Be Better, Not Bitter

Hello to all my Fabulous ladies! How is your second week of July going? 

I hope you all had a safe, fun, restful, Fourth of July weekend. I usually get melancholy right after the fourth, because I used to see it as the middle of summer ending. This year, funny enough, I don’t feel sad about the 4th of July passing. I accept it, remind myself to remain and live in the present, and make sure

 that I am grateful for each day. 

I hope you all had a chance to read last week’s blog called The Audacity to be Free. If not, it’s always available at your convenience. After I finished

writing that blog and re-read what I wrote, it got me thinking about many things in my life and all the encounters that I’ve had and have let go of. 

For some reason, the word bitter came into mind. Why? How? I have no idea at first. But as I re-read my blog again, I realized that you can’t have the audacity to be free if you hold onto bitterness. Unfortunately, bitterness will give you another type of audacity but it certainly isn’t free. 

Bitterness and audacity come from the same emotional root system: unprocessed pain, unmet needs, and unapologetic truth. Often,  bitterness is the seed, and audacity is the bloom.

In my professional career and in my personal experience, I’ve encountered many people who’ve allowed bitterness to control and keep them captive. They’ve allowed the unhealed disappointments to follow them throughout their lives and have chosen to remain a victim of that disappointment. 

I’ve seen some really kind, hardworking, people who’ve always done what is “right” turned mean, cynical, and selfish because they believe that the world

 treats them unjustly. When I say selfish, I’m talking about the kind that wishes the downfall of others due to hate, misunderstandings, and preaches inequality.  That’s not the type of selfishness that I talk about when I empower all of you to be selfish in forging your own path. 

Have you ever encountered someone whose goal in life seems to make everyone around them so miserable that it’s difficult to be in their present?

When you meet someone like that, do you think “Damn! What happened to them to make them so damn bitter?” 

Everyone’s life and history is different but chances are, the following events may have occurred in that person’s life: 

• Sacrificed too much and received too little
  
  
• Been told to be "grateful" instead of being heard
  
  
• Buried their anger instead of having their boundaries 

• Betrayal you never got closure from
  
  
• Being overlooked when you gave your all
  
  
• Watching others succeed by cutting corners, while you played fair

I used to have this one friend who would call me up anytime someone built a bigger house than hers, be upset when she felt that others “cheated” the system while she played fair, and had to work harder than others. The non-stop complaining got old and I realized that even though she had “everything” from the looks externally, there was a lot of bitterness within her. Needless to say, I had to say sayonara to that relationship because it was draining. 

It is so much easier to stay in the bitterness than do something about it.  It’s easier, safer, and more comfortable to be angry, resentful, and full of bitterness than to do the work. Because in order to do the work, the biggest truth will need to be acknowledged; and some people can’t handle their own truth. 

I talk so much about other people’s bitterness but I also want to be honest and talk about  my own bitternesses from the past. As in all human beings, we all feel and sometimes, those feelings include love, hate, anger, joy, etc. It’s also easy to compare yourself and your journey to others, especially when you have NOT done your inner work. 

Back in my 20s and 30s, I’ve had bouts of jealousy and insecurity about my path in life. I’ve always thought that other people had it so easy compared to me. I’ve always felt that I’ve had to work harder because nothing came easy to me. I hardly ever passed on the first try and would eventually pass after the second or third attempt. Thus, this often meant that I used a lot more resources and cost to finally obtain my goal. 

When I was younger, especially growing up in a Hmong household, many people would feel the need to comment about my weight, looks, and my lack of a spouse (in my early 20s too; lame, I know). Before I knew and understood what boundaries were, I would be upset and grow resentful that other people would dare talk to me this way! When I would discuss this with family and friends,their response would be “Oh it’s just a cultural thing” or “well..,maybe lose weight so you’ll stop getting comments like that.” 

Due to staying quiet, small, and making other people comfortable, I became bitter and resentful of those people. However, as I grew older, became more confident, moved into my own apartment and discovered my independence, I realized that I didn’t have to tolerate people’s rude comments, judgements, and beliefs because I realized that they were projecting their own insecurities and bitterness towards me. 

The truth is, angry, resentful, bitter people project their own unhappiness to others. Because they didn’t get what they wanted or didn’t know how to deal with that hurt and anger, they lashed out hoping that others would become just like them and share in their misery. 

Ladies, you can’t forge your own path in bitterness, unhealed pain, and unprocessed emotions. Those feelings will keep you stuck, stagnant, and you will never be free to live your life on your own terms. Because in order to be free, you have to be truthful and admit that you are in pain. 

If you’re still reading and have gotten this far and may still be carrying on your pain, resentment, and it’s eating up a hole inside of you, this week’s blog is for you. As I mentioned earlier, it’s easier to be in pain because letting go and doing the work is hard, really hard, especially if anger, pain, and betrayal is all you know. 

This week, we’re talking about a choice many of us are quietly facing behind the scenes: Will I become bitter because of what happened to me? Or will I become better because I chose to grow through it? 

Sadly, we’ve all been there. Betrayed. Overlooked. Undervalued. Misunderstood.

Whether it happened in your workplace, your family, or your relationships, the fact is, it hurts; and if we’re not careful, we can let that pain harden us. 

Are you ready to let go of being a captive to bitterness and allowing it to define you? If so, keep reading to free yourself from the pain, hurt, and anger from the past.

Bitterness Feels Like Protection—But It’s a Cage

Bitterness tells you:

• “Don’t trust again.”
  
  
• “Close your heart.”
  
  
• “Stay guarded so you never get hurt again.”
  
  
• “Play small so you won’t fail.”

But here’s the truth:

Bitterness doesn’t protect your peace. It preserves your pain.

Yes, your feelings are valid. But holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Bitterness is a reaction. Healing is a decision.

It’s easy to be bitter when people hurt you and never take accountability. When life didn’t turn out how you thought it would. When you're always the one doing the work, and others seem to coast.

But being bitter doesn’t change the past — it just poisons your present.

Healing, on the other hand, requires you to choose yourself. Over and over again.

• It’s choosing to feel the grief so you can release it.
  
  
• It’s choosing to forgive—not for them, but to set yourself free.
  
  
• It’s choosing to rise without dragging the past into every new chapter.

 Healing isn’t soft. It's a sacred strength.

• Choosing healing doesn’t mean you forget, minimize, or excuse.
  It means you don’t let what broke become your identity.

✨ To be better, not bitter, means:

• You stop rehearsing the betrayal and start rewriting the narrative.
  
  
• You stop trying to get closure from people who never had the capacity to give it.
  
  
• You stop abandoning yourself in the name of loyalty to people, stories, or systems that were never loyal to you.

• You start showing up for your future — not your old wounds.

🌱 Being Better Isn’t About Being Perfect—It’s About Choosing Growth

Choosing to be better means:

• You still feel the pain—but you don’t become the pain.
  
  
• You take the lesson without dragging around the weight.
  
  
• You build emotional muscles, not emotional walls.

Being better means saying: “This moment didn’t break me. It built me.”

I know that at one point in our lives, we’ve all dreamed of having revenge and showing up and off to those who have hurt us. We create elaborate scenarios

in our heads, in which the people who hurt us, will finally show regret and remorse for losing and causing us pain once we leveled up in our journey. Ladies, you can level up but it doesn’t have to be petty, loud, or be based on revenge. 

Here’s the truth: You deserve peace more than you deserve revenge.

This is your reminder:
You can be the one who was hurt and still be the one who heals.
You can stop repeating the story and start reclaiming your power.
You don’t have to carry every scar with rage — you can carry them with wisdom.

Darlings, choosing to be better, not bitter, doesn’t mean you forget what happened.
It means you’re finally free enough to move beyond it. 

Lastly, Let Yourself Feel First.  This entails that  being “better,” which doesn’t mean that you are bypassing the emotion. This means honoring the pain without letting it define you. Finally, release what no longer serves you; choose healing; choose peace; and choose YOU. So, let go of the bitterness and BE and LIVE BETTER. 🌷