are meaningful, keeping you from your full potential may be a difficult thing to do but it may be a necessary thing to do if you find that your values, goals, and purposes no longer align with your friends.

Romantic relationships : Not everyone has this type of relationship in their lives but many people do. This type of relationship can include being in a new relationship, a long term committed relationship, or a marriage. Like the two relationships above that were discussed, this one can be hard to let go of. Like family, our romantic relationships are essentially family and thus, this relationship can be the hardest one to reassess and let go of. This type of relationship often elicits the most emotion to include fear and denial. Fear of letting go of people who we have become reliant on, being comfortable with, and abandoning ourselves in order to meet the shortcomings of the other person; being in denial that you deserve better or that you and that other person no longer have the same goals, values, and that you’re moving forward while the other person is stuck and will be left behind while you move forward on your next journey. Coming to this realization can be heartbreaking because it’s not just your life that will be changing but the others too that may include children, family members, and friends whose lives will also be impacted. In forging your own path, choosing yourself, your happiness, and having the strength to let go of this relationship will cause a lot of emotions to include guilt, grief, loss, and shame. It will take time to heal from but once you realize that you are no longer trapped, your light will shine again.

Occupational relationship : People don’t often think about their relationship with their employer and yet, most people spend the most time with this entity. Why is this relationship important to reassess and how does this relationship hold people back from living their fullest potential? Some people hate change, transitions, and have anxiety and the thought of anything new. Instead, they would rather stay in the same, old, safe, unfulfilled job than reach for something new. Some people feel that they owe loyalty to their boss or company because they may have gotten their first start there. Because this relationship is transactional, both the employer and employee may think that a lack of boundaries, abuse, toxicity, and other forms of negative behaviors are acceptable. As an employee, you DO NOT have to tolerate abusive shit from your boss or anyone else you work with. If you do not accept crap from family members, your friends, or romantic partners, what makes you think you have to take shit from your boss? Most people were taught that you had to respect your boss and company but if they don’t reciprocate the same respect, you don’t owe them the same courtesy. If your job is mentally draining you, taking over your life, your health, and quality of life, it’s time to reassess if this is a relationship that you want to maintain regardless if it’s transactional. You still have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

To forge your own path in life, you will need to let go of relationships that hold you back from achieving peace, harmony, and being your true and best self. Once you let go of the negativity and surround yourself with the people who support, uplift, and encourage you, your life will change in ways that you never imagined. Forging your own path in life is not never easy but once you find that peace, you will never let anyone or anything disturb it again!

Are you ready to forge your path and want other badass women to come along with you on this journey? Tell them to subscribe!

F the STATUS QUO!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 03:24:06 GMT

Challenging the rules and traditions of society

Hey! Hey! I hope you all had a fabulous and restful weekend! I hope you all had a chance to read and reflect more about the relationships in your life that may be keeping you from living the life that you want. As the previous blog discussed, I know that letting go of relationships that keep you from growing can be scary. When you finally get to this point of letting go, there will be a lot of emotions to include grief and loss, regret, and constant questioning if you did the right thing when you finally let go. Grief and loss in letting go of relationships will be a blog to discuss in the near future.

Forging your own path is one of the hardest things that you will ever do. Why? Because it’s not going to be an overnight thing, there is pill, no wand (I am going to remind all of you a lot that there is no wand in this process). There is going to be a lot of trials, errors, emotional drain, tears, and questions from other people on why you’re doing what you’re doing; and I am here to tell you, you don’t have to tell anyone SHIT if you don’t want to. This is your journey! Sometimes, moving in silence is the best way to live your life and up leveling your life with actions which demonstrates that you are serious about your intentions.

Which brings me to the next step in forging your own path which is challenging the status quo. Now I know that I keep saying that each step is hard and it is hard. But why is challenging the status quo hard? Well it’s hard because it’s essentially challenging society’s beliefs, norms, and years of tradition. Regardless of what culture, race, socioeconomic status, and religion you are, there are certain expectations and beliefs that you are expected to follow and abide by.

Essentially status quo are rules meant to govern, keep us in life, and ensure that we don’t deviate from what is comfortable. It’s to make sure that we are like everyone else so that we can share in the same misery and the same experiences. It’s a comfortable path that is meant to languish you into tolerating mediocrity.

So early in your life, you did what was expected of you, you followed the safe, narrow, predictable path that everyone else prior to you did. At first, it felt safe, familiar, relatable….then it got redundant and boring. You start questioning if there is more to life. You start pondering and really ask yourself how you are going to live this way for the next 40-50 years until maybe you’re lucky enough to retire. Everyone claims that they’re living the dream that society tells them is successful, happy, and have what the Joneses have. But all you see and hear are very different. You hear people complain about how tired they are, how miserable, how they are all just trying to survive. You see that they need alcohol, constant partying, shopping, and comparison to make them happy in order to make their lives tolerable.

Well guess what? You don’t have to wait until you’re well into your 60s or even 70s to have the life you want. You don’t have to follow everyone else’s path because that’s what is expected of you. If you want to have a life that is different from others, challenging the status quo is something that you will have to start doing. Like with everything else, when you voice your beliefs, opinions that are not part of the norm, you will get push back, questions, shame, and at times, be ostracized for wanting to be different.

How does one get comfortable challenging the status quo? The foremost thing is to believe in yourself. When you challenge society’s narrative, you have to truly believe in yourself and believe that you know what is BEST for you. Oftentimes, especially as women, society loves to dictate what they think is best for us. Well, FUCK THAT! You as a person, as a woman, knows what is best for you. Don’t let anyone dictate to you on how to live your life. Most of the time, it’s other people’s fears, scarcity, and shortcomings that they are passing on to you. Don’t let their unresolved shit keep you unhappy.

But what if you don’t know what you want? What if you just know that the path you’re currently on is NOT the right path for you? How do you even figure out what you like or don’t like? Well girl..it’s okay!! It’s okay not to know what you like. Oftentimes, most people know what they don’t like versus what they like and this can be a great starting point. This will require you to get out of your comfort zone and do things to say “Yep! I like this!” Or “Hell NO! NEVER AGAIN!” Or “Maybe? Let me try it a few more times and tweak it to how I like it.” The best part of all of this is that YOU get to decide and do what you want.

Sometimes, we have unresolved traumas, fears, and blockages that prevent us from embracing our true authenticity. In cases like this, I recommend working with a mental health therapist to help you uncover the bonds that hold you back. To challenge the status quo of society, one has to truly be willing to get to know themselves and set their own foundations. When you discover your foundations, this will give you the confidence and direction to discover your path, which may include taking unconventional steps, being bold, fearless, and ballsy in saying “Fuck yeah!” I’m gonna do this!

Ready to live your life by your own rules? Be happy? Say FUCK OFF to idiots who love to tell you what to do? Girl, start challenging the status quo of society and come up with your own statuses! You only have one life to live so...how are you gonna live it? FABULOUSLY OF COURSE!!!

Kick them boxes to the CURB

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:36:57 GMT

Check your OWN BOXES of SUCCESS!

Happy post Valentine's Day! I hope you all had a chance to either celebrate Valentine’s weekend with your loved one, your gals, or even better with yourself and the couch along with whatever drink of your choice! I don’t know about you but the previous me (15 plus years ago while in my 20’s! Yikes!) would have been sad, depressed, and wondered why I didn’t have someone “special” to spend my Valentine’s Day with. As I worked on myself, learned to enjoy my time, and strengthen my relationships, I realized that I can buy myself flowers, I can buy my own damn candy (ones that I actually liked) and treat myself and love myself more than anyone ever could. Essentially,

I didn’t have to be like anyone else.

So how does post Valentine’s Day and not feeling sorry for yourself relate to this week’s post? It’s all about your own perspective, your own feelings, and validating yourself. It’s about checking YOUR OWN BOXES OF SUCCESS. Society loves to set rules, boxes, and timelines for us to meet. It’s for us to feel pressure, to conform, and for us to SETTLE even though we know that deep down, we want to explore, get a chance to know ourselves, and be free. However, society’s boxes are meant to limit and shame you for wanting to be different and limiting yourself.

If you have been following the blog, the previous blogs focused on boundaries, assessing the relationships in your life that may be holding you back, and then challenging the status quo. Checking your own boxes of success and challenging the status quo are closely correlated. Both discussed taking back your power and proudly proclaiming “Fuck YOU! I can do whatever the Fuck I want!” And as I reinforced before, when you start saying this and living by this motto, not everyone will be happy for you because you get to be your true self. Especially if you are a woman; people will start to criticize, ostracize, and shame you for not wanting to follow in the footsteps of other women. Sadly, it may be other women who will question you and make you feel bad about the boxes and life decisions that you want to check off.

To have a better understanding of society’s boxes of “success” let’s talk about them. It’s very linear, no room for “mistakes,” everyone has all the same resources. It all starts in high school, where you graduate, find a college, know what you want to study and be (for the rest of your life), go to school, meet your significant other, date each other throughout your college years, go to school for four years, get engage after your undergrad, decide if you want to pursue graduate or post. If you're the woman in the relationship, follow your boyfriend/fiancé and his aspirations, while putting your schooling and goals on hold because his goals are more important, put aside your dreams, and be the “woman behind every great man.” After he or you both complete your schooling, have a huge wedding, buy a house in the suburbs, and have your first kid all before the age of 30. Whew! And then you all live happily ever after until you get to retire in your mid 60’s and then maybe finally get to travel and live the life you want. You maybe get a good twenty years of quality of life if you are lucky.

As someone who used to work with clients who were diagnosed with either a chronic or terminal illness, the patients that lived by society’s standard of success, often did not get to reach their golden years. They did everything “right” and sadly, did not get to fulfill their dreams; often, many were filled with regrets about how they didn’t follow their hearts, listened to everyone else's opinions, and allowed fear and society’s rules to keep them from truly following their own path.

I don’t know about you but when I consider society’s idea of success, it sounds damn exhausting. There is no room to rest, reflect, slow down, and really consider what it is that you desire. The path has been chosen for us. Yes, we get to choose our careers and who we decide to spend the rest of our lives with but have we been really given the opportunity to learn and know ourselves? Most people don’t ever get to know themselves because they’re too busy chasing external validations of success to make other people happy and fit in within the mold of society. We don’t get to know who we are until we actually take the time to ask “who am I?”

You’re probably wondering how do I even check off my own boxes of success? What actually is success? Well, girl, I am here to guide you by giving you a few guidelines to consider. Another thing I want to reiterate with you is that when you are forging your own path, REFLECTION is going to be an ongoing theme. Reflection is all about being able to sit with your own thoughts, being honest, following your intuition, and being real with what you WANT (not just need).

Here are some questions to help guide you:

Define your vision of success: This can be related to your career, relationships, health, spiritually, time, personal development, and other areas of your life that you want to change or improve on.

Prioritize your goals: Once you have identified areas of your life that you want to focus on, prioritize what is most important for you. Maybe look at what area has the biggest impact on you either positively or negatively and this can be an area of improvement.

Be flexible and adaptable! Being flexible and being willing to adapt will be a necessity! During this journey, you will have ups and downs but don’t give up! We all want instant results, answers, and changes. This journey is going to challenge you in ways that you have never been challenged before and at times, you will feel like giving up but stay strong!

Celebrate your successes: This step is so important. Remember to celebrate every win. This can be the small or big ones. Maybe you got out of your comfort zone and tried something that used to terrify you or you decided to not renew your lease so you can leave your dead end, toxic job to follow your dreams and move to your dream city! Celebrating your success can be as simple as saying “fuck yeah” or rewarding yourself with something that brings you joy.

I want to reinforce that success is not all about money, houses, vacations, cars, clothes, bags, and external luxury. If those items make you happy, certainly but I’m talking about the internal successes. This could be owning your time, not feeling rushed in the morning, not being tied down to one place, being a renter and not a homeowner, having pets, getting to work and not work when you want to, not feeling exhausted and languishing at life. Success is what works for you!

When you make the conscious decision to forge your own path in life, it will be one of the hardest and rewarding things you can do for yourself. There is no easy path, you will be tested, and there are days when you will want to give up, and go back to the comfortable old ways that kept you stuck. Girl, remember that only YOU can forge your own path in life and best of all, it’s you who made this all happen. Once you have and live YOUR successful life, no one can take it from you. It’s all yours baby!

You gotta HEAL!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:31:21 GMT

Healing from BIG T and little t trauma

Hello my fabulous readers! I cannot believe that this is the last week of February! This month is usually a short month but heck, it flew by! It’s a leap year this year so a Happy Birthday to any of my leap year babies! When I’ve asked people how their 2024 is going, many people sigh, tell me it’s “fine” and then proceed to tell me all the struggles that they are going through. I know it’s hard out there and some things are out of your control and some things are in your control. A big part of this blog is focusing on the things that are in our control which includes your reactions, your healing, and who gets to walk with you in your journey as you forge your own path.

In therapy, we often say that people come to therapy because someone in their life won’t go to therapy. The person/people in their life refused to acknowledge their mistakes, to change, are dismissive, and deny any need to improve or grow. This can be extremely frustrating when someone in your life refuses to better themselves. Part of therapy and being in therapy is calling out shit that is often tough and difficult to hear. Now this blog is not intended to replace your own therapy but it is intended to be real and call out shit that may be hard to hear. A lot of people are not ready to hear the truth about their own behaviors and to forge your own path in life, you have to be honest with yourself and be accountable for your choices.

I know I keep reinforcing that each step in forging your own path is hard but this next step is hard; it’s hard because it’s all about you and your willingness to take accountability for your own healing. It’s about taking ownership and no longer blaming others for your reactions and actions. It’s no longer being stuck in the past and being able to move forward with lightness and not allowing the bonds from the past keeping you captive. I’m talking about healing from trauma.

Healing from trauma is hard because it means acknowledging that there are events, feelings, and emotions that keep us from moving forward. We may have left the house that was full of abuse (physical, emotional, psychological, substance abuse) but we find that are survival instincts, our reactions, and maladaptive behaviors, are now overtaking areas of our lives that we didn’t think would continue since we are far away from the the place that caused us so much pain.

In order to heal from trauma, we have to understand what trauma is first. The word trauma is saturated in social media and has various meanings and interpretations. But what actually is trauma? There are many forms of trauma and when we think of trauma, we often envision a woman who is in a domestic violence relationship who is getting physically abused or a soldier who returned from home from deployment and now has nightmares, unable to sleep, with erratic behavior. Yes. The two scenarios above are trauma and is what is called “Big T” Trauma. The following examples are Big T traumas:

Physical or Sexual abuse
Accidents or Natural Disasters
Combat or Witnessing violence
Neglect or Abandonment
Situation/s of endangerment

The above are just a few examples of Big T trauma. In the therapy world, these types of trauma would likely meet the diagnoses of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and we often associate this type of trauma as the only form of trauma.

I acknowledge that the word trauma gets thrown around a lot by today’s standards and there has been pushback from Therapists about what actually constitutes what is trauma. Some Therapists have a very narrow view of trauma and will not diagnose or use the word trauma. As a Therapist, I understand that not every situation qualifies as PTSD. However, I cannot be dismissive of a client’s experience that contributes to their overall emotional pain, fear, or other negative emotions that appears to shape how a person views their self-worth and value. This type of trauma that I am talking about is called the “little t traumas.” Little t traumas are personal. They’re the little jabs, comments, remarks, and statements from your parents, teachers, bully’s, bosses, coaches, and anyone who may have had authority over you. They used that hierarchy of power to make you feel useless, powerless, worthless, hopeless, helpless, and rejoiced in having that power over you. In their eyes, you are beneath them, are too stupid, too fat, too young, can’t talk back, and they know better. They use their words to cut you down, make you feel small, to the point where you don’t know who you are, you don’t believe in yourself, and you even wonder if you are worthy of being a human being. For the little t’s the best choice of weapon for the abuser are their words.

In my experience both BIG T Trauma and little t trauma have long lasting impacts. However, I have found that it’s the little t traumas that have a bigger and longer impact on a person’s ability to heal. Those type wounds are hidden. But they sneak up on how you interact with others, come up in your relationships, how you parent, and how you react in times of stress and challenging situations. You may not even understand them initially at first. But you start noticing cycles, the people in your life keep telling you the same thing about your behaviors, they point out the things that you say and do, and at times, it can be awful and hurtful to hear their feedback.

So what are steps that you can take to start your healing journey from trauma? The first is to:

Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings:

Recognize and accept that you've experienced trauma. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions associated with the trauma. This may include feelings of anger, sadness, fear, and grief. It's essential to validate your feelings rather than suppress or deny them.

Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking support from a therapist experienced in providing trauma therapy. Therapy can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space to explore your experiences, process your emotions, and develop coping strategies.

Educate Yourself About Trauma

Learn more about trauma and its effects on the mind and body. Understanding how trauma impacts you can help you make sense of your experiences and develop effective coping strategies.

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are so essential when it comes to healing from trauma! Especially with people who inflicted the trauma. Learn to recognize and assert your boundaries and communicate assertively with others.

Healing from trauma is going to take time, lots of patience, self-love, and compassion for yourself. There is no timeline for healing from trauma. People often want to fast track it. The more you try to force the healing, it will backfire on you. So girl, allow yourself to feel the emotions and sit with it. Healing from trauma is something not everyone wants to do or can do. You however, have decided that you are done with the bullshit and will no longer let it define you. So QUEEN, it's time to let go of the BULLSHIT that kept you from being the BADASS that you know you are. It's time to HEAL and close that book of your life!

Haters gonna HATE HATE HATE!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:28:32 GMT

Don't let them HATERS STOP YOU!

Happy first week of March! I don’t know about all of you but I am so ready for spring! I’m ready to put away my boots and start wearing my sandals (I wear open toe shoes at 50 degrees). I hope you all had a restful weekend by doing NOTHING. We live in a world where we are told that we have to be productive all the damn time, to feel guilty for resting, that we’re lazy if we choose to care for ourselves. Well, that is all bullshit. As the weather gets warmer, being outside, feeling grounded and centered is going to be essential as we prepare for the busy season of spring and other spring and warm weather related activities!

If you have been reading and following my blog, I so appreciate it! I’m excited that I have new subscribers! Thank you for subscribing to my blog! I have to be honest, some days, I wonder why I am doing this and question if anyone is actually reading my blog. Then I get that one, or two, or three people that tell me that they are reading my blog! Then I remind myself that it’s all worth it! My whole purpose in writing this blog is to help women like you who are ready to start living for themselves and need a little bit of guidance to forge their own path in life.

If you have been reading my blog, my first blog discussed the foundation of forging your own path, which focuses on boundaries. Next, I discussed letting go of relationships that are holding you back, challenging the status quo of society, checking your own boxes of success, and then healing from trauma. It all sounds so easy and linear right? Haha! Unfortunately, if only that was the case! When you’re ready to forge your own path in life, you will face a lot of challenges, adversaries, and shit that will try to block you from truly living your life to the fullest and sadly, some of blockages will be the people closest to you.

When you decide that you no longer want to live in the same cycles, being surrounded by toxicity and negativity, wanting to follow your dreams and passion, the people closest to you will initially support you, cheer you on, and encourage you. As you start your journey, you tell them your struggles, how some days you want to give up, cave in, because changing and forging your own path is hard. The feedback may be positive, may be ambiguous, or down right negative where you question if the path that you’re on is just too difficult.

But because you believe in yourself, have faith, keep going, make sacrifices, and don’t give up, the results start happening. You are getting more work, you’re doing well in school, you’re losing weight, you stop drinking, smoking, you quit your toxic shitty job to start a business, and you are THRIVING . The people closest to you start noticing your vibe, your confident aura, the way you carry yourself with pride, how you dress, the new choices you make, the connections and new people you surround yourself with because you decided that you wanted to be BETTER for you. You observe that when you are around the closest people to you who decided not to change for the betterment for themselves, they bitch and complain about the same old shit, repeat the same patterns over and over, and have no desire to change their circumstances, you start questioning why you’re even around them. Their negativity drains you and quite honestly, you felt that you LOST SOME BRAIN CELLS when you’re around them. Their words of positivity and encouragement are now undermining, they make little jabs and comments about how you’ve changed, and that you don’t need to work so hard because it’s not good for you. For some reason their words seem sour and bitter even though they try to mask it by saying “it's just a joke.” You however, know that their words came from being bitter and resentful for all the rewards that you earned due to your tenacity.

When you start doing well in life, work, health, spiritually, financially, and other areas of life, YOU WILL HAVE HATERS. This is one of the signs that you made it. Having haters signifies that you’re doing something right and people can’t stand that you didn’t make excuses, blame the world, and allowed your circumstances to define you. You said fuck that and CHOSE YOUR OWN PATH AND DESTINY. So how do you deal with haters and live your best life?

Don't take it personally : Remind yourself that their negativity says more about them than it does about you. They’re projecting their own insecurities, failures, and limitations onto you. Remember, you can't control how others perceive or treat you but you can control your reactions and actions.

Stay confident: Focus on your own strengths, accomplishments, and the positive aspects of your life. Confidence in yourself and your abilities will help you from the hate and the negativity of people and their comments.

Ignore them: When I asked my nine year old nephew on how to deal with haters, he replied “You just ignore them auntie!” Wise words indeed. Sometimes, the best response is not to respond at all. If the hater's comments are not constructive or helpful, consider ignoring them and not engaging in their negativity.

Set boundaries : Yep! It’s all about boundaries! As I stated in my first blog, boundaries are essential and a necessity! If the hater's behavior becomes abusive or crosses a line, don't hesitate to block them! You have the right to protect yourself, your energy, and say FUCK OFF!

Remember your worth : Lastly, remember that YOU ARE WORTHY! You deserve all the love, respect, and success, regardless of what any haters say and do. Don't let their negativity dim your light or hold you back from pursuing your dreams!

When you love yourself, believe in you, bet on your present and future, not everyone is going to stand by you. These people showed their true colors and don’t deserve to be part of your success and happiness. Haters will be resentful, jealous, envious, backstab, and talk shit behind you because they will always be steps behind you (and they know that). So rejoice, be fabulous, and let the haters hate, hate, hate, while you’re glowing, thriving, and living an abundant life! Get it QUEEN!

It's MY TURN

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:26:49 GMT

Start LIVING for YOU

Whew! March is in full swing! Daylight Savings Time was this past Sunday and turning the clock an hour ahead is always hard for me. I love to sleep and rest so when we lose an extra hour of sleep, it’s hard on my body! But in return, we get the sunlight so I guess this is a fair trade?? Since it’s March, I know that many of my readers are enjoying their spring break or are so ready for their spring break. I hope you all get to go somewhere fun, relaxing, or even just have a staycation to relax, replenish, and rejuvenate. Speaking of break, I contemplated if I was going to take a spring break and came to the conclusion that I should! It’s only fair that I practice what I preach. I will be taking off this coming week so no blog for next week. I’ve gone through many transitions in my business since the beginning of this year. At times, I don’t realize how emotionally draining this can be. So to my fellow businesswomen out there, remember to take a break, step back, and take care of you!

To those who continue to read my blog, I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! I’ve had a few people request to unsubscribe from my blog and I’ve had new subscribers! I understand that we are all inundated with constant emails and I hold no hard feelings to anyone who does not wish to receive weekly emails. On the positive, I received feedback from readers that they have found my content helpful and that they look forward to receiving it! Writing this blog never feels like work to me. It’s fun and I love to help others about the various topics that my clients and other people often struggle with.

I’ve enjoyed writing each of the past blogs and last week my blog focused on having HATERS. When you start being an amazing badass, not everyone is going to enjoy the new confident you. They want to bring you down and “humble” you. When you start having boundaries, being true to yourself, checking your own boxes of success, and ignore the haters, you are forging your own path!

Interestingly, as women, we are often delegated to the role of a caregiver. Many of us were parentified (I will discuss this in another blog), had to take on a lot of responsibility early on in life, care for others, and put other people’s needs before our own. As a childfree, single, woman, who grew up in a large Hmong family, I was told consistently that my role was to take care of others. Reflecting back, much of my mid 20’s and 30's were all about focusing on the needs of others, planning for others (bachelorette parties, wedding showers, weddings, baby showers, etc). I had to celebrate other people’s life changes because they were deemed more important or successful than me because of society’s perspective. No one celebrated me when I opened my business (besides my immediate family), I didn’t receive gifts, a huge party, or money as a blessing. I realized that even though I didn’t have “my own family” I have been giving and giving and giving to others and somehow, I was expected to do this and the response was “it’s the least you can do!” I felt depleted, exhausted, and resentful. Luckily for me, when I turned 40 this past year, I said “NAH AH! NO MORE! IT’S MY TURN!” It’s time for me to start celebrating myself, start living for me, owning my life, and doing whatever the hell I want! SO LADIES, if you are sick of putting yourself last, caring for everyone else, and are ready to say NOPE! It’s all about me now. This week’s blog is for you! It’s all about me, me, me (meaning you as the reader). That’s right. ME! It’s My TURN. THIS IS THE ERA OF ME and doing whatever the hell I WANT. Get READY!

So many women that I know professionally and personally, have been put in the role as a caregiver for so long that they no longer have their own identity. And this one may hit home but I’ve found that some women use the role of a caregiver as a shield to stay in their shell. Yep. I said it. Some prefer to be the wallpaper where they can blend in with the wall so they won’t be seen. They prefer or have been conditioned to put other people’s needs before their own so that they themselves and others forget about their existence unless they’re needed to take care of someone or something. Oftentimes, it’s their own family that has made them unseen and convenient. Easily accessible for everyone but themselves.

Well girl, it’s time to get out of that damn shell and stop blending with that damn old ass wallpaper! You’re too vibrant, too cool, and too fabulous to languish and serve people who don’t deserve your goodness and kindness. It’s time you start giving yourself the care, love, and treatment that you have been giving to others! Too often as women, society has thrived on the unpaid emotional and physical labor that we give to others and we’re repeatedly told that’s our role to keep serving others. Well fuck that! It’s time to start LIVING FOR YOU!

So, how do you start living for yourself? Well your girl here is going to give you some tips! If you have been following my blog, you are going to notice common themes or steps that get repeated over and over and it’s done intentionally! You’re going to see it so often that you will become a pro at it. Let’s get started:

Take Risks : Step out of your comfort zone and pursue your goals and dreams boldly! Don't let fear of failure or rejection hold you back from taking risks and pursuing opportunities for growth and self-discovery. It’s all about learning curves!

Let Go of Perfectionism: There is no such thing as perfection! Release the need to be perfect and embrace the process of learning and growth. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them without judgment.

Have patience: Have patience with yourself. Too many people expect fast results. When you go through this journey, there will be many trials and errors. Getting to know who you are, what you like and dislikes will take time.

Practice Self-Compassion: This reminder will come up a lot because people are too hard on themselves. We’ve been taught that reverse psychology will make us work harder if we’re hard on ourselves because this will spur us into action. It actually has the opposite impact so treat yourself with kindness and love.

Embrace Your Authenticity: Learn to be true to yourself and embrace your uniqueness. Avoid comparing yourself to others or seeking validation from external sources. Embrace your strengths, quirks, imperfections, and celebrate your authentic self. Use your “disadvantages” to your advantage.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People : Find your tribe! Build a supportive network of friends, family, and mentors who encourage and uplift you in your journey. Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and inspire you to be your best self and cut off anyone who is toxic! It’s all about YOU.

Society loves to give women timelines to scare us into conforming and not living for ourselves. Many women think “Oh, I’m too old! It’s too late for me to start living for myself. I should just settle and not even try.” Girl! It’s never too late to start living for you! Some of the most badass women I know finally began living for themselves once they became widowed, divorced, or retired. Many finally started living and thriving and in their 60’s 70’s and 80’s! Don’t let your age stop you from starting your journey.

As always, when you forge your own path, be prepared for those who will try to remind you of the old you. They love to remind you that you used to be so accommodating, so easy, and so willing to help out . Nah! Don’t fall into that trap. They’re mad that you found your light and are desperately trying to dim it. Nope! Your light is shining bright like a DIAMOND! So ladies, this is the ERA of YOU and get ready to fabulously OWN YOUR TURN!

How DARE YOU BE S......

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:23:29 GMT

GO AHEAD. BE SELFISH!

Wow! Where the heck did March go?! I swear I was just writing about the first week of March and now we are in the last week?! Time is just flying by! I hope you all had a great fabulous weekend. I took off for a week and it was fabulous! As a society, we have been conditioned to be on the go so much that when we finally have an opportunity to rest, we don’t realize how much we put our bodies and minds through until we actually get to rest. During my week off, for the first few days, I did literally NOTHING. It was great. I tried not to answer any emails, look at my LinkedIn, or anything that was work related. However, that doesn’t stop my mind from thinking about future blog posts to write about and say “Ah-ha!” That would be a great blog post to discuss!

Speaking of rest, during my break, I did take the opportunity to go and visit my family back in my hometown. I took the time to take my niece and nephew for lunch, visited my baby nephews, and spent some time with my parents and the kids. If my readers are new and are not aware, I am a childfree single woman. During my visit, I reflected back on my journey to where I am now, and thought, WOW! If my 25 year old self saw my 40 year old self now, she would be AMAZED! She would say, “Damn girl! How did you become so fabulous, fearless, and bold?!” The answer is I had to learn how to establish my boundaries and be “SELFISH.” You see, as a Hmong daughter, it was instilled to me that my role in life was to always put other people's needs before my own. The worst thing I could be was selfish; to be selfish was to be the ultimate bad daughter. My role in life was to put others before my own, especially, my parents and family. In my attempts to do this, I realized that I would always be last, be forgotten, and be taken advantage of because I was supposed to be convenient for everybody else but myself.

It was not an easy path to establish my boundaries and learn to put myself first. There was a lot of guilt, shame, and at times, regret that I may have done the wrong thing. However, as I continued on my journey, I realized that as a woman, I was called selfish but many of the men in my culture were not called selfish. They were encouraged to be selfish simply because they were dudes.

As many of you can tell, I am a feminist. Back in my late teens and even my 20’s, the worst thing a woman can be called is a feminist. When I was younger, to be a feminist meant that you were a cat-loving lesbian (don’t threaten me with a good time now) who hated men. Now, I embrace being a feminist because as I grew older and didn’t follow the trajectory of what society deemed for me as a heterosexual woman, I received unsolicited comments and “advice” about my life choices. I saw the injustices in the workplace, society, and even my own family on what a woman is supposed to want, act, and behave. When a woman decides that she is NOT going to conform, the accusations are HOW DARE YOU BE SELFISH?!!!! Apparently, that is the absolute WORST thing a woman can ever be is to be selfish.

But why is society so fearful of a woman being selfish? Why is that word thrown around like an insult? Simple. It’s meant to try to shame us into behaving and doing what is convenient for others. When you are no longer convenient, easy, and biddable, people don’t get to use and abuse you for their own purposes. They are threatened by a woman who knows her worth, has her boundaries, and refuses to accept less and often, it means them. They’re angry that you won’t accept the bare minimum and burn yourself out for things and people that have no return in investment. Society thrives on the misery of women and by being a selfish woman, you refuse to be miserable.

So how is the term selfish weaponized towards women in society to oppress and shame us into conforming? Here are some common ways:

Double Standards: Oh the double standards! Women are often held to different standards than men when it comes to prioritizing their own needs and desires. Men will be praised for their assertiveness and self-confidence while women are criticized and labeled as selfish for displaying similar traits.

Traditional Gender Roles: Societal expectations of women as caregivers and nurturers leads to the perception that prioritizing their own well-being or ambitions is selfish. Women may face pressure to prioritize the needs of others such as family members, partners, or children instead of their own. Ever see those videos of Moms not getting Christmas, birthday, or mother’s day presents?

Emotional Labor: Women are expected to perform the emotional labor in relationships, especially, heterosexual cis relationships and quite frankly, it’s fucking exhausting! When women assert their boundaries or express their own needs, they may be accused of neglecting their responsibilities or being selfish for not prioritizing the emotional needs of others.

Career Ambitions: Women who prioritize their career aspirations or personal goals over traditional family roles are accused of being selfish or lacking in maternal instincts. This can lead to criticism and judgment from others, including family members, colleagues, and society.

Internalized Sexism: Ladies, I gotta call this one out. Women themselves internalize societal messages about gender roles and expectations, leading them to judge, criticize, and shame other women for behaviors perceived as selfish. Internalized sexism perpetuates harmful stereotypes. My friend Jean Evans-Williams said it best “the greatest trick the patriarchy ever invented was getting women to police women.” Damn, straight up.

The above are just some examples but I have to say the one that I have noticed and have felt the most has been internalized sexism. The most hurtful, shameful, and judgmental comments I have ever received have been from other women. Often these were my own aunts, cousins, and extended family members that tried to use fear, shame, and have policed me by projecting their scarcity, misery, and values onto me. Fortunately, I have always been a strong, willful, girl/woman, who never gave a shit about idiotic people’s opinions.

In my personal and professional life, I meet so many women who are afraid of being selfish. Apparently it’s worse to be called selfish than a bitch, hussy, or homewrecker (yikes). Ladies, you’re damn if you do, you’re damn if you don’t, so you might as well DAMN IT ALL by being “selfish.” You are never going to make anyone happy so you might as well make yourself happy! As always, start by establishing those boundaries, don’t wait for permission, and just go for it. Shamelessly own your path and be SELFISH!

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Your Girl DON’T PLAY THAT!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:21:31 GMT

Things that I NO LONGER TOLERATE

Happy first week of April! You know what they say: April Showers Bring May Flowers and if you live in the Midwest, we finally had our winter wonderland after a snowless winter. This weather makes me want to hibernate, rest, and just flow…and you know what, I am okay with that! One of the things that I have learned to really accept and to continue to work on is not feeling guilty about taking breaks and resting by not pressuring myself to do anything if my body and my mind needs a rest. Now, I love to write my weekly blogs but sometimes, I do get stuck, and have writer’s block. The best thing for me is to walk away, read, or do other things and then bam! My creativity comes back! So ladies, if you are experiencing any guilt for taking a break, rest, or anything that focuses on you, it’s okay to take that break. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

I love working with people and especially women. In my professional work, most of my clients are women and are either Millennials (1981-1996) and Gen Z’s (1997-2009). However, I have also worked with generations prior to Millennials too. I love working with clients of all age ranges, races, socioeconomic statuses, religions, sexual orientation, and other social identities. My clients educate me on so many things that I am not aware of that help me be a better informed therapist.

Even with all the diversity in my clients and my readers, my content may be geared towards a certain population one week and then it will be relatable for everyone; so, I wanted my readers to be aware that some weeks my blog may not be totally relatable to you but you may know someone (daughter, niece, friend) who may benefit from the information. My purpose in writing this blog is to have fun, educate, inform, and empower everyone, especially women, to forge their own path in life by challenging social norms, expectations, and saying fuck them all!

As a Therapist, we were trained to never self-disclose anything to our clients. I understand that and yet, as I write this blog, I have chosen to self-disclose a lot about my own personal journey, the struggles, and how I overcame these struggles by doing my own work, letting go of things that no longer benefited me, and that I am NOT responsible for other people and their emotions.

Regardless of what age you are, somehow as women, we hold ourselves to high standards when it comes to the emotional needs of other people. We feel responsible, we take on the emotional burden, and grasp at anything that people are willing to crumble for us. I’ve worked with women of all ages who feel that they are not worthy enough and have to accept the bare minimum, toxicity, and shit from people who are NOT worthy to be in their presence. As I grew older, got to know myself, my boundaries, and standards, I realized that 90% of my problems were OTHER people and that in order for me to have my peace, I needed to stop allowing others to dictate to me what I deserve!

Life is hard, busy, and stressful enough already. As I continue to forge my path in life, I had to ask myself what I was willing to accept and NOT anymore. I had to ask myself how each situation, people/person, was helping, benefiting, or hindering me. There were lots of stupid games, dumb prizes, energy, and time that was lost. Here are some games that I NO longer TOLERATE:

Disturbing my peace: My peace is my sanctuary and I am very protective of my peace. I vet people before I allow them into my life. I’ve had to do a lot of cleaning up and now my circle is small. Both personally and professionally, I’ve realized that not everyone is going to come with me on my journey and I’m at peace with that.

Breadcrumbing: For those who don’t know what this term means, it relates to how a person doesn't give you their whole being. This may be related to their time, emotions, or other areas of themselves. They give you just enough to keep you coming back. They give you breadcrumbs; by giving you crumbs, they justify their behavior by stringing you along, giving you bits and pieces so that you can't be mad. They make you think that you should be GRATEFUL for any attention they're giving you. I don’t need crumbs; I am demanding the whole DAMN CAKE.

Fixing people: Let’s admit ladies. At some point in our lives, we thought we could fix that man if he only had our love, our warmth, and be their light in all their unresolved trauma, unemotional availability, and that WE WOULD be different from all the other women in his life. I learned the hard way; it wasn’t me, it was them. In Social Work school, we learned to never work harder than the client. In all your relationships, you have to assess if you are working harder than the other person. If so, why and what is the purpose and benefit of working harder than the other person? The truth may hurt but it’s better to know, work on it, then abandon yourself to meet the shortcomings of other people.

Responsible for other people’s emotions: This one took me a long time to learn. For the longest time, I felt responsible, I had to watch myself, what I said, and do, in order to appease other people’s feelings. Again, I came to the conclusion that it’s not about me, it’s about the other person, their lack of accountability, and responsibility to take ownership of their feelings. I continue to do my work and it’s up to other people to do their work. If they don’t, oh well, it ain’t my problem, and I move on.

Low effort: I no longer tolerate low effort from people; this includes friends, family, romantic partners, and professional relationships. For so long, people loved to remind me that I should be “grateful” for any attention I receive. Somehow, because I was an unmarried, childfree, woman, my time, my needs, and my wants were less important because I didn’t have “real” responsibilities as others. Many people assumed that I should wait around. Newsflash : I don’t wait to be picked and I certainly don't WAIT FOR ANYONE. I move on and I move quickly.

There are a lot more that I can discuss but the above were my top no BS list. In my professional and personal life, I see and hear so many women who stress, take on other people’s emotions, and try to fix things/people that are beyond fixing (it needs professional fixing). As girls/women, we have been conditioned and socialized to base our worth and value on what we have to give to others. Imagine if you put all that effort into YOU.

My fabulous ladies, in order to forge your own path in life, you have to decide what you’re willing to tolerate and the shit that you need to cut out of your life. In my work with people, I notice the most common themes that people are searching for are: happiness, peace, and having control of their lives. It may seem impossible, but know that all of this can be yours if you are willing to ask yourself the hard questions, do the work, and say “NOPE! NO MORE!!!” You can do this because you’re a BADASS!

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They STAYED the SAME

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:19:11 GMT

How to cope with your grief when you forge your own path and leave others who chose to stay

Happy second week of April my fabulous readers! The weather here in the Midwest is finally looking like spring. I don’t know about you all but I am so ready to ditch my close toe shoes, socks, and ready to free my feet with open toe shoes and a pedicure with spring colors to match it up. Not gonna lie, my feet really need some good loving and care after being cooped up in the winter!

As you can see, I am happy that spring is here. However, I am not in a rush emotionally to grasp at anything and everything. In life and in business, I am currently going through some transitions that have really made me face some of my fears, scarcity, and question if I am doing the right thing. My intuition is telling me that I am on the right path even though there are days when I question if I am. However, the alternative is to stay the same, wonder if I could be doing more, and questioning myself “what if.” I’ve learned that what if’s got me nothing but delays and regrets. It’s better to have done it, learn, and say “nope, it wasn’t for me.” To stay the same means to never grow, never give yourself a chance, and to always wonder where you could be if you had only believed in yourself enough.

In life, we all have choices. Many of us feel bound by our past, traumas, obligations, and traditions. These things can keep us captive and make us feel that we don’t have control about our choices. I know this is hard to hear and I will call BS on this. I know that a few of my readers will think that I am insensitive. It’s not my intent to ever be insensitive but to be real. Being real and hearing the real stuff can be hard because it means taking accountability for your life and no longer making excuses.

When I reflect on my own journey of forging my own path, at the beginning, I had assumed that everyone would be happy for me. Initially, they expressed happiness, encouragement, and positivity. There were always questions and most were made out of curiosity but some were very snide and downright rude when it came to my intentions and my hopes. That's when I knew that at times, moving in silence was the best way to demonstrate my actions.

Sometimes, the hard truth is when you decide that you want to change, be better for yourself, take chances, and leave the old ways behind, not everyone is going to want to change, better themselves, and go with you on this journey. Initially, everyone was cheering you with positive words (because they assumed that you were all just talk and not the walk) but once they saw that were serious about your transformation, they started hoping for your failure, made little jabs with their words and actions, and even gaslighted you (making you feel bad and crazy for the path that you have chosen). The truth is, it’s not about you, it’s about them and their insecurities that they are projecting onto you.

In my own journey and my work with my clients, many people discuss the grief, loss, and loneliness of taking the unknown road in bettering themselves. Whatever road that is, loneliness will be prevalent because it’s a new path. There will be a sense of loss at the beginning. It will feel that no one understands you, you will no longer be able to relate to everyone around you, and at times, it may even feel that you’re the “bad” one. You’re the villain because you chose to be different, unconventional, and refuse to partake in everyone else’s misery. You know what they say, misery loves company and you don’t want to be part of that party.

The journey in bettering yourself is not an easy one. It will likely be one of the hardest things that you will ever do. It will test you, it will make you do things that you have never done before (like believing in yourself), and you will have to make sacrifices. However, once you start doing these things, you start seeing the results; people start asking you what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and what they can do also. You gladly tell them your “secrets” but to your exasperation they actually don't want to learn. They want to know the “easy” way. You tell them there is no secret and no easy way. It takes work, dedication, and consistency but their response is “that’s too much work.”

You want to help people but the fact is, you can’t help and better anyone who doesn’t want to. At the end of the day, every human has will and it’s up to them to decide what they will do with that will. So what are some things that you can do to cope with your grief when the people in your life refuse to change for the better? Here are some tips:

Acceptance: Accept that you cannot control or change other people's behaviors. Recognize that you have done what you can to encourage positive change, but ultimately, each person is responsible for their own actions and choices.

Focus on What You Can Control : Shift your focus toward aspects of your life that you can control, such as your own attitudes, behaviors, and choices. Channel your energy into activities and goals that align with your values and bring you a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Find Meaning and Purpose: Explore ways to find meaning and purpose in your experiences, even in the face of disappointment or loss. This may involve seeking out opportunities for personal growth, volunteering, or pursuing activities that contribute to your sense of fulfillment and connection with others.

Honor Your Grief: Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what could have been, whether it's the loss of a relationship, a dream, or an expectation. Give yourself permission to experience the full range of emotions associated with grief, be gentle, and compassionate with yourself.

Stay Open to Change: Remain open to the possibilities of change, both within yourself and in your relationships with others. While you cannot force people to change, they may eventually come to their own realizations and take steps toward positive growth and transformation. We all have our own timelines.

The grief and loss related to moving on and finding your own path can be filled with loneliness, isolation, and sadness. To be your best authentic self, it can be scary because it means leaving behind all that you’ve ever known and been comfortable with. Not everyone is strong enough to do this but YOU are. You have decided that you only have one life to live and you are going to make the best of it, live according to your rules, your desires, even if it means forging your path to the unknown. Regardless of the end result, you’ll thank yourself that you did it! So what are you waiting for? Go get it BABE!

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SHAME! SHAME on YOU!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:17:16 GMT

Break FREE from the SHAME that is used to control and conform you!

Wow! It’s already the third week of April! This has been a busy month filled with many work and family commitments. This past week, I had an opportunity to return home to celebrate an event for my brother and baby niece. It was a tiring weekend but filled with lots of family and familiar faces that I haven’t seen for a while!

As always, when these events occur where there are a lot of family members present, there are always questions from cousins, aunts, and uncles about my status (marriage, where I live, what kind of work I am doing, my thoughts on marriage, when I will have children, blah blah blah). Most of these questions are asked out of curiosity and I do answer them accordingly. As always, there is always that one or two aunt or female relative who loves to insert their thoughts, opinions, and beliefs to me. When I respond back about my life choices they are in shock that I have the audacity to answer them that way and that I am unabashedly not ashamed to live the way I want to; to be different and going against the norm is something that a lot of people and sadly some women are not comfortable with; especially when they are fearful of other people’s opinions.

Which brings me to reflect about my path. At some point in my younger years, I thought I wanted the same life as everyone. I was under the impression that

I had to get married and settle down and as a result, forced unhealthy relationships that weren’t good for me simply for the sake of trying to fit the status quo of society. However, when I really allowed myself to dream and dream big, I realized that the life that I truly wanted and wished for, didn’t include living in my small Midwest city and settling down with some mediocre dude who never left the city or some dude who had no aspirations to do and be more. I knew that deep down, someone like that would hinder my growth and I would grow to be resentful because I didn’t believe in myself and I allowed other people’s opinions and their SHAMING tactics to get me to conform.

We all have been shamed at one point or another in our lives. Especially as women, we get shamed by society, the people closest to us and by random ass strangers who have no business voicing their judgements to us. We have been told constantly by everyone (our parents, the church, culture, and dudes) what it means to be a “woman” and how we are lesser if we deviate from a path that makes others uncomfortable. Shame is a powerful tactic to make us feel small, as though there is something wrong with us and used to ostracize us so others can feel better about themselves.

Ladies, to forge your own path in life, you have to work through your shame. We all have unresolved shame. It shows up in our daily lives, how we respond to others, and the things that we say and do. We don’t think we have shame until we actually process our words, interactions, and responses to situations. To be a self-aware mental health therapist, I have to check myself constantly about my own unresolved shame and how this impacts my personal and professional career. I can give a perfect example on how shame shows up in my life, specifically my professional career.

When I first decided to open my private practice in 2022, I had to choose if I wanted to panel with insurance companies or just take private pay clients. I reviewed the pros and cons of both. I wanted to be accessible to my clients and help as many clients as I could. As a BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, Person of Color) many people in my field voiced that I should take insurance because it was my duty to help the less fortunate and marginalized members of the community. If I was private pay only, I would only work with “rich, white, people.” After asking myself what I truly wanted and what made sense for me, I decided on the latter. WHOO! The comments and feedback that I received from other THERAPISTS ! Many accused me of selling out to only work with wealthy people and that I went against everything that was taught in Social Work school. I remember the feelings that I experienced: guilt, shame, greed, money hungry, and being a sell out. However, as I sat with these thoughts and feelings, I realized that people were putting their values, insecurities, and shame onto me. It wasn’t about me, it was about them and their projections. As soon as I came to this conclusion, I proudly did what was BEST for me!

Shame is an old ass powerful tool used to control people to belittle them in various contexts. The following are examples on how shame is used as a means to control people:

Social Conformity: Shame is employed to enforce social norms and conformity. Individuals who deviate from societal expectations or norms may be shamed by others as a means of pressuring them to conform to the accepted standards of behavior.

Guilt and Manipulation: Oh the guilt! Shame is used to manipulate and control others by inducing feelings of guilt or unworthiness. Manipulators leverage shame to make others feel responsible for their actions or to compel them to comply with their demands.

Power Dynamics: You can't talk about shame without talking about power. Shame can reinforce power dynamics within relationships and institutions. Those in positions of authority use shame to maintain control over others by enforcing fear of judgment for non-compliance.

Cultural and Religious Influence: We have to address this one. Shame is often used in cultural and religious institutions; shame is used as a means of regulating moral behavior and enforcing adherence to religious or cultural norms. Individuals who violate these norms may be shamed by their community or religious leaders as a form of punishment or social control.

Identity Formation: Shame can influence the formation of identity by shaping individuals' perceptions of themselves and others. Those who experience shame may internalize negative beliefs about themselves, leading to low self-esteem and a low sense of self-worth. It's used to make you feel confused!

To forge your own path in life and live a life that is truly yours, you have to work through your shame and ask yourself why certain topics and situations bring up these feelings. What I have learned for myself and in working with others is that if you do not address this, it will SHOW UP and cripple you in ways that you never thought it would. It will feel like you are living a lie, someone’s else’s life, a facade, while trying to please everyone but yourself. Shame is not about you; it’s about how others want YOU to be for their own devices. Once you work through and let go of that shame, it no longer CONTROLS you.

As always my dears, forging your one path is never easy but you have come too far and worked too hard to let something like shame stop you from being a BADASS WOMAN. Once you work through it, you WILL be UNSTOPPABLE!

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I. PICK. ME!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:15:30 GMT

Stop sacrificing your DREAMS and choose YOU!

Happy third week of April my lovely readers! I love this month because you get the best of both worlds. I confess, I love the warm weather that we had last weekend, but when I started seeing all the bugs and mosquitos buzzing around, I was like “hell no!” I’m not ready for this. I love the rainy days that make my days cozy but also the cool sunshine of the 50 and 60 degree weather that makes going out for a walk perfect.

Speaking of April, as always, this month is flying by! My month has already been busy with family events, birthday parties, and networking events. All this can be fun but also a lot of work. I love attending networking events to meet other small businesses, professionals, and especially, women business owners. When I chat with women business owners, regardless of what business we are in, it seems that we all have the same challenges and supporting one another is essential.

In my observation in both my networking and professional clients, certain themes seem to be apparent in my interactions with people. My social work/therapist colleagues always joke that people love to tell us their life stories without us prompting them. Heck, Uber drivers LOVE to trauma dump on us within a minute of us getting in the car. LOL. My point is, we must have an aura that makes people feel safe with us that they seem to be able to just talk non-stop about their life struggles without us even asking.

Which leads me to this week’s blog. One of the themes that I have heard a lot from women of late is feeling guilty and selfish for wanting to choose their wants, wishes, and their dreams and yet feel that they have to compromise all of this to meet the wants and desires of their spouse, partners, or family. You would think that in 2024, women would be encouraged to go after their dreams but sadly, this is not the case. As a matter of fact, more women than ever are feeling trapped, stuck, and shamed for wanting to choose themselves but don’t feel that they have the right to. As always, it comes back to women sacrificing their lives to complete the dreams of others.

As I mentioned before in my previous blogs, I’ve worked with women of all ages. I work with young women in their early 20’s who are figuring out who they are and women in their 60’s who are reclaiming their identity. Regardless of what stage they are in, all the women that I have worked with or come into contact with, have all felt guilt and shame about wanting to choose themselves. I see young women who give up their hopes, dreams, and aspirations to support their boyfriends’ dreams by picking up everything they own, love, and their livelihood to be closer to complete the dreams of their significant other or partners. In my line of work, I see the aftermath of the potential outcomes when you sacrifice your goals and dim your light to make others shine.

Please remember that this blog is never intended to shame you for your decisions or to trigger you. If you do feel triggered, I would ask why you feel this way. When I have assessed previous situations that made me feel uncomfortable, I realized that it was my own insecurities and feelings that increased my negative feelings.

Ladies, if you are SICK and TIRED of martyring your goals, your dreams, passions, time, and energy to complete other people, YOU DON’T HAVE TO! As women, we saw our mothers and grandmothers do this and we think that we have to continue on this cycle but WE DON’T. To be a cycle breaker, it’s going to take a lot of self-love and willingness to PISS people off. Now, I’m not saying that you are going to intentionally piss people off but being comfortable with the fact that you will likely have people mad at you because you DARED PICKED YOU. People will call you names, shame you, and will definitely call you SELFISH and you know what? Who cares if you are selfish. You’re only called selfish because you decided to live for yourself by choosing YOU!

You’re probably wondering, how do I stop sacrificing myself and learn to focus on me? Are my aspirations as important as my boyfriends, partners or family? YES. THEY ARE. Here are a few tips to help you:

Recognize Your Own Needs : Acknowledging that your needs, wishes, wants, and desires are just as important as those of others. Take time to identify what you need to feel fulfilled and happy in your own life.

Learn to Say No: Many of us grew up with people pleasing tendencies so learning to say NO is difficult. It’s okay to say NO to requests, obligations, or commitments that do not align with your priorities or values. The more you practice, the easier it becomes that you no LONGER feel guilty or obligated to explain yourself.

Practice Assertiveness: Develop assertive communication skills to express your needs, preferences, and boundaries clearly and respectfully. Remember, there is a difference between being assertive versus being aggressive. You can be assertive without being rude or accusatory.

Reflect on Your Values: Reflect on your values and beliefs to ensure that your actions align with what is truly important to you. Let your values help guide your decisions and actions instead of the expectations or demands of others.

Celebrate Your Autonomy: Celebrate your autonomy and independence by making choices that honor your own needs and desires. Embrace the freedom that comes with taking control of your own life and being at peace with it!

Forging your own path in life can be different things to different people. When I help people forge their own path in life, I want them to embrace their choices, not feel judged or be ashamed that they were honest with themselves and took what they want without feeling guilty.

Ladies, one of the things that I hear consistently from people, especially women, is that they always assume that they are the EXCEPTION . They assumed that nothing bad would ever happen to them. That the person that they dim their light for, left their livelihood, dropped out of school or had kids for (yes; I am going there) would never leave them, would never cheat of them, would neve abuse them, or make them a single mother because they put all their trust and fate into that person.

If your gut is telling you to choose yourself, to follow your dreams, even if it means making that person mad at you or you lose that someone, it’s a hard choice you have to make. Too many women I know both personally and professionally, have regretted that they LOST themselves.

In our society, as girls and as women, we have been conditioned to put our dreams and ourselves on the backburner so we can allow others to complete their dreams and be the “woman behind every great man.” I don’t know about you but I’ve never been good about standing behind some mediocre dude when I know that I’m as good or even better. Darlings, it’s time to stop being a “pick me” girl and be the I. PICK. ME. WOMAN. IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO CHOOSE YOU. I know you got this GIRL and the world is waiting for you to blaze your fire! So what are you waiting for?

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It’s “right” but why does it feel so WRONG?

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:13:42 GMT

How doing everything "right" can feel WRONG when it's not what YOU WANT

Happy last week of April! You know what they say, April showers bring May flowers and yet some of you may be wondering what flowers? I know that in talking to many people, things just feel very hard right now. I have been reflecting much on my April and how this will transition into May. Even with all the uncertainty, I remain hopeful as I know that all of this is meant to help with my growth and hence, I am here to remind all of you that tough times are part of your strength and growth.

As my avid readers know, I have been transitioning through some changes in my business and I am happy to say that in addition to my therapy business, I have also added a coaching and consulting business also! My coaching and consulting business has been in the works since last fall. Some of you may be wondering why I decided to add coaching and consulting. I knew that intuitively I wanted to do more than just therapy and that by sticking with therapy, I would be doing myself a disservice by not challenging myself and believing that I can do more.

As with anything new that I do, I research, I like to do things “by the book,” I sign up for free seminars, webinars, and anything that would be a resource for me. There were many presentations that emphasized that “this is the right way to do it, if you want to be “SUCCESSFUL,” especially when it comes to the male dominated world of Consulting.

As I sat, watched, listened, and took notes, to these people who were great at their jobs and who were successful, I knew that the information that they taught had a lot of value and would likely make me become successful too; and yet, as I sat and listened, my gut was telling me, that it was all wrong. The presenter wasn’t wrong…it just felt wrong for ME .

Why did it feel wrong for me? It felt too impersonal (felt like a business class 101). Now, I understand that we’re in the business of being a business which is to make money and a living. However, as I sat and reflected, I realized that I also had a choice on how I choose to make my money and what I want my branding, business, and message to attract. I realized that I wanted to be authentic and show up as my real self versus some pompous “Big 4” consultant who was all business without the emotions and human aspect of working with people.

You’re probably wondering what the heck does all of your consulting business have to do with me and forging my own path this week Poiab? Well…it’s not the consulting business itself but the feelings, reservations, and trusting my intuition on doing what is RIGHT for me.

Our society loves to tell us how and what is the “right” way to do things. In one of my earlier blog posts, I discussed challenging the status quo of society and what society views is right, may not be what is “right” for you. How many of us have tried to do everything “right” and still felt miserable? (I’m raising my hands right now). Many of the clients that choose to work with me “have it all” from the outside. Perfection in their image, work, house, spouse, kids, vacation, and sadly it’s all a facade. One word that they all use is “fraud.” They feel that they are a fraud because even if they did everything right, internally, they’re unfulfilled, miserable, and languishing away. Because they did everything “right,” and have all the external validations of society, they feel guilt and shame that they’re “complaining” about their perfect life.

First of all, I want to emphasize that there is NOTHING to feel guilty and shameful about. One of the first things in forging your own path is admitting that the current path you are on is not the right path for you. It may look right but it DOESN’T feel right. It’s okay if it doesn’t feel right; this just means that you have some work to do. Will it be easy? Probably not but whoever said forging your own path was easy?

So, you finally admitted that the path you’re on doesn’t fulfill you, you’re not happy to start your day, you feel lost, and quite frankly, you don’t even know who you are. When I work with clients who come to me feeling this way, I ask them several questions and we discuss what their FOUNDATIONS are . Whenever you build anything, it’s essential that you have foundations. My clients and I discuss the following:

Identify Core Values: Assess the different aspects of your life such as relationships, career, personal development, and spirituality. Try to identify the values that are most important in each area. Some common values include integrity, compassion, loyalty, creativity, and freedom. Then ask yourself how this relates to you and which brings out the best in you.

What is most important: Questions to ask yourself and reflect on : What do I want to achieve or experience? What makes me feel fulfilled and satisfied? What do I stand for? What do I believe in? Do I actually believe in my mission or purpose? Be honest with yourself when you ask yourself these questions.

Learn to pivot: So many people are afraid to make modifications and changes once they choose a path. They believe that they have to stick to the plan. Every plan needs pivoting, which is essential as part of your growth process. Always remember, nothing is a finale!

Make a plan: Once you identify your foundations, make a plan on how you will take action. It’s easier to divide your plan into smaller, manageable tasks or steps. This makes it less overwhelming and helps you see progress more clearly.

Prioritize Tasks: Determine which tasks take priority. Some tasks may be dependent on others or have higher priority due to their impact on the overall plan.

I know many of you are probably feeling overwhelmed with all the steps above. When I ask my clients to consider their foundations and next steps, a few have responded about how much work it is to even get started; and I respond back, “Yes. This is A LOT of work. This will be hard but CHOOSE your hard.” As my friend Angie Kircher stated, “you can’t amazon prime” hard work in a world that demands instant gratification without the work and effort.

Ladies, when you are ready to forge your own path, being honest, authentic, and doing what is right for you may be one of the most difficult things that you will have to sit with. Taking a path that may work for others, make them successful, may be their path but the steps they took, may not be right for you. You can define your own success and do what is right for you. How do you know if you’ve made the right choice? You will feel at peace and most importantly aligned with a sense of calm. So, ladies, trust your intuition, especially if the “right” path feels wrong. It’s okay to follow the “wrong.” Who knows, the wrong may lead you to the right when you finally trust the path you’re on. GET ON IT LADIES; YOU GOT THIS!

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WHY! WHY ME?!!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:12:36 GMT

How to be resilient during SHIT times when the universe is testing you

Hello! Hello! We are officially in full swing in May!! April showers have indeed brought May flowers. I can tell because my allergies are now in full bloom! I hope you had a restful and flow week. This past weekend, I had the chance to really take it slow, take care of my physical and mental health. As I looked at my calendars (I have 4 to include my work personal family calendar), I saw how busy my month and summer was already going to be! So any chance that I get to take it slow, I will!

I know it feels that 2024 just started but we’re already in the fifth month of the year. This year has been a year of letting go, following my intuition, taking on new emotions, feelings, and being in situations that caused me to feel uncomfortable. I am not going to lie, it’s been a challenging first few months of the year. A lot of it was my own doing and some of it was out of my control.

In talking with people from my personal circle and with my clients, many of you are feeling more challenged than before emotionally, financially, and spiritually. I hear it loud and clear, IT IS HARD RIGHT NOW for EVERYONE. Everyone is tired, exhausted, languishing, and just waiting for the universe to cut you some slack. You know what they say, when it rains, it pours. To some of you, it feels like it’s been a fucken category 5 hurricane that won’t ever let up.

I’ve spoken about the diversity of my readers in relation to age, race/ethnicity, regional areas, and socioeconomic status. Regardless of our differences, we all feel the same emotions, struggle with hardships, and just want to be happy, healthy, and wealthy (in terms of money, life, and relationships).

I discussed the diversity of my readers because our age, how we grew up, our coping skills, and the experiences that we have had, can be correlated to how we deal with setbacks when they occur. Even looking at my own experience as a person who is now 40 years old, I’ve learned to let go of A LOT of things that would have bothered me in my 30’s. The way that I grew up, being a child of refugees that came to the United States in 1979, having English as my second language, and growing up poor, I’ve had to be a survivor all my life. How I deal with setbacks is going to be vastly different from my nieces and nephews who were born with much more security and resources.

Please know that I am not shaming or blaming anyone who had the fortune of being born into a family with more resources. What I am saying is hardships can be defined in various ways; when someone is born into a family that does not have as much resources as others, the component of being on survival mode versus not having to be on survival mode can make a huge difference including how you view challenges, setbacks, your ability to cope, and what you decide to do after processing the setback.

I know some of you who are reading this are fed up and want to shake me and yell “Poiab!!! Stop it with all this damn bullshit and just allow me to feel the way I am feeling!!” And I assure you, please allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. As a matter of fact, I encourage you to feel those negative emotions and be honest with how you’re feeling. That part is essential in order for you to move on. If you don’t process it, you may feel stuck, which may be a barrier for you in moving forward.

Regardless of your status, your age, or the resources that you have, anyone can be RESILIENT. Being resilient means having the ability to cope, adapt, and maintain psychological well-being from stressors and in times of crisis. So what are some ways you can do to maintain resilience during SHIT ASS times:

Learn from the challenges : One of the most important things to do is view tough times as opportunities for personal growth and learning. Reflect on what you've learned from past challenges and how you can apply those lessons to the current and future situations.

Maintain Perspective: Try to see the bigger picture and remind yourself that tough times are temporary. Reflect on past challenges and how you've overcome them to gain perspective.
Rejection is redirection: Sometimes, we get rejected from the awesome school that we dreamed of attending, getting that bombass job, or that hot potential romantic partner who rejected us; a reminder to yourself that rejection is redirection. Sometimes, rejection is the universe looking out for you.

Positive Thinking: Your MINDSET is everything! It’s essential to cultivate a positive mindset by focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Look for opportunities for growth and have the ability to reflect even in difficult situations will help you.

Focus on What You Can Control: Notice that this step tends to be on the list in most of my blogs? Well there is a reason. There is only so much YOU CAN CONTROL. You must identify the aspects of the situation that you have control over, such as your attitude, actions, and how you respond to this. Dwelling on situations that you cannot control will drain you! So direct your energy toward things that are in your control.

Forging your own path is not easy and during this journey, you will have to learn how to deal with setbacks, rejection, may even be broken (financially, spiritually, physically, and emotionally), feel as though your dreams and hopes have been shattered. When you’re in it, to you at that moment, it feels as though nothing can ever revive you again. It’s so easy to go down that dark hole that will consume you. Honestly, at times, that path seems easier than the alternative.

The alternative path is picking yourself up, drying your tears, getting up and facing each day, this is the harder path. Why? Because it means that you haven’t GIVEN UP on yourself. It means that you still BELIEVE in you and you’re not going to let some stupid setback/s break you. I know that you don’t want to hear this but the universe chose you because it knows that if anyone can handle this, it’s YOU QUEEN. Queens don’t wait around. They TAKE CONTROL AND MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! They keep getting up, keep trying, and know that NOTHING gets in their way. YOU GOT THIS BOO!

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To compromise or not to compromise?

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:10:48 GMT

Stop COMPRIMISING WHO YOU ARE for other people!

Hello my lovelies! Happy post Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there and also to all the women who are not biological mothers but take on a caregiving role for others. It’s so important to acknowledge all women who take on this role. I don’t know about you all but as an auntie, I truly believe that it takes a village to raise happy, healthy, children who thrive when they have all the support but also get to see different life perspectives of others who choose not to take a traditional path.

I want to mention that the month of May has several celebrations and this includes Mental Health Awareness Month and Women’s Health Month. I am very passionate about these two areas and this is why I do the work that I do, especially in writing this weekly blog and working with women to empower them to forge their own path in life.

Even though it’s 2024, we have made a lot of progress as a society for women but there are still many things that our society is lagging behind in the support of women to include our physical and mental health. One of the things that I continue to observe in both my professional and personal acquaintances is the self-sacrificing that women do for others and how this impacts not only their physical but mental health. As women, we are notorious for putting other people’s needs before our own. In forging your own path, my intent is to help all women speak up, reinforce their boundaries, and stop self-sacrificing to meet the needs of others while neglecting their own.

In my work, I’ve had the privilege to work with so many remarkable women who were ready to start their process of healing so they can forge their path in life. All the women that I worked with came from different backgrounds with various experiences and yet they weren’t all so different. One of the things that I observed is when we explored the emotional aspect of self-sacrificing , there was a lot of anger towards others for not recognizing their self-sacrifice. Many of the women spoke in detail about what they had to give up and what they had to compromise to make other people happy.

As we explored the emotions, the feelings that included hurt and exhaustion, we got to the truth of it; my clients and I came to the conclusion that it wasn't the fact that they were mad at the other person/people for how they were feeling, it was the fact that they (client/s) were mad at themselves for allowing other people to compromise their values for the relationship. Yes. I said it, they ALLOWED the other person to COMPROMISE who they were for the sake of the relationship.

Now, I know. We’ve all been told that to make a relationship work, we all have to make compromises. Do I believe that? Well it depends on what you’re asking the other person to compromise. So many of us, especially as women, have been conditioned that we need to compromise ourselves, our wants, desires, and goals for the good of whatever relationship we are in. In the end, we get mad, resentful, and are full of regret about the choices that we made. Initially, we are angry towards the other person who we felt that forced us to make decisions that did not align with our values. However, when you really assess, it’s actually anger towards yourself for permitting that person/people to allow you to go against what you believed in.

Ladies, as always, this blog is not here to shame or judge you for making the decisions that you made in the past. This blog is to educate and inform you on how to make the right decisions for you. It’s a guide to help you if you find yourself in the same situation again and how to learn from it. Regardless of what relationship you are in (romantic, family, work, friendship), having to compromise who you are usually leaves negative feelings when you finally leave the relationship or if you’re still in it. The following are tips to consider on how to NOT COMPROMISE yourself in a relationship:

Please get to Know Yourself: Understand your values, interests, and reinforce your boundaries before entering into a relationship. Knowing yourself will help you recognize when something doesn't align with who you are.

Communicate Openly: Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and honestly. Effective communication is key to ensuring that all parties understand each other's perspectives and can find common ground that works for all.

Don't Neglect Yourself! It’s so easy to neglect yourself, especially if you are in a new romantic relationship or have other competing priorities that take your attention. It’s essential to prioritize your self-care and self-love. Remember to take care of your own needs, both physically and emotionally. You have to learn to pour into your own cup before you before for others.

Trust Your Instincts: Listen and pay attention to your gut feelings! If something doesn't feel right or if you feel like you're losing yourself in the relationship, address it and reassess the situation. Sometimes, our head says one thing, our heart tells us another, but our gut never lies!

Be Assertive: Don't be afraid to speak up if something is bothering you or if you feel like your boundaries and values are being compromised. Assertiveness is essential for maintaining your self-respect and ensuring that your needs are met and respected.

As always ladies, forging your own path in life means taking accountability for your emotions and actions. At some point, if you find that you are unhappy, not satisfied, and continue to reinforce the same behaviors that keep you stuck, tired, and angry at other people, you have to be honest with yourself on why this keeps happening.

Forging your own path in life means getting to know yourself, what your boundaries are, and believing that YOU ARE WORTH IT! This also means that you believe in you, believe that your words, actions, and your emotions are valid. This means that you DON’T HAVE TO COMPROMISE YOURSELF TO MEET THE NEEDS OF OTHERS. It’s so easy to abandon yourself and comprise who you are to complete others but moving forward, you’re done with that SHIT! Instead, you’re going to focus on YOU , follow your dreams, goals, and do whatever the HELL YOU WANT. Be ready, all of us, we'll be cheering you on as YOU DO YOU!

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PRIORITIZE YOU!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:09:27 GMT

The importance of prioritizing both your physical and mental health!

Hello my lovely readers! I hope your month is going well! I can’t believe that this weekend is already Memorial Weekend! Recently, a family member asked me what my plans were for Memorial weekend and I nonchalantly replied that it was still weeks away and I had no plans. They corrected me and said it was next weekend. I gasped in horror and quickly pulled out my phone to look at the calendar. They were right, it was next weekend (this was last weekend when I gasped in shock). May has been a very busy month full of weddings, family gatherings, graduations, and other events. I don’t know about you all but I’m ready for my summer to calm the heck down and it’s not even summer yet!

Besides a month full of weddings, graduations, and other various parties, May is also Women’s Health Month and it is also Mental Health Awareness Month. Two areas that I am passionate about and yet two areas that many people, especially women continue to struggle with. Many women continue to feel gaslighted about their physical health when they see their doctors, are often told that “it’s all in their head” or told to “just lose weight” when we bring in concerns. When we hear comments like this, we start doubting ourselves, our experiences, and downplay what we feel and what we deserve.

Our physical health has such an impact on our mental health. Comments above make many women believe that we are not important enough, that how we feel is not valued, and that our concerns are dismissive, which in turn makes many women feel that they’re not worthy. I have seen this time and time again in both my professional and personal life and you know what’s even harder? When you are a woman of color (WOC) who is seeking professional services related to your physical and mental health. The stories I have heard and even my own experiences as a WOC has made me feel dismissed, ridiculed, and downright invisible.

To honor both Women’s Health Month and Mental Health Awareness month, I am doing something different this week. This week’s blog will focus on how our physical and mental health are interconnected. Most of my readers are aware that I am a mental health therapist that focuses on the importance of holistic health and how physical, mental, spiritual, and soul all are connected. When one area is off balance, it will impact the other areas of life.

I want to preference that I understand that not all my readers share my view on this holistic approach regarding our overall health and I am okay with that. I encourage all of you to do what is best for you and how you want to approach your health; yet, I will say our physical health largely impacts our mental health and vice versa. You cannot do one without the other.

Why is the topic of women’s physical and mental health so important? For many reasons! Often, as women, we are the foundation of our families and communities. We are caregivers, mothers, leaders, and take on a lot of responsibility within our household and also outside. When our needs are not met and we’re not doing well physically and mentally, it’s a domino effect, it impacts everyone in our system.

So what are some of the top issues concerning women’s health (both physically and mentally) and how does this show up in our daily lives that we may not even be aware of?

Chronic Illness: Mental health diagnoses such as depression and anxiety can increase the risk of developing chronic illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. The stress associated with these conditions can lead to changes in the body, including increased inflammation and disrupt the immune function.

Hormonal Imbalances: This can be a hidden one! Many of us never think about our hormones but our mental health can affect hormonal balance, leading to problems such as irregular menstrual cycles, severe premenstrual syndrome (PMS), and exacerbated symptoms of menopause. Stress and anxiety, in particular, can disrupt the endocrine system, affecting hormone production and regulation. I don’t know about you all but in looking back at times when I had a lot of stress, my period would often be late and I would have other added symptoms that just made me feel awful!

Sleep Disorders: Yep! I had to add this one. Why? Because this is so essential. Mental health conditions often lead to sleep disturbances, such as insomnia or hypersomnia. Poor sleep quality can weaken the immune system, increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, and contribute to weight gain. Doesn't sound fun at all and I am sure we all can relate to this at one point or another. How many of us have woken up too much on the wrong side of the bed and that sets off our shitty day or worse even our week? Sleep is essential and one that cannot be trifled with!

Digestive Issues: Anxiety and depression can impact the gastrointestinal system, leading to conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), chronic constipation and diarrhea. How many of us have had to use the bathroom over and over and over again or worse, can’t go to the bathroom because we think and feel like we have a stomach ache but it’s actually anxiety? It’s an awful feeling to have digestive related issues due to your mental health.

Cardiovascular Health: Depression, anxiety, and chronic stress are associated with an increased risk of hypertension, heart attacks, and strokes. Unresolved mental health issues can lead to behaviors that negatively impact cardiovascular health, such as poor diet, lack of exercise, and smoking (been there and definitely done that, especially using ice-cream as my main coping food).

Pain Perception: When mental health goes untreated, it can influence the perception of pain. Women with depression or anxiety may experience chronic pain conditions, such as fibromyalgia or chronic pelvic pain, more intensely due to altered pain processing in the brain. When I used to work with women Veterans, over 90 percent of them had fibromyalgia and also had a diagnosis of PTSD. Unfortunately, many of them were victims of some form of sexual assault during their time in the military and had PTSD due to their time in the service. Most of them had chronic pain and were unable to complete daily functioning tasks due to their pain. Is there a correlation of the mind and body? Definitely!

Lifestyle Choices: Ooof! I can relate to this one 100%! I’m sure all of us can! Poor mental health can lead to unhealthy lifestyle choices, such as overeating or undereating, substance use, and physical inactivity. These behaviors can contribute to various physical health problems, to include obesity, malnutrition, and increased risk of chronic diseases. Before I started my own business, I had several soul sucking shitty jobs. I was so unhappy that when I got home, I sat on the couch, turned my TV on, and napped for two hours, ate dinner, and got ready for bed again. Not surprisingly, I gained weight due to my unhappiness. How we feel can have such a huge impact on our physical well-being.

Self-Care and Health Maintenance: Women experiencing mental health issues may neglect self-care and health maintenance, including regular medical check-ups, medication adherence, and personal hygiene. This neglect can lead to the worsening of existing conditions and developing new health issues. In my work as a Social Worker and Therapist, I encountered so many women who neglected themselves because they had so many burdens to carry. It’s so easy to “let yourself go” when you’re feeling down, neglect yourself, and are not feeling mentally well. The idea of a woman having “self-care” is still such a new concept because too many women feel guilty or selfish for taking care of themselves. To all my ladies, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU! Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive! It can be something as simple as taking a few minutes to yourself in the morning or at night, drinking coffee in silence without any distractions, going for a walk, etc.

There is so much more on how our physical health impacts our mental health but the above were some of the main points that I wanted to emphasize. As women, we are often forgotten as we try to be superwoman for everyone else but OURSELVES .

Ladies, the only way for change to occur is we all start making changes for ourselves. We have to be our own advocates by speaking up and saying that we deserve care! We should not feel guilty that we are prioritizing our health. Sadly, why is this even a conversation that we have to have? Shouldn’t this just be the norm? Shouldn’t our physical and mental health be a priority and not be viewed as a privilege?

As a woman, a mental health therapist, and coach, I am honored to use my voice and my platform to discuss the ongoing issues that continue to hold women back from expressing ourselves, our needs, and doing what is RIGHT for us. We all deserve to be educated, be informed, be heard, and not be MANSPLAINED about what others think is best for us. So my beautiful badass ladies, keep showing up, keep asking away, and always remember that you are WORTHY ! GO ON; GO TAKE CARE OF YOU!

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DO NOT DISTURB!

Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:07:01 GMT

Embracing my HAPPINESS OVER EVERYTHING (H.O.E) ERA!

Happy first week of June! I cannot believe that we are already here in summer! Wow! Last week was Memorial Day weekend and I decided that I would take the time to flow and chose not to post. I am so glad that I did because this week, I definitely have the zest and energy to post. This is a reminder to me and to all of you that it’s okay to flow and don’t force, especially with all the summer events coming up! Listening to your body is essential!

As it is June, we are halfway through the year already. I have been doing a lot of reflection on my personal and professional life and what I want for both. I restarted my blog in January by reinventing myself, how I wanted to share my message, and what I wanted this blog to be. Choosing to be your true authentic self and putting your authentic self out there, can be hella scary, but I thought to myself, “what other way is there?” I decided that I can only put ME out there. You either love me or hate me and I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

Speaking of that, about how you can either love me or hate me, since summer is here, this means a lot of family gathering, which includes a lot of questions from relatives about my current statuses to include marital, dating, children, job, where I am living, and my purposes in life, especially if I choose not to have any of the typical status quo that are deemed as society’s view of “success.”

Ladies, as a woman who is in her 40’s and who has fought hell and back to get to where I am, I am unapologetically myself when I voice my opinions to the questions posed by my relatives and others who think that they have a right to insert their beliefs to me. They’re often shocked at how shameless I am, they often try to give unsolicited advice, and some applaud me for my audacity to live the life that I want.

Reflecting back, most of my 20’s and 30’s were fighting for my peace, what I believed in, establishing my boundaries, and letting go of relationships that no longer benefited me. I learned to stand up for myself, believe in myself, and bet on myself because I knew that if I didn’t do this for myself, NO ONE ELSE WAS GOING TO DO IT FOR ME. I knew that no one was going to come and save me and that I had to save myself, even from toxic family members and friends. I learned that only I could give myself the life I wanted. If someone offered to save me, they could easily have taken it away. I knew I had to be responsible in building the life I want without others making demands and using it against me as leverage.

Now, I know that my life experience is very different from others and if anyone who is reading this has received the utmost support in their journey, congratulations! I am happy for anyone who has received blessings and support from their family or others to make their journey filled with happiness and ease. I don’t begrudge anyone who has the resources to make their journey in life easier; this is why I have worked so hard on myself and my journey so I can provide my loved ones with these blessings.

The people who don’t know my journey and just see me from the outside, would likely make a judgment that I have an easy life; and I will admit that I do have a nice, flow, life. I’ve heard people make comments to me, “Oh it must be sooo nice” in a condescending tone. I reply back, “yeah! It’s wonderful!” Why? Because I will not dismiss the hard work that I’ve done internally and externally! I chose this path and anyone can choose their own path with hard work (internally and externally) and being honest with themselves on what they want and don’t want.

This week’s blog post is not intended for me to brag about my accomplishments but rather, the work, the boundaries, the grief and loss, and other barriers that I have had to deal with in order to be where I am. Many of my clients first come to me because they are not living the life that they want. We discuss the life that they envision for themselves and most of the time, it involves them getting to choose how they want to live. Unfortunately, some of us will have to FIGHT to have the life that we want that involves respect , peace , and without disturbance.

Currently, my status is DO NOT DISTURB and I am embracing my H.O.E (happiness over everything) era. If you’re ready start this era, here are a few tips that I have implemented to make this happen:

Stick to your boundaries: I get it! You’re like Poiab! I am sooo sick of you talking about boundaries! We freaking get it!! It’s all about your damn boundaries! But it’s true! Stick to your boundaries. Remember, boundaries are standards and expectations that you have set for yourself on how you want to be treated, will and not tolerate, what you’re willing to and not willing to accept. People both personally and professionally will try to test you and get you to give them a discount. Remember, you’re not for SALE. You are the FULL PRICE.

Know your worth: As I mentioned above, you have to believe that you are not on sale. A lot of people will try to make you think you’re on sale but honey, you’re not! You are the FULL PRICE and you have to remind others of your worth! Since I started my business, many employers have reached out to me wanting me to do this or that for them. They offer me pay that is laughable, downright insulting, will increase my stress, and take me away from doing the work that I truly want (like my blog and other creativity). What I do in return is make a counter offer of what I am looking for, what I demand, and how I can work with them. They decline, I wish them well, and move on. Walking away is the best power to have. Remember, you are quality and not everyone can afford you!

Be UNBOTHERED: This one took a long time to master! Once I learned to have my boundaries, know my worth, surround myself with uplifting people who also dreamed big with aspirations like mine, I learned how to be unbothered by people who wanted me to react to them. I don’t react. I don’t give them the power to ruffle my feathers, and if they did, I would reflect on my reaction. I realized that because of who I am and where I am in life, people will try to “humble me” by trying to notch me down. Remember, people will project their insecurities to you but it’s not on YOU it’s on them.

Conserve my time/energy: Your time is your currency! In business, it’s all about your time and how you choose to spend that time. Coming from a family and culture that demanded my time constantly during the weekends for me to break my back to cook, clean, and help other family members for their weddings, their family events, really made me question why I was giving them all my time, my sleep, and energy, knowing that they will never reciprocate this for me. As a childfree, single woman, I realized that I have given so much of myself, my money, and time. I don’t begrudge anyone for their happy events. However, when I opened my business, besides immediate family members, no one else acknowledged my accomplishments and life changes because it wasn’t the “norm.” This is when I knew that my time and energy was precious and not everyone deserves my giving and kindness.

The above are just a few tips but the most essential ones that have helped me in my journey. I encourage all of you to explore to see what will work for you. It may take a few tries, modifications, but you will find what works best for you.

Ladies, forging your own path, becoming a badass, who lives her life in peace, will take a lot of work, letting go of people and relationships that no longer align with you, and accepting your shameless self. Not everyone can handle that, and that’s when you know that relationship has run its course. Not everyone can handle you and that’s their PROBLEM NOT YOURS.

As someone who has fought to be authentic to live the life that I truly want, I’ve had to teach others how to treat me, ask for my permission before making assumptions about my time and what I am willing to accept. I’ve to do A LOT of work by crying, questioning if I did and said the right thing, dealing with shame and judgment, and OWNING MY PATH. If someone were to ask me if all of this was worth it, oh IT WAS; because I am now in my

H.O.E era and it feels fucken great to NOT BE DISTURBED! My queens, go ahead and embrace your H.O.E era! You won’t regret it!

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Shh..Actions speak LOUDER than WORDS

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:03:16 GMT

The importance of MOVING in SILENCE and keeping your intentions quiet

Happy second week of June everyone! Summer has officially started! For those who have children, your kids may be out of school and you may already have started your summer travel plans. For those who are childfree or without children, happy June and I hope you all are enjoying this month doing whatever your hearts and goals desire.

June means we are halfway through the year already! Wow! How are you all feeling about it? Personally for me, I always reflect and ask myself, am I doing all the things that I know I am capable of doing? If not, what is holding me back from doing the things that I want to do, I know I can do, or why am I unable to accomplish this at this time?

As many of you are aware, I am a solo entrepreneur , single, and childfree. Reading that, most of society and others will make assumptions about my time, my stress, and frankly my privilege. Yes, I do have a lot of privilege but so do others with or without children. We all have resources and we all have a choice on how we choose to spend and utilize those resources.

In my personal and professional life, many people like to make assumptions about me because of my status (as mentioned above). You’ve all heard me discuss how society and even my own family members (to include immediate and extended family) like to make assumptions and make judgments about my time, my goals, and how I should be living my life according to their STANDARDS.

In last week’s article I discussed how much of my 20’s and 30’s were about fighting for my peace, standing up for myself, and establishing/reinforcing my boundaries. It was very hard but those were my foundations that were needed to not be disturbed, have my peace, and finally living in my H.O.E era!! (Hopefully all of you read last week's blog about what H.O.E stands for).

As I’ve grown, matured, and continued to work on myself, I realized that I had to work on myself, growth, and goals alone. Early during my journey both personally and professionally, when I had an idea, I would be so excited to tell my friends and family about it. I imagined scenarios in which they would respond with positivity and congratulate me for my ideas and motivations. Instead, I was met with pushback, questions and comments on how things weren’t going to work (even though no one has ever attempted it), and how it was a “dumb” idea. As you all imagine, it’s so easy to shut down when you hear these comments.

Luckily, I’ve become tenacious, believed in myself, and STOPPED asking others about their thoughts and opinions about my dreams and intentions. I’ve learned that I needed to take certain journeys alone, surround myself with others who were also going through the same journeys, and who have actually DONE it. I decided that I will NO LONGER ask armchair people for their feedback about things they knew NOTHING about.

Ladies, in a world full of oversharing, needing validation, and competition on who has a better life, we’re all competing with the Joneses and each other. Most if not, is all a facade, an outside appearance to hide true misery for external validation. Everyone wants to show and tell their newest toys, houses, relationship status, and brag about how great their life is. It’s all about FOMO (Fear of missing out) and making you feel as though you’re missing something out by making you feel lesser than.

Besides my professional life and putting my brand out there, most people don’t know much about my personal life. When I have attended family events, I’ve had extended family members ask if I am still living in the same town, have the same job, etc. I do update them and they are surprised. They note that I’m not active on social media and that I don’t show off my big milestones (personally). I think to myself? Why? What is the purpose?

As I’ve grown older, I am all about JOMO (Joy of missing out). The best thing about JOMO is that I no longer need to show off. Why? I’ve learned that actions speak louder than words. Having anonymity is a blessing, and not being bothered is truly peaceful when you don't share every damn aspect of your life.

This brings me to discuss the importance of moving in silence. This term has been used to describe keeping your motivations, goals, and intentions to yourself or to a few people who you truly trust. In my work with clients, we discuss the benefits of moving in silence as many of them have hopes and goals that no one seems to understand, support, and can be downright hurtful. That’s why keeping silent about your intentions can be your best protection.

So how and what are the benefits of moving in silence? Here are some important tips to live by:

Keep Your Plans Private : As discussed, avoid discussing your plans and goals with others; only share with those who need to know, who you trust, and who will uplift you.

Limit Social Media Activity : Refrain from sharing too much personal information or plans online. If you have a professional presence or brand, it’s perfectly fine to use that to attract potential clients or receive brand deals. Keep your professional and personal life separate.

Be Selective with Your Circle : Moving in silence is all about leveling up. In this blog, I have reinforced this numerous times on who you surround yourself with can either make or break you. Who you choose to surround yourself is essential. Remember to surround yourself with trustworthy individuals who will respect you, your privacy, and understand the importance of discretion.

Act Without Announcement : Take actions quietly and avoid announcing your moves and plans. Just do them, work on them, and let your actions and achievements speak for themselves.

Stay Focus and Consistent : Continue to work diligently and consistently towards your goals without getting distracted. During this journey, at times, it will be hard as you may experience FOMO when everyone else is showing off but remember to stay consistent and continue to celebrate your wins, no matter how small and acknowledge each of your accomplishments!

As you always my Queens, forging your own path is never an easy journey. During this journey, you will have some that will cheer you on and you will have some that will try to sabotage you. By keeping your intentions, goals, and dreams quiet, no one can stop you from living your best life.

Remember, words are cheap and ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. When you move in silence, do the work, and you are rewarded with the results, people are going to start noticing your glow, your confidence, your no BS persona, and will wonder what you did. It’s up to YOU to decide if you want to share your journey or not. Honestly, some people don’t deserve to know or be around your presence. Be prepared for jealousy, resentment, and anger towards you as YOU achieve what you set your mind to; and as always my QUEENS, OWN IT! Own this journey and OWN WHO YOU ARE!

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Nah! I’m gonna MATCH your ENERGY!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:01:27 GMT

Stop giving your energy and start matching other people's energy!

To My Dearest Gentle Readers,

If anyone has been watching Netflix or have read the books from one of my favorite authors, this quote is from the notorious Lady Whistledown from Netflix Bridgerton series where one of the main characters writes gossip about the elite society in London during the early 1800’s.

Even though I am living vicariously through Lady Whistledown wishing I was writing about gossip instead of wellness, I can love writing about wellness. Why? Because I get to truly use my voice and be me. I never thought I was a good writer as a few of my high school teachers and college professors have commented about my writing. Some were surprised that I could write (since English wasn’t my first language) and some told me I would never amount to anything because my writing wasn’t persuasive enough. As my mother would say to me, “you never listen!” Fortunately for me, I never listened and still did what I wanted and will continue to do what I want, which is continue writing this fun blog!

Speaking of Bridgerton, even though the books and the series took place in the early 1800’s, there were so many themes that are still prevalent today, especially the ongoing struggles for women. We are still fighting to be heard, to be seen, and want the right to be who we are without hiding. That’s why feminism is so important. We just want EVERYONE to have the right to be who they are without judgment!

In the series, we also see who stands by the main character Penelope when it is revealed that she has been Lady Whistledown all along. Understandably, some of the people closest to her were angry, felt betrayed, were envious and…jealous. They were jealous of her skills, her cleverness, and the fact that she was able to pull off such a stunt (especially a woman). Oh and by the way, because of her endeavors, she was a hella rich woman (by today’s standards, she was a millionaire)!

Alas, my blog today isn’t about Netflix and the Bridgertons. It’s about who sticks with you when you become who you truly are and when you are an accomplished woman who chooses to no longer be a wallflower and chooses to show who they truly are. When you decide to be an accomplished person who doesn’t let fear, unresolved trauma, and other barriers stop you from being a badass, not everyone is going to celebrate your accomplishments with you.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I know that a lot of my badass readers are some of the most badass, go-getters, who don't take shit and NO for an answer. Because you are all queens, I bet that some of you have lost some people during this journey of being a badass. Sad truth is, not everyone can handle being around you because you are a motivated, happy, and no BS person who takes accountability for their actions and their life circumstances.

Ladies, you’ve heard me talk a lot about my own journey as I also navigate forging my own path. My journey started two years ago and comparing my journey from two summers ago to now, I have lost 75 percent of my circle. How? Once people saw what I was doing, how hard I was working to create the life that I wanted, they could no longer relate to me. When I was still working for someone else and languishing away, I was relatable because I was literally waiting to live my life on the weekends and on vacations. I counted the days when I could take a break from life instead of living life and being in the present moment. I would bitch, complain, and go drink/happy hour (no judgment for the occasional happy hour) was my way of coping.

Even though I decided to forge my own path, one thing that was important to me was to keep in contact with those who were important to me and those who INITIALLY supported me. I would reach out via text and ask if they would like to meet up as I knew the importance of staying connected. However, I started noticing that people closest to me would start making excuses, telling me that their time is limited due to being a parent or other obligations. Now, I know before some of you come at me that being a parent or other obligations are hard, but these arrangements and meetings were made well AHEAD of time, where there was plenty of notice to make alternative arrangements.

I also noticed that initially, as a new business person, I would support many other new and small businesses also. I’m the type that would always support someone else's posts and make comments. However, I noticed that the support and energy, that I gave to people was not reciprocated. It didn’t even have to be someone in business. I began to notice that because I was a childfree, single, woman, somehow, my time, energy, and resources were expected to be more giving than others..and what did I get in return?? Exhaustion, my back hurting (from physical labor of helping others throw their parties) and money. Lots and lots of money that was spent on other joyous occasions that were often seen as more acceptable simply because it checked society’s box of success.

So moving forward, I decided that I will match other people’s energy. If they don’t reach out and respond, I don’t reach out and respond (it goes both ways). If they don’t have time for me, I don’t have time either. Matching other’s energy insteading going above and beyond is something that I am protecting myself from.

Ladies, here are some other things to consider too when matching and protecting your energy:

Don’t work harder than others: Again, in social work school, we discussed working harder than others. If you want to maintain a relationship that is important to you, you have to decide if you want to work harder than the other person. If so, what are the benefits of having this relationship? Is it worth it to you? Are you willing to put in all the work and effort? What will you gain? What will you lose? These are important questions to consider if you want to maintain a relationship in which you will have to put in more work.

Limit your exposure: Some relationships may feel obligatory (family). However, it doesn't mean that you can’t maintain boundaries by limiting your exposure.

You are not responsible for their projections: The sad truth is that sometimes, when you start doing and being better, others will be jealous, insecure, and hate you because you decided to take accountability and action. You are a reminder to them about their insecurities; and guess what? It’s not your fault! You just keep thriving and living while they seethe in hate and jealousy!

Surround yourself with other BADASSES: Have you ever noticed that the people with the most to say, have the most negativity, and the trolls are the unhappiest people? If they were truly happy, fulfilled, and living their best life, they wouldn’t bother making trolling comments, body shame, or say negative things about other people. People who are Badasses, who are doing it, showing up, and living their best life, they don’t have the time or energy for negativity. Time is precious and they are going to use that time to be positive and do things that will level them up.

Ladies, forging your own path means having to deal with negative energy. How many of you anticipated this when you decided to forge your own path simply because you wanted better for yourself? I bet many of you assumed that everyone would be supportive, joyous, and would celebrate the small and big wins that come your way. It’s a big shocker when you get the opposite. It will feel as though YOU DID something WRONG . I assure you, you didn’t do anything wrong! All you did was live your best life!

Your time and energy is as important as money. You have to decide who is worth giving this resource to, especially if you have not received a return of investment in the relationship. Last week’s blog was all about how actions speak louder than words. How people present their energy is how they present their actions. My queens, it’s time to start matching other people’s actions and their energy. Please stop losing yourself to others who won’t reciprocate back to you what you have given to them! Conserve that energy for you as you thrive by living a fulfilling life full of wealth, abundance, and other badasses who uplift you! Your energy is your $$$!

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HOT Woman SUMMER!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:58:31 GMT

Embrace your inner HOT WOMAN by being bold, confident, and not giving a damn!

Hey hey all! Happy second week of July! I feel like it’s been forever since I last wrote my blog. First of all, I would like to update you on why it’s been two weeks since I last posted. Unfortunately, I got sick during the last week of June. This took a toll on me. I made the conscious decision to rest, take time for myself, and to really reset myself. Last week was the week of the 4th and I wanted to take some time to rest and spend time with family.

I don’t know about you all but when the 4th of July is celebrated, I feel like summer is already halfway over! Funny, as I grow older, the days may seem long but the years go by fast. I don’t know about you but when I think of this, it means that I shouldn't wait. You think you have all the time in the world and suddenly it’s been several years and you’re still in the same situation. Ladies, whatever it is that you want to do, please don’t wait. DO IT NOW!

Speaking of doing it now and being the summer, I don’t know about you all, but as a girl growing up in the 90’s, it was so hard to be authentic and real. Even now in 2024, some of us may still carry some of those scars, negativity, and traumas that told us that we didn’t have the perfect body or that we were “brave” to do something that was out of the ordinary simply because we are women who may not check the boxes that society has given us.

Sadly, even in 2024, society still tries to box women to check marks in a box to scare us into thinking that we are not good enough, we’re not meeting deadlines fast enough, and to gaslight us to make us think we’re crazy for wanting something different than the boxes that they have created for us. Simply, boxes were created to control and for us to not deviate from what others want for us.

To be a woman in 2024 who is over the age of 25, who is not a size 2, who is not married, who loves herself, values who she is, and takes no BS is considered “brave.” I guess we’re all brave for simply being a woman! I recall so many TV shows during the late 90s and 2000s who would tell girls/women who were not sample sizes that “you can only wear black because it slims you,” or don’t have that haircut because it makes your face “too round” or that you can’t shop at a particular store because their clothes are only for “skinny” people or don’t eat carbs because they’re “bad for you.” Notice all these rules? Now that I think of it, why were there so many damn rules for us? No wonder why so many of us are still trying to heal from our past!

Well, since it is 2024, I AM DONE WITH RULES! I am done with society’s, unhealed men, and other unimportant people’s opinions about how I should be as a woman in this day in age. I am going to check my own boxes (previous blog that I wrote about), wear whatever the fuck I want, do the things that I always dreamed of, and live the life that I know is best for me.

Some of you may or may not have heard HOT GIRL SUMMER. This term is relatively new and it was aimed at young women (college age and up) to empower them to explore their sexuality, confidence, have fun, and live boldly! Summer tends to bring out the fun, happiness, and boldness in many of us. However, summer has also held a lot of us back too due to things that society deemed that unconventional girls/women couldn’t do, wear, or be simply because we didn’t meet their standards of what a “hot girl” is.

Well, FUCK THAT! My queens, if you haven’t already, let’s embrace our HOT WOMAN SUMMER! I call it WOMAN summer because it’s about embracing the confidence of being a woman who is no longer looking for external validation. As a girl and a young woman, too many of us were still looking for external validation to make us feel good about ourselves. As a woman, we DON’T need other people’s opinions to make us feel good. We know that we are damn FABULOUS and WE VALIDATE OURSELVES!

So, let’s embrace our HOT WOMAN SUMMER by doing the following:

Body Acceptance : Ladies, I know this one is hard for a lot of us. Learn to appreciate your body for what it is! We don’t know how to appreciate our bodies until we lose functioning. Our bodies change as we grow older! This was very hard for me when I became 40. All the things that used to work in my 20’s and 30’s, didn’t work for me anymore. I worked on what I had to and I appreciate and embrace my body as it is. Celebrate your body!

Dress for Yourself : How many of us at one point in our lives have heard, “You're too old to wear that” or “You’re too big to wear that,” or “that color doesn’t look right on you.” Ladies, WEAR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT! You have not come this far in life to be told what to wear. Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. Choose outfits that reflect your personal style and make you feel attractive and ROCK IT!

Positive Self-Talk : You’ve heard me say this before and I’ll say it again. Your outside appearance can only take you so far. You can look hot as hell on the outside but if on the inside, your mental health hasn’t had it’s glow up, it’s going to show on how you act, you react, and the patterns that keep showing up. You have to replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations, focus on your strengths, achievements, and what you are proud of!

Self-Care Routine : Being a HOT WOMAN is all about prioritizing your self-care. Do things that make you feel good about yourself, such as skincare, exercise, putting (or not) putting on make-up, and participating in hobbies that you enjoy.

Positive Relationships : Confession time: As a hot girl in her 20’s and 30’s, I wasted time on people who were hot on the outside but damn, were they jerks! I wasted so much of my energy and time with people who brought out the hotness but also the biggest insecurities in me. Luckily, I learned, moved on, and will no longer tolerate shit like that. So, being a HOT WOMAN means spending time with people who uplift, support, and believe in YOU. Be aware, when you become a HOT WOMAN, you will have haters and it’s best to avoid those who bring negativity and hate into your life.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone : Be BOLD and step out of your comfort zone! Challenge yourself by doing something new and something that scares the SHIT out of you. Being BOLD, taking small steps, and celebrating those successes, will help build your confidence. Nothing holds you back as a HOT WOMAN!

There you have it ladies. A few steps in helping you embrace your HOT WOMAN SUMMER! Doesn’t it sound fun, thrilling, and full of acceptance? Being a HOT WOMAN is not about looking it’s about BEING and ACCEPTING. It’s more about your mental than your physical. It’s all about confidence and OWNING who you are.

Ladies, forging your path means owning who you are and your journey. It will be filled with ups and downs but it also means embracing your authentic self, your flaws, and continuing to work on areas that you would like to improve on. You can be the WOMAN of your dreams by owning that you are a HOT WOMAN who knows her worth, value, and will continue to be beautiful not only on the outside but on the inside also! So OWN being a HOT WOMAN!!!

Living the ANTI-Heroine LIFE

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:56:07 GMT

STOP being a superwoman and embrace a VILLIAN Life

Hello to all my beautiful ladies! Welcome back! I know that some of you are still on vacation and kudos to you! I’m all about taking vacations and staycations! I don’t know about all of you but after I go on vacation, all I want to do is to recover from that vacation! If you have the time to do that, do it!

We’re already in the third week of July! Holy moly! How are you all feeling? If you haven’t had a chance to read last week’s blog on having your HOT Woman SUMMER , it’s never too late to start! I’ve found that summer is the perfect time to make changes for yourself; this may include your fitness, your mental health, or doing something that scares the shit out of you and don’t let fear stop you from being your authentic self!

If some of you were not aware, I was sick about two weeks ago. I had this awful cold that felt like I had COVID. During my convalescence, this was the perfect time for me to watch movies. I watched several and started noticing several trends. I thought to myself, hmmm…why is it always the daughter or some other woman who has to pay and sacrifice herself for the actions of her father or men in the family? They have to give up their freedom in exchange for the shitty actions of the men in their family! Which of course, got me so angry! Funny, growing up, these movies seemed so romantic…now, I scoff and yell at my TV. Yes. I am projecting my anger at my poor TV. Rest assured, I tell my TV that it’s not their fault for my projection.

Sadly, throughout history, women have paid the price, and have had to sacrifice themselves to keep the peace due to other people’s actions regardless of our wants, desires, and happiness. Even though it’s 2024, some of us are still sacrificing ourselves to meet the needs of others simply because we have been conditioned that this is our purpose in life.

As of last summer, I decided to enlist the help of a personal trainer to work on my physical health since I was going to be 40 years old in October. My intention was not to only work on my physical health but also focus on my mental well-being, and most importantly, injury prevention. During some of my sessions, my trainer would comment on how strong my back was when we would focus on my back exercises. I would jokingly state “it’s from all the shit and trauma I’ve had to carry!” I would laugh it off. But I’ve been recently thinking and reflecting on my past experiences and came to the conclusion that ooof! The truth is, I've had to carry a lot of burdens with me throughout life that I needed to work on and let go. Healing like learning, is always an ongoing journey that requires constant growth and attention.

The truth is so many of us girls and women, have been groomed to be the superwoman and heroine for others while forsaking our our needs, wants, rest, and dreams simply because the people around us have fucked up, are too lazy, have not been held accountable or have not been taught responsibility As a result, their actions are somehow our responsibility!

I hear it so often. Women are TIRED! They’re tired of spreading themselves thin to meet the needs of everyone else but their own! Well ladies, it’s time to embrace your ANTI-HEROINE ERA. What is being an anti-heroine all about? Everything opposite of what a heroine is! Ever notice how in movies, the villain/s always have the most fun? It’s because they don’t GIVE A SHIT. They do whatever the hell they want, they don’t give a damn about others (you can still give a damn about others but have boundaries), and they get to do all the things that most of us only dream of doing!

So how do you embrace your anti-heroine? Here are some things to do:

Acknowledge Imperfections : Heroes/heroines all seem sooo perfect! Ever notice that in movies, it’s all the heroes and heroines that are gorgeous, so giving, with high morals? They’re the first to sacrifice themselves? As an anti-heroine, accept that you have flaws, weaknesses, and most importantly don’t hide them. OWN THEM!

Authenticity : This is one of the hardest things to do! Why? Because it means being vulnerable, letting others see a side of you that you may have hidden, and not feeling that the true you will be accepted. The truth is, NOT everyone will be able to handle the authentic you and guess what? Screw them! Learning and accepting yourself may mean showing a side of you that people can’t relate to.

Unconventional Choices : When you decide to take the path of an anti-heroine, embrace taking unconventional paths or decisions that others might not expect or be comfortable with. A reminder, others will be UNCOMFORTABLE with the choices you make. Regardless , trust your judgments and follow your intuition.

Challenge social and cultural norms : As kids, we all dreamed of becoming the “good person” to be the hero/heroine who sacrifices themselves for others. We were taught to always be “nice” and we had to put other people’s needs before ours. Well screw that! You can be all the above but NOT at the cost of losing yourself! It’s okay to question societal norms and rules, especially if they seem unjust or outdated. Be willing to stand up against the status quo.

Develop your own ethics : As in values, you can also develop and adhere to your own set of ethics and principles that are important and meaningful to you. Again, not everyone is going to be comfortable with your ethics but as long as you’re okay with them, that’s all that matters!

My fabulous anti-heroines, when you create and forge your own path, many times, you will be a villain. Why? Because you learned that being the “good girl” or the “better person” got you nowhere but more work, taken advantage of, and trauma. You learned that giving the “shirt of your back” got you nothing but a terrible sunburn and skin that now needs to be peeled!

Being an anti-heroine is not about becoming a “bad” person. It’s about putting YOU first. As women, the biggest fear that was used against us by society was being called selfish; still in 2024, people will call us selfish simply because many of us are now choosing ourselves and our peace. If living in peace, calm, safety, and choosing myself means being selfish and an anti-heroine, shit, sign me up for LIFE!!! Ladies, moving forward, I’m all about keeping my shirt on my back and being the anti-heroine of my dreams! Go LIVE yours!

Know of someone who is ready to embrace their anti-hero life? Tell them to subscribe!

IT IS WHAT IT IS

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:54:24 GMT

Learning to accept your situation and feelings for what they are

Hello to all my BADASS Anti-Heroines who are thriving in their HOT Woman SUMMER! I hope you all are enjoying your summer! For the ladies that have not had a chance to start their HOT Woman Summer or their Anti-Heroine journey, don’t worry, it’s never too late! As I stated previously, I feel that summer is the perfect time to implement any new changes, growth, and definitely a great time for reflection on what you want in your life.

Sometimes, summer can also be the time when things become even more clear, when things and people unmask themselves. Summer brings the light, the clarity, that at times, we may have been too scared or too blind to admit to. It’s hard to admit that we’ve held on too long to certain situations and people that have overstayed their welcome.

You’re probably thinking to yourselves, wow! This week’s blog is serious after reading the first few paragraphs and yes, this week’s blog is very straightforward and a matter of fact. I’ve always been a “straight shooter” and I’ve been told by other people that it can be offensive. I used to feel bad that I was given that label but now, I realized that the people who called me that were people who could not handle the truth. To me, being a straight shooter is not being offensive, malicious, or rude. It’s me being honest about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. When you call out shit for what it is, not everyone is comfortable with that and would rather play ignorant and play it safe than address the issue.

When you’re ready to forge your own path and OWN IT, you decide to take responsibility for your path by showing up for yourself, taking action, and being consistent with your plan of action; people will start noticing the changes in you. Some will initially tell you that you’re proud of you, will cheer you on, and will tell you to keep going.

As you continue your path, work towards your goals, and prioritize the things and actions that will lead you to the next level, all the people that initially cheered you on may start making comments about your progress, your lack of absence in things that you used to participate in (that may not have been the most healthy for you), and your newfound confidence; with all these changes, you present yourself in a new light with an aura that shines brightly.

However, you notice that with this light and confidence, the comments from other people who were initially nice and supportive, become undermining and condescending. The people who were your strongest allies now seem to distance themselves from you; they no longer celebrate your wins and your work.

When this occurs, your first thought may be to question, gaslight your feelings, and the situation. You think that maybe you’re overreacting and it’s all “in your head (as women, we have been so gaslighted to not trust ourselves and our feelings). Unfortunately, when you go through a metamorphosis from being a caterpillar to a butterfly, not everyone is going to appreciate the wings you found. They’re still that caterpillar that isn’t ready to metamorphosis.

On this journey, you will learn A LOT about yourself and about other people. You will learn who are your true supporters, who will stand by you, who will cheer you on, and who is silently lurking from the shadows, watching you, hoping that you fail.

But you won’t FAIL. Failure is NOT in you. You will learn that some things will work, some things will not, you will learn to modify and pivot as needed and you don’t view any of this as a failure. Instead, these experiences empower you to continue on your path and be even more authentic to yourself.

The reality is, when you forge your own path, be who you were meant to be, you will be in situations where you will have to leave certain people behind. Will this hurt? Yes. Will you grieve? Yes. Will you question if you did the right thing? Yes. This is all part of the grieving process and also the growth process in embracing who you were meant to be.

So how do you accept things for what they are? You’ve heard this phrase “It is what it is.” What does this exactly mean? This is a way of accepting the situation/s for what they are. This is a powerful way to cope with challenges, reduce stress, and find peace in the present moment. Here are strategies to help you embrace acceptance:

Identify the Emotions : Recognize and name your emotions. Whether it's frustration, sadness, or disappointment, acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward acceptance and owning them.

Allow Yourself to Feel : Give yourself permission to experience your emotions fully without judgment. Suppressing and denying your feelings can prolong the acceptance process. This moment in your life is part of your grieving process.

Stay Present : Focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Remember, you can’t change the past.

Observe Without Judgment : Practice observing your thoughts and feelings without labeling them as good or bad. Allow yourself to just feel! This can help you develop a non-bias perspective.

Change Your Narrative : Instead of thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” Try to reframe it as, “What can I learn from this experience?” “What did this experience teach me?” It’s very easy to victimize yourself and the situation but choosing not to be a victim of the circumstance empowers you to move forward.

Accept Reality : Understand that resisting reality only creates more stress and discomfort. Acceptance doesn’t mean you approve of the situation; it simply means you acknowledge it as it is.

Release Expectations : Let go of rigid expectations about how things should be. Embrace the idea that life is unpredictable, ever-changing, and learning to adapt to these changes will help you let go of any expectations.

To all my BADASSES who are OWNING their path, remember to never make yourself small, diminish yourself or your accomplishments, simply because other people are uncomfortable or threatened by your light, confidence, and aura. You have put in the work, consistency, and BELIEF in YOURSELF and have kept going.

The sad reality is that not everyone is going to be with you on the journey and learning to accept that reality can be hard. However, once you accept the truth, acknowledge it, and allow yourself to feel the emotions, you can forge your path. Ladies, not everyone has the strength, the will, or the ambition to take control of their destiny but you have. Remember, your DESTINY IS YOURS TO MAKE! SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? YOUR DESTINY IS WAITING!

It's all about RE-SETTING

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:49:58 GMT

The importance of BEING and NOT doing

Hey! Hey to all my FABULOUS Readers! I hope you all had a chance to read my previous blog when I wrote it in Bali and the importance of re-setting. Honestly, I learned a lot about myself during that trip and will be sharing more of my experiences in future blogs.

I can’t believe that summer is over and we’re in September! ! Holy moly! Where has the summer gone? But, I’m not gonna lie, I am looking forward to FALL!!! As you can probably tell, Fall is my favorite season! Besides it being my birthday, I love the cool, cozy, comfortable weather. This weather makes me more motivated to go walk outside, enjoy nature, and be really at peace with myself.

Speaking of Bali and fall (two things that hardly seem related to each other), before, during, and after my trip, there were several things, events, and interactions that occurred that made me think of the intentions of people, my reactions to them, and made me really be honest on how I wanted to proceed. I know what you’re thinking…what does this have anything to do with fall?

Well, Halloween is in fall and (we’re still technically in summer) and yet the unmasking of people came way earlier than Halloween. This holiday is all about hiding behind a mask and eventually unmasking who you are at the end of the night. However, the unmasking of people came earlier for me than I had anticipated (or maybe this is what was supposed to happen).

I’ve shared my journey with all of you as I continue to forge my own and own it. Has it been an easy path? Hell NO! But this does not deter me from continuing on it. If you have been reading my blogs, you’ve read how I discuss the relationships that you lose and gain when you take this path. Some people will always stand by you and some, sadly, you will start losing as you get more into your path and your destiny.

Unfortunately, my dear, some of the relationships that will start to unmask and unveil themselves will be the closest relationships that you once held so dear and depended on for moral support as you take on this uneven path called life. At the beginning, some of them questioned your judgements, may have even made “concerned but well wished comments” (even when you didn’t ask for their opinions), and some may start making mean and shameful comments to you. Remember, when anyone makes these types of comments, it’s not about you, it’s about them and their unresolved issues that they are projecting onto you.

When people unmask themselves, they can no longer keep up the facade that they have been portraying. What do people use to hide their facade and unhealed wounds? I’m going to be very honest here and a few of them may trigger a few of you. It’s not my intention to trigger any of you and I will challenge that if any of the following does trigger you, ask yourselves why? Here are a few things that I have noticed:

Being a “high achiever”
Using their education as a status symbol
Showing off material possessions
Using money to hide problems
The need to overshare (personally)

There is definitely more that I can add but the above are a few that I have encountered both personally and professionally. I also want to reinforce that the above list is not anything that people should hide or be ashamed of; if any of the above resonates with you, I would ask if you are using any of the above to hide any of your unhealed wounds to encourage you to seek help if you feel that you have been using the above to use as a way to live a life that may not be authentic to who you are.

One of the hardest things is acknowledging and accepting when someone unmasks who they are to you. Maybe deep down, you’ve known their intentions or lack of but wanted to give this person/people the benefit of the doubt. You’ve known them for so long and feel a sense of loyalty to them. However, as you forge your own path, you note their efforts are no longer there or the relationship dynamic has changed making you question your relationship.

But if you are someone who has worked on themselves, and continues to always reflect about your intentions, your goals, and what is important to you, you may come to the conclusion that the unmasking of these people was a necessary part of your growth and forging your path.

So what are some things that you can do once someone or people unmask themselves to you? The following are things to consider and actions to take:

Process your emotions. Foremost, It’s normal to feel anger, betrayal, or disappointment when someone unmasks themselves. As always, take time to acknowledge and process your feelings and don’t try to dismiss your thoughts and feelings as overreacting.

Evaluate the relationship honestly. Ask yourself how this person’s actions or behavior have affected you. Were there red flags you may have overlooked? Reflecting on the relationship can help you gain clarity about whether it’s worth maintaining.

Identify patterns of deceit. If they’ve repeatedly demonstrated behavior that is fake, mean, or shaming behavior or have consistently been manipulative, this might be an indicator that they won’t change easily.

Protect yourself and move in silence: In a previous blog, I reinforced the importance of moving in silence . When people unmask themselves, they may try to use your vulnerabilities against you so keeping your plans quiet is important. Also, be cautious about sharing details or trusting them with information.

Don’t give them more power. If they’ve already revealed themselves, don’t allow them to continue manipulating or controlling you. Be mindful of how much access you allow them to your life and setting boundaries will be a necessity.

The above are some tips to help you navigate people and relationships that may have come undone. People can only put up a facade for so long before their masquerade comes undone by unmasking who they really are.

Unfortunately, people unmasking themselves can be part of the process of forging your own path and owning it. When you forge your own path, not everyone deserves to walk with you on this path. By unmasking themselves, they showed you their true face and their intentions or lack of. It may be hard to accept but not everyone deserves to be in your life.

When you become true to yourself, continue to be the best version of yourself, and know that growth will always be part of your life, not everyone has that mindset and will display their insecurities, unhealed wounds, and traumas to you…but you know what?? THAT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. YOU ARE GOING TO CONTINUE TO LEARN, GROW, TAKE CHANCES AND BE WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE. DON’T LET OTHERS UNMASKING STOP YOU FROM BEING THE BADASS THAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE!

Does another BADASS in your life need help navigating their own path? Tell them to SUBSCIBE for weekly inspiration!

The UN-Masking of people

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:41:36 GMT

What to do when people Un-VEIL who they are under the facade

Being a “high achiever”
Using their education as a status symbol
Showing off material possessions
Using money to hide problems
The need to overshare (personally)

So what are some things that you can do once someone or people unmask themselves to you? The following are things to consider and actions to take:

Process your emotions. Foremost, It’s normal to feel anger, betrayal, or disappointment when someone unmasks themselves. As always, take time to acknowledge and process your feelings and don’t try to dismiss your thoughts and feelings as overreacting.

Evaluate the relationship honestly. Ask yourself how this person’s actions or behavior have affected you. Were there red flags you may have overlooked? Reflecting on the relationship can help you gain clarity about whether it’s worth maintaining.

Identify patterns of deceit. If they’ve repeatedly demonstrated behavior that is fake, mean, or shaming behavior or have consistently been manipulative, this might be an indicator that they won’t change easily.

Protect yourself and move in silence: In a previous blog, I reinforced the importance of moving in silence . When people unmask themselves, they may try to use your vulnerabilities against you so keeping your plans quiet is important. Also, be cautious about sharing details or trusting them with information.

Don’t give them more power. If they’ve already revealed themselves, don’t allow them to continue manipulating or controlling you. Be mindful of how much access you allow them to your life and setting boundaries will be a necessity.

Does another BADASS in your life need help navigating their own path? Tell them to SUBSCIBE for weekly inspiration!

It’s TIME to be the MAIN character of YOUR STORY

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:40:01 GMT

You are the STAR of your STORY

Happy September to all my peeps who are sooo done with summer! Bring on the “ber months” (September, October, and November). My condolences to the people who love summer and who are sad that summer's done and over with. Me? Bring on the pumpkin spice lattes, cardigans, scarves, cozy blankets, and beautiful Fall leaves!!! Plus, I am all about Libra season too. Oh and of course, I have to give a shoutout to all my Virgos out there too! Afterall, this is YOUR month!

You know what is also great about Fall? This is when all the TV shows come back. Now, I must admit that I don’t watch too many TV shows anymore as I prefer to stream movies and watch TV shows on streaming networks. However, that doesn't mean that I don’t enjoy a TV show marathon. It’s even better when all the seasons are available to stream.

For me, Fall is all about embracing change, transitioning from the summer, slowing down, and working on the continuum of things that may have started in the summer or yet, if it didn’t start in the summer, Fall is the perfect time to start!

Again, you’re probably thinking, why is this woman talking about Fall and tv shows? How does this correlate to one another? Yes. I know, I have a way of blabbing on at the beginning of my blogs about topics that may not seem to relate but I promise, it all comes together.

To me, the Fall and TV shows that come back during this season are all about what new and old main characters are returning to represent the shows. We sometimes love or hate the main character of the show (I could care less about Carrie from Sex in the City but LOVED Samantha). I don’t know about you all but sometimes, the main character annoys the shit out of me and I wish the main character would be replaced by the side character/s or they have a better storyline than the main character. To me, when the side characters have a better plot, that says a lot and I would rather have the side character be the MAIN character.

When I work with people in therapy, many of my clients have indicated to me that they feel like they’re the “side character” of their own story. Their role is to support the main character (usually a family member/s who they lack boundaries with). The clients have mentioned that they feel as though they are in the background, fading, hoping to have a scene where they’re empowered, stand up for themselves, and finally have some recognition for all their efforts and hard work......but the reality is that they don’t.

Ladies, in a world full of social media and oversharing, some people like to “humble” women who are shameless, who like to promote themselves, and put themselves out there. Sadly, not everyone is going to like or support main character vibes, especially when you are a confident woman, who goes against the grain. Society is NOT ready for a woman like this and that’s why there tends to be a lot of backlash when a woman is out there speaking and being her true self.

Because of this, many people, especially women, may shy away from being bold, shameless, and confident because they don’t want to be judged by others. Many have been shamed, belittled, abused (emotionally, physically, and psychologically) that they can’t fathom the thought of stepping out of the shadows and having the light shine on them. To them, to be the center of attention or anything is literally their worst nightmare.

I want to reinforce that having main character vibes and being the main character does not mean that you want constant attention and validation. It means that you are bold, you’re going to take control of your life, be the author of it, and will no longer let others dictate to you on how you should live your life.

Being the main character is not about seeking external validation or comparing yourself to others. It's about embracing your unique qualities, following your passions, and living authentically. It’s about seizing the opportunities that come your way by creating a life that truly reflects who you are.

Becoming the main character of your own story is about taking charge of your life, pursuing your dreams, and embracing your individuality. Here are some steps to take to be the MAIN CHARACTER:

Define your goals: Determine what you want to achieve and what brings you joy and fulfillment. What do you want? What don’t you want? These are great questions to ask yourself to help you define your goals.

Take ownership of your choices: Recognize that you have the power to make decisions that shape your life. What choices and decisions are within your control? What is out of your control? Take ownership of what is in your control and start from there.

Embrace self-discovery: Spend time alone to reflect on who you are as a person by discovering your strengths, areas of improvement, your boundaries, values, and ethics. Really get to know you!

Take risks and step out of your comfort zone: Have you noticed how often I talk about getting out of your comfort zone? Yep. I’m going to say it again! Taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone is all about growth. This occurs when you challenge yourself by embracing new experiences even if they are scary!

Cultivate self-confidence: Believe in yourself! No one is going to BELIEVE YOU like how you believe in you. Learn to accept you for who you are by embracing what you think are your imperfections, have self-compassion, and have a growth mindset. This will help build your confidence!

Write your own narrative: Remember, YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF YOUR LIFE! You get to define your story on your terms. You can be the heroine or the villain (depending on what you’re feeling for that day, week, month, or year). Recognize that some days, there will be setbacks and obstacles, but luckily, you don’t let SHIT stop you from blazing ahead.

Ladies, when you have unhealed wounds and traumas, and you’ve been the side character for some long, the thought of becoming the main character in a leading role can be terrifying and you know what? It’s okay! Learning and healing is a work in progress; you don’t have to rush to be the main character. If it feels better for you to work your way to become the main character, that’s absolutely fine!

However, if you’re ready to be the main character right now and are sick of being in the background, supporting and breaking yourself for the ungrateful main character, it’s time to boldly step up, write your narrative, and take control by showing that YOU ARE the MAIN CHARACTER, especially in your OWN story. Remember, you are the author, the main character, protagonist and at times, will be the antagonist (for other people). So get ready to ooze main character vibes as it's your time to LEAD and LIVE on your terms!

You get what you BELIEVE you DESERVE

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:38:29 GMT

Be BOLD in asking what YOU WANT

Hey beautiful Ladies! Happy full last week of September! I swear, we just celebrated Labor Day and now we’re at the end of the last full week of September; and best of all? It’s officially FALL!!! You’ve all heard me griping about how I was so ready to have the summer weather over with and I’m happy that I now get to wear my cardigans! I love a good cardigan; although I am a sandal and open toe shoes type of a girl so it will be hard for me to put them away once it starts to get cold.

I know that September has been a busy month for a lot of us and it’s definitely been a month of transitions, transformations, and pivoting for me. This includes my personal and professional life. So far, September has been one of the most challenging months of my life as I had to really start owning things by being honest with myself. This included asking what I wanted but also the willingness to make pivots, and letting go of things that no longer had meaning in my life.

In talking with people both personally and professionally, it seems that we are all going through some metamorphosis and with this transition comes either losing or gaining something. Several people have mentioned to me that they’ve either dreamed of themselves dying or someone close to them has dreamt that they died.

Honestly, when I had these dreams, I used to be scared and would think that something bad was going to happen to me or someone close to me. However, as I’ve accepted my spiritual journey, these dreams no longer scare me; instead it signifies to me that an old part of me may have died and that something new will be transpiring.

Speaking of losing and gaining, this is the part of the journey that no one ever prepares you for when you decide to forge your own path. We always anticipate the gains but we never anticipate the losses because we assume that everyone will be supportive and cheer us on through these metamorphosis but the sad reality is that this is not the case.

When forging your own path, one of the things that you’re going to have to come to terms with is that people will come and go. This can include your friends, family members, co-workers, and romantic partners. Growing up, we’ve been taught that having a support system is everything and that to survive in this world, we need the support of others.

Last week, when I was driving with my teenage niece, she was going on about friends and how she’s not made for high school (this is her first year in high school). We talked about the dynamics of friends and she talked about her friendships as she entered high school. She then questioned me about my current friendships and asked me who was currently my best friend. My mind went blank. I had to really think about this before answering her and then I realized that I don’t have a best friend. To be honest, have I ever had a best friend? I’ve had great friends but were they really my best friend? I pondered this and then answered her honestly about my current BFF status.

I realized that within the last few years, as I’ve moved from my small city in Wisconsin to the Minneapolis area, I’ve grown, changed, and finding people who could relate to me was getting harder and harder. It got even harder once I opened my business, allowed myself to dream bigger, and decided to only surround myself with uplifting people.

As cringey as it sounds, I realized that through all of this, I’ve learned to become my own best friend and to clarify, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have friends or don’t need anyone else in my life. It means that I’ve finally learned to love myself, trust my feelings, emotions, and be supportive to myself. This is an ongoing journey that will never stop as I continue to learn more about myself.

We’re always so good about helping others, giving support, having compassion, and telling other people to be kind to themselves; and yet we can’t provide ourselves with the same love, kind words, that we give to others.

Many of the clients that I have worked with have had a long history of being unkind to themselves, lack compassion, and sadly are darn right cruel to themselves. Unfortunately, we’ve been taught and told that the crueler and meaner we are to ourselves, this will be the motivating factor for us to change and be better. If only that were true! Instead, it creates a cycle of low self-esteem, lack of boundaries, unkindness, and other emotions, behaviors, reactions, and interactions that keep us stuck.

That’s why it's so important to learn to be kind, have compassion, nourish, and most importantly, learn to FORGIVE yourself. Having friends, family, and a support system is wonderful but it’s essential to be your own friend, family, and support person.

In this week’s blog, it’s all about learning to be your own best friend. Being your own best friend means nurturing a healthy, loving, and supportive relationship within yourself. So without further ado, here are a few things to consider to cultivate that inner friendship:

Speak kindly to yourself : It sounds so simple and yet so hard. This is one of the hardest things that people struggle with. Be aware of your internal dialogue. Learn to start speaking kindly to yourself by challenging critical thoughts and replace them with supportive and encouraging ones. Talk to yourself like how you would talk to a friend.

Affirm your worth : Some people like them; some people don’t but using daily affirmations is a great starting point. Look in the mirror and tell yourself the affirmations. If that’s not your thing, write it down in a journal. Each morning, I review my journal and read out loud what I wrote down, manifest, I claim and OWN IT.

Comfort yourself : When things go wrong, instead of criticizing yourself, offer the same words of encouragement, kindness, and compassion that you would to others. Remind yourself that this is all part of your growth in forging your own path.

Celebrate your resilience : Acknowledge your abilities, your strength, your consistently, in facing challenges and difficulties; even if things don't always turn out as you had anticipated.

Do things you love alone : I want to emphasize that there is a difference between being ALONE versus being LONELY . Too many people have a misunderstanding of the two and believe that by being alone you are lonely. That is so far from the truth. Learning to be alone and doing the activities that you love will help you learn more about yourself. In turn, you will cherish the time spent in solitude.

Be comfortable with your thoughts : Are you the type of person who always needs to be “distracted” or to stay “busy?” Does the prospect of sitting in silence and being in your thoughts disturb you? If so, I would ask why that is the case. Learning to use quiet moments for reflection and introspection is not only part of your growth but will allow you to be honest with yourself, your thoughts, and help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Follow your intuition : You’ve heard it time and time again: Go with your gut. Learning to trust your instincts and go with your intuition about your path, doing what is right for you, the inner voice, even if it goes against what others say. Remember: you know yourself better than anyone else even though there are people out there who will try to make you think you don’t. You do know yourself babe!

There are a lot of social media memes out there about people not liking themselves, how they can barely tolerate who they are, and many more but most of them are satire. Even if it's satire, the reality is many people don’t know how to be their own friend because we’ve never been taught to love ourselves. We’ve been taught to love others, to keep giving, and put ourselves, our feelings, and our love last for ourselves.

Ladies, when you forge your own path, learning to love and be your own best friend will take you so much further. When you own your path, that journey is not going to be straight and narrow. It’s going to have lots of curves, steep hills, jagged rocks that will cause you to trip and fall. But you ALWAYS pick yourself back up. On this path, some people will start this journey with you but as you keep going, they will slowly drop off.

Some people feel that there is an end to a journey; however, I don’t believe that a journey truly ends. As I mentioned previously in my last blog, some books close and you start a new book of your life that will include new people but you will always be the main character in each of the books. You did this by having SELF-LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, AND BEING YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. Darlings, remember: NO ONE else is going to LOVE YOU LIKE YOU LOVE YOU! So be your OWN BESTIE BABE.

I am my OWN BFF (Best Friend Forever)

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:33:03 GMT

How to become your own best friend by treating yourself like the BFF you deserve!

Speak kindly to yourself : It sounds so simple and yet so hard. This is one of the hardest things that people struggle with. Be aware of your internal dialogue. Learn to start speaking kindly to yourself by challenging critical thoughts and replace them with supportive and encouraging ones. Talk to yourself like how you would talk to a friend.

Affirm your worth : Some people like them; some people don’t but using daily affirmations is a great starting point. Look in the mirror and tell yourself the affirmations. If that’s not your thing, write it down in a journal. Each morning, I review my journal and read out loud what I wrote down, manifest, I claim and OWN IT.

Comfort yourself : When things go wrong, instead of criticizing yourself, offer the same words of encouragement, kindness, and compassion that you would to others. Remind yourself that this is all part of your growth in forging your own path.

Celebrate your resilience : Acknowledge your abilities, your strength, your consistently, in facing challenges and difficulties; even if things don't always turn out as you had anticipated.

Do things you love alone : I want to emphasize that there is a difference between being ALONE versus being LONELY . Too many people have a misunderstanding of the two and believe that by being alone you are lonely. That is so far from the truth. Learning to be alone and doing the activities that you love will help you learn more about yourself. In turn, you will cherish the time spent in solitude.

Be comfortable with your thoughts : Are you the type of person who always needs to be “distracted” or to stay “busy?” Does the prospect of sitting in silence and being in your thoughts disturb you? If so, I would ask why that is the case. Learning to use quiet moments for reflection and introspection is not only part of your growth but will allow you to be honest with yourself, your thoughts, and help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Follow your intuition : You’ve heard it time and time again: Go with your gut. Learning to trust your instincts and go with your intuition about your path, doing what is right for you, the inner voice, even if it goes against what others say. Remember: you know yourself better than anyone else even though there are people out there who will try to make you think you don’t. You do know yourself babe!

LET ME BE

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:31:07 GMT

FOUNDATIONS that I am LIVING BY

Happy October my Fall Baes! October is finally here! This month is my favorite month!! Happy birthday to my fellow Libra babies out there. It’s finally our month. Best of all, it’s finally FALL weather. It’s been a long, hot, muggy, weather, and I’m so over it! I’m all about putting on my favorite pair of boots, cardigan, and putting on my favorite Fall lipstick shades. How is October going for you?

It’s been two weeks since I sent out my last blog. As I mentioned previously, I took time off for my birthday week. I decided to take off almost a full week to really just focus on me, do what I want to do, not want to do, and not pressure myself to do anything if I didn’t want to.

Strangely, by not pressuring myself, my creativity for my blogs, content creation, and ideas came to me in waves. I felt more energetic even though I knew that I didn’t have to do work but I wanted to. I had moments of silence and during those times, it gave me a chance to reflect about conversations, emotions on how I was feeling, my honest thoughts, and my current path.

I recently celebrated my 41st birthday. In the past, I would always say instead of having a “birthday” I would have a “birthday month.” I always did something big, got together with others, and also accommodated others schedules and their timelines. Honestly, it got annoying that I had to consider everyone else’s schedule. I thought to myself “shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

This year, I decided instead of scheduling around other people’s schedule, time, and what works for them, I am going to forgo all that by simply focusing on ME. I’m not corralling people to see what weekend they have open, finding the perfect location that would work for everyone, and considering what everyone else wants by forgetting my own.

I did a lot of writing and journaling during my week off. I took the first few minutes in the morning to sit in utter silence and then afterwards, I journaled my thoughts, aspirations, fears, and ended by reframing everything into positivity. I truly believe that you attract what you believe you deserve.

I had so many ideas for my blogs for October and I had to pick and choose which weeks which blogs were for. This week’s blog, I decided that I would write about how I just wanted to BE during this week. I had many thoughts to include what I am letting go of, things that I am accepting, how I want to move forth as I learn more about myself, and the new foundations that I want to focus on as I continue to forge my path.

During my week of BE and not DO, I sat down and wrote down the following as foundations that I will abide by:

Have my own back: You’re probably thinking, “Damn! Poiab must not trust anyone! What happened to her?” Like all of you, I have been through A LOT. I would say the most has happened to be in the last 6 years. I had a lot of ups, downs, downs, and up again. Right now, since I am pivoting, transitioning, and transforming, this is one of the hardest journeys thus far in my life, and yet, I am surrendering to the universe by having my own back.

NO longer accepting SHAME: As a Hmong daughter, girl, and woman, since I could remember, shame was used a tactic by family members and the culture to use shame as a way to make me conform, guilt use to make me put other people’s needs before my own, and guilt was used to make me feel inferior when I tried something new that made other people feel uncomfortable and wanted to put me “back in my place.” Well FUCK the shamers and I am going to keep living by my own rules and thriving.

I DON’T Chase: Not gonna lie, I chased and chased A LOT when I was younger. I am all about going after what I want but I realized that I was chasing the things that didn’t matter. I was chasing after the wrong guys, the materialistic things, and society’s expectations of success. I put myself on timelines and when I didn’t meet them, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought about going back to situations that I knew that were not the best for me. Now, my energy is conserved for the things and people who deserve my energy. I give people back what they give me. If people reject me, I no longer feel bad, and question why I was rejected. I accept and move on; you know what they say, rejection is redirection to bigger and better blessings and abundance!

Ain’t gonna push: During my week off, I told myself that if I wanted to do something, I would but if I didn’t want to do anything, I was going to listen to myself, body, mind, and just focus on being instead of doing. In this country, we idolize people who push through even though their bodies, their mental health, and spirit is telling them to slow down and rest! To all my small business owners out there, I know that we’re all hustling and I want to remind all of you to please listen to your body, rest, be, and welcome silence. Your body is the only one you have and if you don’t treat it like the temple it is, it will start to deteriorate.

Trust my intuition : Learning to trust my intuition has been one of the hardest things that I’ve had to learn and accept, especially right now when things are so uncertain. Prior to my spiritual journey, I had a lot of scarcity, only thought of what I could have more, and didn't appreciate what I had because I was comparing myself to others. One of things that I really had to learn to do was listen to my intuition. Especially when I don’t see progress and question if what I am doing is worth it. When I listen to my intuition, it tells me that I am on the right path and for me to trust it.

So there you have it! My foundations to go by as I forge my own path. Remember, foundations can always be changed if they no longer work for you. Foundations can be torn down and rebuilt as much as you want.

Ladies, regardless of our situation in life, we often find ourselves taking care of others. Life is so busy and we’re constantly on the go with life, family, and work. It’s up to us to take time to rest and be. NO ONE else is going to give this to us, we have to give it to us.

During my week of BE and not DO, I’ve learned that silence and rest brought clarity and wisdom . If you are someone who is looking for answers, many times, the answers are within you if you will only give yourself the time. You hear me say this so many times in previous blogs, and I’ll reinforce it again and again that BEING is all about nourishing yourself holistically. So darlings, GO AHEAD AND JUST BE YOU!

Be a COOL,FALL, LADY

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:29:06 GMT

EMBRACING YOUR COOL SELF DURING FALL SEASON

Hey FAll Babes! I hope you are all enjoying the October weather! I am embracing this weather by having my windows open, sleeping with my cozy blankets, drinking my pumpkin spice coffee, sitting in silence, and journaling each morning while I sip a cup of tea or coffee (I drink tea when I run out of coffee in the morning). The mornings are getting darker too since one of the things I cherish doing is sitting on the couch in my office to just embrace the silence of the morning as I hear the bird chirps, squirrels arguing with each other, and the occasional car speeding (likely late on their way to work or rushing to get their morning latte to face their day).

As I sit here and write this week’s blog, I noticed that many of the tree leaves are still green. They are a slight few leaves where the colors are starting to change. Regardless, I know eventually they will all turn into bright hues of brown, yellow, and orange to signify their end, will fall, the trees will be bare, and winter will come.

Many people view spring and summer as the seasons of life. However, I view Fall as the season of my life. I think I feel this way because I still see my life as a child or a college student who is getting ready to embrace the new year ahead. For some reason, the Fall seems to be the time when things end and new beginnings occur for me. I don’t know if this correlates with my birthday or the metaphor of what Fall stands for.

I love Fall and especially October because once this month ends, there’s a rush of the holidays and what feels like never ending demands and obligations that need to be attended to. This is the month before the rush and then…winter hits. For us who live in the colder parts of the country, just hearing that “W” word gives us a sense of dread of what is to come.

But before we even consider the holidays and winter, let’s stay in the present and embrace Fall and HALLOWEEN!! This is a fun month and so is this week’s blog. I want to make it more fun and less heavy on the emotions that have been present in the previous blogs that I have written. I’m not going to lie, the previous weeks have been more emotionally vulnerable as it focused on the transitions, transformations, and the metamorphoses of life.

This week, let’s embrace being a COOL, FALL, LADY! To me, being a cool, Fall lady means it’s time to shed my summer wardrobe (I love my open toe shoes and will wear them until it gets way too cold to wear them), put on my dark shades of lipstick (I love all my types of red), and my favorite cardigans! Since I work remotely, my daily wardrobe consists of a comfortable pair of sweatpants, a nice t-shirt, and a warm cardigan. What is your favorite fall outfit?

Mentally for me, Fall signifies slowing down, grounding myself, and surrounding myself with comfort, peace, and solitude. To nourish my well-being by going for long walks, literally smelling the flowers (that are still around), sitting down on a bench to just soak everything in, and give thanks for all the blessings and abundance in my life.

This time of the year is either full of Fall allergies, colds and flu, or COVID. So, it’s important to take care of yourself by getting plenty of rest, having your up to date immunizations, and keeping up your hydration. As always, listen to your body and take rest and breaks as needed!

So, what other things should you take into consideration as we welcome the Fall season? The following are a few things a COOL, FALL, LADY like yourself can embrace:

Outdoor Exercise : This is one of my favorite parts of Fall! The crisp air is perfect for hiking, jogging, or brisk walks. No more sweating the moment I go outside, no more asking myself if I should have just stayed in the cool air conditioning instead of punishing myself in the humidity. I love being outdoors in the cool air as I embrace the beauty of fall foliage.

Seasonal Decor : You know what they say, “there’s no place like home,” and when you make your home all cozy, you don’t ever want to leave! You just want to stay in and bask in your home, especially on a weekend with no plans. To make your home cozier, you can add touches of things like blankets, pillows, or fall-scented candles (pumpkin spice, cinnamon, cedar) to enhance your surroundings and be in peace.

Unplug and Relax : Speaking of cozy and comfortable, when you’re at home and at peace, dedicate your time by unwinding with a good book, a fall movie, or journaling to rest your mind. The mornings are dark and days are getting shorter signaling that it’s time to rewind. I don’t know about all of you but I’m ready to wind down by 7pm with a cup of tea and a good crime series to binge!

Seasonal Reflection : Fall is a natural time for introspection and reflection. As I stated previously, Fall can be the start of the busy season for many people and thus, it’s the perfect time to check in with your emotions and energy levels to ensure you’re not overextending yourself.

Boundaries : Of course I had to add this one! Implementing your boundaries is essential since so many people get excited about activities in the Fall. There are so many things that people want to do, events to attend, along with Fall/Halloween activities. Remember to set and reinforce healthy boundaries to avoid burnout and give yourself time to recharge.

Sleep Routine : Oh sleep! We can never get enough sleep and during this time of the year, as daylight fades earlier, adjusting your sleep schedule to align with the season is a must; ideally aim for 7-9 hours of sleep. Sleep is a natural healer that we don’t give enough credit to on how it impacts our day to day life and how it helps us show up.

There you have it! A few things to embrace as a COOL, FALL, LADY. Remember, this is a small list so if there were things that were not added, feel free to add anything to your list that you embrace during this crisp season!

As always, being a COOL, FALL, LADY also means embracing who you are and being comfortable when you layer your clothes to stay warm. It’s also about bringing out the best in you through your style, authenticity through the colors you choose to represent in your make-up (or lack of), and just being YOU.

Fall Babes, you see me repeat this in almost every blog I write, being a COOL, FALL, LADY , is also about BEING and not always DOING. Being cool also means taking plenty of rest and just not doing a damn thing! Part of forging your own path and owning it means being COOL by not giving a damn and doing whatever the F you want or don’t want. So, LADIES, STAY COOL AND OWN YOUR COOLNESS!

GIRL, OWN IT!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:27:20 GMT

STOP BEING HUMBLE AND OWN WHO YOU ARE

Happy last week of October and Happy Halloween WEEK! Are you all excited for Halloween? What are your plans? This year for me, I’ll be handing out candy at my brother’s house while the kids (nieces and nephews) go trick or treating. My favorite part of handing out candy is seeing all the creative costumes for the kids, having that little toddler “sneaking” an extra candy from my candy bowl, and all the kids “oh and ah” from getting “nice” candy (I mainly buy chocolate). What is your favorite part of Halloween?

For those who don’t know the history of Halloween (I am going to give a very brief and quick background), Halloween originated from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (a Gaelic word pronounced “SAH-win”). It was a pagan religious celebration to welcome the harvest at the end of summer. To celebrate, people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off ghosts.

You’re probably thinking, “What is this week’s blog about? Halloween?? And what does that have to do with wellness and forging my own path?” Well, if you’re thinking about these questions (I know I would if I were the reader), these are excellent questions to be pondering!

If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ll notice that I have this tendency to write about things that seem to have no correlation with each other and then, it all does (eventually) come together…well at least I think so (and you can certainly disagree with me also).

This week’s blog, I wanted to make it kind of fun by relating the theme of Halloween, ghosts from the past (but not so distant), and how many of us, have these family generational curses that keep us stuck, the negative patterns that continue to be past down from generation to generation (if it’s not generational wealth, please don’t include me), bad/toxic behaviors that are deemed as the norm, and other unhealthy behaviors that are accepted and embraced by everyone without it ever being challenged because “that’s just the way it is.”

For those who have never heard or understand what generational curses are, they are negative cycles, behaviors, beliefs, or traumas within families, affecting not only individuals but also previous and future generations (if they don’t get addressed). These patterns often go unchallenged, leading to repeated experiences of pain, dysfunction, limitations, and harm.

For this blog, I am going to first explain and break down why generational curses are so hard to break. Curses all have an origination and through time, the story can get lost on where it all started. Oftentimes, it starts with culture, religion, and family dynamics. Breaking generational curses is difficult because they are deeply ingrained in family and belief systems. Behavior patterns along with acceptance that have been passed down over time. These cycles are often reinforced unconsciously, making them hard to recognize and change.

The following are a few examples of why breaking generational curses can be so difficult:

Normalization of Dysfunction
Family Loyalty
Fear of Rejection
Cultural and Societal Influences
Unresolved Mental Health Issues
Guilt and Shame
Family Resistance

How many of you feel that you can relate to the above? I know that I do. What I love writing about this blog is that I get to share my path, my lived and learned experiences to include my professional and personal experiences with all of you. That’s why I started Your Own Pathway because I truly believe that ALL OF US can choose our own path by breaking free, challenging the ways of society, family, and others who want to keep us in patterns that we know do not serve us.

Being the generational curse breaker is not easy. It’s one of the hardest things that you will probably have to do. Think of yourself as the protagonist of a book or a movie. Somehow, you were the chosen one (even though you didn’t want this role and this role came to you). You’re the main character who has to figure out the riddles, fight ghosts, in order to go through the door to the next level, adventure, which finally leads to PEACE .

As with most stories, at the beginning, the protagonist will have to start training to gain their skills, know their strengths, come up with a plan, and know who the antagonist is, and especially know what their weaknesses are. An example of their weaknesses may be accountability, emotional intelligence, brain cells, and other traits that you ponder how anyone can survive without.

So BABE! Are you ready to take on the challenge of being the unwittingly chosen protagonist that has to end generational curses? Well here are some SPELLS to help you on this path:

Identify the Patterns: The first step is recognizing the recurring issues, patterns in your family and the history (e.g., substance abuse, toxic relationships, teen pregnancy, poor mental health, poverty) . Having awareness and acknowledging that there are things that need to be addressed is the first step because what is acknowledged can then be healed.

Understand the Root Cause: The “in thing” right now is discovering family roots and history so dive into that history. What were the circumstances, traumas, or influences that may have contributed to these patterns? Understanding where it came from helps remove shame, helps with understanding, and empathy.

Healthy Boundaries: Oh my favorite “B” words! When it comes to family, you’re going to really need to work on your boundaries and to REINFORCE THEM. Certain family members will continue to engage in toxic behaviors, and setting both firm emotional and physical boundaries will protect your well-being. This includes having limited contact or managing the way you engage with them and you know what? It’s okay to also NO longer engage with them if it disturbs your peace.

Rewriting and changing the story: A major part of breaking generational curses is reclaiming your life story and re-writing it. Ask yourself, what lessons can you learn from your family history? How can you transform old patterns into new, healthier ways of being and doing? Remember, you HAVE the POWER to rewrite and change YOUR story!

Create New Traditions: Speaking of re-writing and changing, you can start to introduce new and positive habits, rituals, and behaviors in your family or personal life. This can include self-care practices, open communication, or prioritizing emotional health; these new practices can foster change for future generations.

Release What You Cannot Control: Again, another commandment for forging your own path, LET GO OF ANYTHING THAT IS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL! You can’t change past generations, but you can control how you respond and move forward. Focus on what’s within your power to transform.
Breaking the Cycle: It all starts with YOU and you have to want to break and end these generational curses! You are the one who has to forge your own path and OWN that this is the path that you are going to take. It will not be an easy path; it will probably be one of the hardest paths you’ll ever take; like with any story, there will be many ups, downs, tears, testing of your faith, belief, and some days, you are going to ask yourself if this path of ending curses is worth it. Remember, the final conclusion will signal to yourself and future generations that different behaviors, and new beginnings are possible because YOU fought and broke the curses.

My darling spell breakers, by tirelessly working on your own healing, awareness, and growth, you can transform generational patterns and offer a healthier legacy for the future if you choose to have future generations. If not, OWN your legacy right now!

Remember, forging your own path is all about taking responsibility, action, and rebuilding new foundations that work for you. It’s about knocking down previous foundations, tearing them down, and then finding and selecting new foundations that fit your standards. SO MY CURSE BREAKERS, , GRAB YOUR SPELL BOOK, PERFECT YOUR SPELLS, AND PUT AN END TO THESE GENERATIONAL CURSES FOR-EEEVVVER!

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:22:26 GMT

ACCEPT DIVINE TIMING AND WHO YOU ARE

Happy first week of November! It definitely feels like the first week of November. The weather is cooler, gloomier, especially with the time change. How are you all feeling? I know that this time change can be challenging for many people. In the past, this time change would have made me feel sad and depressed since it gets so dark early on! I’m ready to cuddle and go to bed by 8pm!

To me, November is the beginning of the busy season! Shockingly, I haven’t seen any holiday decorations yet! Okay, your girl here is the type of girl who prefers NOT to see Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving; however, darlings, if you are the type that likes to celebrate the holidays early, GO FOR IT!

As I mentioned, this month can be hard for me mentally due to various factors that are out of control; however, this year, I have decided to change my mindset to include time, being present, and accepting that some things are out of my control, not matter how hard I try to take control of the situation.

One of the hardest parts is accepting the uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Now, instead of trying to avoid these feelings, I embrace it by allowing myself to feel, go through it, reframe it, and know and believe that all will be well.

I want to emphasize that there is a difference between believing and having a positive mindset from toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is NOT allowing yourself to feel bad, feel sad, and not owning the negative feelings that you have. We’ve all been told or heard the phrase “turn the frown upside down.”

In contrast, having a positive mindset and believing is acknowledging the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you have; it’s also telling yourself that you know that you will continue to prevail through all of this and will come out wiser, be more confident, and be victorious through the experiences.

I know that many of you are reading this and saying “But Poiab! I don’t want to prevail, be strong, and be confident anymore! Why do I always have to be strong?” Can’t I just catch a break?!” Darlings, I know. I know that you are ALL tired, burnout, and are just DONE. When I say this, I really do know how you all are feeling.

One of the things that I would challenge all of YOU is to take some silence, think, not be distracted, and ask yourself WHY. Why do you think all of this is happening? Your answer/s may surprise and even shock you. You may like or dislike the conclusion/s that you come up with. Even if your answers are less than pleasant, don’t be alarmed; instead use this as an opportunity for you to assess, plan, and take action for what you would like to change.

If you all have been following and reading my weekly blogs, you may have noticed my writing from September to October. My blogs in September felt a little emotionally heavier and my blogs in October were lighter and focused on accepting and being in the moment. I would definitely attribute this to my birthday and taking the time to reflect, ask my why’s, what am I going to do with the answers to my why’s, and how I wish to proceed and take action to my why’s.

For the month of October, as I wrote in my journal daily, and read it outloud in the morning and at night after I did my day's reflections, certain words, and terms would stand out. One word that kept popping into my journal was the word ACCEPTANCE .

Why did this word keep showing up in my journal? I realized that at this point in my life, I felt that I was being tested on several things in my life to include: how I would react about certain things, situations, other people, and where my path was going.

Intuitively, I knew that all the work, effort, consistency, that I was putting in my craft, my inner work, and relationship within myself and others will be rewarded because I accepted that some things that were in my control and some things were out of my control.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I accepted whatever without free will. If there were any situation/s that I could change, I made the changes. What I couldn’t change were external things like other people, situations that I didn’t create, people’s boundaries with me, other’s opinions and viewpoints of me, and not forcing time.

Not forcing time has been the hardest thing for me to accept. How many of us have wished time away? We wished it was Friday already even though it’s only 8am on a Monday morning; we count the years until we can retire even though we just started our careers, we wished our children would grow up and move out even though they just started school. So many of us wish for time to go by and in a blink of an eye, five, ten, even twenty years have passed by. I’ve learned that life is a lot more pleasant when you view time as your friend and not the enemy.

By embracing acceptance, being mindful, and not viewing time as the enemy, my mental health got better, I had less anxiety, I was more present each day, and in all, I felt lighter. Now, this is not to say that I don’t have any bad days, I found a way to change my thinking process when I was feeling negative thoughts and feelings. I allowed myself to feel those feelings instead of dodging them by “keeping busy.” I’ve learned to reframe my negative thoughts to positive ones as I knew that I was doing work both internally and externally.

Some of you are probably thinking “all this acceptance shit sounds so woo-woo Poiab! Why don’t you give us real life reasons on how acceptance can help us?!” Well..without further ado, here are some reasons why accepting can help you:

Builds Inner Peace : Yes. This is the number one point; when you finally learn to accept yourself, things in and out of your control, you stop fighting against your nature, the past, and the “imperfections” that you see. This will bring a sense of peace by reducing your inner conflict. You will feel more content with where you are in life and who you are. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can’t work on changes and rather, you accept who you are and will always strive to make improvements in areas of growth.

Enhances Relationships : Self-acceptance also makes it easier to connect authentically with others. You’re not constantly seeking approval or validation, so your relationships become more genuine. Accepting yourself helps you recognize and accept others for who they are, which will foster deeper, healthier, and more meaningful connections.

Boosts Self-Confidence : Embracing yourself, your strengths, and weaknesses creates a stable foundation of self-worth and love. You know that your value doesn’t depend on external achievements or others' opinions, which builds and creates a confident BADASS who OWNS IT.

Encourages Personal Growth : Self-acceptance doesn’t mean accepting complacency. As I mentioned before, it means you’re comfortable with where you are while working on areas of your life that you would like to see growth. When you aren’t fixated on being perfect, you’re more willing to take risks, try new things, and pursue self-improvement out of self-love, not self-criticism by trying to prove a point to yourself and others.

Strengthens Resilience : Remember when I talked about being strong? Well, when you accept yourself, you handle setbacks and criticism better. You know your worth isn’t determined by failures or other people’s stupid opinions of you. By accepting yourself, this makes it easier for you to bounce back as you keep on struttin after tough situations.

Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Oof! Did I feel this A LOT! When I wasn’t ready to accept, I kept wishing, and praying for things that were not in my control to change; I sure suffered from stress and anxiety! My anxieties came from fear, not being “enough” or not meeting certain standards. Learning to accept yourself can lessen these pressures, as you recognize that you are already whole and worthy, regardless of external circumstances. Also, I had to accept that everything had divine timing!

So Darlings, how does this list seem to all of you? Is it relatable to your current situation? If not, it’s certainly okay! Funny, I had so many epiphanies about my journey and current status when I finally learned to accept. When I accepted, this peace came over me, my days were less anxiety provoking, and I slept better.

Darlings, I want to emphasize that ACCEPTING is yours to decide what you want to do with it. This may sound harsh and yet, I want to say that when you accept, it’s not about remaining a victim of your circumstance but rather, having the strength and the will to forge your own path. As always, I encourage all of you to assess and make a decision on what YOU want to accept, especially if you have the will to change it. So, BABES, ACCEPT WHAT YOU WANT, IMPROVE AND GROW ON THE AREAS OF GROWTH, AND AS ALWAYS, GO AHEAD, FORGE YOUR OWN PATH!!

BURN IT BABY!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:19:52 GMT

BURN THOSE BRIDGES THAT DON'T ALIGN WITH WHO YOU ARE

Hello Darlings and happy third week of November! Like what the heck?? How are we even in the third week of this month? I had to check to see if this week was Thanksgiving week and I had to re-check to make sure! How are we even talking about the holidays already? Are you all ready for it?

Speaking of the holidays, I know that with the recent events of the election, some holidays may be different this year. Quite a few people have decided to not attend certain family member’s holidays, which will change the dynamics of the holidays. The old me, prior to this election, would have been more cautious and would not have addressed anything too forward related to politics because I don’t want to be uncomfortable and I don’t want to make other people uncomfortable.

However, after this election, I realized that being a WOMAN is political. Everything about us has been made political, everything from our choices, our bodies, our rights, are being challenged and because we all are being challenged, I am not going to censor myself anymore. As a matter of fact, I am going to be louder than ever.

Looking at my past year, I came to the conclusion that even though I do the work that I do, there were a lot of things personally that I needed to work on. That included relationships that I just kept because they had been a part of my life for so long due to the length of time or the fact that it was expected of me. These relationships became complacent, and when this occurred, it was often tolerated, overlooked, and accepted because I thought that the length of the relationship and keeping the peace of others was more important than my needs and feelings.

This year has taught me many things and that to forge my own path in life, I was going to have to let go of things, places, and people that no longer aligned with me. I realized that there were many relationships and situations that I had kept because it was comfortable, I was afraid to let go, going into the unknown was scary, and honestly, I was fearful of other people’s judgements of me.

Now, as I write this blog today, I can say with confidence that after doing a lot of reflection, being honest with myself, and letting go of control, I am no longer afraid of the outcomes of the decisions that I make; some of these decisions have been in my heart and mind for so long that when I made the final decision, it was done with so much clarity and certainty, that I know that there are some bridges that I will never cross again.

We’ve all been taught to “never burn bridges” because we can’t predict the future and who we may run into or need in the future. We’ve been told to treat everyone with respect, courtesy, and kindness. We believe in the goodness of others and that when the time comes, that positive relationship may help and benefit us when we need that bridge to pull us through.

But, what if that bridge showed you their true colors? What if that bridge unmasked itself long ago of who and what they were and you were too naive, blind, or were hopeful that the bridge would be safe to cross? What if one day, that bridge was no longer safe and refused to do the work that it needed to be safe and function?

Most of us want to believe in the kindness of people so much that we turn a blind eye. We all have been taught to listen and respect other people’s viewpoints, opinions, and life experiences. We keep giving them the benefit of the doubt that when there is doubt, we start to doubt ourselves and question our sanity and accuse ourselves of being too "sensitive" or “overreacting” because we have tolerated and accepted bad behavior for so long.

If anything taught us about the election this year, it is that people and America’s true intentions were shown (if this offends you and you are still reading this blog, I will challenge you to question why this offends you). The people who voted for him, his “policies,” and what he stands for, demonstrates that many people in this country would rather choose hate, fear, ignorance, and their privilege to dehumanize others so they can feel superior and keep their privilege.

Before anyone comes at me to “defend” his policies, I will point out that it’s not about his policies. It’s about the values, ethics, and (lack of) integrity that he represents. I don’t know about all of you, but I have been taught that I should not associate myself with someone who preaches hate, fear, and ignorance. We all have been told that EVERYONE deserves to be treated with love and humanity regardless of our differences, and yet, we have allowed hate, fear, and ignorance to rule us.

In my 41 years of life, I have come across some people and employers that I NEVER want to see or cross again. How they treated me, how they made me feel, how they gaslighted me into thinking that I was the problem without understanding my point of view, made me know for sure that some bridges were meant to be BURNED . I am not someone who takes the burning of a relationship lightly and if I am okay with burning that person (metaphorically) and bridge, it means that I truly am at peace with my decision.

I know some of you are reading this and thinking, “Damn Poiab be burning bridges like it’s nothing!” Yes. Burning bridges can be radical and it can also be the most liberating choice when it’s done with INTENTION . If you are burning bridges for revenge, without careful reflection, I would ask you to reassess your purpose.

When you forge your own path and choose to live your life with intention, burning bridges may be necessary. Here are some circumstances where burning that bridge may be needed as you forge your own path:

When Boundaries Aren’t Respected : Ah! My favorite “B” word! Everything starts and ends with boundaries! If you’ve repeatedly set boundaries with someone who refuses to honor them, burning that bridge may protect your mental and emotional well-being. It’s time to burn that relationship!

When There's Abuse or Toxicity : If a relationship or environment is abusive, manipulative, or perpetually negative, and you’ve made attempts to address it and that person or that environment keeps dismissing you, leaving for good may be necessary. This applies to relationships, workplaces, or social circles that damage your mental health. You don’t need to tolerate this shit. Burn it on your way out!

If Staying Hinders your Growth : Sometimes, certain people or environments keep us in patterns that hold us back and we accept complacency. If a situation or person/people no longer aligns with your goals, values, or needs, letting it go can make space for new growth and opportunities.

If Your Safety Is at Risk : Many of us, at one time, questioned our safety with other people who may be closest to us. This type of safety goes beyond just physical safety. Are you surrounding yourself with people who offer you emotional, psychological, spiritual, and sexual safety? If you answered “NO” to any of the above, it is absolutely okay to leave and cut ties without looking back. Remember, you have the right to feel and be safe!

Emphasizing Self-Respect: Burning a bridge can be a powerful act of self-respect. It shows that you are prioritizing your mental health, well-being, and peace over the comfort of maintaining connections that aren’t healthy for you. Sometimes, the hardest part is realizing that someone who you used to like, even respected, no longer has your respect because they unmasked who they really were and you came to the conclusion that you don’t want to surround or associate yourself with that type of person.

Clarifying Priorities : Severing ties with certain people or environments can bring clarity to what matters most in your life. This forces you to assess who you are, what you want, and who deserves to be in your circle. This will help guide your choices, which can deepen your relationships with the people, and things that align with those priorities and values.

Building Emotional Resilience : Making the difficult decision to burn a bridge can strengthen your emotional resilience. Learning to let go without regret (even when it’s difficult) can teach you to value yourself, deal with loss, and practice self-compassion by acknowledging that you can do hard things even if it’s hard for you.

Ladies, while burning bridges shouldn’t be a default response to every challenging relationship or situation, it can be a necessary action when certain relationships, environments, and circumstances threaten your well-being and personal growth. When done thoughtfully with intention, it can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life.

When you make the decision to burn certain bridges, this may have long lasting impacts. At the beginning, you may question if you did the right thing and you grieve the loss of that relationship and some relationships may make you feel the complete opposite. You may feel relief and want to shout “fucken hallelujah” and celebrate that burning that bridge was the only option for your sanity and well-being.

While burning bridges is a significant decision, in the right situations, it can lead to tremendous personal growth, inner peace, and freedom to live a life more aligned with your values. So DARLING, BURN THAT BRIDGE, BE IN PEACE, CLOSE THAT BOOK OF YOUR LIFE, AND KEEP ON GOING. BURN IT BABY!

Adieu with LOVE

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:34:53 GMT

Wishing your Haters Healing and ❤️

Happy first week of December! I had to recheck my calendar to make sure I was writing the right month! Wowzers! It’s the week after Thanksgiving too. How was Thanksgiving for all of you? Mine was busy, I ate a lot, and spent time with extended family members. Luckily, I already did my traveling the previous week so I didn’t have to travel, which was a win for me!

I don’t know about all of you but I feel that right after Halloween, the weeks go by so quickly. Especially with daylight savings ending with the nights getting dark so early, the days and the weeks go by quickly, and before you know it, the holidays just creep up on us!

To some of you and with other people, I know that with the recent elections, some people decided that they were not going to spend their holidays with family members who showed their true selves when they voted for hate, ignorance, fear, and their rights to have privilege while voting to deny others of theirs (if this statement offends you, my blog is not right for you). Due to this, some of you and others have decided to protect your energy from people who do not respect that all of us in this country deserve to have equality, safety, and rights as ALL Americans, not just a select few.

I applaud anyone who has made this hard decision. As an elder millennial, I grew up during a time when we were supposed to not discuss politics, religion, money, and any other topics that were considered taboo. Regardless of our beliefs, we were supposed to respect and accept each other's view points.

Sadly, many things have changed since the early to mid 2000’s. It’s no longer just about people’s beliefs and viewpoints related to which cheese is the best, what toppings belong or don’t belong on pizza, and who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris and Steven Segal. Sigh..if only those were the viewpoints and differences that people are currently debating about. It was so innocent back then.

The holidays are often viewed as an obligation for most of us. We feel that we have to tolerate the presence of our least liked relative, accept the emotional abuse and body shaming (often disguised as jokes) from the aunts and uncles, and the misogynistic and racist comments from some mediocre relative that has never left the country besides going to an all inclusive resort in Mexico (and stayed in the resort) and who starts spouting off and believing that they are an expert on the world. Oh, the AUDACITY.

This year, people have decided that they will no longer waste their time and energy on situations and people that drain them and the holidays are especially important for them to protect their time and energy.

When we think of currency, we think of money. Money buys us many things and the world revolves around money. However, there are some things that money can’t buy. Moving forward, your time, energy, and brain cells are your new currency, and the decision on how to spend your currency must be chosen wisely, especially around events and people that drain you.

If anyone who is new to my blog, you may not know this about me and one of my favorite things to discuss, especially when it comes to forging your own path and owning it are….. BOUNDARIES ! Yes. Boundaries are one of my favorite things to discuss and teach as they will always be challenged. Certain people and situations will challenge your boundaries; and manipulative people will try to make you forget that you had boundaries.

When I work with clients who are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and burnt out, I usually assess several things in their lives and ask them questions about their well-being, how they’re taking care of themselves, why they’re not taking care of themselves, and what are the current barriers.

More often than not, we figure out that they’re over extending themselves and the boundaries that they’ve initially established for themselves have given way to them compromising their boundaries to meet other people’s needs and expectations. The client realizes the situation that they are currently in and recognizes how they are actually in control of the situation/s.

Let’s be real. The holidays are stressful, especially if you have a partner or spouse and you need to divide your time between your family and theirs; and it can be even more complex if you or your partner comes from a divorce family where each parent remarried and both sets of parents want you to visit them (reminds me of the movie Four Christmases where Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon had to visit each of their divorce parents’s home which was the equivalent to four christmases).

If you’re still in contact with your family and decide that you will attend holiday events and gatherings, it’s important for you to establish your boundaries. If you have a partner or spouse, it’s also essential that the BOTH of you establish your boundaries as a couple so you have a unified plan when attending these gatherings.

So, let’s get right down to these B’s on what you need to ask, prepare, before you start engaging in the holiday galore:

Identify What You Want : Think about what you value most during the holidays, is it family time, rest, travel or no travel? Identify what YOU want and establish the boundaries needed to help guide you on doing what is best for you during this time.

Acknowledge Your Limits : In the past, I would receive so many holiday invites that instead of being happy about the invites, I would dread them. Most of them would be a potluck (where I would have to cook) then there would be a gift exchange (means more shopping ). There are only so many weekends in December that are available and when you have multiple invitations, it can be overwhelming. Before you accept all of these invitations, recognize and assess what drains you (e.g., large gatherings, certain conversations) and what energizes you. You can pick and choose from the invites based on your limits.

Decide What’s Non-Negotiable : Clarify which activities, people, or situations you will and WILL NOT engage with. Are there certain topics, people, or circumstances that you’re like “hell no” or “NEVER AGAIN” to? It’s okay to stick to your boundaries and reinforce them for your peace.

Create a Schedule : Create a schedule of all the invitations and expectations of your schedule. Did you get invited to a party or event by someone who you haven’t seen in years? Do you truly need to attend their party if they haven’t kept in contact with you for several months or even years? Map out your holiday commitments to determine what is a necessity and what is a bypass so that you can leave room for rest and flexibility.

Limit your Time: Decide how long you’ll stay at gatherings and stick to it. It’s perfectly okay to leave early without guilt; you say, “I have an early morning tomorrow or I/we have other plans. Limiting your time and energy to certain activities and circumstances is perfectly okay.

Make Time for You : The holidays are about getting together with other people but if you’re not about that this holiday season, go ahead and prioritize yourself! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, off, and out of control, learn how to stay grounded. Use meditation, journaling, or mindfulness to stay calm and feel centered. Find time for you to BE and not DO.

There you have it darlings! I know that many of us grew up with family dynamics who viewed having boundaries as being selfish, inconsiderate, and greedy. We’ve been conditioned that focusing on ourselves, our well-being, and putting our needs ahead is “lazy.” Many of us are learning to re-condition ourselves from generational wounds that have kept us from rebuilding our foundations to best care for ourselves.

Establishing your boundaries during the holidays will allow you to enjoy the season on your terms by creating the space for the joy, connection, and rest that you deserve.

So Darlings, always remember to have your B’S AND ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS ON YOUR TERMS AND BLOCK OUT ANY NEGATIVITY AND OTHER B’S THAT FU$% WITH YOUR PEACE. HAVE A RESTFUL AND PEACEFUL HOLIDAY! ��

LET’S TALK ABOUT THOSE B’S

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:32:43 GMT

Boundaries Needed to Prepare You For The Holiday Season ��

So, let’s get right down to these B’s on what you need to ask, prepare, before you start engaging in the holiday galore:

Identify What You Want : Think about what you value most during the holidays, is it family time, rest, travel or no travel? Identify what YOU want and establish the boundaries needed to help guide you on doing what is best for you during this time.

Acknowledge Your Limits : In the past, I would receive so many holiday invites that instead of being happy about the invites, I would dread them. Most of them would be a potluck (where I would have to cook) then there would be a gift exchange (means more shopping ). There are only so many weekends in December that are available and when you have multiple invitations, it can be overwhelming. Before you accept all of these invitations, recognize and assess what drains you (e.g., large gatherings, certain conversations) and what energizes you. You can pick and choose from the invites based on your limits.

Decide What’s Non-Negotiable : Clarify which activities, people, or situations you will and WILL NOT engage with. Are there certain topics, people, or circumstances that you’re like “hell no” or “NEVER AGAIN” to? It’s okay to stick to your boundaries and reinforce them for your peace.

Create a Schedule : Create a schedule of all the invitations and expectations of your schedule. Did you get invited to a party or event by someone who you haven’t seen in years? Do you truly need to attend their party if they haven’t kept in contact with you for several months or even years? Map out your holiday commitments to determine what is a necessity and what is a bypass so that you can leave room for rest and flexibility.

Limit your Time: Decide how long you’ll stay at gatherings and stick to it. It’s perfectly okay to leave early without guilt; you say, “I have an early morning tomorrow or I/we have other plans. Limiting your time and energy to certain activities and circumstances is perfectly okay.

Make Time for You : The holidays are about getting together with other people but if you’re not about that this holiday season, go ahead and prioritize yourself! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, off, and out of control, learn how to stay grounded. Use meditation, journaling, or mindfulness to stay calm and feel centered. Find time for you to BE and not DO.

Establishing your boundaries during the holidays will allow you to enjoy the season on your terms by creating the space for the joy, connection, and rest that you deserve.

SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND 💎

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:28:41 GMT

GIRL, LET YOUR LIGHT AND GLOW SHINE! ✨

Happy second week of December! BRR! It’s been cold here in Minnesota with all the winds! Even though it’s cold, I have to confess, I am sleeping way better than I did in the hot summer months so I am reframing this cold weather as a negativity and appreciating the positive by stating that my sleep has improved with the colder weather. I’ll take this as a win!

Now that we are in the holiday season, how are you all feeling and doing? I know that many people are probably feeling tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, and just ready to rest. Again, remember to have your B’s (Boundaries)! Even though last week’s blog discussed having boundaries during the holidays, the boundaries that were talked about do not have to only be reinforced during the holidays. These boundaries can be implemented throughout the year!

As the year comes to an end, most of us reflect on our year and how things went. We assess the positive, the difficulties, the WTF’s, and the I’m soo DONE with 2024! In my conversations with people (both professionally and personally), the majority have indicated that this year has been a very challenging year due to life circumstances, the economy, the future of this country, and just feeling very defeated overall.

It’s very easy to feel lost, defeated, helpless, and hopeless. Sometimes, it’s easier and safer to just give into the negativity, remain a victim of your circumstances, be angry at the world, and the people who you believed did you wrong.

Once you start on this path, it can be very difficult to come back from. Blaming others, lacking accountability, not believing that you need to improve, learn, or grow, is going to set you back in many areas of your life.

When you choose low vibration, low quality, anger, and choose to remain a victim, unfortunately, you will also attract what you put out. When you’re feeling this way, you attract what you believe you deserve.

Now, I’m not going to sugar coat and pretend everything is fine. The world is going to SHITS right now and A LOT of it is beyond YOUR CONTROL. If you have been reading my blog, you will also notice that besides talking about boundaries, I also emphasize and question all my readers to ask themselves, “what is in your control?” If anything is beyond your control, it’s better to leave it, and focus on areas of your life that are within your control.

When you start to focus on what you can control, you begin to realize how much is actually within your control, and how much POWER you do have over your life. That’s when you realize that you can do amazing things when you have the MINDSET.

Your MINSET is everything. One of the things that I work with my clients on is having the type of mindset that focuses on empowerment. When a person empowers themselves instead of having limiting beliefs (we all tend to have limited thinking and beliefs at the beginning of our journey), they begin to believe, have compassion, and reframe their thoughts, and experiences from failure/s to asking themselves, “what did I learn about myself from this experience,” as part of their growth process.

Your decisions, your power, your control, and your mindset are the ultimate pieces that contribute to your GLOW UP. Now, I know some of you will say, “Well Poiab! What about fillers, ozempic, and botox? So many people use those to help them glow up and it works! Isn’t looking HOT is what it’s all about?” If a person looks hot, that’s all that matters right?

Look, I don’t judge. If you are a person who chooses to use the above as part of your physical glow up, go right ahead. I have no doubt that looking great is part of many people’s glow up but I’m talking about the internal glow up that has an aura that shines where people have done and continue to do their INTERNAL work. The truth is, botox, fillers, ozempic, a big butt, and having a toned body can only take you so far. If you haven’t done your internal work, having all the above won’t matter; as a matter of fact, that could be part of someone’s mask, trying to hide whatever internal and unhealed wounds that haven’t been worked on by masking that they have perfection.

How many of us have walked in a crowd and seen this amazing, vibrant, woman, just walking by, minding her own business, and thought, “WOW! What’s her secret?”; or have others from your past or current acquaintances who you haven’t seen for a while see you again and tell you “Wow! You look amazing! There’s a GLOW to you! What did you do?!”

The truth is, you took your power back, and decided that you will no longer allow others, past hurt, and pain to keep you captive and stuck. You are no longer a diamond in the rough. Instead, you empowered yourself to be an expensive and rare jewel, who knows their worth, and created boundaries where only the best have access to you at your permission.

Essentially, you my dear, are shining bright like a DIAMOND. You are shining bright because your unique light has the power to transform not only your life but also the world around you. Here’s what happens when you embrace the brightness:

You Are Uniquely Designed to Shine: In a world full of everyone trying to be like everyone else and looking like everyone else, when you decide to be true to yourself, showcase your talents, your perspectives, and energy, the right people will be drawn to you, Your light will shine by being one of kind. So SHINE AWAY!

You Inspire Others: First off, you decided that you will inspire yourself and in turn, when you start shining, people are drawn to your light. Your aura and shine gives other people the courage to shine and gives others the motivation to embrace their own light. Your aura is so strong that people find hope and accept that it’s okay to be unapologetically authentic.

You Were Born to Thrive, Not Just Survive: Darling, you were born to thrive, not just languish, wish you life away, trying to survive, and make it to the weekend, and repeat. Nope! NOT YOU! Truth is, you dimmed your light for so long and that limited your prosperity and joy. You told yourself that you would NEVER go back. Shining bright allows you to live your life to the fullest, vibrantly, and now, you only accept GOOD VIBRATIONS.

Your Light Makes a Difference: Ever notice that kind and happy people never troll, aren’t cruel or say negative things? That’s because they do not share the same space as others who are miserable, full of negativity, and want to bring others down. Instead, happy and kind people are letting their actions speak. They do this through acts of kindness, creativity, or are in leadership roles that empower others.

It Builds Resilience and Confidence: When you allow yourself to shine, you embrace your strengths, which creates resilience in the aptitudes of challenges. Your confidence, vibrations, and aura glows when you live in alignment with your true self.

You Attract Abundance: When you have positivity, believe in yourself, have an abundant mindset, you start noticing how your life changes for the abundant! You start attracting the energy that you represent. When you radiate positivity, opportunities, and like-minded people are drawn to you. By shining brightly, you create momentum in both your personal and professional life.

You Break Free from Limiting Beliefs: When you own your brilliance, you don’t play or stay small. Your brilliance and enlightenment demonstrates that you’re not afraid to show your light; there’s no limit in what you can achieve as you boldly go after what you want and desire.

There you have it darlings! Remember, shining brightly goes beyond the external and focuses on the internal shine and aura that shows who YOU are as a person. It's about the internal part of you that includes your emotional, psychological, and most importantly, your spiritual.

When you forge your own path and OWN who you are, you learn that shining bright isn’t about perfection; it’s about authenticity, courage, and living in your truth. When you shine, you become the best version of yourself.

SO, LADIES, SHINE AWAY! BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO, YOUR BRILLIANCE IS CONTAGIOUS AND YOUR AURA CAN’T BE CONTAINED. EMBRACE YOUR LIGHT AND SHINE BRIGHT LIKE THE DIAMOND YOU ARE. ✨��

CLOSE THAT BOOK BABE 📔

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:25:49 GMT

WHY YOU SHOULD CLOSE BOOKS INSTEAD CHAPTERS WHEN MOVING ON ��

Happy third week of December Darlings! Damn! We are closing the end of the year here! As we close the year, how would you describe 2024 for you? For me, it was TRANSFORMATION . This year, I have learned the most about myself, what I am capable of, and that it is okay to let go of shit (including people, situations, beliefs, and trauma that kept me captive) that kept me in fear and stuck. Hence, it’s been one hella of a year!

This past week has been interesting for me. I have been summoned for jury duty! Here in the county that I reside in (Minnesota), for two weeks, I have to check in daily after 5pm to see if I get called in. For anyone who’s had to do this and actually be summoned for jury duty, I salute you; it’s been a challenging two weeks for me not to have some aspect of control of my schedule.

Yet, as I ponder about it, I think this is the universe’s last test for me this year to see how I handle things that are not within my control. How would I rate myself? I FAILED the first few days last week. Why? I allowed my anxiety to get the worse of me. I overworked, I over-planned, and thought of the worst scenarios, which caused me to be off balanced.

I learned that no matter what happens, whatever situation/s I encounter/ed, I had to ask myself what was in MY control and what wasn’t. I realized that I was in control of my emotions related to the situation/s and I had to let go of anything that wasn’t. The sooner I let go of feeling helpless and annoyed that my schedule wasn’t in my control, I felt better and made sure that I continued to center myself. Life is just easier when you flow with the process!

As I sit here on my couch, watching the FX series The Bear, (in the background), and getting emotionally ready to be called into jury duty the next day, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to close 2024. There are still two weeks until the end of the year and since this is my last blog for the year, I want to make it meaningful, honest, and still be the sassy, real, Poiab that is going to OWN her truth and words.

First off, I want to thank all of you who have continued to support me when I decided last year that I wanted to resume my blog! It was around this time of the year that I started planning my intentions for 2024 and thought, you know what? Writing a blog to share my lived and learned experiences as a Therapist, a Hmong woman, a woman of color, and what it means to be a woman in this country would be so beneficial to help other women define how they want to live their life, forge their path, and to OWN IT.

This blog has given me so much joy and the feedback that I have received from a few of you, has kept me going, especially during the weeks when I have asked myself, why I keep writing this blog. Your words of encouragement, gratitude, and of thanks, have kept me going. It means the world to me to have your support ��.

I learned A LOT about myself in 2024 and this included working on parts of myself that I didn’t like. I had to do my own shadow work, asked why people needed to step away from me, accepted that this was their decision, and be at peace with it. I really had to work on my own peace and acceptance. Once I came to that conclusion, I moved on emotionally and spiritually.

The funny thing was when I came to this peace and acceptance, the people who stopped communicating with me, who needed their boundaries from me, started randomly creeping on the things that I have been doing and working on. Now, I know that some people may think that they are showing their support. However, a part of me thinks, “what do they want from me now?” Where were they when I was busting my ass off doing all the behind the scenes work? Where were their words of support instead of condensation about my ideas that they believe wouldn’t work? In all, I had to ask if their intentions were well-meaning or if they wanted to use my energy for their purpose. What I learned was that I had to PROTECT MYSELF and energy.

This year wasn’t just about TRANSFORMATION but also CLOSING. Once I ACCEPT and have PEACE, I CLOSE that BOOK of my life. Most people talk about closing and starting new chapters. I used to say those words also and I thought, a chapter is still part of a book and a chapter is something that can always be re-visited. I came to the conclusion that there were some parts of my life and some people that I will NEVER revisit and let back in.

I recently wrote a blog called BURN IT BABY where I wrote about how some bridges were meant to be burned because you knew that some people, workplaces, and situations were meant to be burned because it was a bridge you would never cross again.

I use the metaphor of closing books instead of just chapters as it is a powerful way to think about growth and moving forward. Here's why I use the metaphor of closing books:

Gives FULL Closure and Allows for True New Beginnings: Closing a chapter implies that you might revisit it. Closing the whole book signifies that you’re ready to let go of the past entirely and embrace a fresh start and NOTHING from the past is continuing with you on your new book!

Books Represent Phases, Not Just Moments: A book symbolizes an entire phase of your life—its lessons, relationships, and experiences. By closing a book, you acknowledge the significance of that phase while accepting that it’s complete and it’s time to move on.

Prevents Emotional Clutter: Keeping old chapters can clutter your emotional space, making it harder to focus on new opportunities. There is a part of you that knows that a chapter can always be revisited. By closing the book, this frees up mental and emotional energy for the next phase of your path and a new book for you to write.

Encourages Reflection and Learning: Once you accept and are at peace with whatever decision you made, a new book gives you a chance to write a new plot, learn from the previous characters, and the previous book once it serves its purpose. Closing a book gives you a chance to reflect the mistakes and cherish the triumphs.

Reinforces Growth and Evolution: Life isn’t static and neither are you. Closing a book acknowledges that you’ve outgrown that part of your life. You’ve learned the truths and lessons that you will carry with you in your new book; with that new book, it will show that you’ve evolved and are ready to start a new narrative with fresh intentions and perspectives.

Creates Space for New Stories: Holding onto the old chapters can delay starting a new one. When you choose to close a book, you open the door and a new book to new adventures, paths, dreams, and endless possibilities.

Reduces the Risk of Repetition: Leaving previous chapters can tempt you to re-read old pages or repeat patterns that no longer serve you.When you close a book instead of chapters, it ensures you move forward instead of cycling back. The past is the past babe and leave it there.

Honors the Ending: Endings are just as important as beginnings. Closing a book is a symbolic way of saying, “this mattered, I learned, and now it’s time to move on as this cycle of my life is completed.” By acknowledging the completion, this helps you make peace with the past instead of leaving things open.

Empowers You to Write a New Narrative : Each new book is a chance to rewrite your story with a fresh perspective. You get to decide the tone, theme, direction of your new path, the plot, and the characters that you want in your book. Remember, you are the author of your story!

Life Is a Library, Not Just One Book: Your life is a series of books that contains each phase of your life. The series of books is a collection of remembrance of your life. This will help you appreciate the diversity of your experiences as you grow, nourish, and forge your path.

There you have it! What do you think? Do you think that it makes sense to view your life, the journeys, and the milestones as new books or as chapters? If you prefer to view your life in chapters, that is perfectly okay!

For me, closing books, rather than chapters, signifies a deeper level of release, growth, and readiness to move forward. It’s an empowering act that allows me to honor, acknowledge my past while fully moving forward, and embracing my future.

Darlings, regardless of how 2024 went for you, I hope that you learned about yourself, your worth, and that it’s okay to choose YOU! Forging your own path, being true to yourself, and living your authentic truth, may make you a villain in other people’s stories. But remember, that is THEIR story. You CLOSED that book of your life with those who viewed you as a villain and you are now writing your next book.

To all my wonderful readers and those who have stood by me through it all, I want to thank all of you for being part of my book in 2024 as I shared my life, the lessons, the big and small wins, as I continue to forge my path and OWN IT.

SO BABES, HERE’S TO CLOSING THE OLD AND STARTING A NEW BOOK WITH NEW STORYLINES, CHARACTERS, BLESSINGS, AND OWNING YOUR PATH! ADIEU 2024! ✨♥️��

Create YOUR REALITY 🌈

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:23:49 GMT

CREATE the LIFE Of YOUR DREAMS ��

Happy New Year and 2025! Welcome to the new year! How were the last days of 2024 for all of you? After Christmas, I was finally able to rest, slow down, re-ground myself, and get back into the daily routine of journaling. Fortunately, this year for me, I did not have to travel so that saved me a lot of time and energy! How many of you travelled and if you did, was it so fun? I know that a few people got to travel to warm, beachy, and sandy places. I am manifesting that next winter that I will be traveling for Christmas also!

What a year 2024 was! During my final days in 2024, I did a lot of the end of the year reflections and wrote down the lessons I learned, my gratitudes, blessings, and intentions that I will carry with me this year. My intent is to write another blog post to discuss why choosing intentions instead of creating goals will create long lasting impacts.

Most of you have been reading my blog since last year. You all have been literally with me as I forged my own path in 2024 and read my most inner thoughts, struggles, and how to not let these barriers keep you from OWNING your path.

I started my business in 2022 and when I first started, my goal was to see at least 20 clients a week at my private pay rate with 5 weeks off. That would have been the ultimate life for me.

However, as I saw that many clients including my contract work. I got depleted quickly due to all the extra things that I had to do as a business owner and also trying to network to connect with people.

Back then, I told myself that I didn’t need to be “BIG;" that I would settle and be satisfied with just “good” and “comfortable.” I didn’t need to think outside of the box since being a Therapist was a straight forward job and all I wanted to do was to help people.

Fast forward to 2025, and I have finally accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with many things that I didn’t think was possible or what other people said weren't feasible for me. As many of you know, I am the daughter of refugees that came to this country in 1979. All my parents wanted for me was to find a stable career, settle down, and have a life that was consistent and predictable.

I did live that life and found that I got bored, questioned what my purpose in life was, why I kept wanting more, and was I doomed to never be satisfied with my lot in life? For the longest time, people kept telling me that I was a lost soul and at first, I would be so offended by this! I WAS NOT a lost soul, I just knew that I wasn’t living my life’s purpose as a Social Worker.

Now, that I think about it. I was a lost soul; to be honest, so many of us have never allowed ourselves to think about what we want. Our education system basically teaches and trains us to have a functioning job where we can give back to society. Is this bad? Not necessarily but it certainly does not allow us to think for ourselves and find our life’s true purpose.

I was told that I had to be realistic, especially when you grew up poor or in a household that did not have a lot of resources. Oftentimes, as children of immigrants, refugees, or first generation college students, we had to be realistic and had to choose careers that allowed us to find a stable career because our parents didn’t have the same opportunities as we did. They’re relying on us to finally not only give ourselves but them the stability also.

How many of you have been told that what you want is a fantasy and not real? That you’re a dreamer and that you need to come back to reality because that’s how the “real” world works? How does it make you feel when you hear this? Defeated? Silly? Stupid? I know I have felt all the words that I just described.

As children, we are encouraged to dream and were told that we can be and do whatever we want. As a kid, everyone supports your dreams and empowers you by saying “you can do this!”

Where is the empowerment that we need as adults? Where have all the encouragement and hopeful words gone? As a society, we think that only children deserve love, support, and encouragement but as adults, we also need these kind words. We need kindness, love, and empowerment so we can thrive to create the life that we want.

So many of my clients come to see me because they’re not living the life that they had hoped or wanted to. They’re in survival mode and their goal is to get through the week to have two days of rest. Most of us here in the USA are expected to do this until we’re almost 70 years old until we are fortunate enough to retire(if we live this long).

I get it. We live in a capitalistic society and money, unfortunately, is everything. The sad truth is having money gives you resources, power, and the ability to choose how you get to live your life. Money is a powerful tool that can change anyone’s life.

Now, I’m not here to tell you that money isn’t important. I’m not going to BS by telling all of you that money doesn’t make you happy; on the contrary, having money can make all of us very happy by providing us with stable foundations so we don’t have to worry.

Money, resources, and other tools can help us turn our dreams into reality. Now, do you have to have money to make this happen? It certainly does help and yet, many of us are not born or given this foundation.

If we’re not born into this, does this mean that we can’t make it happen? Certainly not. When you’re ready to forge your own path, you can MAKE anything happen if you believe in yourself, remain consistent, and surround yourself with the right people. Will this be easy? HELL NO! As with anything that is talked about in this blog, anything that you truly want is never easy, especially if you are not born into privilege.

Can you create your reality? Live the life that you truly want? I’m going to tell you that you can! Now, I know that I am sounding like one of those infomercials that you see during the middle of the night trying to sell you something. I assure you, I am not trying to sell you anything. All I am doing is empowering you to forge your own path by creating your reality; here steps to take make this happen:

Define Your Dream Life: Foremost, imagine what your ideal life looks like in all aspects holistically and this includes your career, relationships, health, finances, and personal growth. What aspects of your dream life are important to you?

Identify Your Core Values: Your values will help determine what you truly want and what matters to you. Do you want freedom? What does this mean to you? Working from all over the world? Working from home? Having a boss or not having one? Identify what your values are to help you build your foundations.

Visualize in Detail of Your Dream Life: We’ve all dreamed and fantasize about a life that seems impossible. Instead of dreaming the impossible, start visualizing the possible! Picture yourself living that life. What do you feel, see, and experience? Start BELIEVING and acting like this life is already yours. CLAIM IT.

Align with Your Purpose: A great question to ask yourself is “What makes me feel alive and aligned?" What is your purpose? Do you want to help others? Teach? What is your why? Reflect on your passions, skills, and the impact you want to make and pursue activities that bring fulfillment and meaning to your life.

Cultivate a Growth Mindset: You’ve all seen me say this over and over and I’m going to reinforce this again. IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR MINDSET! Part of this is learning to embrace challenges. View “failures” as learning curves and as opportunities to modify and pivot. Most importantly, reframe from limiting beliefs! Start replacing statements of "I can't" with "How can I?" Also, focus on solutions, not problems . YOU ARE YOUR SOLUTION.

Take Consistent and Intentional Action: Remember this, "The life I want is built one step at a time." So many people won’t start because they can’t imagine starting small. Too many people want to be big or make it big right away. We’ve all heard the statement, “Go BIG or go home.” In order to be sustainable, start small and break your big dreams into daily habits and actions . Most importantly, STAY CONSISTENT. Make it a commitment to making progress every day, no matter how small or how many likes or comments you may get or not get. Show up for yourself!

Manage Your Time Wisely: It’s all about time and making time. Sure you can watch another episode of The Real Housewives (No shade to housewives fans) but it is essential to start prioritizing activities that align with your dream life. Eliminate distractions or commitments that don’t serve your vision. Now, does this mean that you shouldn’t take time to watch The Housewives? Certainly not! You can reward yourself after you have completed the tasks that need to be completed. Enjoy away!

Surround Yourself with Support: Truly one of the most important aspects of creating your reality is who you choose to surround yourself with! Here is a reminder: Energy is contagious—choose your company wisely. When you’re ready to create your reality, building a network with connections can make you. Ensure that you connect with people who inspire and support your journey. The right people will uplift and empower you. One of the things that I had to learn early on is not to ask people for feedback who WERE NOT doing what I was doing. They often had the most opinions, feedback, and more often than not, told me “that’s not going to work.” Now, I choose to learn and ask from those who are doing it and who’ve achieved similar dreams.

There is so much more that can be mentioned but these are some core considerations to take into account when you’re ready to create your reality! Creating your reality involves aligning your daily actions, mindset, and choices with your deepest desires and values.

Forging your own path and OWNING YOUR REALITY can happen. One of the things that I had to learn the hard way is that not everyone is going to cheer you on or support you when you decide that you’re going to create the life you want. Just because you’re excited, motivated, and empowered, there are some people (who may be the ones closest to you) will try to dissuade you and make mean, judgmental, comments to shut you down. Don’t let them HATERS stop you!

A reminder Darlings, when you’re ready to create your reality, moving in silence, allowing your work, and actions to speak for themselves will have more substance than showing off on social media. Now, am I saying not to use social media? Not at all. What I mean is allow your professional work to be shown. As you create your reality, not all parts of you need to be advertised to the world. Show the parts that will give you professional growth. Keep your personal and professional life separate so that there are boundaries. Otherwise, DREAM AWAY AND CREATE YOUR REALITY BABES! ��

LET'S GET INTENTIONAL, INTENTIONAL

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:21:58 GMT

BE INTENTIONAL INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS ��️

Happy last week of January! Wow! Where did the start of the new year go? I know that the start of the new year has been difficult and challenging for many people. I am also aware that last week was both Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Inauguration Day.

A lot has happened in a week. I took time off last week from blogging because, quite honestly, I was going through some changes that impacted me emotionally and I decided to listen to my body, which told me that I need to rest and go with the flow.

I have been writing my blog for a year now! I’m proud of the work that I have done and continue to do. When I made the decision to resume my blog, I knew that I wanted to write about empowerment and especially, women empowerment to help women of all ages to forge their own path and to OWN that PATH.

On a hot, humid day in July of 2024, I had some time to reflect and asked myself what I truly wanted for myself. In the winter of 2022, when I first had thoughts about starting my own business, I had visions of having a nice, cute, office with fabulous furniture to see clients one on one working Monday through Thursday seeing 6 clients a day with at least 5 weeks of vacation; to me, at that time, I would have been winning and successful to have that wonderful life.

In the summer of 2024, after doing therapy for 3 years, and giving up a major source of income, I decided that my heart was no longer in therapy. This decision had nothing to do with my client and rather, how limiting and at times, how toxic the mental health field is.

I saw how as Psychotherapists, we have been trained to have scarcity, fear, and judged other Therapists for their decisions to choose themselves, make an income, and be different than continue the limiting beliefs that continue to hold us back in the field and yet, become angry when other professions found a way to incentivize our field because they found a way to put themselves as “specialist” and found ways to monetize; in the most simple terms, other professions/people know how to play the game and we, as Psychotherapists, got angry that they found a way to play the game.

For those who have read my blog since the beginning, you are aware that in July 2024, I also went to Bali. That trip was a life changing experience for me; I saw the good and unfortunately, I saw a lot of the unhealed wounds that people mask their unhealed traumas with.

Before going on the trip, I did seek spiritual guidance and they informed me that the trip to Bali would be “life-changing.” It was during that trip, that I made the decision to stop seeing therapy clients. When? I wasn’t sure but I knew that if I wanted to follow my destiny, do more, and create my reality, I had to close some doors in order for new and bigger doors to be opened for me.

I finally made the decision to cease seeing my therapy clients at the end of January of 2025. I had so many emotions to include grief, loss, fear, scarcity, and also excitement about the new path I would be embarking on. When I told a few people close to me about my decision, most asked why I would take such risks and most importantly, how would I make an income, and I answered that my intention is to focus on Empowerment Life Coaching, Organizational Leadership Consulting, and creating content by educating people about my work as a Psychotherapist.

After making this declaration, most people would give me this look of disbelief and would question why I would make such illogical decisions that could potentially lead me to financial downfall; in a sense, they questioned my sanity in taking such a leap of faith. I know that they didn’t say it out loud, but I could see them wanting to shout “ARE YOU CRAZY?!!!”

AM I CRAZY? Yes. I am crazy. I am crazy enough to follow my dreams, to chase my destiny, and to create my reality. I am crazy enough to bet on myself, believe in me, have faith, and trust in the universe. I am crazy to believe that the work I do will change the world, will have a positive impact, and will be life changing for the right people. YES. I AM CRAZY!

As someone who has always been very logical, focused on the evidence based, and who relied on numbers to make a case, the notion of throwing caution and logic in the wind was not easy; instead of listening to my head, I knew that I had to listen to my heart and follow my soul, which told me that this is the right path for me.

Are people who decide to risk it all crazy, irresponsible, and just plain delusional? Sometimes, you gotta be crazy and delusional to believe that you can make it happen as long as you are putting in the work and the actions to make it happen.

For anyone who is reading this, who is ready to forge their own path, and is questioning their sanity about chasing their dreams and taking risks, I assure you, other people may think that YOU ARE CRAZY but you know intuitively, that this is what you have to do. It doesn’t make you crazy, instead, you are courageous and a BADASS. Here are reasons why this makes you such a BADASS:

You’re Following Your Heart: Pursuing your dreams means you’re prioritizing what truly matters to you. It’s a brave choice to live authentically and not settle for a life that doesn’t align with your passions and values. Not everyone is brave enough to follow their heart and would rather settle for the status quo than to go after what they want.

Risk-Taking Is How Growth Occurs: Every great accomplishment involves some level of risk. Innovators, entrepreneurs, artists, and leaders have all taken bold steps that seemed "crazy" and many have doubted them and advised them “it’s not possible or it’s not going to work.” Risks are necessary to break free from the ordinary. As you persevere and when you finally do create something extraordinary, the same people will now be asking you “How did you do it?” Nope; don’t allow the naysayers to have access to you.

Dreamers Shape the World: Many people who were labeled “crazy” for chasing their dreams—like inventors, visionaries, and trailblazers—ended up changing the world. Think of people like Oprah Winfrey, Malala Yousafzai, and other amazing ass women who didn’t take “NO” for an answer and still forged their own path despite protest from others. Their willingness to take risks led to groundbreaking success and inspiration that it doesn't matter where you come from, when you believe, you can make it happen!

Others’ Doubts Reflect Their Limitations: When people call you crazy, it often says more about their fear or inability to see your vision than it does about your choices. They might project their insecurities onto you because they’re afraid of stepping out of their comfort zones, have limited mindsets, and unhealed wounds. One thing that I have learned in my journey is to stop asking people who ARE NOT doing it but love to give their feedback. Stop asking armchair advice from people who aren't doing SHIT!

Playing It Safe Isn’t Always Safer: Avoiding risks may feel safe, but it often leads to regret. When I was a Palliative Care Social Worker, I met with patients who have been diagnosed with a chronic health condition that limited their functioning. Many had regrets about the life that they lived because they felt that they weren’t brave enough to chase and live the life that they truly wanted. Instead; they settled for a life that wasn’t theirs because it was safe or what others wanted for them. Hearing these stories, I made a vow there and then that I would never regret my life simply because I was too afraid to go after what I want. Yes, chasing your dreams and taking risks might be challenging, but it’s far more fulfilling than wondering “what if?” for the rest of your life.

Passion Fuels Resilience: Your dreams give you purpose and motivation. It makes you want to get up each morning, be full of gratitude, and thankful that you have chosen this life for yourself. This type of passion will keep you going, even when things get tough. Being driven by something meaningful isn’t crazy—it’s powerful and BEAUTIFUL.

Risks Lead to Rewards: Most people are not willing to take risks because they believe that it won’t work. They already failed before they even started. When my clients have this mindset, I counter, “But what if it does work?” That gets them thinking, going, and having belief in themselves. While risks don’t always guarantee success, they create opportunities for growth, learning, and unexpected rewards. The people who take risks are often the ones who achieve the most fulfilling outcomes and live life on their terms.

You're Living Fully: Taking risks and chasing dreams means you’re truly living, thriving, and not just surviving. It demonstrates that you’re willing to embrace life’s uncertainties to create a reality that excites and fulfills you. Remember, YOU ARE the AUTHOR of your life. So pick up that pen or laptop and start writing!

When you dare to have the audacity to follow your dreams, others will think that you are crazy for having audacity and be resentful when you succeed. A prime example of this is the recent fires in Los Angeles (L.A) County, CA. Many people were expressing their glee and lack of empathy that celebrities and “woke” people in California have lost everything they built and worked for and unfortunately, deserve their misfortunes.

Many people pointed it out that the people who were rejoicing in the lost were “bitter” as L.A is called the “city of dreams” because many people come there to chase their dreams; of course, not everyone makes it and a small percentage do but nonetheless, it is a city where people leave their small towns, same old same old, the lack of diversity, and are now surrounded by people from various backgrounds and experiences. This challenges and can open up people’s perspectives to new things that give them life. Not everyone will be happy and joyous when you find this and unfortunately, wait for your downfall.

My dear Darlings, to dream, believe, fly, jump, and let go of logic is hella scary but in the words of Steve Jobs, " The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do." If you are “crazy” enough to believe it, you will do it. THESE ARE MY FINAL WORDS AS SOMEONE WHO IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IN THEIR PATH BY TAKING RISKS AND BELIEVES THAT HER SOUL HAS WINGS AS IT WILL FLY; SO BE CRAZY! ��

YOU GOTTA BE "CRAZY"🪽

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 02:19:06 GMT

WHY YOU ARE CALLED "CRAZY" WHEN YOU FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS ��

BOO! END GENERATIONAL CURSES!

poiab@yourownpathwaytherapy.com (Poiab .) — Tue, 29 Oct 2024 01:23:43 GMT

HOW TO END GENERATIONAL TRAUMA AND START A NEW PATH

The following are a few examples of why breaking generational curses can be so difficult:

Normalization of Dysfunction
Family Loyalty
Fear of Rejection
Cultural and Societal Influences
Unresolved Mental Health Issues
Guilt and Shame
Family Resistance

So BABE! Are you ready to take on the challenge of being the unwittingly chosen protagonist that has to end generational curses? Well here are some SPELLS to help you on this path:

Identify the Patterns: The first step is recognizing the recurring issues, patterns in your family and the history (e.g., substance abuse, toxic relationships, teen pregnancy, poor mental health, poverty) . Having awareness and acknowledging that there are things that need to be addressed is the first step because what is acknowledged can then be healed.

Understand the Root Cause: The “in thing” right now is discovering family roots and history so dive into that history. What were the circumstances, traumas, or influences that may have contributed to these patterns? Understanding where it came from helps remove shame, helps with understanding, and empathy.

Healthy Boundaries: Oh my favorite “B” words! When it comes to family, you’re going to really need to work on your boundaries and to REINFORCE THEM. Certain family members will continue to engage in toxic behaviors, and setting both firm emotional and physical boundaries will protect your well-being. This includes having limited contact or managing the way you engage with them and you know what? It’s okay to also NO longer engage with them if it disturbs your peace.

Rewriting and changing the story: A major part of breaking generational curses is reclaiming your life story and re-writing it. Ask yourself, what lessons can you learn from your family history? How can you transform old patterns into new, healthier ways of being and doing? Remember, you HAVE the POWER to rewrite and change YOUR story!

Create New Traditions: Speaking of re-writing and changing, you can start to introduce new and positive habits, rituals, and behaviors in your family or personal life. This can include self-care practices, open communication, or prioritizing emotional health; these new practices can foster change for future generations.

Release What You Cannot Control: Again, another commandment for forging your own path, LET GO OF ANYTHING THAT IS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL! You can’t change past generations, but you can control how you respond and move forward. Focus on what’s within your power to transform.
Breaking the Cycle: It all starts with YOU and you have to want to break and end these generational curses! You are the one who has to forge your own path and OWN that this is the path that you are going to take. It will not be an easy path; it will probably be one of the hardest paths you’ll ever take; like with any story, there will be many ups, downs, tears, testing of your faith, belief, and some days, you are going to ask yourself if this path of ending curses is worth it. Remember, the final conclusion will signal to yourself and future generations that different behaviors, and new beginnings are possible because YOU fought and broke the curses.

yourownpathwaytherapy

The In-Between Phase: Why Nothing Seems to Be Working

But Everything Is ��

Pain Is Not Proof of Growth

Pain Was Never the Price of Becoming ��

I’m Already Here

I Am My Own Home

GASP! Am I the Problem?

YES. YES, I AM ��

�� From Snake to Fire

Am I the Problem?

The Fire in My 30s ��

To the Women Reading This

�� The Year of the Fire Horse ��

Claiming Winter

As a Sovereign Season ��

How to Be an Aligned Woman in Winter (When the World Feels Loud)

Regulate before you romanticize.

Containment is not stagnation.

Protect your peace deliberately.

Love yourself in practical ways.

Accept where you are without dramatizing it.

Not New You

December Was the Reckoning

The Word That Landed

What Alignment Actually Means (Especially in 2026)

Aquarius Season: Orientation, Not Reinvention

From December to Now

An Empress Outro (Because We’ve Graduated)

The Moment You Know

This Path Is No Longer Yours ��

Hey hey everybody!

I hope you’re staying warm and grounded this December — and of course, Happy Sagittarius Season to all my Sag babes!! ♐️✨

As I write this, snow is falling here in the Midwest.

For most of my life, I disliked winter — the cold, the heaviness, the stillness. But this year something shifted.

For the first time, I can see the beauty in what I once rejected. The quiet. The clarity. The endings hidden beneath the surface. ❄️

And I realized why: A book in me is completing. A path I thought would be mine forever is no longer one I’m meant to carry.

A lot has happened since my last blog and not the kind you can summarize in bullet points.

The Trip That Broke Me Open

I had planned to take two short weeks off to attend my uncle’s funeral in Oklahoma. I didn’t anticipate how deeply that trip would move through me — emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Eleven hours in a car. Grief. Family patterns resurfacing. Old memories I thought I’d outgrown. The weight of goodbye and the shedding of identities that kept me small, unsure, and waiting to be chosen.

When I returned home, I wasn’t just tired. I was emptied. Depleted in a way that only happens when you’ve unknowingly been releasing version after version of who you used to be.

And for once, instead of pushing through, I listened. I didn’t write. I didn’t create. I didn’t force clarity.

I rested. And that rest became the birthplace of this shift.

Coming Home to Myself

In the quiet that followed, something clicked. I began writing everything I know; my years as a Social Worker, a Therapist, my fascination with systems, my understanding of trauma, leadership, and human behavior.

The parallels between family systems and organizational systems finally came into focus. And something undeniable emerged:

Presence-Based Organizational Realignment (PBOR) ��

A consulting discipline grounded in clinical insight, systems thinking, and trauma-informed leadership — created to help leaders and organizations realign, heal, and return to what truly matters.

But here’s the part I didn’t expect:

The identity shift that came with it.

As I was mapping out models and frameworks, another truth surfaced; one I had avoided for years:

I had spent so much of my life waiting to be seen. Waiting to be picked. Waiting for someone to recognize my depth, my brilliance, my work. I kept hoping people would understand what I carried and if I just proved enough, worked enough, or showed enough.

But November gave me a truth I couldn’t unhear:

I wasn’t meant to wait. I wasn’t meant to beg. I wasn’t meant to shrink myself in hopes someone else would validate what I already knew.

I had to stop hoping others would see me and start being the woman I always knew I was capable of becoming.

That realization was the real shift. That was the moment I stopped identifying as just a Therapist, just an Empowerment Coach, just “someone with potential.”

I had outgrown those titles. I had outgrown the version of me who waited for approval.

I had finally come home to myself.

�� December — The Month Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming

December isn’t about resolutions. It’s about honesty. Completion. Integration.

From October to December, I didn’t just reflect; I transformed.

And I know many of you have done the same.

This is the month when the real questions rise:

Where have I grown? What have I learned — even in the moments that didn’t feel like growth? What have I shed? What is ready to be released? Who am I becoming?

The transition from Scorpio → Sagittarius made it clear:

Scorpio burned away what could no longer stay. Sagittarius arrived asking:

“Okay… what’s next?”

And somewhere in that transition came a truth that settled into my bones:

A part of my path has fulfilled its purpose.

�� To Those Who’ve Been With Me From the Beginning — Thank You

You’ve seen my evolution in real time:

Quiet → grounded Grounded → intentional Intentional → confident Confident → bold Bold → fiery Fiery → fully owning it

Your presence has allowed me to grow publicly, honestly, unapologetically.

And now I see something I couldn’t see before:

Every blog this fall was preparing me and you for this moment.

�� Not begging for crumbs but celebrating the feast → Honoring our own value.

�� Not waiting for permission → Refusing to shrink our brilliance.

�� Stop explaining, just be → Trusting our energy, presence, and voice.

These were not random themes. They were initiations — stepping stones toward this truth:

And I realized why:
A book in me is completing.
A path I thought would be mine forever is no longer one I’m meant to carry.

I had planned to take two short weeks off to attend my uncle’s funeral in Oklahoma.
I didn’t anticipate how deeply that trip would move through me — emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Eleven hours in a car.
Grief.
Family patterns resurfacing.
Old memories I thought I’d outgrown.
The weight of goodbye and the shedding of identities that kept me small, unsure, and waiting to be chosen.

When I returned home, I wasn’t just tired.
I was emptied.
Depleted in a way that only happens when you’ve unknowingly been releasing version after version of who you used to be.

And for once, instead of pushing through, I listened.
I didn’t write. I didn’t create. I didn’t force clarity.

I rested.
And that rest became the birthplace of this shift.

In the quiet that followed, something clicked.
I began writing everything I know; my years as a Social Worker, a Therapist, my fascination with systems, my understanding of trauma, leadership, and human behavior.

The parallels between family systems and organizational systems finally came into focus.
And something undeniable emerged:

I had spent so much of my life waiting to be seen.
Waiting to be picked.
Waiting for someone to recognize my depth, my brilliance, my work.
I kept hoping people would understand what I carried and if I just proved enough, worked enough, or showed enough.

I wasn’t meant to wait.
I wasn’t meant to beg.
I wasn’t meant to shrink myself in hopes someone else would validate what I already knew.

I had to stop hoping others would see me
and start being the woman I always knew I was capable of becoming.

That realization was the real shift.
That was the moment I stopped identifying as just a Therapist, just an Empowerment Coach, just “someone with potential.”

I had outgrown those titles.
I had outgrown the version of me who waited for approval.

December isn’t about resolutions.
It’s about honesty.
Completion.
Integration.

Where have I grown?
What have I learned — even in the moments that didn’t feel like growth?
What have I shed?
What is ready to be released?
Who am I becoming?

Scorpio burned away what could no longer stay.
Sagittarius arrived asking:

Quiet → grounded
Grounded → intentional
Intentional → confident
Confident → bold
Bold → fiery
Fiery → fully owning it

�� Not begging for crumbs but celebrating the feast
→ Honoring our own value.

�� Not waiting for permission
→ Refusing to shrink our brilliance.

�� Stop explaining, just be
→ Trusting our energy, presence, and voice.

These were not random themes.
They were initiations — stepping stones toward this truth:

This isn’t just my story.
This is your mirror.

What is complete?
What identity is ready to retire?
What belief or dream belongs to a past version of you?

�� A job that once kept you stable but now keeps you small.
�� A relationship you’ve emotionally outgrown.
�� A dream that no longer fits your expansion.
�� A role you’ve outgrown but haven’t named yet.

You don’t need January.
You don’t need permission.
You don’t need validation.

Not wrong.
Not broken.
Just complete.

Its purpose was to:
✔ shape you
✔ stretch you
✔ challenge you
✔ wake you
✔ redirect you
✔ prepare you

You close it.
You rise above it.

For the past year, I ended these blogs calling you “queen.”
And queen energy is beautiful — strong, confident, steady.

Queens rule a single land.
Queens govern one territory.
Queens preside over one domain.

You’ve outgrown the crown.
You’re stepping fully into your Empress era.

Because an Empress doesn’t wait for doors — she builds halls.
She doesn’t hope for alignment — she creates the conditions for it.
She doesn’t cling to the past — she blesses it, releases it, and rises.

She doesn’t panic.
She doesn’t bargain.
She doesn’t shrink.

You are walking in as the Empress
The one who chooses herself, commands her path, and embodies her destiny.

�� The past has fulfilled its purpose.
�� The cycle has completed its promise.
�� And now you — the Empress — walk forward crowned in clarity, wrapped in truth, and armed with purpose.

This is your era of sovereignty.
This is your era of expansion.
This is your era of undeniable becoming.